I came here to be at one with nature, well I got what I wanted. Now I have to live with it.
Megan, Dog Soldiers
Full moon had been two nights ago now, which meant the werewolf influence ceased ever more… inconveniently leaving Sam with a conscience again. Annoying little nuisances.
Zoe was still asleep beside him, dark shadows underneath her eyes.
"I'm so sorry, Zo… I should have warned you, should have told you the truth about what I am," Sam twirled a strand of her hair around his finger. It smelled of cinnamon, no, caramel… His werewolf sense of smell was already ceasing.
Humanity wasn't in danger of him, at least, not for another month… Him finding Zoe had prevented man slaughter, as he'd taken all his werewolf hunger out on her.
If he had just one more gram of decency in his bones, he'd take his gun and put a silver bullet through his heart before he'd hurt anybody else. Destroying this young girl's life was bad enough.
Not so fast. He had to be around. Had to be there for his cubs as they grew up.
Sam pushed those thoughts away with acid self-loathing. He had to tell Zoe, warn her that she might be pregnant…
And cause a riot? No, thanks. Wait and see before making things unnecessarily complicated.
Werewolf Sam won that one.
Carefully, Sam got up and pulled his jeans on before sneaking out of the bedroom. After he'd made sure Zoe was indeed as fast asleep as a Geology student during class, he dialled Dean's number.
"Sam! What the hell, man? You haven't called in days!"
"I'm sorry, Dean, really. I just got a little side-tracked."
"Well, she better be freaking worth it, 'cause I totally lost my mind here!"
"I can hear that, Dean."
"This is so not funny."
"You freaking out like teenage girls when they see Robert Pattinson? Yeah, I'd say that's worth a laugh."
"Shut up, bitch."
"Call you later, jerk." Sam chuckled and hung up, glad his brother wasn't suspicious. Naturally, Dean would blame it on a girl, and he wasn't wrong. Not really… though he might as well have blamed Sam's delay in calling on a werewolf case. It would have been equally correct.
Zoe turned around in her sleep, a content look on her face as she pressed her cheek into the pillow where Sam had just lain.
Normally, Sam was all for fighting instead of running; but he figured this time called for an exception. He couldn't be around any longer, he'd destroyed enough as it was.
Zoe woke up to an empty bed. Not like that was any different to the way her life had proceeded so far, yet it left her feeling… alone, underneath that relief about now maybe being finally safe from Sam and his toxic as well as intoxicating influence.
Yet, when she dragged her aching body into a vertical position and found Sam was indeed gone and left a note on the kitchen counter in his stead, Zoe felt disappointed.
Zoe,
I'm sorry. I wish I could explain what happened, but I won't disturb your life any more than I already did.
I wish Marc and you all the happiness of the world.
Sam
"I think I would have preferred a disturbing explanation to an ominous evasion, Sam," Zoe sighed not without longing.
No phone number, no address, nothing. Sam had left absolutely nothing behind other than a girl with a conscience so heavy with guilt it was a miracle she was capable of standing up.
'If only men had the same sense of loyalty dogs have…'
"You seem distant, Zo."
"I'm sitting right next to you, how can I be distant?"
Katie looked at her as if she'd grown fangs. "Did you just make a witty remark?"
"No, that was a limerick."
"Again!" Katie screeched. "Who are you and what have you done with our Zoe?"
"Katie, would you leave it alone?" Zoe snapped, then, shocked at herself, added: "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you. Just, err, didn't sleep well last night."
"You might sleep better with some company," Lola waggled her eyebrows. Luckily, she had the social IQ of a walnut, so she didn't catch Zoe's shocked face, her insides churning.
"Yeah, um, I bet I would," Zoe replied weakly.
Sam's hands on her hips, her breasts. His hot breath on her neck, her crying out his name as he was deep inside her…
"Zoe!"
"I'm sorry, what?"
