The long-awaited chapter, I hope you enjoy!

Love,

Anne-Marie Grace


CHAPTER 5 - Elizabeth

She had seen it fall.

As if time were slowing, she had seen it drop from his pocket to the floor. She had seen his foot nudge it under the carpet, and she had seen him walk over it. With a pounding heart, she had forced herself to not rush. To not run. To not draw attention to herself.

She wanted to sprint, grab the envelope and thrust it into the flames of the fireplace without anyone seeing. For a moment, she wished herself a sprite able to hide herself from the sight of mortals. But most of all, she prayed that no one else had seen the pale square against the dark floor.

Elizabeth walked towards the envelope and with strained effort, forced herself not to stare at it. Five paces away, check to see it was still there, look away. Four steps away, smile at Mamma, quick look, everything remained the same. Two steps away, she noticed movement to her side. With a thrill of dread, she saw Lydia dart past her and snatch up the letter.

"What is this?" Elizabeth felt the words jolt through her like lightening. She reached out helplessly as Lydia tore open the envelope.

"Oh, my!" Lydia exclaimed, her eyes widening as she ferociously took in the front of the valentine. She flipped it open and eagerly read the words inside. "This is a valentine!" Her voice dripped with shock and scandal.

"A valentine for…" She paused dramatically. "Mr. Darcy!"

Lydia burst into a fit of giggles as she said it, and Elizabeth whirled around to see an ashen-faced Mr. Darcy. His mouth was tight and his eyes flashed menacingly. She willed apology and shared anger into her eyes, before turning back to Lydia.

She had begun to read aloud:

"My dear Mr. Darcy, it is with a trembling hand that I put my pen to paper..." Lydia put saccharine emotion into every word, and Elizabeth glowered at the girl, urging her to desist with a terrible look on her face. She dared not be the first to speak for fear that she would be uncovered as the author and sender of the scandalous letter.

"I have wrestled day and night, and I must share with you the fruits of my conflict. I have behaved poorly. I have misjudged and mischaracterised you in every way. I have destroyed what could have been without truly considering the cost to either of us. For this, the mere words of apology seem to be small recompense, but I do not know what else to offer that you might accept…"

Her eyes grew wider as she read. "My goodness! What did this poor woman do to you, Mr. Darcy?!" She questioned eagerly.

Mr. Darcy did not respond, his stony silence saying much into the sudden quiet. Everyone stared at Lydia in obvious shock, and no one seemed to be able to speak. Elizabeth felt her heart beating rapidly in her chest and she begged for some kind of interruption, for she could not do it herself.

The interruption came in the form of Jane, who seemed to be the first to discover her voice.

"Lydia, I really think this is most inappropriate…" Jane began quietly, admonishing her sister. Her voice was unfortunately too soft, and Lydia paid her no mind, dashing across the room as she continued to read.

"I am sorry, Mr. Darcy, with all of my being, I am sorry. However, my apology was never the object of my indecision. Rather, I have struggled if I should tell you what I now know is written across my heart." Lydia's voice grew higher with anticipation, just as Elizabeth felt panic rising in her throat.

"Mamma, you must tell her…" She quietly begged her mother, knowing what was coming next.

Mrs. Bennet seemed frozen in place. She sat up straight, her hand on her breast, obviously hanging onto Lydia's every word. Elizabeth's plea seemed to break her concentration, however, and she cleared her throat.

"Oh, yes… Lydia, dear... This is Mr. Darcy's personal correspondence and it is quite rude to read it. You should return the letter to him, dear."

Elizabeth fumed. Their mother's correction was the very definition of half-hearted! Lydia knew this and continued to read with relish.

"You have consumed me. When my mind is not actively engaged on another task, it is on you. It has become impossible for my heart to rest upon any other, and my very soul is at risk for its allegiance to God is in question." Elizabeth felt her face begin to burn at the blasphemy. "I am in agony. I have dashed our happiness against the rocks and my hope that I have not committed a grave mistake has no grounding…"

"Lydia!" Elizabeth finally found her voice, sharply breaking into Lydia's elocution. "This is the height of improper behaviour!"

Lydia ignored her and darted around the room, rushing through the final lines of the letter. Elizabeth wanted to rush after her and tear the letter from her hands, but to do that would most definitely give her out as the author. Oh, what had she done!

"And yet, I find that I must make a most quixotic request that we might renew our acquaintance. It is my great wish that our precious affections are not forever lost. At your feet, I have lain myself open to whatever treatment this confession deserves. I pray you to look upon it with kindness…"

Suddenly, Elizabeth watched with shock as Jane pushed by her and snatched the letter from Lydia's hand. This was most unlike Jane!

"Enough!" Jane was breathing hard through her nose, spots of colour on her cheeks. "You have behaved abominably, Lydia, and I am ashamed!" She hissed, only loud enough for Lydia and Elizabeth to hear.

Jane held out her hand expectantly and Lydia placed the envelope into it. Returning the valentine to the envelope, Jane slowly turned to face the room. Elizabeth gave Lydia the most disappointed look she could muster, and turned to the rest of the room as well. Everyone's face wore similar masks of shock.

Mrs. Bennet and Kitty's shock was interlaced with intrigue and amusement, while Mr. Bingley, Mr. Bennet and Mary looked most uncomfortable. But the one face Elizabeth cared about, she was afraid to behold.

Elizabeth heard Jane take a breath to compose herself before walking to Mr. Darcy and handing him the repackaged envelope.

