Thank you for all the kind words on this story. I'm usually not this quick to update, so don't expect it too terribly often. I hope everyone continues to love reading this story as much as I love writing it! You guys are seriously the best! And I have promised a couple of you to try to tone down the angst and cliffhangers, so I will do my best with that! Again thank you for all the love and kind words! :)
Sonny doesn't know what has come over him. It is absolutely killing him to see the hurt displayed in Will's eyes. All he wants to do is let Will know that he regrets what he said earlier. That he never meant what he said about Will and Ari meaning nothing to him. That Will being mad at him hurts like hell. Before he knows what's happening he just blurts it out, like verbal emesis. He can't stop the words from escaping his lips.
"I want you, Will. Okay. I want you," Sonny yells.
Sonny doesn't know where that just came from and he immediately regrets saying it. He can feel all the blood rushing to his face and he feels the heat spread throughout his body. He collapses his hand over his mouth, willing the words to come back to him. And now he is more confused than he was before, so he can only imagine what Will is thinking. Sonny isn't even sure if this is how he feels. All he does know is the thought of losing Will and Ari in his life scares him. And he doesn't understand it. Sonny has barely known the two of them and yet they have seemed to take camp in his heart. This revelation is scaring Sonny. And now he can't take those words back. Sonny what did you just do? He asks himself, as he stares at Will with fear.
Sonny realizes that Will hasn't said anything for the last couple of minutes. And Will just keeps looking at him in shock. He isn't sure how he should respond. Or if he should even believe him. Will is afraid to believe the words that just came out of Sonny's mouth. What if this is just another game he is playing with me? Will can't stop himself from thinking. Sonny has already lied to me once today. How do I know what he is saying is true? How can he go from saying I'm nothing to saying he wants me? How can I believe anything he says at this point? And why do I want these words to be true so badly?
Will's trying to decide if he should listen to his brain, which is telling him to run as far away from this situation as humanly possible. Or his heart, which is now racing and telling him to grab Sonny in his arms and kiss him with all the passion he can muster. Will is so confused. He doesn't know how to feel or even what to do. Even if his words are true, what does that mean for Neil. What does that mean for me? And Brian? Will wonders to himself. All of this is becoming too much for Will. He doesn't even know how to process it all. Will finally gets the courage to speak.
"I think you should go," Will whispers with a shaking voice.
"But, Will…" Sonny whispers, voice cracking. He feels like his heart just dropped into the pit of his stomach.
"Please leave."
Will is refusing to make eye contact with Sonny. Will gets up from the chair and walks to the door. Sonny follows him, sadly. Will opens the door and Sonny begins to leave. Then he turns around and looks Will in the eyes.
"I'm sorry," Sonny whispers, grabbing on to Will's arm. "Please believe me. You are the last person I would ever want to hurt. And tell Ari goodbye for me."
Will nods his head and says, barely audible, "Goodbye."
Will closes the door behind Sonny. Then lays his head against the door, hoping to calm his mind down. But right now, he knows that isn't possible. Will knows he needs to talk with the one person who can help him make sense of everything he is thinking and feeling. He goes back to his bedroom and crawls into bed with his sleeping daughter. Will lets the silent tears slide down his cheek as he holds his daughter to him. Knowing his heart is breaking, but not sure why.
Sonny watches as the door silently closes in front of him and his eyes begin to glass over. He doesn't remember a time when his chest hurt like this. The pain that is radiating from his heart is excruciating. And he knows it was all his fault.
"Me and my stupid mouth always get me in trouble," Sonny whispers to himself sadly.
Sonny can't believe that he uttered those words to Will today I want you.
How could Will not be confused? Sonny thinks sadly. I go from telling him he is nothing but an employee to me. Then I tell him I want him. Hell, I am confused.
Sonny walks to his car knowing he has to do something. If he is this conflicted with his feelings with Will, then he knows he has to do something about his relationship with Neil. Sonny knew it wasn't fair to stay with Neil if he may have feelings for someone else. Plus Sonny knew he hadn't truly been happy with Neil for a while. But he had been content with their relationship and he didn't really see any problems with that. Until he met Will. It is like Will shined this light on him and his relationship. And now he could finally see things clearly. That's when things started to crumble. He knew it. Neil knew it. And apparently so did Brian.
Sonny knew it was time to finally have an honest conversation with Neil. The events of the day made him realize that he can't stay in this relationship if he wasn't all in. And today made it abundantly clear to everyone involved, that Sonny was no longer all in with Neil.
Hey. Meet me at the apartment. We need to talk. –S
Still here. –N
Sonny was slightly perturbed that Neil was still there when he had asked him to leave before he left. But he couldn't think about that now. Sonny needed to think about the conversation they needed to have, which he was dreading. As much as he didn't want to have this conversation, he knew it had to be done. Neil at least deserved to know where Sonny's head was at.
Sonny can't believe what this day has turned into. Everything started out fine and then all hell had to break loose. But he pretty much knew deep down this was bound to happen. As much as he tried to deny that there could be something growing between him and Will, he knew it deep down. And Sonny was pretty sure that Will felt it, too.
Sonny opens the door to his apartment. Takes a deep breath and is shocked by what he sees. The lights are all off in the apartment. The only light is the soft glow from candles that have been strategically placed around the apartment. The kitchen table is covered with a white cloth and there is food set out. Neil is standing next to the table with a bouquet of flowers. A mixture of primroses and purple hyacinths were in his hand. Sonny knew this was Neil's way of apologizing for everything that happened that day. This is what he always did when he messed up with Sonny. Neil was a fan of grand gestures to prove he cared, but this time Sonny knew it wouldn't work.
