Return to sender...

Harry unfastened the envelope and examined the unfamiliar writing. He briefly wondered whether it was wise to open a mystery letter without any ideas of either the contents or the sender, but dismissed the thought. Hermione was on hand, after all. There were even a few teachers somewhere around, if worse came to worst.

He unfolded the parchment, relieved that nothing horrible immediately happened. Harry scanned the contents and looked up, his brows pulling together. "You've delivered this wrong," he informed the owl. "It's not for me."

"What do you mean, Harry?" Hermione answered (the owl simply ignored him, examining the breakfast table for unguarded bacon scraps. She'd be out of luck if Ron and Seamus kept going).

"This letter isn't addressed to me, the owl delivered it wrong."

"Nah," Ron spoke through a mouthful of scrambled egg, swallowing hastily at Hermione's disapproving glare. "Can't, mate. Owls follow a magical signature don't they?"

Harry shrugged; it wasn't like they'd covered anything about the wizarding postal system in class. Though come to think of it, it would be handy if they did. Galleon conversion rates, cooking and cleaning with charms, and whether there was a magical NHS or wizarding taxes would actually be quite helpful information. Heck, magical first aid would be a good start, or how to summon an auror in an emergency.

'Back on track, Potter,' Harry told himself, maybe they'd cover that next year. "Well, it's not my name at the top."

Hermione looked intrigued, Ron vaguely curious. "Who does it say then?"

"Don't think I know them. D'you know anyone called 'Adonis'?"

Hermione spluttered with laughter, drawing more attention to their part of the breakfast table. "What else does it say Harry?"

"Umm... something about burning... and withering... I think maybe someone's threatening this Adonis person."

"Adonis is you Harry," Hermione told him, sighing loudly enough to ensure that now everyone at the Gryffindor table was listening in. "It comes from Greek mythology, but essentially someone is calling you extremely good looking."

Harry looked taken aback, not helped by the vicious elbow that was intended as a gentle nudge from Ron, "what? This scrawny bugger?"

The twins chose this moment to add to the confusion, grabbing Ron and yanking him off the bench. "This scrawny bugger, he says..."

"... that Adonis is our star seeker..."

"... a vision of sleek, lithe beauty..."

"... and a God, Greek or otherwise, on a broom."

Harry uncomfortably wished that he had never opened the letter, or that his friends had the ability to speak quietly. "I don't know, Hermione. If someone's calling me Adonis, why are they sending me threatening letters?"

"Oh, let me see that, Harry." Hermione grabbed the letter out of his hands. "Harry..." she sighed again. "It's not a threat, it's a love letter."

Harry was sure that everyone at the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw tables would be listening in by this point and his ears burnt in embarrassment. "What?! No, 'Mione, it said about someone being burnt and dying and about seeing me wither; that's like saying they want to watch me die, isn't it?"

Hermione thrust the letter towards him.

"Harry, it says, 'I burn for your touch, I pine for a look, I perish for your smile.' And the other part, the bit that goes, 'I want to see you wither on a bed, your body flushed...'"

Ron cleared his throat uncomfortably, and Hermione stopped reading, thank Merlin.

"Anyway, I think they just misspelt writhe. They want to see you writhing on a bed..."

"Yes, thank you Hermione, I think we all got that. So, not a death threat?"

"Nope, just a badly written love letter."

The throat clearing and sniggering was almost, but not quite, enough to mask the red flush that had risen in Ginny's cheeks and her sudden and speedy exit from the hall.

A.N.

Sorry Ginny...