Dom stared up at the canvas roof of his tent cursing his own mind. He had felt bad enough the night before when he had gone to wake Kel for a call. It had had the unholy timing of being within hours of her receiving the news that she had been cleared for active duty and he had been slightly surprised that Kel had answered the door in only a dressing robe. He had been less surprised when Kas had followed her down to the stables to kiss her farewell and demand that Dom take care of her. But now he felt bad for other reasons.
Kel's tent was next to his. Her tent was always next to his when he had a choice and as Captain he would always have a choice now. And they were packed in tight at this campsite, tight enough he could hear her tossing and turning. Normally he would have pinned the blame on nightmares because he knew she still had them from time to time. Normally he would put aside his rest and go wake her to try and comfort her through her nightmares. But he had strong doubts she was having nightmares now. This wasn't the frantic tossing and turning of a nightmare. She wasn't even talking in her sleep or crying out as she sometimes did. No, this was the slow shifting about and sometimes small sighs that told him she was simply uncomfortable, and he had a strong feeling that she was uncomfortable because she had become accustomed to sleeping with Kas. He couldn't fix that.
The traitorous part of his mind told him that if he hadn't handed her over to Kas, that if he had taken her for himself, he could simply take his bedroll into her tent and give her the nearness she was craving. The more practical part of his mind told him that him sleeping with Kel, even if it was just sleeping and even if they were courting, was a breech of some sort of rules while on active duty. They likely would have needed to put their relationship on hold during calls and that wouldn't be fair to her. It was yet another point in Kas' favor.
Not to mention it was already hard to think about putting her in harm's way again. He knew she was perfectly capable of handling herself. He knew she was exceptionally skilled with all of her weapons and had a cool head on her shoulders. But he also knew it would kill him if she was injured under his watch again. And he didn't even want to think about what it would do to him if she was killed in the line of duty. It would be horrible if it happened now but it would likely be worse if they were courting. So those thoughts alone produced a conflict of interest.
But Kel and he weren't courting. She was laying in her tent next to his tossing and turning because she was missing her sweetheart, and that sweetheart was not Dom. And he couldn't sleep because he was too focused on listening to her, willing some comfort her way.
Then suddenly the sounds of tossing and turning stopped and Dom was almost relieved she had fallen asleep, until he heard the distinct sounds of Kel getting dressed and leaving her tent. With a sigh he got up to follow her. It was one thing to not go and comfort her while she was trying to sleep, it was another now that she was outside of the privacy of her tent. She didn't glance back at him as he followed her into the camp towards the fire still barely burning at the center of all of the tents.
"You should be sleeping," he told her when he stopped behind her at the fire.
"So should you," Kel turned to face him. He took in the look of her. Her hair was longer and slightly mussed from her tossing and turning which was exceptionally attractive to him. Her hazel eyes flickered with her exhaustion in the firelight from her lack of sleep the night before due to his interruption and being unable to sleep now as well. Her whole body seemed to be tense with some sort of emotion.
"I heard you get up," Dom didn't feel like lying to her. It took far too much effort to come up with something she might believe and anything she would believe would likely cause her to shift her concern to him instead. This was about her, not him. "Are you alright?"
"I'm just frustrated," she sighed. "I didn't think it would be this hard to fall asleep without him. I used to sleep just fine on my own and now I can't go one damned night without him. It's silly."
"I would assume that it's natural to miss your sweetheart when you've become accustomed to him being with you," Dom tried. "Not that I have that sort of experience personally, but I can imagine."
"It will get better," Kel announced after a moment and squared her shoulders. "I'll get used to sleeping on my own again. We are going to be out here a while by the way My Lord spoke earlier."
Dom bit his lip to keep from an immediate reply to offer to send her home. He knew she was right in the sense that they would be out of Corus for a while. Raoul had eluded that after the call that was sending them south to the desert, he wanted to go further south to the border and patrol for pirates. The ride through the desert would take two full weeks at best with proper care for themselves and their mounts. More likely it would take them three weeks to cross the desert and arrive at Pearlmouth. Then they would patrol all the way up to Port Legann and then to Pirate's Swoop before heading into Corus again. It would be a long ride that would take them the better part of three months if they found nothing. Dom was guessing they would more likely be out four or five months. By the time they returned home it would be the dead of winter.