A romantic dinner. The same bouquet of flowers saying 'I'm sorry'. The begging and pleading that he was sorry and that this would never happen again. They hadn't been together that long, but Neil was always doing something he needed to apologize for. He was always having to do something to get back into Sonny's good graces. He acted first and asked questions later. At first, it was fun and kind of exciting. But now, all it did was create problems between the two.
Sonny knew he couldn't keep dragging Neil along when he really wasn't completely invested in this relationship. And no amount of grand gestures were going to change that.
"Welcome home, baby!" Neil says enthusiastically.
"Neil, you shouldn't have…" Sonny whispers back.
Neil walks towards Sonny and his large smile begins to fade. "What's wrong?"
"We need to talk, Neil."
Neil's demeanor quickly changed from ecstatic to contemplative. "I know. I figured we could make up over dinner. I really want you to know that I am sorry about how I treated Will today. If you care about him, then so do I."
"Neil, I never said we were making up. And you always do this. Mess up then do something to make up for it."
"What do you mean, Sonny?" Neil asks, tearfully.
"I don't think us is a good idea anymore."
"What do you mean we aren't a good idea anymore?" Neil asks and his voice begins to rise.
"It's not fair for me to be in a relationship with you if I am not completely invested in this relationship."
"Not fair? Not invested? Where is this coming from?"
"You said it yourself today, Neil. That I was ruining our relationship with my 'infatuation' with Will."
"Sonny, you know I didn't mean that. I say things I don't mean when I'm angry."
"Is that supposed to be helping your cause?" Sonny asks, perplexed.
"My cause? I have a cause now?"
"Neil," Sonny sighs. "How is getting hateful with me and the people I care about when you are angry helping us? I have overlooked this so many times. But I can't keep overlooking it. And I can't keep denying my feelings."
"For Will?" Neil spits out with disdain.
"This isn't about Will right now. This is about you and me."
"But we were fine before Will entered the picture."
"Were we, Neil?"
"Of course we were!" Neil exclaims. "He's ruined everything!"
"Neil, just stop!" Sonny lets out with an exasperated sigh. "If anything, Will made me see what's been missing in our relationship."
"But everything was perfect with us, Sonny. Don't you remember?"
"If we were a strong enough unit, then nobody could come between us."
"What are you trying to say? That you are choosing some guy with a kid who you barely know over me. Your boyfriend of 6 months."
"I am not choosing anyone, Neil. Damnit. Have you listened to a single thing I have said?"
"I have heard it all loud and clear," Neil shouts. "You want Will. You don't love me."
"That is not what I have said," Sonny's voice is getting louder with frustration.
Sonny takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. He is trying not to get angry with Neil, but it is becoming increasingly more difficult. His patience are running thin. And this day has not helped with that. Sonny doesn't want to hurt Neil. It is the last thing he wants to do. But Sonny isn't quite sure how to get it through his head that he doesn't want to be with him right now. That this relationship has just been floating on for far too long.
"Neil, can you just hear me out on this?" Sonny says softly.
Neil looks at him with daggers in his eyes. "Isn't that what I've been doing? Listening to you?"
"Actually. Not really."
"Say what you need to say," Neil spats.
"This isn't about Will. This isn't about you. This is about me. I need space to figure out how I am feeling. And I am not being fair to you by dragging you along when I'm confused with what I feel for you and for Will. And as much as you don't want to admit it, you know that something has changed with us. Hell, when is the last time we had sex? I can't even remember."
"Ever since you met Will."
"That's not true, Neil."
"Actually, it is. We haven't slept together since you hired Will."
"Oh."
"Don't you see, Sonny? That's why I've been fighting like hell for us. Because you stopped giving two shits about this relationship as soon as you met Will and his precious daughter. And this is what I was afraid of. That you would choose them over me."
"Why didn't you ever say anything about it?"
"I always said something about it! You kept calling me jealous and paranoid. But he is all you ever talked about. And you guys always seemed to end up together. So was I really jealous and paranoid?"
"Neil. I guess I never realized how you truly felt," Sonny says sadly.
"Yeah. Well, it's too late now isn't it. Like I said, you ruined our relationship."
"I'm so sorry, Neil. I never wanted to hurt you."
"You have been hurting me for months and you never cared before. Why do you all the sudden care now?"
"Don't do that, Neil!" Sonny exclaims, angrily. "I have always cared about you. And you know it. I opened my life up to you when you had no one else. So how can you honestly say those things to me. You know me."
"Maybe I just thought I did," Neil says with bitterness.
"I honestly can't believe you right now!" Sonny shouts. "If you think my intentions were to hurt you, then fine. Believe what you need to believe. But know that I have always cared about you and loved you."
"Real nice. Throwing that love word around now!"
"Neil, why don't you just leave! I don't want to argue with you or prove to you how much I care about you. But it is pretty evident right now how you feel about me."
"If that's what you want, then fine," Neil huffs. "I will be back for my stuff later!"
"Don't bother. I will get your stuff together and drop it off for you."
Neil turns around and storms out of the apartment. He's about to close the door when he turns around and looks Sonny in the eyes. He says with a smirk,"By the way, me and Brian fucked all over this apartment. Have a nice life."
Neil slams the door behind him. Sonny just looks at the closed door in shock. "Son of a bitch."