"What's up with you today? I mean, I get that you don't pay attention to Prof Tanner's lecture, but to us?" Three frowning faces looked at her expectantly and worried across the lunch table.
"I'm just not feeling well today, okay?" Zoe explained in a reconciling tone. "I think I'm heading back to my room. See you guys later."
Zoe threw herself onto the bed and looked up at the blank ceiling.
Same time, different state, Sam interviewed a witness who saw a ghost take his sister. Later he would do some research and at night, he and Dean would dig up the body responsible, salt and burn it, and move on to the next case.
Zoe wasn't so lucky as to be granted a lifestyle that allowed her to push things from her mind; bluntly said: her life was too boring as that it offered distraction.
So here she lay, replaying her nights with Sam over and over in her mind, and when she'd reached the eleventh time of doing so, an unpleasant thought kicked in with merciless ferocity: They hadn't used protection.
Zoe looked down to her belly as if it were an alien, not part of her body anymore. 'What if I'm pregnant?'
Surprisingly, a small region of her brain remained completely calm; Don't panic. If you're pregnant, peg it off as Marc's and claim it an early birth.
Zoe shook her head, knowing she could never lie to Marc about a child. Keeping passionate nights with a mysterious lover from him, yes, but not that.
Leaving but one option: Pray she wasn't pregnant and curse herself for having been so horribly reckless.
Sam's thumb lingered over the 'call' button.
'You dropped out of her life, now leave it at that,' He reprimanded himself and quickly put his phone away before he could do something stupid; such as call Zoe. Two weeks it's been that he'd turned all werewolf on his mate – on Zoe – and now that it was new moon, he was as human as never before and wanted to make sure she was alright.
By 'alright' he above all meant 'not pregnant'.
"Sam? You okay?"
"Fine."
"Right," Dean's tone clearly indicated he thought Sam's answer to be about as honest as Clinton's 'I did not have sex with that woman' speech. "Look, Sam, something's been going on with you lately. Care to tell me what it is?"
Sam sighed. "It's just… I had my soul put back into me, after walking around soulless for a more than a year, and there's only this wall between me and a padded room. Just trying to deal, that's all. I'm not scratching."
"Okay," Dean nodded slowly. No way was that the only thing going on with his little brother.
"So, you're not as disinclined to sex anymore, huh?" Lola asked innocently, giving Zoe a heat rush that she hoped to be able to blame on the suffocating stuffiness in the changing rooms.
"What… what do you mean?" Zoe had difficulty keeping her voice steady as she popped her head out of the cubicle to look at her friend.
Lola nodded at Zoe. "Red lingerie? Pretty slutty."
Zoe gave an inward sigh of relief; if it was only that. "Well, it is my wedding night."
"And your first time," Lola winked.
"Right, that, too." Zoe disappeared back into the shielding safety of the changing room. She'd really earned herself a constant seat in the confessional. Maybe she'd even get a fancy nameplate.
"Excited to finally be a real woman?"
"Uh-huh. Major. Bet it's great."
"Well, sweetie, just so you're warned: it might hurt."
Zoe rolled her eyes. 'As if I don't know.'
"Yeah, Lola, you mentioned that before. Thanks for the warning, though, sure it'll come in handy."
"Is that sarcasm I hear dripping from your prude virgin lips?"
"No, that's already bordering on cynicism," Zoe replied casually as she realized with some relief that most of her bruises had disappeared. It might have ruined her wedding night having to explain how she'd gotten all shades of purple in rather intimate places. Explaining why the bruises on her arm perfectly matched a handprint wouldn't be too pleasant a business, either.
"Zoe, Zoe, I'm beginning to think that being a bride-to-be is good for you, after all. Finally losing that stick up your ass."
"Charming."
"Take it as the compliment it is."
Zoe was tempted to tell Lola about Sam just to see the look on her face at just how loose Zoe had become, but decided it was definitely not worth it.
"Oh, Zo; talking about sexy asses, did that FBI guy find you?"
