"How the fuck is there snow if we're underground?" said the Onceler "And why the fuck do you have christmas lights on in August?"
"actually i think you'll find some caves can be so big that they can develop entire weather systems such as a cave system discovered in the chongquing province of china by a team of cavers which had a space so large it could contain a cloud. and as for the christmas lights, papyrus is just fucking retarded."
"That's not politacly correct!" exclaimed the Onceler.
Sans opened the door to his house to hear a large scream.
"SANS! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!? IT'S BEEN 2 MONTHS SINCE I LAST EVEN SAW YOU NEVER MIND THE BEDTIME STORY." shouted Papyrus.
"alright. calm the fuck down."
"SWEARING ISN'T BIG OR FUNNY SO STOP USING TO MAKE YOU LOOK SMART BECAUSE IT DOESN'T WORK!"
"alright, alright. where did we get up to with this bedtime story?"
"CHAPTER 7 OF FIFTY SHADES DARKER!"
Papyrus was in his pajamas tucked in cosily in bed with the Onceler and Sans at his bedtime sitting on stools as sans finished reading Papyrus his bedtime story.
"sawyer opens the foyer door to let christian enter the apartment then shuts the door behind him and stands in front of it, staring impassively down at me. holy shit. christian! all manner of horrific outcomes run through my mind, but all I can do is stand and wait."
"CAN YOU READ ME ANOTHER CHAPTER?" said Papyrus with a smile on his face
"no fuck off"
"HEY SANS THERE'S BEEN SOMETHING BOTHERING ME RECENTLY. IT'S BEEN ABOUT DAD"
"oh no. please don't get started on dad again. i don't think my heart could take it even though i don't have a heart because i'm a fucking skeleton"
"Wait who is your dad." asked the Onceler
"find i'll tell you" sans replied "our father was a kind man he was the former royal scientist of the underground. he built the core which provides the underground with energy and his name was w.d. gaster."
"BUT WE JUST CALLED HIM HIS STREET NAME: SKELETOR"
"he always dreamed of owning castle grayskull and he was the nicest man i ever knew. but one day he was murdered. murdered by another skeleton who was a long enemy of him called reaper. dad hid us in the closet while he attempted to talk to him but... we saw him get murdered before our very eyesockets. the underground covered up his death with some story about falling into the core. he died saving us and i curse the reaper's name to this day"
Suddenly a transparent skeletal figure appeared in the room with them.
"Aww. Are you boys talking about me again." said the ghostly figure.
"DAD!?" cried both the skelebros
"Yes it is me your father." said skeletor "Now allow me to explain. Before I died I was working on an invention that I would keep on me at all times that would conserve my soul after death and allow me to come back as a ghost but due to glitch in the software I was not able to gain my ghostly form for another ten years. Ok it wasn't really a glitch i had just played around with the clock a bit. But anyway now that I have returned I want to tell you something sans"
"do you want me to avenge you by tracking down reaper and murdering him?"
"No not really. I've gotten over all that tbh. What he did was kind of justified, I mean he gave me a whole month to pay him back for that cocaine. But anyway this is more personally linked to you sans. I have something to reveal to you that you may not like. You are not actually a monster. Papyrus is my genetic son but I actually adopted you."
"WHAT!?" shouted sans.
"OH CRAP! NOW I OWE UNDYNE $50" said papyrus
"You see thirty years ago this very day I had taken Papyrus to a Pizzeria on the surface for his first birthday. I remember it clearly. I was sitting by the window stuffing my face with pizza that had pineapple on it-yeah shut the fuck up that shit tastes delicious- while Papyrus was with the other kids watching the robot bear thing sing. I remember looking out of the window to see a young boy wearing a striped t-shirt and a backwards cap on while swinging around a baseball bat. That child was you sans."
"Hah! So I was right!" said MatPat loudly who had climbed in through the window.
"Anyway it warmed my heart to see such a young boy enjoying himself so much. I even imagined my dear Papyrus playing with this boy and becoming friends. I was deep into these thoughts when a full-grown man wearing a purple mask and unitard with a yellow badge on ran up to the boy and shanked him with a knife 73 times and ran off into the distance. A tear rolled down my face as I saw the poor child stripped of his life and he collapsed onto the floor and bled out. When I was at home with Papyrus I could think of nothing else and that was when I decided I had to build a device that would restore life to the poor child. After many months I had finally completed the machine after testing it out on 47 snails, half a dozen rats and my uncle's cat. I went to dig up the body of the poor child but unfortunately by then, he had completely decomposed to be nothing more than a skeleton. So with a few modifications I used the machine to not only restore life to the child but fuse it's skeleton with my Papyrus' DNA so that it could function as a monster and be able to move and live as a skeleton. While I had completely restored the life and personality to him I failed to restore all his memories, therefore I knew I could not return the boy to his parents so instead I decided to adopt him as my own son to be Papyrus' big brother. And that my dear Sans is the truth I have been hiding from you for so long. I deeply apologise."
"what was that, i wasn't listening" said sans
"Nevermind! The important thing is while I do not want you to avenge my killer I see it as only right if you do so if you want to."
"WE SHALL DO SO FATHER" said Papyrus
"I'm in it too" said the Onceler " But how exactly will we find this 'purple man'"
"After spending my life searching for him I could not find any information about him whatsoever" said the ghost Skeletor "However I know a man who does know his whereabouts. He is dangerous though so you must be extremely careful."
"and who is this man" said sans
"The Greatest villain of all time" said skeletor "Number One in all the land: ROBBIE ROTTEN"
"robbie rotten?"
"Who did you expect? Sportaflop?"
"Come on Sans!" said the Onceler "Let's make this Purple prick bleed"
Skeletor bidded farewell to the skelebros and Onceler as Sans held hands with his brother and his secret admirer and teleported them all outside Mount Ebott.
