Wow… I'm REALLY late. And when I say 'REALLY' I mean REALLLLLLYYYYYYY. I'm probably late on my apologies but… SORRY DON'T KILL ME!

You've probably all given up on this fanfic by now. I know. I'm horrible. And school starts in eleven days, so I'm really horrible. And I'll be visiting family on like five of those days, so I'm REALLY HORRIBLE!

Btw, there are two A/N's scattered in here. MAKE. SURE. TO. READ. THEM.

There were fireworks going on outside my window last night.

Anyhow, have fun my darlings!

September 3rd:

Kim A. Crawford: Hey guys, I cannot wait for the talent show tomorrow!

JackarateB: I know! We don't have to go to sixth or seventh hour! Which means I don't have to do my Biology crossword or any math tonight! Can tomorrow get any better!?

Milton David Krupnick: Jack, tomorrow hasn't even started yet. A million things could happen. You could skateboard off of a cliff. You could break your spine doing Pilates. Ryan could make off with Kim, and Kim could beat him up, landing her in jail, which you would have to bail you out of. Speaking of Kim, she could beat you at Karate. Your little sister could spray paint your room red. The list goes on and on, really.

JackarateB: She better not touch my room! I hate red!

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: How can you hate red dude?! It's like my favorite color!

JackarateB: Jerry, think about it. Last summer, Kool-Aid, my friend, and a wild demon dog.

Kim A. Crawford: Why do I feel like when you say, 'my friend', that you're talking about your hair?

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Oh yeah dude! That was epic! :D It was so hilarious when you tried to get away from that puppy Lisa and you accidently ran out of the cabin in your 'Agent P' boxers!

Kim A. Crawford: Say what now? Jack watches Phineas and Pherb?!

JackarateB: What Kim? Does that somehow surprise you in some way?

Kim A. Crawford: Woah Jack, don't get all defensive. You just don't strike me like the Disney Channel type. Even though you did admit to watching My Little Pony once…

JackarateB: Ok, that was on a dare with my four-year-old cousin! Not my fault!

Kim A. Crawford: You're right. It's not your fault that you can lose Monopoly to a four year old!

JackarateB: Anyway, why are you excited for the big talent show?

Kim A. Crawford: Fine Jack. Change the subject. See if I care.

Kim A. Crawford: I'm singing a song I wrote!

Milton David Krupnick: Kim, I didn't know you wrote songs! Or sang!

Kim A. Crawford: Singing is a past time. I didn't start writing songs until two years ago when my first boyfriend broke up with me.

Milton David Krupnick: Ah, that's so sad girlie! Tell me all the deets!

JackarateB: Kim, you sound like a wanna-be Taylor Swift.

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Hey, I like Taylor Swift!

"The Playa" Eddie: Yeah, she's pretty hot, if ya know what I mean. (;

Milton David Krupnick: Eddie, you said what you meant, right there in the text. But I agree. Taylor Swift has some really good music.

Kim A. Crawford: You guys are all creeping me out…

JackarateB: Yeah, can we get on another subject? Preferably something less… bizarre?

"The Playa" Eddie: Ok, well isn't there gonna be some short play during the talent show?

Kim A. Crawford: Yeah, Milton made up the script.

JackarateB: And he made me audition.

Kim A. Crawford: He made both of us audition.

JackarateB: Ugh.

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Hey Milton? I have a question.

Milton David Krupnick: Sigh.

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: In the script, why did you change all of my lines to alien words?

Kim A. Crawford: What? When did this happen? Milton, we didn't get the rewrites!

JackarateB: Like we really care.

Kim A. Crawford: Be nice Jack! Wasn't it you who was, not only a few months ago, inspiring me to help my friends?!

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Yeah Jack! You're a hypocrite!

Milton David Krupnick: Jerry, how do you know what that word means, let alone how to use it in a sentence?

'The Playa' Eddie: Oh, I taught him that.

Milton David Krupnick: I'm proud Eddie. I'm very proud.

(A/N: Hey guys, I put multiple lines from different TV shows, books, YouTube videos, etc. If you find all, or at least a few, of them and put where they're from in the reviews, then I might send you a bonus thingie/chapter! Yay!)

