CHAPTER THREE: Why Sara Came Back
What about Grissom?
Julie got the conversation started again. "It seems to me if you can't leave, why doesn't Grissom come back?"
"Yeah. That seems obvious, doesn't it?" Sara asked tartly. "It's not…it's just not that simple. You have no idea how many times I've been asked, 'When's Grissom coming back? Where is he? Why don't you live together?' by everyone from the secretaries to the sheriff. Let alone my mother-in-law! Oof!"
"I had two of those. Mothers-in-law. Neither of them ever thought I did anything right," Finn responded.
"You got it. You should see her scowl at me for neglecting her little boy! You know, the 50 something-year-old man I married? There's an additional communication barrier because she's deaf, and I'm still learning sign language."
Finn looked surprised.
"Yes. We manage, but it's not easy. She goes on and on about our sex life!"
"You're kidding. Really?"
Sara nodded at her with a Sidle smirk.
"I suppose I should be glad the mothers of husband #1 and husband #2 never did that!" They shared a sympathetic laugh.
"That's one part of our life that doesn't need fixing. It really is like a honeymoon when we get together. Every time." They grinned at each other.
"I know she'd rather Gil came back. She sold her house and gallery in California to move here and work at Gilbert College, and then he left. Naturally she blames me for that as well." Sara shook her head. "They have a wonderful relationship. He's a good son, and you really can tell a lot about a man by how he treats his mother. But the difficulties he has with open communication partly stem from growing up in their silent house."
"What about Grissom's father?"
"He died when Gil was just a boy. It was just the two of them. No siblings." Julie nodded sympathetically.
"I know my life is unconventional, and our marriage is unconventional, but it worked. It really did, for a long time. But then our dog got sick."
"Aww, I know how hard that is. What kind of dog?"
"A boxer. Hank. Such a wonderful dog. Grissom got him from a rescue, so we didn't know how old he was exactly, but he was about 13. He was always my husband's dog. Here, I've got a picture." Sara pulled out her phone and scrolled through her photos. "There we are in Costa Rica…on the beach…in front of our tent…at the little mission church where we were married. Here's Grissom on the balcony in Paris. And here's Hank." Finn peered over her shoulder, sitting close, and exclaiming compliments at the rapidly scrolling pictures.
"A friend in the LVPD was keeping him for us. I took him home when I started back at CSI. I got the diagnosis from the vet in early August 2011. Gil flew back and we nursed him in our big house, but he went downhill fast. Cancer. He was just riddled with tumors. Anything he ate went straight through him, and then he got so weak, and wouldn't take any interest in food…" Sara stammered to a halt, her eyes watery. Finn rubbed her shoulder encouragingly. "He died in my arms. Gil held me and I held Hank on the blanket in the backyard, and the vet gave him the needle…" she trailed off again.
Finn dug out a pack of tissues and they shared a teary moment.
"My big boy. When he died, Gil took it hard. Hank was there for Gil when I left, and was so happy when we came back. Having our dog here was a pull for Grissom to visit. We could be in this little romantic cocoon together. Our little family snuggled up at home. I kept it secret when he was in town because everyone in the lab would have wanted to monopolize his attention. But when our dog died and Gil came home for a visit I could tell he was reminded of that loss. He hasn't stayed that long since."
"I'm sure he didn't just visit to see the dog," Julie said kiddingly.
Sara smiled. "No, I hope he wanted to see me too!" She continued in a very soft voice, "It's not just the sex. We really are good together."
They were silent for a few minutes.
"Thank you for telling me your story," Julie said. "I have a better understanding now. From what you've said, I can tell you love your husband very deeply, and have been willing to sacrifice for his behalf. He doesn't sound like the kind of man to take that for granted?"
"He's not. Grissom is an honorable man and I trust him."
"I'm sorry I ever doubted you, Sara. You would never cheat on him, would you?"
"No."
"No offense, but would he ever…?" Finn asked hesitantly.
"Cheat on me?" Sara replied immediately, obviously having considered this before. "No. I mean, I'd like to think it would never ever happen, but…he's human. If Ronald Basderic convinced him that I was having an affair, would he stray just to get back at me? No. He's not that petty. Or spiteful, you know? He has too much integrity for that. He kept saying we should go our separate ways 'for your own good,' and 'I have your best interests in mind' as if he was doing the right thing by me. I kept trying to tell him that this is breaking my heart, that he's the one and only, and splitting up was the last thing I want to happen, but I was crying so hard by then I don't know if he could understand me. "
"I'm sorry," Finn said softly.
"Yeah. I'm sorry too," Sara said shakily, digging out a tissue and dabbing at her moistening eyes again. "Ah, the tears I have shed over that man! It hurts, and I miss him so. I wish I had never said some things. I wish I hadn't made it sound like I was giving up or complained so much about being lonely…it's hard."
"You can't always say the exactly the right thing."