But Dom also bit his lip from immediately telling Kel that she was likely wrong. No, he didn't know exactly what it was like to miss a sweetheart sharing his bed, but he did know what it had done to his parents when he had been at Masbolle. Whenever his father had left to ride the estate or to go to Corus to sell their vintages, his mother had stayed up late until she could barely blink without falling asleep momentarily to avoid going to bed without her husband. And whenever his mother left to do social calls with her siblings at Queenscove or Corus, his father would often be found asleep at his desk with account books for his pillows. He knew they never got used to sleeping apart even if it was a longer period of time.
"I think a short walk was all I needed," Kel interrupted his thoughts. "A short walk and a clear mind. I need to get some sleep, elsewise I'll fall from my saddle tomorrow. You should get some sleep too. We don't want to join Raoul in the roll of stories told about falling from the saddle for being faint."
"Right," Dom turned to walk with her back to their tents. He really didn't want to fall from his saddle in front of his men. He still needed to build a good rapport with them as Captain. Outside of their tents, he hesitated. He wanted to tell Kel she could come sleep with him if she needed to be held. Kas would certainly understand he was only taking care of her as a friend. But he knew better and bid her goodnight before disappearing into his tent.
After a few long minutes of hearing Kel toss and turn again, the tent next to him went quiet with the steady breathing of Kel finally falling asleep. With her finally sleeping comfortably, Dom allowed sleep to claim him as well, knowing that he was going to need as much of it as possible for the next few months.
As Dom predicted it took an extra week to get through the desert to reach Pearlmouth after their call finished and feeling like some generosity was due, he begged a night off for his men and found a good inn to rent a room at for Kel. She disapproved of him singling her out, but he argued that she deserved a night in a soft warm bed after five weeks on the road, sleeping in tents.
Truthfully, it was more for his sanity though he didn't want to admit it. For the past five weeks he had set his tent next to hers and had heard her toss and turn every single night. Some of it was nightmares, but most of it was her missing Kas. There were nights sleep came quicker for her but he knew those were the nights she was exhausted from battle or was finally at her breaking point of needing more sleep. Then there were the nights the mail bags had caught up with them. Three nights in the past five weeks he didn't sleep at all because Kel didn't sleep. He didn't know what was said in those letters and he never had the courage to ask the next morning. If she was aware her tossing and turning kept him awake, she didn't mention it. But she also put up less of a fight than he expected when he sent her towards the inn.
"If you didn't do it, I was going to," Raoul clapped him on the shoulder. "She's been keeping me awake most nights." Dom looked up at the knight commander not even slightly surprised. Raoul always pitched his tent on the other side of Kel's. "It doesn't get easier. It's a hard life we pick as warriors. We leave our loved ones behind and travel for extended periods of time. We put ourselves in danger knowing we may never return home."
"Is it worse being the one at home? Has Buri said anything?" Dom asked, turning to look at Raoul fully.
"I almost think it would be," Raoul stroked the stubble on his chin. "Take Kel for example. She picked this life. She is busy most days and through most of it, she is too busy to think about what she is missing at home. And when she does think about it, she has little doubt about where Kas is or what he is doing. She knows he's relatively safe in Corus. But Kas has no idea where Kel is exactly. He knows she is courting injury and death every second she is out here. There's always a chance she will return home more injured than before. There's always a chance she won't come home at all. He may work himself to exhaustion to avoid thinking about it, but he won't have the comfort of knowing she's relatively safe somewhere."
Dom followed along and nodded his agreement. For Kel and Kas, it likely was hitting Kas harder, but it was also hurting Kel. This was her first sweetheart that was a true courting partner. Yes, she had the assurance he was relatively safe in Corus, but she also had the worry that he would find someone else or that he would change his mind about her after her being gone so long. He had heard her make such comments quietly to the sparrows that trailed her on calls.
"Let's give the men two days to explore the city and rest before we start pirate hunting," Raoul announced, clapping Dom hard on the shoulder once more. "Do you want to issue the order, or shall I?"
