Chapter 15

Bellamy left Clarke on the bed and stalked towards his pile of clothes, every muscle in his back taught. Tears sprang to her eyes and her chest tightened painfully. She was at a loss for words, she didn't understand what had just happened. Her mouth formed little O's but no words came to mind.

She watched as Bellamy knelt to examine a piece of rope which had frayed nearly through. He held it in both hands and then placed his balled fists into his eyes as if he could expunge the image that had formed there. Another shiver ran through his body and he stood quickly throwing the rope away as if it were a venomous snake.

Mouth open ready to speak he turned to Clarke taking in her expression, and stopped. Whatever he had been about to say forgotten. He walked towards her quickly and held out his hand to her, helping her rise to meet him.

"I'm sorry." He said simply, shaking his head. "I'm not mad at you, really I'm not. I'm mad with myself. I messed up and now people I care about are dead. Again!"

A stupid amount of relief flooded through Clarke's body. She was so on edge that even little things she used to be able to push aside completely overwhelmed her now. She still didn't have any words of comfort so on impulse she reached her arms up and wrapped them around his neck drawing him to a deep hug. This was not like their first hug, he didn't wait before wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in the nape of her neck. She could feel his fingers in her hair holding her head. She never wanted to let go.

"What are we going to do Clarke?" Bellamy murmured, his lips brushing her ear and sending an electric pulse through her body. She leaned back still in his arms and looked up at him, staring intently into his eyes.

"I don't know Bellamy, but whatever it is we do it together. Right?" She nodded at him, her voice solemn as if she had spoken a sacred vow. He nodded back in agreement but as the word "Together" left his lips it had an almost guttural quality.

Then the hug was over and they stood holding each other lightly not ready yet to break contact. Somewhere in the back of his mind Bellamy could hear his sister's voice. " Now that's something I never expected to see." Somehow he didn't think O would have approved this time. Her opinion of Clarke was at an all time low. Bellamy sighed sadly, his forehead dropping to meet Clarke's. She lifted his chin gently making him meet her eyes. "Tell me what happened Bellamy, or at least what you remember." Her voice was soft but commanding.

A sudden growling caused both of them to start suddenly. Clarke's eyes darted to the hatch, just as Bellamy placed a hand on his stomach and laughed at himself. "Don't worry Clarke." His eyes twinkled as he talked, that old wry grin she loved lighting up his face. "I don't think you have anything to fear from my stomach." Clarke relaxed and returned his smile relieved. "I will get us something to eat. You sort out the clothes. Then we will talk." Her voice was matter of fact and sure. While Bellamy laid the rest of the wet clothes over whatever he could find, Clarke moved to a wood burning stove in the corner of the main room.

On top was a large aluminium kettle, Clarke opened it and spooned something into two bowls she retrieved from a cupboard next to it. She placed them on the small table with a couple of spoons. Then she dipped two cups into her bucket of melted snow and placed them next to the bowls.

Bellamy sat down, sniffing at what appeared to be rabbit stew and watched as Clarke stood up on a small stool to reach into a high cupboard above her head. Inside were silver foil wrapped parcels. She brought one to the table and handed it to Bellamy.

On the outside it read "Complete Nutrition" in large black letters and in diagonals around the packet smaller writing proclaimed that is was irradiated in an inert atmosphere.

Bellamy looked at Clarke dubiously "This is a hundred years old. You can't be serious."

She sat down opposite him and tore open the packet. As Bellamy watched in astonishment the pale brown contents inside began to swell like a compressed sponge taking in air. Bellamy reached for it but Clarke shooed his hands away with her own. Lightly brushing against his fingertips. "Wait." She said simply.

While Bellamy watched transfixed Clarke began to spoon her stew into her mouth. Blowing it gently first. Bellamy's stomach growled again and he joined her. The warm taste of rabbit exploded in his mouth along with some root vegetable he couldn't identify. He raised his eye quizzically at Clarke.