"No, you can't." Sara sniffed and then blew her nose.
"It sounds like you are beating yourself up," Finn commented.
"I am. I always do! I wish I knew how to fix this. How to convince Gil to give me another chance. Give us another chance."
"You can do it," Finn said earnestly.
"I suppose."
"No. You will do it, Sara. You two are soul mates, am I right?"
Sara met her eyes, seeking reassurance. "Yes. Soul mates."
"My exes weren't, neither one of them. Sure, I loved them at the time, and I was devastated when we got divorced, but I didn't have what you have."
"I'm still wrestling with how to resolve our dilemma. I'll do whatever it takes. I'd rather see Gil only part of the year than never be with him again. That's for sure. If I can convince him of that, then I have a chance to heal us."
Julie took her hand and squeezed it. "I believe you can do it."
Sara considered this, then spoke hesitantly. "Did you ever…do you know what I mean when I say I forget what Gil is, when we're apart for a long time?"
"I'm not sure."
"It's like…I can picture him, in my mind's eye. I can remember what his voice sounds like, if I think of a certain phrase he liked to use. But I forget…how real he is. How warm and solid. His scent. The softness of his hands. Just how handsome he is. How animated he can be, when he's enthused about something, how he glows! He has an aura, a presence. But most of all…how he radiates love," she finished shyly.
"Hang on to that, Sara. Concentrate on that."
"Concentrate on what cannot lie. The evidence," Sara quoted. "That's one of those phrases that brings back the sound of Grissom's voice. He would say that all the time. You're right, Finn. That's what I need to do."
Sara stood up and looked around, as if she'd forgotten where she was. "I better make sure I look presentable for court," she explained. "I'll be right back."
"I'll be here in case the bailiff comes looking," Finn offered. Sara walked briskly to the ladies room, washed her face and cleaned off the smeared mascara, and then reapplied her makeup. She used the facilities and washed her hands and rubbed some lotion on them. Then she detoured to the vending machine and got two cups of coffee and gave one to her friend.
Sara picked up the thread of the conversation. "The thing they all don't understand about why Grissom doesn't come back is…he's the happiest he's ever been. He looks younger and more at ease than he did 10 years ago! He's tanned, thinner, rested, without the weight of the lab and the shift and the team on his shoulders. He's a pure scientist, and a gifted teacher, not a bureaucrat or a politician. Never will be one of those." She took a sip of coffee.
"The work he does now is important. He's helped out different labs all around the world study Colony Collapse Disorder in bees, for one thing. If bees go extinct it would be catastrophic to the environment and our food supply. I'm sure you've heard about that?"
Julie nodded. "Yes. I just read recently that 45% if the American bee population died last year. I see what you mean."
Sara brightened at her understanding. "He also did some forensic investigation of mass graves in Bosnia, and at an archeological dig in Peru. Then there is the vector control work he's doing in Central Africa, at the moment. If we can turn the corner on controlling the population of mosquitoes and the spread of disease by interrupting their life cycle in an environmentally responsible way, think of the difference that could make!"
"That could save thousands of lives," Julie said admiringly.
"Yes! That stemmed from a seminar he did at Williams College, on the seasonal fluctuations of mosquito populations at Walden Pond. There are only a few scientists in the world that can work at the level Grissom does. Do you see?"
"I do."
"So when I am asked, why doesn't he come back and teach at WLVU? It's all I can do not to blow up at them! This is a man who is invited to lecture at the Sorbonne, at Harvard, at Oxford, at Berkeley and Yale. WLVU is a second-rate State School. Should he give all that up to teach remedial biology to jocks?"
"Of course not."
"It would be like…taking a highly trained racehorse and having him haul coal in a mine. Or putting a rocket scientist to work scrubbing dishes," Sara said emphatically. "He's doing what he was born to do."
Their conversation was interrupted as the courtroom doors swung open. A bailiff appeared. "CSI Sidle? We're ready for you now."
Both women stood and Sara smoothed down her dress suit and hair. Julie gave her the once-over and nodded that she looked okay. She brushed some lint from Sara's shoulder and let her hand linger.
"Be strong, Sara. Don't give up."
"I won't." They shared a hug and a thank you.
Sara gathered her files and picked up her briefcase. She stood tall and took a deep breath and they nodded to each other. Sara Sidle strode through the mahogany doors and they closed behind her. Julie Finlay sat down, crossed her legs, and lost herself in her thoughts.
THE END
A/N: Hm, this took a little more tweaking than I thought! It took a different direction today as well. The more I fiddle with it the more I want to change—but eventually you have to say, this is what it is, get it out there. I do feel more clarity about the status of GSR for having written this. I remain cautiously optimistic that there will be a happy ending—or an end to the heartache and a new beginning, that is. Thanks for reading and reviewing. You've written the kind of reviews I was hoping for. I thank you for each and every one. ILoveJorja