"You had better do it, Sir. If I do it, they will think it's a prank," he admitted with a grin. He had pranked Third Company in such a way before when he had been a sergeant. He had convinced several squads that they were spending another day at a city to allow Raoul and Captain Flyn to enjoy the shops a little more. It had been a successful prank, but it damaged his creditability now. But Raoul was believable and Dom let him issue the orders while he went after Kel to pay for an extra night at the inn for her and to alert her to the slight change of plans.
They left Pearlmouth two days later following the road that led them along the southern coastline of Tortall. The months of pirate hunting ahead of them wasn't something any of them truly enjoyed as they all reviewed hand signals and warning signs, but it was much needed work in the kingdom. So while they all weren't thrilled, there were no serious complaints as they spent days scanning the horizon and beaches for any sign of pirates.
It wasn't exactly considered pirate season in Corus or anywhere in the north of Tortall. It was cold in the north and the seas weren't exactly the best in winter making pirating more difficult than profitable. But the desert and the southern coastline of Tortall didn't experience the cold weather that drove the pirates to leave for the season. It left the small villages along the coastline vulnerable during the months that most of the realms defenders thought to take as break.
While they didn't plan to stay the entire season, the locals appreciated when Third Company came through to give them some relief. Dom sat through every meeting at every village with Kel on one side and Raoul on the other, listening for pertinent information on recent sightings of pirates.
While they were quick to hunt down and capture or kill any pirate or threat they came across, it was the pirates that snatched the undefended villagers to take to the slave markets of Carthak or the Copper Isles that drove Dom to push his men hard. Across the very southern coast they encountered two such claims that had them searching and hunting down any signs of pirates. They recovered only three of the five reported missing people. The still missing two were siblings.
"I think the they simply ran off," Raoul sighed one night around the fire.
Dom knew he wasn't simply making excuses for not recovering the other two. It wasn't Raoul's way to simply abandon people or make excuses. There were no more signs of pirates in the area and the other three recovered had no memory of any more Tortallans on the ship they had been on. Lending to Raoul's theory was the information from neighbors in the village about exceptionally strict parents that had caused the siblings to leave.
"I just can't see leaving my family because of a few rules," one of the men complained. "I think they are still out there."
"What do you think, Kel?" Dom asked when she simply remained quiet through the debate.
"There are merits to both theories. From what it sounded like, there was more than strictness going on. If that was the case, using the pirates snatching young men and women in the area to cover running away is a valid excuse. Then again they could have been taken by different pirates and taken straight to Carthak. It's only a short trip across the Great Inland Sea." She shrugged. "But, the other three had all been taken when they had been alone, close to nightfall. These two were taken together during midday chores and not nearly in as concealed of an area." Kel pointed out.
"Also not near the beaches as the others were. They were on the other side of the village," Dom realized as he followed Kel's reasoning.
"Do we break it to the parents their children are likely not slaves across the Great Inland Sea?" Squire Alan asked.
"No. We only have theories. It's best if we simply tell them we haven't been able to locate them but will keep trying as we move north," Raoul stood and reached into his tunic pocket to withdraw a folded letter. He handed it to Kel with a raised eyebrow. "This was tucked in with the missives from the palace I received this morning. If you are replying, I'll need it by morning."
Dom glanced at the letter and sighed knowing he wasn't likely to get any sleep after she read that letter. He knew most of the men assumed she had gone full female damsel weeping after her absent sweetheart. He also knew that Kel wasn't weeping. She was likely awake thinking, but he wasn't sure what about.
"How did Kas manage to get that sent with the official missives and not with the mailbag from Corus?" Dom asked instead. The mailbag wasn't due to arrive for another week. Only official messages from the palace were rushed out to them right away. To get a letter sent as an official palace missive meant he had had to cozy up to someone in a position of power at the palace and convince them it was important. "That's fairly skilled even by my standards."
Kel looked up from the letter, amusement on her features shining through for more than just him to see. Then she held up the letter. More than just Dom was watching and listening.
"It's not from Kas. It's from Roald, hence why it's in the official missives," she explained.
"Kas has Roald writing for him now?" Lerant demanded.
