"right then. there is a village a short walk away from here. it should have a pub in it and if there's anything i've learnt from video games it's that you always pick up information from random people at pubs and taverns"

"You play a lot of video games?" asked the Onceler

"yes there's three main facts of the underground that almost every monster knows. one: mettaton is pan-gender. two: mettaton is gender fluid. three: sans is really good at most video games"

"ASGORE HAS THEM TATTOOED ON HIS RIGHT BICEP" said Papyrus

The three walk for a while untill they arrived at Frogmorton in which they entered the Floating Log inn to find a greying man at the bar dressed in a velvet jacket.

"Hello there sir" said the Onceler

"Oh Hello there! Nice to meet ya! Am tha Dackta. The twelth dackta to be specific which is convinent az i've just dranken twelve fuckin' pints of bitter! Phew am gonna be huggin the toilet bowl tunite! Fuck me! *Hic* KLARAAAAA! KLARA WHERE ARE YE! YE'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO THA TARDIS THERE'S A FUCKKIN DARLEK BEHIND YE. oh wait shit klara fookin died an I forgot about her or some shit like that i dun really rememeber the details of tha lass fuckin' series"

"Um. Yes that's nice to know but-"

"Oh wait i got a new fuggin compainion din't i!" mumbled the Doctor "It's that annoying bitch calld Bill cipher or what ever. Oh aye and Matt Lucas is another comanion ain't he. Ooh fuck me, fucking Stephen Moffat's sent this show down the shitter hadn't he god fucking damn him. Wait he's leaving soon aint he along with me. thank fuck i'm real tired of this shite. Ther's gunna a new writer ain't there? Apparently he wrote a few episodes of that Narrowsynagogue show hopefully he'll be less shite *Hicc*"

The Doctor then proceeded to throwup on Papyrus' timbs.

"Ok I apologise for wasting your time. You're clearly no help to us" said the Onceler

"NOW WAIT JUST A FOOKIN SECOND THERE LADDIE! I AM THE DACKTAA! I'm over *hicc* three thousands years or whatever old, I am the last of the Time Lords, I have saved galaxies upon galaxies, I have defeated armies of evil beings with my sheer mind alone, I am the saviour of this universe and just because I've had twelve pints and am now pissed out of my fucking mind does not make me any less of the man I truly am. (to avoid confusion with all the american scum reading i supposed i should classify that the term 'pissed' in britain means drunk opposed to the american meaning of really angry which is refered to in britain as 'pissed off' now could all you americans out there learn to speak english fucking properly please) now what the fuck do you need help with."

"we're looking for a man named 'robbie rotten'" said sans

"OH FOR FUCK SAKE! ENOUGH WITH THAT FOOKIN MEME IT'S LIKE SIX MONTHS OLD NOW"

"no you don't understand. this man has information to the man who killed my former self"

"Oh fine whatever. Now that ye mention it I did meet a guy named Robert recently. He kepts insistin that i ate as much junk food as *hic* possible and did absolutely no sport. despite his extreme views on being lazy he's still in a fucking great condition. I met him in a town called 'Lazytown' it's about half a mile from here and only has about six fucking people living in it, most of which are children with a strangely rubbery appearance. The mayor's a good fuckin' bloke tho i had a pint or two with him."

"thank you for that information so much" said sans "farewell doctor"

"OH AND ONE MORE THING! HAVE YE EVER NOTICED THAT STEPHEN MOFFAT THOUGH IT WAS ACTUALLY A FUCKING GOOD IDEA TO REPLACE MY FUCKING SCREWDRIVER WITH A PAIR OF FUCKING SUNGLA-" and with this the Doctor fell off his chair and passed out of the floor in a puddle of his own vomit as sans, Papyrus and the Onceler left for lazytown.