I'd Lie
A/N: Whoohoo! I'm finally on holidays so hopefully I can sit down and write a few more chapters this time, and I know I promise that in every chapter… but yeah. Seriously. I'M SORRY. REAL LIFE SUCKS.
I don't blame you if you've totally forgotten what happened in the previous chapter. Cause I sure as hell did…
Disclaimer: I do not own anything! I do not own Rookie Blue or any of the characters. All rights belong to their rightful owner.
Chapter 7:
He stands there then walks away
My God, if I could only say
I'm holding every breath for you
She could get used to this. She could. He was smart, funny, kind, and well they had a lot in common. They did.
But even as she tried to focus on what Luke was saying her eyes couldn't help but be drawn to the entrance of the Penny. If Andy was being totally honest, she was waiting for Sam. Waiting for him to walk through the door, waiting for him to sweep her off her feet. Yeah right.
Sam still seemed completely oblivious to her feelings for him, which in turn meant she was becoming that girl. She used to scoff at those girls. Those girls who couldn't get a grip. Who couldn't move forward with their lives because of one particular guy. But Sam Swarek had unintentionally turned her into that girl and Andy sort of hated him for it.
She tried to tune back into what Luke was saying, she caught the end of his sentence, something about an old case with new leads. She forced a smile in an effort to look like she was paying attention. It seemed to work because Luke returned the smile and reached for her hand, gently playing with her fingers as if he was trying to memorize the way they felt in his hand. It was a sweet gesture. It really was. But she just wasn't feeling it. She looked down at their joint hands, lost in her own world, wondering how she got to this point in her life where she is pining away for a guy who had no idea of the effect he had on her. She realized that this wasn't fair on Luke.
"Hey Andy, you okay over there?" Luke's concerned voice cut through her thoughts.
Was she okay? Was she okay with being that girl? Was she okay with leading on a perfectly nice guy?
"Actually no," she whispered, easing her hand out of his grasp, "no, I'm not"
Luke's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, she couldn't blame the guy. One minute she was agreeing to this date, the next she was completely spaced out.
"I…" God, she didn't even know where to begin, "I just… It's not you-" she cut herself off, how much of a cliché would that be?
It's not you, it's me.
"It's Swarek isn't it?"
Andy could feel her mouth making a small 'o' shape. Was she that easy to read?
"Andy, you forget that I'm a detective. It doesn't take much to figure out what's going on." He raised his glass filled with amber liquid up to his lips to take a small sip.
She exhaled the deep sigh that she had been keeping in for so long.
"I'm sorry" was all that she could mutter.
"It's okay, really. I guess I just hoped I could, I don't know, change your mind." Luke finished with an uneasy laugh and a scratch of his head.
Andy found the words just tumbling out, she just couldn't stop them, "I tried, you know, I really tried to get over him. He's just so… He's so frustrating and stubborn to a fault. I thought I understood him but I don't. Sam Swarek doesn't make any sense to me."
She took a moment to re-gather herself before she realized she probably shouldn't be ranting about a guy she liked to a guy she was on a date with, "God, I am like the worst date ever. I am so sorry Luke" her face flushed a shade of pink as she ducked her head down.
Surprisingly Luke seemed to take it well, simply chuckling softly before reaching over to take her hand again, this time giving it a gentle tug to get her to look up, "Listen Andy, if Swarek can't see that there's this beautiful girl with an amazing personality and a heart of gold standing right in front of him, then he's a bigger idiot than I thought."
"Well that just proves I don't deserve you Luke" Andy said shakily, trying to lighten the conversation.
Luke seemed to notice Andy was done talking about her current situation so he easily replied, "Yeah well it's a good thing too, I have to admit I'm curious about your friend Gail. Is she seeing anyone?"
Andy rewarded him with a punch in the arm and a bright smile,
"Jerk." she retorted with a huff.
So the date didn't turn out to be a complete disaster. She realized Luke was great company once she could finally relax without the pressure of trying to turn what they had into something more. Andy appreciated how easy he handled the situation, which still made her feel bad even though he continued to reassure her that there were no hard feelings. Things with Luke were simple and Andy felt free of the weight she didn't even realize she had been carrying around.
