Author's notes: I'm sorry for the delay. The real life is crazy right now. And the latest episode just... Well, you know. As always, thanks to my beta reader, AlexHamato. She is the best!


Castiel felt the painful pressure of the binding spell on his Grace. A dull ache was drumming in his temples. His vision was blurry.

But it could also be caused by the fact that his vessel's brain did not received sufficient oxygen. Nathaniel's invisible fingers grabbed his throat and prevented him from breathing.

Moreover, his heavenly brother used his own Grace to keep Castiel firmly nailed to the door, restricting his movements.

"So, female vessel, hah?" Dean smirked, "I have to say that you have a nice ass for an asshole."

"Angels don't have a gender, you idiot, " the woman said slowly.

"You can still bite me, though," the hunter hissed.

Castiel hardly managed to look at Dean. The hunter was standing a few feet from the red-haired woman. His whole body was tense in a threatening posture and his hand was clutching the angel blade. From the wound on his right shoulder, blood was running down his fingers, tinting the blade red and dripping to the floor.

But Dean was not paying attention to it. His green eyes were fanatic, and sought Cas' blue gaze. The angel almost imperceptibly shook his head. Dean made a low, disapproving sound but stayed still.

"Do you remember me, Castiel?" Nathaniel continued, ignoring human's words and weakening his grip slightly, allowing to Castiel to answer.

On vessel's face slid a satisfied smile, apparently Nathaniel was caught his brother's deterrent gesture.

"Nathaniel, the Angel of Purification, Divinity and Fire," Cas said softly, although his voice was more hoarse than usual, "one of the twelve angels of vengeance. You worked for Naomi."

"Yes. And that's all you know about me, right?" In the woman's voice crept almost tangible offended notes, "I expected more from you."

Castiel was straining all his senses to be able to see beyond the physical body of the vessel. He was watching the other angel intensely, squinting from the pain that this effort cost him.

But whether because of the spell or weakened state of his damaged Grace, the only thing he could see was how the creature's true form was drifting outside the boundaries of the host's body in pale light.

But unlike the usual for an angel soft blue tending to white, the light was bright red, angry, unstable. Crimson streamers stretched from the woman's hand and dug its fingers into Castiel's throat. It stung where the light was touching his true form through the skin of his vessel.

This touch felt tainted and corrupt.

"What have you done?" The words ripped from Cas' lips.

Nathaniel smiled darkly.

"We'll get there. But everything in its time. Now the question is what you have done."

Castiel looked at him puzzled, "What do you mean?"

"You really don't remember me, do you?" A mixture of curiosity and amazement spread over the woman's expression. "Naomi scraped your brain too damn well."

Cas didn't answer. Everything about the time spent with Naomi after Purgatory was strange and inconsistent inside his head.

"Let me tell you," his brother continued, "You know who I am, or rather know who I was before the Winchesters ripped apart our Father's plan and you took away from me my promised Paradise."

"You know, Castiel, when you returned to Heaven after God bring you back, many thought that you were chosen to lead us. But I knew that Raphael was the right choice. I knew that you were weak, too attached to the paltry humans. Therefore, I chose to follow Raphael."

Cas' heart was pounding in his chest. He knew where the story of his heavenly brother was going. And he could say that Dean had guessed too. The hunter's face was visibly darkened. The man stood still, glancing cautiously at the small female figure.

"When you came, drunk with all those souls and began the massacre, I hid," Nathaniel continued with low voice, heavy with anger. "I could hear the terrified screams of my brothers, their cries for help. I heard the names you ripped from them by torture, all the names of Raphael's followers."

Cas bowed his head.

Nathaniel turned toward Dean, "Can you imagine the devastation that your angel brought to my home?" she asked. "Had he told you what he did to his own kin?"

Cas tried to lift his gaze but failed to come to grips with himself. He was afraid to meet hunter's green eyes. He couldn't stand all the disappointment and disgust he expected to see in there. His peripheral vision registered movement when Nathaniel turned back to him.

The woman's words were filled with poison.

"When Naomi pulled you out of Purgatory, I begged her to kill you. But she had other plans for you. 'Have faith, Nathaniel,' she told me, 'I can fix him. I can use him to fix Heaven.' I didn't believe her."

She smiled sadistically, "And then she made you kill Dean Winchester thousands of times. One for each life lost during the civil war."

Cas made painful moan in the back of his throat.

"Oh, it's pity you don't remember, Castiel. The first few hundred times you even tried to fight. You tried to save him. You mourned for Dean even as you stabbed him in the heart."

Scenes from Lucifer's crypt went through Castiel's blurred consciousness. Dean's bloody face, the fear in the human's eyes. The ease with which his vessel was inflicting the hits, as if coasting downhill. The movements were almost memorized, repeated thousands of times to complete perfection.

He instinctively straightened up to see the reaction of his friend. The angel expected to meet fear and disgust, but saw instead only sadness and sympathy in hunter's green eyes. And somehow that hurt even more.

Because Castiel deserved to suffer, he deserved to pay for his sins. His brethren's wrath was justified and Castiel was made peace with his fate. But the angel couldn't bare the thought that his charge will suffer because of him. If only he could use his Grace to get Dean away from his vengeful heavenly brother, then Castiel could die.