"Huh?" Zoe closed a red silk bra behind her back, covered in thin black lace. "What FBI guy?"
"Well, you know, the tall, sexy one. Muscle-packed, real handsome face and hot as hell. Said he was looking into one of your relatives disappearing or so, made some inquiries at uni about you."
'Steady, Zo, calm down. There are a lot of tall, sexy, muscular guys out there.' Zoe took a deep breath. "When, err, did he show up?"
"Like three weeks ago."
'Coincidence, coincidence…'
"Zo? You okay in there?"
"Fine," Zoe panted, "Um, could you get me this one a size bigger?"
"Sure," Lola took the bra Zoe held out her and disappeared, oblivious to her friend leaning against the mirror and trying to catch her breath.
'So, what, Sam's an undercover agent whose mission it is deflowering engaged women? Or a power-greedy guy with a dominance complex impersonating officials? But wouldn't he have told me he was FBI then?' Zoe's mind was racing at a speed that would have made Speedy Gonzalez look like a grandpa with a walking stick. 'Did he seek me out? If he did, what was all his talk about me 'having something about me' about?'
Zoe's inner debate was, above all things, futile. Sam was gone from her life and would stay gone; it hardly mattered whether he was FBI, NASA or Greenpeace.
Zoe would never see him again; and even if she did, there was nothing she'd have to say to him. Her heart belonged to Marc and that was it.
Full moon approached, and with every night it came closer, Sam felt his hunger growing. Hunger for hearts, hunger for Zoe. He came close to asking Dean to tie him down, but seeing as that would mean a lengthy uncomfortable discussion about his new physiology and eating habits, Sam waved that possibility aside.
He'd just maintain control; enough at least not to carjack the next best ride and drive up to Minnesota. There was only so much a werewolf bite could do to a person, right? Certainly it won't lead him to go all 'werewolf in heat' to the extent of driving through half the country to see a girl.
Sam just wouldn't lose it. He'd beat the devil; he surely would be able to keep control over this little werewolf issue… but he'd been so damn weak before.
"Your Dad would have been so proud to see this day, Zoe." Faith Heart patted her daughter's cheek affectionately. Her little baby girl got married. After Zoe's older brother Andrew had chosen a life as a Catholic priest over having a family on his own, Zoe would be the one who'd give her grandchildren to spoil.
"I know he would," Zoe smiled. Looking into her mother's aged, kind face, she wondered how she had ever been able to even consider blowing off the wedding. Even if it would have been the honest thing to do, she would have broken her Mom's heart. Faith loved Marc, just as Marc's parents loved Zoe.
Thinking about how she'd almost thrown all that love away for one – granted, two nights – night with a guy of whom she basically just knew the name wrenched her heart.
"You're the most beautiful bride anyone has ever seen, Zo," Faith said, kissed her daughter's cheek and left. "I'll leave you girls to it. I love you, Zoey darling."
Even Lola had to admit to a certain sense of longing for a wedding of her own upon the sight of Zoe; her pale complexion glowed with beauty and youth, her toffee hair had been curled and fell around her head like angels' locks and her blue eyes had never held a more intriguing shade of green than now that they were framed by skilfully drawn eye make-up.
"Do I sense sentimentality from you, Ms Unattached?" Katie teased and poked Lola's side.
"Never."
"Well, then I assume your eyes are just naturally tear-filled."
"That's just because every time I have to listen to your awful jokes I feel the need to cry."
Zoe laughed along with her friends before sending them away. "Girls, I need a moment alone, okay?"
"Sure thing, sweetie. Don't ruin your make-up with some tearful breakdown, though!" Jane warned as she trailed out the door. "And remember: We'll be ready in ten minutes, so be at the double-wing doors in fifteen the latest!"
"Yes, Jane, I know the schedule of my own wedding, thanks," Zoe shook her head, smilingly. Finally alone, she looked at herself in the mirror of the vanity table.