"I didn't come here straight away. I wandered up to the Mountain first. You'd be surprised how much stuff a retreating army leaves behind." Clarke indicated a pile of Grounder gear stashed in one corner of the small room.

"Did you go inside ?" Bellamy asked, wondering how much he had missed her by.

Clarke just shook her head. "No. I couldn't." She looked down at her food and shoved the meat around her bowl for a few minutes.

Finally Bellamy broke the silence. "We found a baby in the medical section." He said speaking softly but Clarke trembled at his words. "Monty named her after Maya." Clarke shook her head sadly, looking down at her stew as Bellamy continued to speak. "She's a cute little thing. You should meet her."

Clarke's eyes shot up to meet Bellamy's surprised by the tenderness she found there.

"She's alive!" She exclaimed in disbelief. A sudden and disproportionate joy filling her body. "We didn't kill them all." She said shaking her head.

Bellamy nodded, then his face clouded over as he remembered.

"Emerson is still alive too. At least he was when he attacked us. Bill shot him and last I saw of him was floating down stream. But I wouldn't count him out yet."

Who is Bill?" Clarke asked.

Bellamy didn't answer. His throat was too tight and words wouldn't form in his mind. Gentle Bill who wanted to be a midwife and bring children into the world. Who loved the ground. He fought the urge to go to the hatch and open it. It was too late. It had been too late the moment the rope had snapped.

He cleared his throat, "We have made contact with two other Ark ships, there's a third one that we couldn't reach yet. We were on our way home from a mission to get everyone into radio contact when we were attacked by Grounders." Bellamy's voice darkened and dripped with venom over the word Grounder. "They were after Lincoln and Octavia, the Commander has put a death order on them both."

A little gasp caught in Clarke's throat at the mention of the Commander, and Bellamy stared at her intently for a moment before continuing. "Indra sent Lincoln a warning message to run and hide. She's currently waiting for them to return to Camp Jaha so she can capture them for the Commander, but I don't think she's as loyal to her leader as she used to be."

Clarke's surprise was written all over her face. "That doesn't make sense. Why would Lexa want them dead. Indra would never betray the Commander. She's fiercely loyal to her."

Clarke's tacit defense of the Commander made Bellamy very angry. Words left his mouth even before he had fully thought through what he was saying.

"Look Clarke, I don't know exactly what happened between you and her, but the Commander is set on wiping out everyone who knows she let those bombs drop on Tondc without warning her allies." Even as unshed tears moistened Clarke's eyes Bellamy continued relentlessly, his vitriol for the Commander finally finding a voice. "Not even her own people can stomach the fact that she betrayed us at the mountain. She betrayed them too. She formed that coalition to take down the Mountain men. And then when they had them surrounded and defenceless she cut a deal with them to release a few prisoners they didn't even want anymore. They offered her their garbage and she took it and betrayed everyone."

Bellamy pushed himself away from the table and got up to pace the small room, his anger filling it. Clarke looked down at her hands, still unsure of herself. He continued, "Mr Monty thinks that the only way she can hold the coalition together is to make us the bad guys, the new Mountain Men. It won't matter what we do, she will paint us as the villains to keep her people untied."

Bellamy had walked to under the hatch and was looking up at it. Intense concentration screwing up his features. "I can't believe we killed all those people, people like us that we should have been able to form a real alliance with, and now we are still at war! What was it all for Clarke? What good did it do?" His eyes dropped from the hatch to bore into hers but she was still looking at the table.

In exasperation Bellamy climbed the ladder and unlocked the hatch. The wind flung it open almost as soon as he had begun to lift it, Snow blowing into the hatch and burning his bare skin where it landed. He had to climb and reach further out, his bare torso completely exposed to the elements, long arm reaching for the hatch handle. Above him he thought he could see a clear sky hidden by the swirling snow.

