Author's Note: I'm back! And with one of the most depressing chapters I have ever written. The clue I left last chapter pretty much said it all. Yes: This is "Zugzwang". The episode that left fans in tears and put the writers in mortal danger for destroying yet another chance for Reid to find love (JJ, Lila, and Austin were the previous ones). This takes place just moments after the final scene of the episode.

One quick note: this is the last chapter that will follow the canon, so be prepared to have absolutely no clue what's next in the story.

Just a quick little fun fact: Originally I had written in a little bit of an anger rant for Reid on JJ for not making sure he was okay after Benjamin Cyrus or after the Anthrax case, but I realized that wouldn't have happened. It ended up inspiring "Chapter 4: Just in Case" and a chapter in the "missing chapters" fanfic I'm working on (It will be called "Close Friends". You'll understand why when I get there).

One more thing: Thank you to all the readers. The last chapter's views skyrocketed! The numbers were going up faster than Chapter 5! Thus the reason this chapter is up so soon.

Anyway, make sure to review the story (feedback is helpful) and tell what you think. Enjoy!

January 16th, 2013: Washington, D.C.

As soon as the EMTs cleared him for his arm, he ran down the street to his apartment.

"Spence!" JJ called out as he ran.

She turned to Hotch, who just simply nodded his head. She began following him back to his apartment. When she arrived, he was sitting outside his apartment, crying hysterically.

"Spence," she said.

"What the hell do you want?" he asked between sobs.

"I'm sorry about what happened," she said.

"Did I bring this on her? Am I the reason that she's dead?"

"It's not your fault."

Spencer now spoke in anger. "Why didn't any of you shoot Diane? You all had a clear shot. You could have saved her. I wouldn't have lost her!"

"I'm sorry Spence," she said, now holding back tears.

"Please, my name is Spencer Reid. The man who will always suffer: my father leaving; committing my mother; her hating me for it; Elle leaving; Tobias Hankel kidnapping me, torturing me, drugging me, and killing me; my addiction; Gideon leaving; me getting shot; Strauss forcing you to the Pentagon; Emily faking her death; losing Maeve to that deranged psychotic bitch; and worst of all losing not just one, but two women I loved." JJ was now in tears. She got down to her knees and hugged him.

"I'm so sorry, Spence."

Spencer was silent, but then he continued.

"Sometimes I wish that Tobias Hankel had never revived me. I would be able to escape all the pain and torment I've suffered."

JJ's eyes widened. "Spence, don't ever say that. We all would have been devastated. We were still together then. I could barely handle you being in the hands of that monster. Besides, if he didn't revive you, you would never have met Henry, reunited with your father and find out the truth, or have met Maeve at all." Spencer broke into tears once again.

"I just want all the pain to go away."

"I know, Spence. Take as much time as you need to recover, okay? We all just want to be sure you're okay; especially me."

Spencer solemnly spoke. "I know. I'm sorry, it's just I finally moved on and it was all just taken away from me."

"Moved on? What do you mean?"

Spencer took a deep breath. "Did the others tell you about the morning after your wedding?" She nodded. Emily and Garcia made it a point to tell JJ how Reid came in hung-over, admitting he got drunk the previous night. "Do you know why I got drunk?" She shook her head. "I was trying to get over you. Get over our relationship. I was talking to Maeve at the time, but I still couldn't get past it. I didn't know any other way."

JJ was speechless. Her best friend had lost his only way of moving on after she got married. Now she could truly understand his despair.

"Spence, are you going to be okay?"

"I don't know."

"I'll check up on you as much as I can. Take care of yourself, okay."

She kissed him on the cheek and she started walking away when another question hit her.

"Spence, what was it Maeve was saying?"

"She was saying 'Thomas Merton'. He was an author who wrote, 'Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone. We find it with another.'"

JJ was now in tears. Maeve really did love Spencer. "I'm so sorry you lost her."

"JJ, please. Just let me mourn."

She nodded to him and he entered his apartment and refused to come out or accept any type communication. After two weeks, he was back, but in bad shape.

Spencer wondered to himself, How could I ever love again? Everyone who has loved me has left me or died. I can't feel like I can love ever again.

Depressing, right? But I had to write it in. It seemed like a perfect spot to create an "unseen" moment between JJ and Reid.

So, thanks for reading. That's the end of the "following canon" section of the story. Now on to the truly original story! Be sure to check it next time. Since I like leaving little summaries behind, I'll leave this for you to question:

The team meets a new potential member on a local case.

Completely off-canon. It's going to be hell, but I hope it works. You think you know who this potential member is? Give me your best guess.

One more thing: since I'm now going away from the canon and on to an original story, the chapters may have a huge gap in time of posting. That's because I got ahead of myself and the rest of the story isn't completely written. I'll make sure to let you know where I am at the time of posting the chapter. There's 13 more chapters, bringing the total to 20. Let that help you a little. Currently I'm writing chapter 11.

Thanks again for reading, remember to review, and I'll see you next time!

-D.C. al Coda