September 4th:

'The Playa' Eddie: So the play was… good…

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: No it wasn't! Dude, it sucked! I was laughing through the whole thing!

JackarateB: Jerry, Kim punched Donald in the jaw, which in turn made him reel back and crush my foot, breaking most of my toes. Then she caught Lindsay's dress on fire. And then in the background a foghorn blew, totally drowning out Julie's only line. As we can all imagine, that did not make her too happy. Milton yelled as us for twenty long minutes. He only took like three breaths the whole time!

JackarateB: And you were in the play Jerry!

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: I know dude! You look funny when you're screeching in pain! And I had front row seats until my scene came on!

'The Playa' Eddie: Wait, since when does the drama department have a foghorn?

Kim A. Crawford: Oh, that was me.

JackarateB: So. It. Was. You.

Kim A. Crawford: Was that a threat Jack?

JackarateB:

JackarateB: Just tell me why you had to blow that horn. It made Milton jump clear out of his tights. And that is not a pretty sight.

Kim A. Crawford: Well I was backstage, minding my own business, when Riley Farnsworth had to come over and start hitting on me.

"The Playa" Eddie: I thought you liked Riley Farnsworth.

Kim A. Crawford: Okay, no Eddie. I do not like him. Don't you remember? Last year he was the mascot? I drop-kicked him? Ring any bells?!

JackarateB: Yeah, whatever Kim. Go on.

Kim A. Crawford: The rest is pretty obvious.

"The Playa" Eddie: ?...

Kim A. Crawford: Well, you can hear this blow horn half a mile away. And I put it right over his ear.

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: That's janked up. But YOW GIRL! Mamacita has taken some self-defense lessons toni-i-i-i-ight!

JackarateB: Jerry, we need to work on the words that come out of your mouth.

JackarateB: Wait, you aren't planning on using that on me, right Kim? How long have you had that thing?

Kim A. Crawford: First, I make no promises Jack. :D Just keep your hands to yourself during karate practice. Second, silly Jack! My dad gave that to me as soon as I started hanging out with you boys! In fact, I've already used it on Jerry!

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Wait, that's what woke me up last week, Eddie! When I fell off the bleachers onto Maria's clay sculpture of a turtle? Remember?

'The Playa' Eddie: I remember Jerry, I remember. I also remember that you now owe me and Milton both 20 bucks since you said it was a magical time-traveling coyote, and then bet on it. It's actually a little surprising that you're that stupid.

Milton David Krupnick: It really isn't that surprising. Now give me my 20 dollars Jerry!

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: The universe just loves to prove me wrong.

Kim A. Crawford: You make it too easy! :D

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Hahaha… XD Jack's blushing.

Kim A. Crawford: How can you see Jack?

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Uh, duh Kim, you live on one side of him, I on the other! He's in his living room. I'm in my living room. And neither of us have the shades drawn yet.

"The Playa" Eddie: Why is he blushing?

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: I don't know dude, but his face is as red as that sauce stuff my mom put on our pizza last night.

Milton David Krupnick: You mean pizza sauce?

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Yeah dude! :D

"The Playa" Eddie: That doesn't answer the question. Why is Jack blushing?

JackarateB: I'M NOT BLUSHING!

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Whoah dude, don't get all defensive on me. Btw, if you're not blushing, why is your face getting brighter?

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: WAIT! Am I seeing the light? Did I doze off and die in my sleep?! IS YOUR LIVING ROOM WINDOW THE ENTRANCE TO HEAVEN? Am I going to see my dead dog Snoogums again?!

Milton David Krupnick: I'm going to ignore the delusional boy in the corner.

(Btw, virtual Oreos to anyone that can guess why Jack was blushing.)

September 6th:

Kim A. Crawford: Ok, I'm a little creeped out right now.

JackarateB: ?

Kim A. Crawford: K, so this girl named Rebecca just texted me. First of all, I don't know how she got my number, second, I have no clue who the heck she is, and third she texted me a really weird message that reads: "I heard you went out with Lucas. Well he's mine. And now I'm loco-crazy."

JackarateB: Um… Who's this Lucas kid?