'Well, Vanity isn't the only sin I've committed…' Zoe sighed, 'No, don't think of Sam, not now.'
How was it that she wasn't able to forget him even after the whole month it's been?
Zoe twirled her engagement ring around her finger. Here she was; where she'd always wanted to be. Marrying Marc, starting a family with him… Goals in life couldn't just change within a month, could they?
Zoe leaned back in her chintz chair with a sigh. She looked out the window of the restyled carriage house of the church and watched the sun slowly descending to the horizon.
"You know you're not supposed to see the bride before the wedding-" Zoe started when she realized the hands on her shoulders definitely weren't Marc's. As if someone had poured a bucket of ice cubes down her shirt, Zoe jumped up and almost tripped on her dress as she whirled around. "Sam! What in God's name are you doing here?"
'Good question,' Sam thought helplessly. It wasn't even full moon yet, hell, it wasn't even the night of full moon, but his werewolf instincts were as heightened as if it were midnight on full moon night. He had to experience the newly occurred out-of-habitness of monsters the hard way; he lived it. "Zoe…"
All the accusing questions, all the cold rebuffs Zoe had so meticulously prepared in her nightly self-conversations were swept from her mind like a virus eliminates a hard drive. "Why now?" Her voice was barely more than a whisper; despairing and pleading.
"I can't help it," That sadly was the truth, though not in a way Zoe might think. "I had to come see you…"
"You saw me. Now, please…" Zoe wanted to say 'leave' but the word never left her lips. Good thing she didn't have to say anything.
Sam stepped closer to her. Zoe's wedding dress rustled as he gathered it up to her waist, and unasked, her breath quickened as he pushed her against the vanity table. Brushes and make-up containers clonked to the floor, but all that Zoe heard was Sam's breath on her neck as he placed hot kisses on her skin.
"Sam, I'm getting married now, here… and not to you." Zoe gulped down the lump in her throat.
"Maybe," He growled, "If you'd said that with a little more enthusiasm and less regret, I would stop here."
"Just, please, Sam… I can't. Not anymore. Maybe, if you'd shown up last week, or even yesterday… but now it's too late."
He caressed her cheek deceivingly gently. "If you can honestly tell me you will be able to walk out that door right now, I won't keep you."
A silent tear ran over Zoe's face as she realized what she would inevitably do.
"Where the hell is she?" Katie cursed.
"Please, not in a church," Jane reprimanded softly. "I'm sure she'll be right here, Zoe is always on time. Let's just do our bridesmaid walk down the aisle and she'll float in, perfect timing as always."
When the music started playing, it wasn't like they had any other option left, anyways.
Zoe's back hit the mirror.
The voluminous skirts of her wedding dress were heaped around her waist, her bare legs wrapped around Sam's hips and her tongue intertwined with his. "I want you so badly," She breathed and wasn't even remotely put out by the truth of it; it felt too natural for that.
"Bad is a very fitting cue word," Sam growled and was glad Zoe was too occupied with thinking about the thousand ways this was wrong as that she'd wonder what he truly meant by that.
Just when her wedding march echoed through the church, Zoe dug her nails in Sam's back and let out a lustful cry as he thrust into her.
Faith Heart turned her head, expecting to see her beautiful daughter sashay down the aisle to her awaiting husband-to-very-soon-be, but was faced with an empty doorway faintly illuminated by the fading light outside.
Katie, Jane and Lola looked at each other frantically as the assembled family and friends began to whisper.
Marc exchanged a look with the priest, Zoe's brother Andrew, and both looked equally concerned.
"Isn't a white dress hypocritical for you to wear, Zo?" Sam hissed as he buried a hand in Zoe's neat curls, disarranging them back to the usual loveable waves.
Zoe locked her legs behind Sam's back, taking him deeper. The need to feel him almost consumed her; she wasn't even granted any free brain capacity to think about how she was fucking a man not her fiancée on the day of her wedding, right beside the church, in her wedding dress. "Yes," Zoe whimpered. "Very."
