The Calm:
When Ludwig comes searching for her, he doesn't come alone. Elizaveta tilts her head towards the open library door and gazes at the bit of the hall she can see. It's still dark, and she hasn't moved a bit, but he's calling out her name, and so is someone else. She turns her head back, staring blankly at the five or six bookshelves surrounding the small desk. There's a table with a huge old fashioned globe sitting by the window. She remembers that when she was a child, she would stand there and spin the global for hours while her father did work. She would spin and spin and laugh and spin, much like her head is doing, spinning and spinning and Elizaveta closes her eyes and spins and spins and slides to the right and spins and slides and slides until she falls into arms waiting to catch her.
Her eyes open to see a familiar pair of indigo eyes. She knows if she stares long enough, they could pass for violet. They hide behind thin glasses and perfectly kept dark brown hair.
"Roderich?" she says, and she realizes she can barely speak because her throat is so dry.
He must have noticed because he frowns, and Elizaveta's eyes travel away from him for a moment and land on Ludwig, who stands silently in the doorway.
"Do you know where you are?" Roderich's words make her look back to him.
"The library," she answers.
"What day is today?"
Elizaveta stays quiet for a moment and replies, "That depends on what time it is."
"I think she's fine, Roderich," Ludwig offers, and the dark-haired man sighs and lifts Elizaveta up slowly. He holds on to her, even though she's sure she won't fall over again, and presses her against his expensive suit jacket. It smells mildly of expensive cologne, but she still catches the faint scent of tar and cigarette ash.
Her head is safely tucked under his chin while Roderich wraps her in his arms. It's an intimate hold that she would expect from Gilbert or maybe her father, not her ex-boyfriend, ex-fiancé. But Elizaveta doesn't - can't - move because her legs won't listen to her, no matter how she tells them to.
"Can you get her some water please, Ludwig?" Roderich asks, and she can only assume the blond agrees since she hears him walking away.
Then she feels the Austrian sigh. If she closes her eyes and breathes less roughly, Elizaveta can imagine that it's Gilbert holding her and that he's safe and they're at home, sitting on the floor and he's leaning against the bed. She imagines that she's too tipsy to care that she's on the floor and he just doesn't care at all and Gilbert holds her and they're both content. If she thinks hard enough, it almost seems real.
Almost.
"What were you doing in here?" Roderich's soft question snatches the fantasy away and Elizaveta is brought back to her father's library. "I was looking for you and no one knew where you were."
She pushes up and away from him and looks Roderich in the face. "Where were you?" Elizaveta questions and furrows her brows at him. "I called you three times."
"I had pressing business." He pushes up his glasses.
Elizaveta snorts. "Liar," she says accusingly, and pushes further away from him. "You always do that when you lie." She mimics his movement of pushing up his glasses.
Roderich's face seems to color for a moment but his expression doesn't change. "It isn't a lie. I did have business, and it was, in a sense, urgent. It needed to be dealt with tonight. But that doesn't matter. What matters is if you're all right. Are you hurt?"
There's an earnest quality in his voice and concern in his eyes that makes Elizaveta look down. He places an arm on her shoulder. "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you, Eliza." Her head snaps up at the confession, though she barely hears him. "I'm sorry," he repeats, and she searches his eyes for what it is that he's really apologizing for. Her gut clenches at his conviction of himself and it makes her bit uncomfortable.
"Roderich, it's fine," she tries to reassure him. "The room was too loud and I just needed a moment to myself."
He snorts this time and she frowns at him. "On the library floor?" Roderich challenges. "Don't lie to me, Eliza, you don't have too. It's not 'fine', but you promised me you wouldn't do anything to make me worry."
"And I've kept that promise."
"Have you?" Roderich raises a brow. "Can you honestly look me in the eye and say you're not going to or have done anything reckless?"
Elizaveta squares her shoulders to do just that, but she sees Antonio's green eyes and tawny skin. Two days.