The pair continued to talk and joke well into the night, appreciating their newfound friendship. But soon Andy realized a shift in the air. It was crazy, even to her, but she just knew whenever he was around and tonight was no different. Andy just caught the movement of the door swinging shut behind him. Maybe it was the cool breeze that he let into the Penny or maybe it was the way his eyes cut over to her before hardening and turning away, but either way she felt a shiver overtake her body.
Still she continued to watch him, she noticed how tense he looked. His shoulders seemed stiff with stress; in fact his whole body looked like it was just tied up in knots. She continued her inspection, this time turning her gaze to his face. Although she could only see his side profile, she took note of how the one eye she could see, seemed to have dark circles underneath. His jaw was clenched shut, his lips in a tight straight line. Andy had seen Sam when he was stressed and over tired from work, and although there were definitely signs that he looked like he was under pressure from working with Guns and Gangs this week, there was something else entirely mixed in with that stress. She just couldn't for the life of her figure out what.
Luke seemed to notice Andy zoning out for the second time that night so he followed her gaze to where Sam was standing,
"You're in Swarek land again" he stated; poking his finger into her arm to get her to snap out of the daze she was in.
"Shut up" she retorted, swatting at his hand.
"You know you could just go and talk to him." Luke said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"That would be rude, I'm out with you."
"Right because you've been so focused on what I've been saying for the last five minutes since Swarek stepped into the room." He teased easily.
"What? No. I've been… That's not…" Andy stuttered out, trying to find a solid reason for her zoning out of the conversation, "Well it's not my fault you're boring" is what she finally decided on.
"Oh really?" Luke's eyebrow rising in disbelief, "because I swear it was only a few minutes ago that you begged me to tell you about how we solved the O'Neill case. Must have just been my imagination then" he hummed.
"Well you certainly know how to take the joy out of storytelling," she shot back, "you should really work on that. It's not your strongest suit."
Luke simply chuckled, Andy guessed it was probably because she sounded like a child but Luke didn't seem to mind, instead it seemed like it was almost refreshing for him to have this banter with her.
Luke's smiling face suddenly turned serious,
"Okay Andy honestly, go talk to him" he encouraged, gently nudging her arm with his hand.
"Luke quit it" she whined, smiling at Luke's persistence whilst trying to fend off his hand.
Andy snuck another glance up, this time finding Sam shooting back the rest of his whisky and getting up to leave. Well that was quick. Her forehead creased in confusion, was he not even going to say goodbye?
Again Luke turned in his chair upon seeing Andy's face laced with confusion,
"Andy go, now" he ordered with as much authority as he could muster, and normally that would annoy her but Sam's attitude left her dumbfounded enough that she just wanted to follow him. She gathered up her belongings before giving Luke a quick smile and a squeeze of the shoulder, communicating just how thankful she was for him being so understanding, before darting out the door Sam had left through.
The cool breeze caught her off guard as she exited the warm confines of The Penny, it wasn't exactly cold yet but the weather was definitely turning. Andy looked around the parking lot but didn't notice Sam's truck anywhere, and there was no way he could have started his truck and left already. She found her feet carrying her quickly down along the footpath, her head turning to the left, but not spotting Sam. Her head snapped in the opposite direction and sure enough there he was walking down the street, his feet dragging at a lethargic pace.
"Sam!" she called out, but received no response.
So Andy did the desperate thing and jogged to catch up to him, once again calling out his name and once again receiving no signs of acknowledgment.
"Sam" she said, this time grabbing onto his shoulder and giving a slight tug in order to get him to face her. It seemed to work because he finally turned around.
"McNally" he nodded.
"What's going on?" she asked, tipping her head up trying to indicate that she was specifically talking about how she had been calling for him yet he had not responded.
"Sorry," he shrugged, "just got caught up in my own head."
Andy had seen Sam lost in his own head countless of times, the look on his face right now, was not it. She let it slide though, the fact that she knew he was ignoring her cutting deep in her core.
"Uh, you didn't come say hey" she trailed off, her words sounding lame even to her own ears while she began wringing her wrists together due to her nerves.
He scoffed at that, fingers coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose, "You seemed kind of busy McNally."
"Oh uh Luke?"
"Yeah. Callaghan" he said, voice laced with something Andy could hardly pinpoint, was it distaste?
