4.

Guilt.

A perfect word that describes what I'm feeling right now. It's a strong feeling that torment and slowly kills me on the inside, and there's nothing I can do to ease or get rid of it. And why should I anyway?

After all it was my fault that Octavia was discovered and put in the Sky Box and my mother floated for the crimes of having a second child. It was my idea to take Octavia outside the safety of our apartment and bring her to the Unity Day masquerade party, just because I wanted to give her a moment of freedom and give her an opportunity to feel like anyone else her own age. Of course I didn't count on solar flare alert to go off, which ultimately became my doom when the guards went to check for IDs and she didn't have one.

So my whole world fell apart in just manner of seconds and everyone is paying for my mistake, my mom, Octavia, and even Clarke.

Bellamy sighed sadly as he continued the moved the mop around, cleaning the ever so clean floors. If he hadn't been already punished by having his family pulled apart as well as never being able to see his loved one again then being demoted from cadet to janitor was just another blow, both to his ego and to his talents. To put things lightly

The work was so easy and tedious to the point that he could do it with his eyes closed and with his arms behind his back. But despite the lack of challenge it did give him plenty of time to think about Octavia, Clarke and the hopelessness of his situation. Not that I ever stopped thinking about them because that was simply impossible.

And every once in a while he would turn his gaze away from his work and onto the watch that Clarke had borrowed him. He knew that she wasn't the original owner of the watch, and that was because it was man's watch, which held more focus on being practical tool to keep time than anything else, so he assumed that it had belonged to her now deceased father. She never talked much about him when we were together, only things in passing really, but it was clear that she was very close to him and that she loved him very much. I was the same way with my mom and the way I am with Octavia up until recently. And to think that she gave me the one and only piece of memory she had of the man, for the sake of a promise that I most likely wouldn't be able to keep.

"Stubborn princess…" Bellamy muttered, smiling sadly at the watch. The watch at one time brought bright smiles on his face, remembering his precious blonde and the happy memories surrounding it, but now it was just a painful reminder of what he had lost and what his mistakes cost him as well as everyone else. "You made a grave mistake in thinking that I was worth your time and your love."

He dropped the mop on the floor and leaned his back against the sidewall for a short moment before he slid down and sat down on the cold hard floor. Tears were already running down his face and just felt another hit of massive guilt and hopelessness hit him right in the stomach. Memories began flooding fast into his mind, and Bellamy escaped from reality to the sanctuary in his mind, the only place where he could find happiness nowadays. But the thing is that the more he remembered the happier memories with his family and with Clarke, the worse he felt. One memory in particular was just taunted and killed him over and over again.


(Flashback)

He and Clarke were lying on the cold floor, naked and wrapped around each other. Her head was resting on his bare chest while he was brushing her blond locks through his fingers and sighing happy and satisfied over yet another incredible and successful lovemaking.

"Do you have any regrets that you wished that you could change?" Clarke asked, sounding too serious to be a joke or a simple hypothetical question. Which is why he froze up a little by her question and turned his gaze down at her, while she lifted her head to meet his. "What? Why are you asking?" More importantly how is it that that particular question is the first thing that pops into her mind after what we just did?

She shrugged, but her serious and quiet demeanor remained. "Just something that's been on my mind recently. But you didn't answer my question, do you have any regrets?"

"No, not really. I mean sure there are certain things in my life I wished was… slightly different," Bellamy answered, followed by a heavy and almost exhausted sigh. "Like you being out of the Sky Box without a death sentence hanging over your head, but I don't regret anything cause I won't have the things that I have now without them."

"You are an amazing person, Bellamy Blake." She smiled softly then she placed her lips on his and kissed him, which he reciprocated by supporting her head with his hand.


Thinking about Clarke, knowing that in a couple of weeks she would receive her trial, and most likely would end up getting floated for crimes that he still didn't know what of, was like going through nine levels of hell. But what really broke his heart into to pieces was the thought that Clarke was going to die without knowing the truth behind his sudden disappearance, without knowing that he didn't abandoned her. How can she not think that? She has every right to hate and despise me for it, and knowing her she probably hold on to that hatred until her dying day like she will with the Jaha kid.

Bellamy shook his head, almost like he was trying to shake away those scary and disturbing thoughts from his mind. Unfortunately that didn't work well for him at all and he could just imagine those blue eyes staring at him with pure hatred. "I'm sorry…Princess."

He was almost at the bottom of his own despair when he remembered that there was another person who needed him, who he still had a chance of saving. Octavia. I can't lose her too. I wouldn't lose her, not even if the whole Ark has to kill me to do it.

With regained strength, he got up on his feet, brushing away the tears from his cheek before he donned a mask of stone on his face. Forgive me, Clarke. But please understand that I have to think about Octavia and figure out a way to prevent her from suffering the same fate as you and mom has, especially since there's nothing I can do to save you despite how much I wish I could. But that left the question over how in the world was he supposed to save his sister from the entire Ark without getting them both killed in the process?


As it turns out, he didn't have to do anything in order to plan a way to get to his sister because just two-three weeks later he was approached by his former commanding officer Shumway, who had an interesting but overall suspicious proposition for him.

"You're serious about this, the council are really planning on sending the kids in the Sky Box to Earth?" Bellamy asked. His eyes were filled with shock and fear. "Why in the world would they even think of doing something that? Have they completely lost their minds or something?" Not likely because the council is already crazy, so there's not much more for them to lose on that department.

"That's none of your concern, Blake." Commander Shumway sneered defensively, which would have made him take a step back if he hadn't been so used to the man's mean demeanor. "The point is that among those 100 kids is your sister and if you want the chance to go to Earth and protect her than you will have to do something for me."

Okay…that sounds just too good to be true. I may be an idiot sometimes, an ass definitely, but even I can see when there's more to his request. "What do you want me to do?"

Commander Shumway retrieved something from his side and held it out open for him to see, and he instantly regretted it when he saw the handgun in his former boss's hand. "Kill the chancellor, Thelonious Jaha."

Bellamy only stared at the gun, with big eyes and couldn't find words to describe what was going around in his head. Killing Jaha? That's crazy, just madness! I…I can't do that. What would my mother think, what would Clarke think about me becoming a murderer? They would without doubt be disappointed in me and never forgive me for it. But for Octavia's sake, I'm willing to do anything.

He swallowed heavily before he took the gun from Commander Shumway's hand, feeling the graveness of his decision hit him similar to the way one would think the people must have felt when Rome fell. "I'll do it."

I'm sorry, Mom, Clarke. Please forgive me for what I must do.

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Here it is the forth chapter, and I really hope that you guys liked it. Personally, I think this is definitely not one of my best ones, but I know and felt that we needed to see how things were going on Bellamy's end and how things escalated to the point where he accepted killing Jaha in order to be on the drop ship. And before everyone gets on my hide for Bellamy losing hope in Clarke and choses to focus on saving Octavia, I will say that it' realistic for him to chose his sister because he would always put her before his own happiness. This has been stated in an interview, so I felt it necessary to make the point clear in this one.

And I think the next one is the last chapter of this mini-series, with a definite Bellarke reunion in mind, but it might be a lot more shorter compared to the other chapters.

Last piece of news, my the 100 story that I mentioned before is going to be publish shortly after I updated this. So keep your eyes open and read it so I know what you think. I hope I'll receive such great response like I have on this one.

Clearly I don't own either the series, they belong to their respective owners.

Please continue to review, favorite and/or follow.

xXrebelgirl07Xx