Kim A. Crawford: That's really all you're worried about?! Who the heck is Rebecca and HOW DOES SHE KNOW ME!?

JackarateB: I dunno, but maybe if you hadn't been going out with this Lucas, who you still haven't told me about, then she wouldn't be all mean to you!

Kim A. Crawford: Jack would you get your priorities straight?! I DON'T KNOW A LUCAS! GOSH! AND THAT'S NOT REALLY THE ISSUE HERE!

JackarateB: You say that now.

Kim A. Crawford: WHAT THE FREAK ARE YOU ON JACK?!

September 8th:

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Jaaaaaackkkkk! D:

JackarateB: Why are you whining at me over the internet?

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Your stupid friends stole my dirt bike!

Kim A. Crawford: Jerry, did you just call me stupid?

"The Playa" Eddie: We didn't even touch your dirt bike!

Milton David Krupnick: I didn't even know you had a dirt bike.

Kim A. Crawford: That's beside the point. WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME STUPID?!

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Calm down Chica! I wasn't talking about you!

Milton David Krupnick: Please don't think Jack is friends with the singing chipmunks, please don't think Jack is friends with the singing chipmunks…

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: I'm talking about Ryan. He's so mean! D: Why are you friends with him Jack?!

JackarateB: I'm not…

Milton David Krupnick: Yeah, that friendship ended when he made plans to woo and marry our friend Kimberly here.

Kim A. Crawford: You just had to remind me, didn't you.

Milton David Krupnick: Would you rather I talk about that time when Joan's shorts flew off?

Kim A. Crawford: O.o *shudder* That's a close one…

"The Playa" Eddie: So what's your plan Jerry?

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: For what?

JackarateB: Um… your dirt bike?

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: OH!

"The Playa" Eddie:

Kim A. Crawford: Well what are you going to do!? Yeesh! Talk already!

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Calm down Mamacita! I'm going to make him an offer that he can't refuse.

JackarateB: And what will that be?

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: I dunno. I was hoping Kimmy could help me out on that. ;)

Kim A. Crawford: WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT CALLING ME KIMMY!?

Kim A. Crawford: Wait a minute. That had dirty context, didn't it.

Kim A. Crawford: I'M NOT MAKING OUT WITH RYAN SO YOU CAN GET YOUR STUPID DIRT BIKE BACK!

September 11th:

"The Playa" Eddie: I fell off a four-wheeler yesterday and MY KNEE STILL STINGS!

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Oh that's nothing! ;D

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: One time, my cousin was in Vegas and he fell out of a fourth story hotel window and landed on the roof of a shuttle bus.

Milton David Krupnick: And he was ok?

JackarateB: Did you have to ask?

"The Playa" Eddie: Jack, I can't help but feel like you're a bit snippety today.

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Oh, Jack's been all snippety since he found out that babe Lura is dating Braxton.

Milton David Krupnick: First of all, it's Laura, learn how to spell, and second of all, I thought that they broke up yesterday! They had a screaming match in music class.

JackarateB: Really?!

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Alright Sparky, here's the deal. If ya wanna court the little lady ya gotta be a straight shooter, do ya got it?

"The Playa" Eddie: You're point?

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Why is it that every inspiring speech has to have a point?

Kim A. Crawford: Ok guys, just remind him of Laura!

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: What's got your hair all in a twist?

Kim A. Crawford: Last week when his 'epic plan to get Laura' failed, he was moping about it to me for a freaking week! I don't want to go through that again!

"The Playa" Eddie: C'mon Kim. That's not the only reason. (;

Kim A. Crawford: Eddie, you don't know anything!

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Kim, it's obvious. Jack took your stuffed gorilla named Kicky and you want it back. It's ok. One time my cousin Pepito peed all over my unicorn Mr. Tickles and we had to… operate… You'll get through it Kim! JUST BE STRONG!

Kim A. Crawford:

Kim A. Crawford: No, Jerry. Jack did not steal any stuffed gorillas.

Kim A. Crawford: How do you even know about Kicky?

September 17th:

Kim A. Crawford: Do you realize that we got dared by our teacher today?