Ludwig clears his throat and Elizaveta stands up as quickly as her legs will allow to take the water offered to her. She drinks it without taking a breath, chugging it all in one go, and hands the glass back to Ludwig. She tries to walk unaided, but Roderich is quick to help her.
"Eliza," he says when she wobbles, "take it easy. There's no need to rush, we can wait here." He gives Ludwig a look and the blond nods in agreement.
"Get your footing first," Ludwig states.
Elizaveta reluctantly follows their advice and uses the library door to brace herself, while Roderich holds her other arm for support and Ludwig stands in front just in case she tips over.
She exhales deeply and pushes off the wall. "I can stand, thank you, Roderich." Elizaveta lets go and takes a cautious step. Ludwig moves out of her way, and she walks a little ways with them following close behind.
They make it to the ballroom doors when she turns to Roderich. "Can you tell my mother and father that I'm sorry, but I just need to lie down?"
He nods, "I'll find one of the maids to prepare your bed for you and bring some—,"
"At home," she interjects, "I'm going to lie down at home, my home."
Roderich frowns, "I don't think it's wise for you to be alone, or drive for that matter, when you could barely walk two seconds ago."
"He's right," Ludwig offers, and now she feels cornered, with both of them staring at her like that. She looks at her feet, and Ludwig steps forward and touches her arm. "Do you want me to come with you?"
"Would you, please?" Elizaveta asks quickly, surprised at her own earnestness. She really doesn't want to be alone tonight, and Ludwig is the perfect companion to put her fears to rest.
"I'll inform your parents," Roderich adds, and she watches him open the door before she could offer her thanks. It closes behind him, and her chest tightens with the guilt of choosing Ludwig over him. Elizaveta watches the door for another moment before sighing and turning to Ludwig.
"We can ride in your car. I'll pick up mine from here in the morning."
He nods again. She loops her arm through his and lets him lead her through the crowded room. He's a great bodyguard because people tend to be intimidated by his features, especially when he's determined like he is now to get them out the door. Elizaveta glances around the room and spots Roderich speaking to her parents. She makes a mental note to thank him later. But Alfred comes in her line of sight and he raises a brow and nods his chin in Ludwig's direction. She has the strong urge to flip him off, but she's tugged along and they are out of the door quicker than if she'd tried escaping on her own.
The drive is quiet, thankfully and she leans her head against the window and stares at the streetlights that pass them. Ludwig doesn't attempt conversation and she will not ask him too. She doesn't want to talk. She doesn't want the questions that Roderich would have asked. She doesn't want the words of concern or the multiple assurances that he will be there. Of course, she knows Ludwig is equally worried, but he has the good sense to read her mood and know that she isn't up for it.
In fact, the only time Ludwig speaks is when they're inside and he asks her where his brother kept the extra sheets.
She points to the small closest. "Top shelf," Elizaveta instructs and walks into the bedroom. Once the door closes, the exhale she's been holding comes out in shaky breaths and she wobbles to the bed and sits on it.
Her mind is blank; the only thing she knows is that she doesn't want to be alone. The room is too big. The bed is too big when it's just her and the one person who can put everything back into perspective is so close but so far from her grasp that Elizaveta covers her face because she's crying again.
What Antonio said, if were true, if Gilbert really was a part of this syndicate, was he worth it? Was her sacrificing everything worth it to find him? That's essentially what he'd said to her. Give up her life to find out information that, in turn, may or may not help her find him? Could she trust him? Did she even have a choice?
Elizaveta laughs bitterly behind her hands and moves them to look up. She blinks the tears away, sighs, and kicks off her shoes. Everything feels like a chore, even taking off her jewelry and dress. She goes to the dresser and pulls out one of Gilbert's shirts, donning it to go into the living room.. Ludwig is already under the covers, his suit nicely folded in the adjacent chair, and he peeks up at her when she comes to sit on the coffee table.