"Of course not. I thought you all knew I had been abducted to Roald's council of advisors. This is a demand I return home by Midwinter festivities. My presence is requested for diplomatic reasons." She scanned a little more and then her smile brightened. "The diplomatic duties of keeping Neal from the diplomats." She flipped to the second page, shook her head, stood, and stretched. "If we aren't close to being home by Midwinter I'll need to take my leave to follow Royal command."
"Of course," Dom told her with a smile.
"Time to turn in, I think," Kel told them and walked to her tent.
"The second page of that letter wasn't in the same handwriting," Lerant commented after Kel had gone.
"I know," Dom grinned. He had noticed it as well and knew Kas' handwriting enough to know somehow the smith had managed to get the Crowned Prince to pass along a letter.
Dom found his own tent a while later and was surprised to find Kel's tent was quiet. Only the sounds of her soft breathing filled the air. Now he was more than curious. Kel had never been shy about admitting Kas had written her before and now she was actually sleeping when every other letter he had sent had kept her up with her thoughts. He waited until he could bear the questions no more and crept out of his tent to sneak into Kel's.
She was indeed asleep, curled into her bedroll. The letter she received was sitting in plain sight. In the scant light from the fire coming through the canvas walls, he read Roald's half of the letter noting that she had only been telling the truth about being summoned home for Midwinter. The diplomatic duties she had claimed to be needed for was Roald simply looking out for his friend. He was ordering her to attend Midwinter festivities with Kas. The rest of Roald's letter was social, littered with news about their shared friends.
The second page of the letter that had come from Kas contained none of the romantic notions he expected. Yes, there were longings and romantic notions sprinkled throughout, but the main part of the letter was what appeared to be a description of a glaive design. Only at the very end was Kas' mention of the orders to attend the Midwinter feasts, parties, and balls. He wanted to know her recommendations on what he should be planning on wearing and if he needed to be looking for something different.
Dom saw Kel's reply sitting out as well and grinned as he read her words to Kas. Yes, she loved him and missed him. But the main part of her letter explained part of why she had been kept awake by his other letters. She had been helping him work through the glaive design by writing up her thoughts on his plans. Now that the glaive design was set, she had no perplexing blacksmithing design flaws keeping her awake in the only hours she had to focus solely on it.
He set the letter back down and retreated to his tent again to settle into his own bedroll. The smile stayed on his face. Kel. His ever practical Kel.
If Kel even guessed he had been in her tent prying into her personal life the next morning, she gave no indication. A slight smile stayed on her lips as she helped pack up the camp and prepare to move on to the next village.
"You're in a good mood today," Dom pestered as they rode. "Did Kas' letter soothe your missing him enough for you to get sleep?"
"As I told you last night, the letter was from Roald," she stuck to the partial lie. "And my mood is simply that I'm glad we found those people before they were taken far."
"Of course," Dom shifted in his saddle to get a better look at her face. "So you've been helping him design a glaive." He watched for a moment to see the exact expression she'd give when she realized he'd read her letter. He was fully aware he was endangering himself by admitting it as well. He felt himself mentally brace for her fury, but instead she simply smiled at him.
"He thinks there's a market in Corus for pretty and practical glaives. And of course, once I mentioned it to Roald, he started to hope Kas could make one for Shinko, as a thank you for the sword her received for his birthday." Kel shrugged. "He thought he'd have more time to work through the design but Roald put a Midwinter deadline on it right after we left. Since I took my glaive with me he wanted access to my practice glaive."
"Looked like he wanted more than just access to your practice glaive," Dom pressed. Someone behind them snickered. Dom knew it sounded like he had been implying something improper but he also knew Kel was well aware of what he had actually been implying.
"Well, there was the matter of what sort of design might be pretty but still practical. I'm no expert in metalwork so I could only offer suggestions." She paused a moment, her head tipped slightly to the side as amusement danced in her eyes. "Like I can only suggest that if you enter my tent again in the middle of the night to read my personal correspondence something awful might happen to you or your belongings."
Dom found his eyebrows rising up in his surprise. She wasn't mad he had sneaked into her tent to read her letter, at least not very mad. She was only giving him a threat of pranks in the future if he did it again.