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: When did this happen? What did she dare us to do, yo? Man, I must have been spacing.

Milton David Krupnick: Jerry, you need help.

"The Playa" Eddie: Look at the bright side Milton! He was speaking in complete sentences today!

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: WHOOH! You bet I was! I OWN complete sentences!

JackarateB: Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Mrs. Condie said that we have to learn how to skateboard correctly.

"The Playa" Eddie: That sounds really stupid.

Milton David Krupnick: Sure does. Remember what happened to Rudy? He lost a tooth! THEY HAD TO HAVE IT SURGICALLY REPLACED! WITH A SYNTHETICALLY-MADE CERAMIC TOOTH!

Kim A. Crawford: Woah, there Milton. Calm your nerdiness down, or you won't have any left for when you get together with your Mathlete buddies.

Kim A. Crawford: Anyway, we're supposed to learn the basic form and all that crap. You get one partner.

JackarateB: You forgot to mention, if one person in your duo can do a flip or a jump, you get extra-cred. (:

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Yo, just cause she's the PE teach doesn't mean that she can order us around! What does PE even stand for? Pretzel Elephant?

Kim A. Crawford: Whaaat…?

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Ya know. A large, gray, pretzel with a fuzzy trunk and big floppy ears! Dipped in peanut-sauce! It's actually really good! But the eyes are kinda squishy…

Milton David Krupnick: Erm…

Milton David Krupnick: Whatever. Anyway, if we really have to learn how to ride that death-machine-with-wheels, I call Jack!

"The Playa" Eddie: You had Jack for the last project in PE! Let someone else have a turn!

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Yeah dude! Don't be such a hog!

Milton David Krupnick: Jerry, what are you on? You get him more than all of us combined!

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Not true! Kim gets him more!

Kim A. Crawford: No I don't! I wasn't even in your PE class until the start of second semester!

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Kim, LYING ISN'T THE ANSWER!

JackarateB: HEY HEY HEY! You guys can't just call me! I am not the front seat in your mom's minivan.

JackarateB: Besides, I pick Kim. At least with her I can double the extra credit (;

Kim A. Crawford: Okay, fine, but if you're going to pick the flips we do, I get to pick what we do during karate practice tomorrow. And just a warning, we'll be hard-core sparring. So get your muscles ready for a dang hard work out.

JackarateB: Never let it be said that Prince Jackson Richard Brewer denied the request of a beautiful lady. (;

Milton David Krupnick: OHMIGOSH, OHMIGOSH, OHMIGOSH!

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Dude, stop fan-girling about Kick.

"The Playa" Eddie: Yeah. We all know that Jack just called Kim beautiful. We also know that his face is probably now red, as we also know Kim will be signing out in 3, 2, 1;

Kim A. Crawford signed out at 8:31

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Hey Jack! I know what you can do to fix this!

Milton David Krupnick: Oh no. Oh please no.

JackarateB: And, pray tell, what would that be, Jerry?

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Tell. Her. The. TRUTH!

JackarateB: No way! If Kim found out I've been crushing on her for almost two years, well, she'd laugh at me.

Milton David Krupnick: Jerry surprisingly has a point. You really need to be straight with her. You can't just go around throwing words like 'beautiful' at her and not expect her to become suspicious, or, at the very least, confused.

"The Playa" Eddie: And now Jack will be signing out to either apologize for an unknown reason and/or lie about the meaning of his words in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1;

JackarateB signed out at 8:34

Milton David Krupnick: Wow Eddie. That was surprisingly perceptive. Good job. Jack really needs another pep-talk though. Maybe I'll look into that for tomorrow…

The Swag Sexy Beast Jerry: Wait- so Jack's a Prince now?

TA DA! Yeah, I'm not gonna bore you with how I think this sucks. I do that every. Single. Time.

And now it's time for you to GUESS THAT LINE!

Seriously.

So as I said before, there are some lines from different TV shows, YouTube videos, and books.

So if you see one that you think you know, just tell me who said it – Kim, Jack, Eddie, Jerry, or Milton – and what the line is from.

Then, if you get a few right, I will send you a magical bonus chap. (:

Peace out, and good luck.