"It's not… he's not… we aren't-" for what felt like the hundredth time that night Andy found herself tripping over words; unable to even complete a sentence.
"Go back to The Penny Andy. Go back to your date."
Andy found herself noticing that Sam had basically spat that last word out in disgust and to say she was surprised would have been an understatement. She stood there, her face creased with confusion and a million thoughts running through her head. She barely registered that Sam had spun around and was continuing to walk forward, away from her.
"Hey Sam! Wait!" she cried out, again jogging to catch up to him, this time stopping in front of him to prevent him from going any further.
"What is it Andy?" his voice raising ever so slightly in exasperation, "I'm tired okay, I just want to go home and sleep."
"It's not a date," she mumbled softly, "I mean it was at first, but it's not anymore. He… We decided to be friends. It works out better that way, I mean he's great, but there was nothing there between us romantically, you know?" Andy rambled on, her voice picking up.
Andy wasn't quite sure why she felt the need to explain to him what her relationship with Luke was. After all, it was she who promised herself not to get involved with Sam in any capacity other than as friends. She had to leave him be.
"Okay…" he said disbelievingly, "Whatever. Just go back to Callaghan."
"Whatever?" Andy parroted, "Sam, did you even hear me?" Now it was her turn to feel annoyed.
Okay, just because she was trying to let Sam go, it didn't mean she wanted him to completely ignore what she was trying to tell him here. She also tried not to acknowledge how much it bothered her that Sam had gotten the wrong idea about her and Luke. She had to let him go. She repeated the mantra over and over in her head.
Except, suddenly Sam was grabbing at her arm and steering her backwards into the wall. And suddenly she was having a hard time breathing. Whether it was because of the fact that he had her body so tightly wedged between his warm body and the cold wall or because the fire in his eyes caused her breath to catch in her throat, she wasn't sure.
She noticed how his every breath was shallow and rapid. A spark in his dark eyes that was boring into hers. Her heart was pounding at her chest, almost as if it were willing to come right out. His hand still wrapped tightly around her forearm, his touch burning her skin in the most beautiful way. His head tilted down, coming exceptionally closer.
"Sam?" she managed to whisper questioningly.
"I heard you Andy," he stated in reply to her earlier question, "I heard you. But I just can't."
Can't? Can't what? Andy's mind began racing once again. Finally Sam released his grip on her arm but what he did next definitely made her heart skip a beat. The hand that had previously been scalding her arm lifted to cup her cheek, his thumb tracing lazily down along her jaw line causing goosebumps to explode across every inch of her skin. The movement also alerted her to the fact that his other hand had found a place of comfort that was otherwise known as her hip. Maybe she was dreaming because she definitely felt him tug her impossibly closer. Andy couldn't stop the gasp that escaped her lips. The contact of their bodies pressing so close was making her feel things she didn't even think were possible.
"You deserve so much better" he whispered, his mouth so close to hers, just a fraction of an inch would be all it takes to have their mouths fused, but somehow Andy refrained from making any sort of movement. The last thing she would want is to startle him.
It turns out no movement was needed from Andy to cause him to snap out of his trance because almost as soon as it started, it had ended. Sam removed all contact, took two steps back, and took a hard look at Andy before racing down the street.
Andy finally had a chance to catch her breath and try to still her racing heart. She thumped her head back to rest against the wall. If she thought her head was filled with a hundred things before, well, she had no idea how to quiet her mind now.
One thing she did manage to take from that was encounter was that Sam seemed to want her the way she wanted him and that thought put a giant grin on her face. But the fact that he did nothing about it told her that maybe he didn't realize she wanted him too. This brought her back to his earlier statement when he said that she deserved so much better. That she deserved better than him? The thought was ridiculous. All she wanted was him. Why couldn't he see that?
Sam Swarek didn't make any sense to her. Why couldn't he see how she held every breath for him? Sam may be complicated, but he was also worth it. Years of friendship told her that, and if she has to convince him that he is the right one for her, then so be it.
Sorry I was gone for so long!
Hope you all enjoyed the longer chapter.
Seems like Andy's finally had a change in thinking ;)
P.S How crazy has Season 4 been already? AMAZING.