"So your man did get Prince Roald to send a letter for him," Lerant teased. "I'm sure he's enjoying using you and your connections. Orders from the crowned couple that sets his work above other masters, new clothes bought for him, high ranking people taking pity on him to send his letters as priority while he uses your knowledge of weapons to make himself richer, a warm bed to sleep in at the palace when you are home."
Dom watched as Kel's good humor died immediately as she turned to Lerant. It took the standard bearer only a moment to realize she had slipped her blank mask back into place, a sure sign she was no longer happy.
"Oh, come off it, it's not like you didn't know," Lerant rolled his eyes. "He's a commoner that charmed you into tumbling him so he could raise his status. Now he has a name for himself and after he gets all he wants from you, he'll likely find someone else that is suited to being his wife and mother of his children."
Dom watched Kel process all of that information and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that some of it was getting under Kel's skin.
"If," Raoul started, interjecting his opinion for the first time. "If Master Lander were doing that to Kel, which I highly doubt after meeting with him myself, then he'd be facing some dire consequences. His good name going right along with his ability to create anything worthwhile."
Dom shuddered for Kas' sake. Raoul never made empty threats when it came to Kel's wellbeing. If Kas had intended to do exactly as Lerant had suggested, use Kel to build his name and fortune before leaving her for someone more suited to granting him a family, Raoul would likely break his arms and tarnish his name with a few well aimed physical and political blows.
"Kel, you know Kas better than that," Dom dropped his voice to simply speak solely to her. "He cares a lot about you and little about what benefits he's gaining from you. Likely Roald sought him out and asked if he had a letter ready to send."
"But I'm not very suited to being a wife or giving him children," she murmured back. "Eventually he's going to realize that. Maybe it's best I end this before he wastes too much time on me."
Dom felt his heart drop. The flaw in Kel's practical nature was her inability to let things simply take natural courses. Yes, Kas likely wanted a family one day, but Kel was going to deny him the chance to decide whether he was willing to work with her demanding lifestyle or if he wanted something easier. He highly doubted Kas wanted something easier unless it was something easier with Kel. But if that doubt kept festering in her mind, it was likely she'd simply write him a letter to break things off while they were sitting patrolling for pirates. Kas wouldn't even have a chance to defend himself.
A very tiny part of Dom felt his own opportunity rising up. Kel would be upset. She would need someone to comfort her. And if she was looking to have a relationship that did not end in a marriage or children, the two of them were well suited. But it was only a very small part of him as he realized how devastated Kel would be by her own self sabotage.
"I think you need to give Kas a fair chance to make that decision," Dom found himself saying.
"If I do it now, he could be taking this time to find someone more worth his time rather than waiting for me to return home," Kel tried but Dom shook his head.
"Kel, I know him well enough that even if you found someone to firespeak with him at this very moment, he wouldn't start looking for someone else. He'd start looking for a way to come find you," he knew the words were true the moment he spoke them. Kas would either hunt Kel down or he'd wait for her to return and corner her. "At least give him a chance and wait until you return home. You have orders to go back by Midwinter if we aren't done. That's not so far away. You'll see him soon enough. Perhaps you should write to him about your doubts, give him time to think about them so you two can have a proper conversation."
"Perhaps I will," Kel sighed.
Nothing more was said about it but it was clear the thoughts weighed on Kel while they rode to the next village and as they set up their tents that night. He heard Kel toss and turn through the night and wasn't surprised to see she had a letter to join the mailbag heading to Corus by the time they left in the morning.
They reached Port Legann quickly, stayed two nights, and then continued following the coast north. Kel received a small bundle of letters at their arrival in Port Legann but nothing she was willing to share with Dom.
The farther north they went the colder it became. The further north they went, the less they heard of pirate activity. That was to be expected. With winter going full force above the desert, pirates tended to stay closer to the warmer waters.
It took them just short of Midwinter to arrive at Pirate's Swoop, and Dom knew Kel should have ridden ahead when it had become clear they were not going to arrive in Corus until the second day of Midwinter. But he didn't push her when she stated that she'd get there soon enough. He let Raoul do it instead. And when Raoul had no effect on her, he subtly pushed his men to ride faster, having them arrive back in Corus two hours after the midday bell on the first day of Midwinter.