Obedient female. Perfect.
"But it wasn't like you left me with another choice."
Not quite so obedient, apparently. Just as well.
"Indeed I didn't," Sam snarled and rammed into her especially hard, drawing a delicious cry from her lips, "Because you've decided to be my bitch."
Zoe knew those words were offensive, but she couldn't feel offended by them. "I know."
When Zoe didn't show up for five minutes, Katie decisively stood up and beamed at the community. "Well, our little Zoe bee and her nerves! I'll just go see if she passed out somewhere on the way!" She cheerily announced, shot Marc an encouraging look and quickly pranced down the aisle to drag Zoe's ass up to the altar.
The guests chuckled benevolently and Marc smiled; he'd already half-expected Zoe to get nervous, especially with her stage fright and knowing all eyes would be on her today.
Oh, yes, the attention would be on her, alright.
"Oh, fuck, Sam! Ah!"
Katie stopped dead in her tracks, hand frozen on the doorhandle. That was undoubtedly Zoe's voice, and it were undoubtedly her moans, her cries of lust. Just as it was undoubtedly not Marc fucking her in there.
'No, Zoe could never… not her. Not like this, not here, not now…' Katie couldn't walk away, couldn't go in there and catch them in the act; she could just stand there frozen. Forced to witness the rather unambiguous sounds from inside the room.
"God, yes… Sam!"
Sam faintly perceived the other heartbeat just outside the door, but was too focused on Zoe and not biting her as that he could care.
Katie took the backdoor back into the church, not wanting anyone from the guests to read the shock on her face. She stepped close to Marc and whispered through the lump in her throat: "I doubt she's going to show up, Marc. Zoe, she…"
"What?" Marc looked at her, the honest worry in his kind eyes tearing at Katie's heart. "What's wrong with Zoe?"
"She…" Katie swallowed hard. Why did she have to be the one to bear the news nobody wanted to deliver? "She's having it off with someone else in the backroom of the sacristy… Marc, I'm sorry."
"You're…!"
"I wouldn't lie about something like that, believe me."
Marc saw the honesty in Katie's eyes. "Are you sure?"
"Yes. I'm so, so sorry."
The groom shook his head. "Zoe wouldn't do that. I'll go talk to her, I'm sure it's all fine."
"What am I supposed to tell them?" Katie nudged towards the guests, who'd begun whispering again. Marc didn't answer; he was already out the door and on his way to the adjoining building.
Zoe smoothened her skirts; bothering with her hair would be pointless. Her curls were ruined, so she tied them back into a ponytail as that it would be all too obvious a man's hand had just been tugging at them as he passionately kissed her.
Seeing as it wasn't full moon yet, Sam's lust was satisfied for the time being, and he realized he'd just about ruined this girl's reputation. Quite possibly her life if anyone-
"I don't believe it."
Zoe's head shot up, terror like she'd never known before paralyzing her. "Marc!"
Her theoretically-husband turned around in the doorframe and stormed off. All her life, Zoe would never forget the pain on his face. "Marc, wait…!" Zoe ruffled her dress and ran after him as well as she could in the obstructing wedding dress. The hallway lay in semi-darkness, the last sunrays falling in through the windows.
"Don't tell me it's not what it looks like, Zoe!" Marc spat, eyes ablaze as he turned on his heel to face his disloyal former 'five-minutes-from-now-bride'. "You know, I respected your purity ring. I would have waited another year for you, or even longer, because you were worth it. I admired you for your strength, your kindness and your principles, but now I see all too clear just how you'd been able to keep it up: You weren't doing without anything to begin with. I should have seen it sooner."
"Marc, please…" Zoe pleaded, tears in her eyes. "I'm so sorry."
"You seem to have found a way to deal with your grief," Marc hissed and nodded towards the backroom.
"I only met him last month, Marc," Zoe babbled anything that sprang to her mind. It wouldn't really matter what she'd say seeing as she could never find the right words, anyhow.