Hot hands grabbed onto his bare midriff startling him as he reached. He looked down at Clarke her face desperate with worry as she pulled on him to come back down. Her mouth was moving but her words were lost to the wind. His fingers clasped around the handle and he slammed it closed with a loud clang. Ducking back into the warmth of the bunker, which now burned his skin in a different way. He dropped a few steps on to the floor next to Clark, who reached for him. Her face a mask of worry. "Hey!" he said, "what's going on? I was just checking the weather."

Clarke's voice was small as she looked up into his eyes, her hands resting casually on his chest as if she did that all the time. "I can't lose you too. I can't!" Bellamy's body tensed under her touch, the urge to kiss her filling his thoughts with the sudden desire to pull her into his arms and take her to the bed. His eyes flickered to it involuntarily. But the last time she had said those words also came back to him. He moved away from her and back to the table, putting a barrier between them.

Clarke joined him and picked up the pale brown lump that had continued to expand on the table while they talked. She ripped off a small piece and dunked it into her stew before eating it. "It's good", she indicated,"try it. It's just bread." She laughed softly taking in the look on his face.

Bellamy stared incredulously. "It's a hundred years old Clarke!"

Clarke ripped another piece off slowly, and Bellamy found himself watching her fingers deft movements as she dunked it into the soup. Her mouth opening and her pink tongue darting out to catch the moist bread. Her lips grazing her fingertips as they closed. His gaze travelled down to the curve of her neck then across her collarbone finally settling on the swell of her breasts. Her nipples were erect beneath the soft fabric of her dress.

Bellamy hastily scooped up some stew and shoved it into his mouth, keeping his eyes low, on his bowl as he did. They ate in silence after that, the needs of his stomach taking over. He only looked up from his empty bowl long enough for Clarke to offer to refill it. At the end he did take the last of the 100 year old bread and use it to wipe every last drop of stew from his bowl. It was soft and delicious. When he was done he pushed his bowl back and looked at Clarke again.

She still has some food left in her bowl and was chasing it with her bread. When her own bowl was clean she cleared the table and moved to sit on the small sofa opposite the bunk beds. Then she reached under the chair and pulled out a glass bottle. Bellamy gasped as he recognized it as the one Kane had presented to Lexa as a gift. Clarke explained, " Lexa left it behind. No point wasting it."

There was a sadness in her voice as she said the commander's name. Bellamy came and sat next to her stretching his long legs out. Clarke was staring at his toes when she felt him take the bottle. The jolt of electricity as his fingers brushed against hers made it harder for her to deny her attraction to him. But she wasn't ready to act on it yet. She wasn't sure if she ever would be. This was Bellamy after all. A fool could see how sexy he was. But as she felt the warmth of his shoulders against the bare skin of her own she realized how much she had come to depend on him. She trusted him. She trusted him in a way she didn't trust anyone else alive, he had never betrayed her.

Bellamy swung the bottle to his lips and spluttered as the fiery liquid assaulted is oesophagus. "I'm not surprised she left it behind." He laughed handing the bottle back to Clarke. The glass was still warm from his lips as she sipped gingerly.

"What happened in Tondc Clarke? Lexa wants Octavia dead because of it." Bellamy asked his voice somber. "Octavia said..,".

But Clarke cut him off before he could speak. Her voice quivering "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Bellamy turned to face her, his arm absently landing on the back of the chair behind them. So it was true, he thought. Clarke had lifted her knees to her chest again, clutching the bottle in front of them. She took a huge swig from the bottle and didn't even gasp as it hit the back of her throat. The let her head droop. Bellamy wanted to be angry, he really did, and deep down inside he knew he was. But confronted with Clarke like this, his nurturing instincts prevented him from raging.

"Why?" He asked hollowly.

Clarke lifted her forehead from her knees and turned to look him straight in the eyes, her own glistening with tears.

"I did it to save you!"

She handed him the bottle and he took it mechanically without thinking and drank.

"I was weak." Clarke said, almost as if she was talking to herself, or someone else, not him. "I am weak. I couldn't lose you too. Not again!"