"But Naomi underestimated you, Castiel. She thought she could break you. She thought she could break what connection you have with him," she nodded toward Dean, "But we all were wrong about you. Naomi paid with her life for this."

"Is that the famous villain monologue?" Dean growled, "Save it unless you want us to die of boredom."

Cas gave him a quick pleading look, telling him to stay back. He wished the hunter would listen his silent plea. Although the angel was aware that this would not happen.

"Please, brother," began Cas, but the invisible fingers gripped his throat and his words were lost in agonizing groan.

"You're not my brother, Castiel," the the angel inside the woman's body growled with a part of the his true voice. The words echoed painfully, vibrating deep in Castiel's bones. "You are pity semblance of an angel. You look more like those rats that you protect rather than a heavenly warrior."

Nathaniel's eyes were burning with angry red flames,"You took everything from me; you destroyed my home, cast out me and my family of Heaven. Because of you we are endangered species. Many died during the Fall. I was lucky, I survived. But I was badly wounded. "

Cas was fighting with all his being against the dizziness caused by the lack of oxygen. The flesh beneath the grip on his throat was sore and swollen and it bore bruises in the form of fingers. Although Cas was not utterly without Grace, yet he couldn't do anything.

"I dragged myself to some cemetery where I met Maggie. Nice young redhead bartender who had just lost her fiancé," Nathaniel kept talking. "She said 'Yes' almost immediately and became my vessel. She was so consumed with grief that she just wanted it all to end. And her soul was shining in red, I had only to reach out and get all of this power."

"Good for you," Dean growled, "But you forgot to mention the side effects."

"Yes," she smiled mysteriously, "This is another story. Several months after the Fall the reapers realized what I was doing. I had to conclude a small deal with the King so they would leave me alone. You see, for every soul I take he also gets one."

"Crowley." Dean clenched his teeth, "I'm gonna kill that sneaky weasel!"

"I do not think you'll live long enough." Nathaniel replied with mock musing. "You see, as far as I'm concerned, you're to blame for everything that happened, Dean. You're the one who corrupted Castiel. From the moment he touched you, he was lost."

"Why not just kill me then? Why continue to the fourth day with this crazy game of cat and mouse?"

"Four ..." the woman looked at him blankly, "Wait, you think that you have trapped in the loop four days?" Her face brightened with understanding, "Of course, because that's all you remember."

"What do you mean?" Dean's face paled.

Nathaniel grinned, "Forty-nine days, Dean. And I killed Castiel in every single one of them. I killed him in forty-nine different ways. Forty-nine times your angel died in your hands. Forty-nine times I ripped a piece of your soul."

"You're lying," Castiel rasped.

No, no. It could not be true. It was too much. This meant that Dean's soul was far beyond repairing.

Cas winced at the thought. His chest was filled with guilt, which prevented him from catch his breath even more from the fingers that gripped his throat.

"I'm afraid not, Castiel," the other angel shook his head. "Revenge is sweeter when you look the enemy in the eye while life goes out of him. So I wanted to do it myself. I wanted to kill you with my own hands."

Cas struggled with the nausea. The words of the woman that passed through his mind had lost their meaning. Cas could only think of saving Dean.

"But the first time I killed you, the first time you died in Dean Winchester's bloody hands, the realization hit me. His soul radiated grief and power as I had never seen before. Then I remembered what they said about you back in Heaven. They said that to pull him from Hell that you had to fix him with your Grace."

"Cas...?"

The angel understood the uncertain question that his charge put in his name and sighed.

"You didn't tell him, did you?" Nathaniel shook his head with a twisted smile, "You see, Dean, Hell leaves his mark on you forever. But if you think that nightmares are the worst, you're wrong. Your soul has been torn a thousand times. When Castiel got you out from Hell, you were a wreck. He put your soul together with pieces of his own Grace. Then he took your hell, as he later did with Sam's."

The woman stared with undisguised satisfaction at the reaction written on the hunter's face. Dean stood peering into Cas with wide, unbelieving eyes.

"Of course, the memories were a lot less and not as terrifying as those from year spent in the cage with Lucifer. And Castiel was purebred angel at the time, even weakened after the battle for your miserable soul. But is rumored that the darkness remained inside him."

Forty-nine days. The words echoed in Castiel's head. He tried to ignore the pain that the touch the red light caused him, so he could think properly.

"Nathaniel," he pleaded to his brother, "Do what ever you want with me, but please, let Dean go."

Cas knew that his pleading was in vain, but he had somehow to gain time. The best way to do that was to make the other angel to continue to talk until Castiel could come up with something.

"Are you kidding?" the woman grinned, "you two are a goldmine. The others last no more than a week. But this man's soul is bonded with your Grace. He bears your mark. There is something like an open line between you two. Even now I can feel its energy. His soul will withstand me for months, empowered by your Grace, Castiel." She shrugged, "Besides I really like killing you."


A few words for the chapter: Nathaniel exists and he is the angel of Divinity and Heavenly fire, one of the twelfth angels of vengeance. And in the show he really worked for Naomi. You can check that :)
The idea for Cas repairing Dean's soul with his Grace, came from a picture in the net and a story I read a long time ago. It was about a parallel reality, where Dean never met Cas. Please, if you know it, tell me. I want to give credit to the author and add it to my favourite list.


Yey! The story is "If I never knew you" by A. Zap! Thanks, Guest Z!