"Well then, here should go an easy decision for you: The man you're engaged to and who's loved you for two years, or the lover you only met last month and who fucks you so senseless you don't see how many people you hurt with your irrational lust?"
Zoe realized just how much she'd thrown away. Not only Marc, but his love and the love of her family, her reputation, respect… everything.
"Well?"
Zoe's voice quivered when she said with trembling lips: "I'm sorry, Marc. I can't explain it to you, but… Sam, he...we-"
If possible, the pain on Marc's face increased – it almost killed Zoe inside to know she was to be held responsible for that. "Glad to know there's a name for the guy who's granted privileges I never got and never will get. I'm sorry about your choice, though. I loved you, Zoe, and I'd have given you goddamn everything!"
"I know, and if there was any way I could turn time back, I would have never allowed myself to hurt you this way…I never wanted for this to happen!"
"I bet you didn't want me to find out about it. Tell me, how long would you've played this double game?"
Tears were streaming freely over Zoe's cheeks now. "I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you…!"
"Epic fail, Zoe. You just about hurt me the most a person ever could."
Zoe sobbed and wished she could turn back the time, undo all her mistakes. "Marc…"
"Just tell me why."
"I don't know," Zoe whispered, "I just don't know. That's the truth."
"A very poor one. Then again, truth doesn't seem to be your strength. Now, if you'd excuse me, I've got a wedding to call off."
Zoe attempted to follow him, ready to take the blame and not wanting Marc to go through that humiliating process alone, but he harshly snapped: "No, you've done enough. Just leave."
Even now, after she'd hurt him the worst, he still cared about her; he didn't want her have to stand in front of the assembled guests and everyone undoubtedly knowing what must have gone on in the shady backroom, judging from her deranged appearance. "Marc…"
"Leave, Zoe. And don't come back."
The sun had fully disappeared outside when the door closed behind Marc and Zoe was left alone in the dark corridor. Alone with the beast. "Sam…" She called weakly, the lump in her throat nearly choking her.
Sam knew he should feel sorry, set things right and take all the blame, or at least talk it out with the cheated nearly-husband, but with the moon on the rise, all he felt was: Satisfaction and victory. Nothing in the way between him and his mate. She chose him.
Zoe flinched at the sudden touch. Sam had appeared behind her, resting his hands on her shoulders comfortingly and placed a kiss on her neck. "Yes."
"Take me out of here. Please. Just… away."
A good portion of the wedding guests was willing to believe Marc's explanation of Zoe and him having discovered inconsolable differences and that they had agree on not marrying in front of God when they felt it wasn't right. Sure, they wondered why they couldn't have figured that out before, but most agreed that it was better now than a few months from now.
However, Katie's whispered words to Jane and Lola spread faster than a girl could faint at a Robbie Williams concert.
Even the oldest and most naïve guests couldn't shut their eyes to the highly unpleasant truth any longer when Marc's niece pointed out the window to the bride and a stranger leaving. Said stranger having his arm around Zoe's waist and pressing her face to his chest as if shielding her; pointless to deny it was a rather intimate gesture.
Faith Heart fell to her knees and started wailing, praying that her daughter's missteps wouldn't fall back on her and asking God why he'd punish her with such heartache.
Marc left before he could be confronted or attempted to be consoled by anyone.
Andrew decided Zoe could be no sister of his.
Lola arched an impressed eyebrow, Katie ran after Marc and Jane wondered what else they didn't know about Zoe.
On one fact all present guests could agree: Zoe had ruined her own and probably Marc's life, and hurt the people closest to her.
The raindrops tainting Zoe's bridal gown should have been black ink so that the colour of her dress would match her heart.
Thank you all so much for your continued support, you guys are the greatest! =) I made this chapter a little longer to make up for being so slow with the updates!
Hope you liked it and a belated Happy Easter! =D
xoxo
