So for now I'm keeping the updates rather regular. Crossing my fingers that I can continue finding the motivation ;)


I return to my room, tired even with the easier detention punishment. As I enter, neither Ellen or Virgina are in. I thankfully lie down on my bed, close my eyes and just relax one muscle at a time. I lie like that for several minutes before I allow my thoughts to return the conversation I just had with Hieronymous. It feels strange, like it was too easy. 9 months of pretty much complete radio silence and suddenly he is willing to spend time with me again. Not just willing but almost enthusiastic about it. It makes no sense that he would suddenly change his mind. But maybe it isn't so sudden. All those small things I brushed of this year might have been something more than what I thought. They seemed insignificant all by themselves but now they look to be more than I first thought. What about last year? I think back from the day after the divorce to the last day of school. Was there anything that would suggest he regretted his decision to cut me out of his personal life? I think back and can't think of anything until I get to the 2. of May, the very last day of my sophomore year. I was standing out in the courtyard with my luggage waiting for my parents. They were late and almost everyone were already gone. Only very few were staying over the summer because they had nowhere else to go. Ellen would have fitted into that category except that she was invited to stay with the Dansons.

"Guys where are you?"

I stand restlessly trying to will my parents to appear. I'm incredibly impatient to get away from here. These past few months have been tough and I'm more than ready to get some peace from it all. I'm also beginning to sweat. It's only May so it's not too warm yet but still rather uncomfortable to stand around in. I look around and see the tree in the middle of the courtyard to my left with plenty of shade underneath. I pick up my bags and walk over to it so I at least can lean on it and get out of the sun. I stand there for a couple of minutes until I hear footsteps on one of the walkway to my left. As I look up I see Hieronymous walking past. In that moment he looks up and we make eye contact which I quickly end by looking straight forward. The footsteps stop. Then they begin again and this time they are most definitely approaching me. I stand straighter and hold my breath. I almost made it out of here without talking to him. Why must my parents be late today of all days?! The steps stop next to me.

"Have your parents not arrived yet?"

"No," obviously. I'm making a tight fist with my right hand where he can't see it. I'm both sad and angry and scared that I'll say something stupid while lashing out at him. Better to say as little as possible.

"You know you are welcome to wait inside for your parents. I'd rather you did not pass out and cause more trouble for everyone,"

I'm now clenching my hand so hard that my nails are digging into my hand. Could he for once not treat me as someone who only makes problems for others? I keep my eyes ahead, doubting I could hide my temper.

"Don't worry Professor. I have no intention of causing trouble for others. If you don't mind I would prefer waiting out here. My parents should be here any minute,"

I can almost feel him frowning at me. I haven't said anything disrespectful but we both know that the tone I'm using is not my usual tone. The fact that I'm not looking at him and am obviously tense is probably no helping. Before he can say anything though my parents are arriving and is parking up front. I'm relieved beyond measure, my shoulders sacking around me, and I quickly pick up my bags.

"There they are. I should hurry so they have to wait for me. Have a nice vacation Professor," I quickly begin walking forward not having looked at him once.

"You too," I hear him say in a calm controlled voice, but I don't look back. After all there's nothing there for me anymore.

I sit up in one sudden move. I go over the episode in my head again and again. Since I didn't look at him I can only judge from his actions and what he said. I consider everything in a new light knowing what I know now. Maybe he wasn't berating me. Maybe he was actually concerned about me. Wouldn't be the first time he ended up saying things completely wrong and hurting me instead. He can never express how he feels without putting it into some sarcastic remark or other. Then there is the fact that he walked over at all. He could just have walked on, completely ignoring me. All of of this is insignificant evidence. Another reason could be that he was just acting the teacher he was. I feel like I'm grasping at straws but with what just happened I'm apprehensive to just discard the thought. Just then Ellen and Virginia enter the room. Apparently they just got back from the mall.

"So how was detention?" Virginia asks casually after telling everything they did in the mall.

"Okay. Had to read some book about some great wizard. Not too bad. I think I got the better end of the stick in comparison to Donald. Apparently he got to learn a lot more about wild boars, up close and personal,"

"Ha! That's what he gets for always doing pranks. And pulling you into it to boot,"

At this I frown. "He didn't pull me in. I decided to come along on my own. And I don't see why it should make a difference if it's me or someone else who helps him,"

Ellen looks at me with a mix of love and pity. "Of cause it makes a difference Iris. You were married to Professor Grabiner, the two of you were sort of friends until the divorce. I highly doubt you'll ever be just any other student to him,"

I sit back, kinda taken aback by this sudden statement, and just look at her not quite sure what to say to that. "You never believed that before,"

"I did. I just didn't think it would be good for you to hear it,"

I look down feeling rather unsure before saying "He just agreed to have tea with me again,"

The silence that followed was deafening.