"Mr. Darcy, from the bottom of my heart, I apologise for my sister's behaviour." Jane curtsied low. "It was most unacceptable and you have my word that she will not forget her error in judgement." At these words, she stared hard at their mother and father, who had done so little to stop their youngest.

"Quite right," Mr. Bennet finally broke in, as if waking from a stupor. "My sincerest apologies, Mr. Darcy."

"And mine," Mrs. Bennet fluttered. "I cannot bring myself to imagine what the girl was thinking…"

"Thank you," Mr. Darcy said, cutting Mrs. Bennet off. He took the envelope from Jane and carefully placed it in his pocket. "But I think, if Bingley agrees, I will take my leave now. I am quite tired." His voice was cold and full of embarrassment and anger.

He strode quickly from the room, not waiting for Mr. Bingley's response. As he passed, Elizabeth gave him a desperate look of apology—one he did not acknowledge as he fled the room. Elizabeth's heart sank—she didn't know what to think of his reaction.

"Yes, it is late," Mr. Bingley said weakly. "I, too, shall take my leave. My dear Miss Bennet, if you would walk me out?" He turned to Jane with a half-smile, holding his arm to her, and they both walked out after Mr. Darcy.

Elizabeth followed, using the excuse of a chaperone to flee the room as well.

As she left, she heard Mrs. Bennet burst out, "A valentine, but who was it from?!"

"It was only signed 'A blind woman'!" Lydia said. "Do you really think she cannot see? Her words were quite lovely…"

She quickly filled in the rest of the letter for Mrs. Bennet and Kitty, and Elizabeth felt her jaw tighten with anger—for both herself and for Mr. Darcy.

That morning, she had only her own behaviour to make amends for. She had only her words to admit new and alarming feelings. This morning, words on a page had seemed a weak and unworthy tool. Now, she despaired that there would ever be anything she could do to make up for the disastrous night.

Elizabeth watched from the shadows as Mr. Bingley chastely said goodbye to Jane. After a few quiet words to one another, he stepped into his carriage—presumably joining Mr. Darcy as the man was already nowhere to be seen.

Jane quietly waved him goodbye and walked back to Elizabeth, taking her hand. They entered the house again, passing by the sitting room where the letter was still the topic of discussion, and she and Jane climbed the stairs to their room.

Quietly closing the door behind her, Jane turned to Elizabeth and softly spoke out only two words.

"How long?" she asked.

Elizabeth sat on the edge of the bed and removed her shoes, startled by the question.

"Whatever do you mean?" She responded, pretending confusion.

Jane walked to the bed and sat down beside Elizabeth.

"How long have you been in love with Mr. Darcy?"

Elizabeth's shoulders drooped and she gave huge sigh. "What gave it away?" She was not surprised Jane had figured it out, and she immediately decided to stop pretending with her dear sister.

"I have been privileged to read many thousands of your words, my dear sister." Jane gently put a finger beneath Elizabeth's chin and raised until their eyes met. "So, tell me, how long?"

Elizabeth felt tears begin to form in her eyes. The kindness in Jane's voice, the gentle expression on her face and the lack of judgement or reproach in her eyes... It hit Elizabeth like a stone. The affection and love she had for her eldest sister threatened to overwhelm her as she began to answer.

"Months," she said quietly, fighting back the tears. "Since returning from Derbyshire with aunt and uncle. No. Perhaps even before that."

Jane nodded and placed her arm around Elizabeth's shoulders, drawing her close.

"And now," Elizabeth began to weep softly. "Now, it is unthinkable that Mr. Darcy should ever again hold me in high regard!"

She let her head fall to Jane's shoulder and allowed herself to cry with abandon. Jane wrapped her other arm around her shaking sister and drew her closer still. As Elizabeth cried, Jane rested her head on her sister's and softly rocked her, making soothing sounds.

The two sisters sat together for what seemed like hours. When Elizabeth had no more tears to spare, she gently broke free of her sister's warmth. Wiping her face, she smiled weakly at Jane.

"You must think the most terrible thoughts of me," Elizabeth said, suddenly concerned that Jane would be most disapproving.

"Oh Lizzy, I could never think terribly of you!" Jane replied, looking aghast at the idea.

"But, giving him such a letter… it is the height of improper!"

"I trust you," Jane said simply. "If there were a better way, you would have done so."

"It does not matter, in any case," Elizabeth said sadly. "I believe I shall never again see him again."

"No," Jane said, shaking her head. "Even after this evening, I think I will be rejoicing that your engagement follows so soon after my own."

"Oh, you are sweet, dear sister. But I do not deserve such confidence." Elizabeth laughed bitterly. "Even before tonight, the most rational conclusion to Mr. Darcy and my acquaintance would be polite solicitude—nothing more."

Jane suddenly looked vexed. "Lizzy, sister of my heart. Your eyes are quick to observe the actions and motivations of others, but I think you are quite unaware of yourself. If Mr. Darcy cannot find it within himself to return your affections, he is not deserving of them."

Elizabeth smiled weakly, silently giving up convincing her sister of another conclusion.

"Now," Jane said standing and taking down her hair. "As we prepare for bed, I wish to hear all of it. It seems that you have kept much to yourself these past months."

Elizabeth stood and helped with the buttons on Jane's dress.

"Yes, I believe I have," she admitted. "Though I am hesitant to tell the story. I am afraid I am not quite the heroine in this tale..."