He's frowning, and Elizaveta realizes that her eyes may be red from recent tears. She doesn't even bother to scrub at them, they're building up again, and after a moment, he sits up properly.
"Liz?"
"Please, Ludwig." She chokes out and looks down in shame at her weakness, "I don't want to sleep alone." Elizaveta can barely recognize her own voice; it sounds so fragile.
Ludwig isn't nearly as condescending as some other people she knows, and she feels him pull her into a hug. His body is warm and all of her troubles sink into his firm grasp.. He feels nothing like Roderich, more like his brother and she shivers and sinks further, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing her eyes shut. She missed this. She misses him, and it's been months since someone held her like this, with such firmness. He's bigger than Gilbert, but their hugs are the same, in a way that makes her feel both protected and warm, safe and secure. As strong as she is, even Elizaveta needs security and an assurance that things aren't falling apart at the seams.
"Just for tonight," Elizaveta says at length into Ludwig's neck, "The bed is big enough for both of us, and..." She pauses and pulls away. "And I'll feel so much better knowing someone is right there on the other side."
Ludwig opens his mouth and closes it just as quickly. He looks away at something to his left, and she waits as he contemplates, holding her breath until he decides. "Alright," he says slowly, and she could have jumped up to hug him again but didn't. The apprehension in his tone let her know that he wasn't one hundred percent okay with this, but he stands anyway and she leads him to the bedroom that she used to share with Gilbert.
Ludwig goes in first, and she lingers a bit to turn out the lights in the living room and kitchen. He's already under the covers when she comes in to turn the lights out in the bedroom. She climbs into bed, being sure to give Ludwig his space but even with the distance, she feels less alone. The bed doesn't feel endless, and his body brings added warmth. Elizaveta settles in and turns her back to him, staring into the dark until her eyes adjust. Ludwig doesn't move, save for the steady comfort of his breathing. She focuses on the way it makes the blanket raise and fall slightly. It keeps her thoughts clear enough to close her eyes.
When the sheets shift, and Elizaveta thinks nothing of it until a hand touches her arm. She turns halfway to see what Ludwig wants, but he pulls her the rest of the way. She searches for his eyes in the dark. "Ludwig, what are…?"
He presses her to his chest, and she squirms for a moment when those strong arms hold her in place. He tucks her head under his chin. "It's what he would have done, ja?"
Elizaveta blinks back her surprise and moves her head to look up at him, though she can only see the silhouette of his face. "You don't have to do this, Ludwig."
"Will it help you sleep?"
She bites her lip, and that's the only answer he needs.
"Then go to sleep, Liz." Maybe Ludwig gets it more than he lets on, and Elizaveta relaxes and even moves closer, burying her face into his chest. She circles both an arm and a leg around her boyfriend's brother.
Gilbert is leaner and shorter, but that's the only difference between him and Ludwig in the dark, and Elizaveta's fingers are fooled into feeling for scars that aren't there. If Ludwig notices, he doesn't move or make any protest to the fingers dancing on his back.
"One, two," Elizaveta murmurs, and searches out muscle contours and the grooves in his flesh. "Three, four, five…" They're not scars, but they're close enough.
Ludwig is calm. His breath comes out even and she breathes in sync with him, almost an automatic process. "…Six…" Her hands move to his ribs. "Seven, eight, nine..." Ludwig shivers, and she stops on the ninth one to look up. But his eyes are closed, blond hair just barely veiling his face.
"Ludwig?" Elizaveta whispers. She realized that the arm around her was limp, and she smiled to herself at the thought of her soothing him to sleep, and not the other way around. Gilbert was the same way, and she stifled a chuckle at the thought.
"Good night, Ludwig."
A/N: Seasons Greetings to all of you! I live, with chapter updates! So, what do you think of Elizaveta's reaction to Antonio's ultimatum? Should she do it? Should she not do it? Do you think she can trust Antonio? Thanks for reading! Your comments, corrections and concerns are most welcomed!
-CeCe ^^