"He WHAT?!" Virginia jumps up and I have a good idea about what's coming. "For almost a YEAR be barely talks to you, barely recognizes your existence, and now he suddenly wants to what? Pretend nothing happened? That he didn't completely break your heart and step all over it?!"

"Virginia!" Ellen yells.

"What?!" Virginia yells back, still in a fit.

"I don't know," I say in a low voice. They both turn to look at me. "I don't know what he is expecting. He said it was up to me to decide who I want to spend my time with. That the reason he ignored me for so long was to protect me but since it's obviously not what I want he's gonna stop. I don't know what this means and I don't know what's gonna happen but I know that I'm not ready to give up on him. If I get my heart broken again it's my own damn fault," at this I look up at them. "I know you both care a lot about me and don't want to see me get hurt again but this is something i have to do,".

There is a moment where there is complete quiet in the room as we stare at each other. Then Virginia sighs heavily and slumps down on her bed.

"Fine, I'll support you or whatever, but don't come crying to me when it all blows in your face,".

"Got it," I can't help smiling knowing that if it all really does blow up in my face she'll be ready to take a swing at Hieronymous no matter how scary he is.

"If it makes you happy we'll support you in it," Ellen says, an almost motherly smile on her face. I'm pretty lucky I've got such good roommates.

The next week on tuesday and wednesday Minnie and I meet with with the volunteers to make figurines. There are quite a few but to make sure everything made is of a good quality we have to set of extra time. I made everything from a reindeer to a cabin to a little girl standing in the wind in a winter coat and dress. The last one I couldn't quite explain though Virginia asked. Not one figurine is alike and so it takes a while. At least once both days Hieronymous checks in, probably making sure we're not destroying the classroom but by wednesday we are satisfied with the amount that's been made and Potsdam rewards us all 10 merits. Saturday comes around and we all gather the supplies in a van and drive down to the mall with Hieronymous as chaufour. As a Junior my shift is pretty early. The shifts begin from about 9 am and are in 1 hour intervals which means the juniors's shifts are from 11 am to 12 pm and 12 pm to 1 am. I get the later shift. When I was a freshman I stood at the booth almost 2 hours more than I was supposed to, 4 hours in total since I took both shifts. No wonder my legs gave under me. The first few hours I get something to eat and do some window shopping. As the time for my shift approaches I walk towards the booth. Minnie smiling and talking merrily to two teenage girls. She looks to be doing good. Hieronymous is sitting some way to the left of the booth. I waver for a moment but then walk over to stand next to him leaning against the wall. Apparently the book is not too fascinating since he actually notices me.

"Early, are you?" he says after quickly glancing at me and looking back down at his book.

"Well it wouldn't do to have Minnie fall over in exhaustion from standing too long," a small chuckle.

At this he smiles slightly. "That it wouldn't. Though I doubt most others would be so foolish,"

"Calling me foolish, Professor?" I say grinning

His smile broadens a little "That you most certainly are,"

At this I laugh. Others might have been miffed but I know his dry sense of humor and honestly I like it. From then on there is a companionable silence until I have to switch with Minnie. I notice that quite a lot of the figurines are already gone. They are being sold for 10 $ a piece so it should be a good help in raising enough funds. The hour passes quickly and when I'm done, I take the bus back to school. That night as I lie in bed I remember the conversation I had with Virginia on wednesday. That was the day I made the little girl figurine. Virginia had commented on how lonely it looked and asked how I could think of christmas looking at it. At the time I had no reply. I didn't know why it was. Now I thought about it again. A small girl standing in the snow alone. It was rather odd I guess. I imagine the little girl in my head to see what kind of feelings and thoughts it might produce. I feel cold but not lonely. Then suddenly I feel with some certainty that she is waiting. Waiting for someone? Yes, she's looking out into the dark waiting for someone to appear. But who? And who is this little girl? I focus more strongly on the girl trying to see a face or something. And that's when a memory pierces through. The little girl is me. Many years ago, maybe 14 or something, I was standing in the snow waiting for someone. It was cold and dark and and very late. The cold wind is biting my face, snow entering my eyes, the cold seeping through my clothes and boots and yet I'm stubbornly waiting for someone. No matter how hard I try I can't remember anymore than that. I keep trying to remember something, anything but give up when I begin getting a headache. After some time I fall asleep, feeling like I've forgotten something very important.

The next week we only have two days of classes before we go home on tuesday for our thanksgiving break. On tuesday we're all summoned for an assembly in the gym. This is a tradition which is done every year. We all hold hands while we thank our loved ones, the earth and otherworlds. We thank for what we have been given and will give and a lot of other things. As it finishes we all rush to our room to get our things. When I get to the courtyard my parents are already there. As I'm walking towards them I see Hieronymous standing around, barking at students and making sure no parents see something they shouldn't. When he turns around I catch his attention. He smiles and nods at me, I do the same before before hurrying on. It's a rather cold october day but somehow my face feels like it's burning up.