By spending time in their medical center, for the first time I finally felt like myself again. Helping people was what I was meant to do, however, in these months it's been as a leader, not a doctor. Don't get me wrong, I felt honored when people only wanted to listen to me. That I was the only person they felt safe with leading them. When the rest of the Ark came down, it was hard to give up the title of leader. I was so accustomed to it, I didn't want to let it go. My people chose me. I wasn't going to let them down. So, I kept the title, though not officially being the "leader", and worked side-by-side with Kane. However, before I was a doctor and the leader, but now they were professionals that could take over the doctor part. So I had to give that part of me up, no matter how much is hurt me. But now, being here, not being disturbed every minute to make a life or death decision, I was able to reclaim that part of me that I lost, and it felt amazing. I mean, it wasn't life changing surgeries, but the idea of making people feel even the tiniest bit better was amazing.
"Clarke?" I hear from a small voice behind me.
"You ok Lilly?" Lilly was a small child, maybe 7 or 8, and she was going through what we call the stomach flu. In the beginning stages she threw up. A lot. She then slept for five hours straight. I examine her face and notice that her color's coming back.
"I think I'm feeling better." She gives me a small smile.
"Here" I hand her a cup of water, "see if you can handle water without throwing up. If you make it through that cup, I'll see about you getting some food." I look outside and see that it's about dark, and my stomach begins to growl. I've been non-stop pretty much all day, so there wasn't anytime to eat lunch. Making sure Lilly's okay, I walk towards another sleeping child with the same illness. It must be going around. I feel his head, making sure his fever's going down.
"Well if it isn't Dr. Clarke Griffin." a deep voice says behind me.
I turn around and find Bellamy standing at the door. I give him a smile. "Hey, what are you doing here?"
"Argo was on his way to relieve you, but I told him I'd come and get you. I was wondering if you were hungry?" He says the last part a bit timidly.
"Definitely hungry. Just wait outside, I'll be out in a second." He nods, and walks outside. I turn to Lilly. "You think you'll be ok for a little bit by yourself. You seem to be better, and the other kid is out cold, so you both should be fine."
"Yeah, go eat, you've been taking care of me all day, plus one of us deserves to eat." She is very mature, I note, for a child. I notice she's till drinking from her cup.
"Tell Argo what I said about our deal with the water. And if he doesn't believe you tell him to find me. I want both of us to eat ok?" She nods, and goes back to slowly drinking her water. I grab my jacket and wave goodbye. Making my way outside, Bellamy is right where I asked him to be. When he notices me, we both begin to walk towards the dining area. "So, how was your day?" I ask, because I assume this is a normal conversation a normal married couple would have at the end of the day.
"It was pretty good. Nothing bad happened, which is always a good thing. It was honestly a pretty slow day, so I even led a hunting party, which I never have time for these days. How was yours?"
I smile. "It was really good. Like really good." I gush. "I forgot how amazing it all was, helping people. I really missed it. I also met so many good people today too. Octavia told me that if I wanted I can come in whenever I want to help, which is awesome. It just felt so good to-" I stop abruptly when I see Bellamy staring at me with a look of amazement on his face. "What?" I ask, not really knowing what I said.
He blushes knowing I caught him. "It's just, I've never seen someone as passionate about helping people as you. It's honestly hard to find selfless people in this world, and you Clarke Griffin are one of those people."
My eyes go wide. That was one of the sweetest things anyone's ever said about me. I try to speak but nothing comes out. "I, uh, I-I, thank you." I finally manage to get out.
He smiles wider, but doesn't say anything.
"So, I guess we're talking again?" I ask. Probably not the best time to ask, but it had to be done.
He laughs awkwardly. "Uh, yeah, about that. Octavia talked to me about my weird behavior last night, and I just wanted to apologize. It wasn't anything you did, it was all me."
I sigh. "If we're going to make, whatever this is, work, we have to talk things through. If you do something that makes me mad or uncomfortable, then I'll be direct with you, and I guess I want to know if I can expect the same from you?"
We stop walking and he turns to me. "You can. It's not something I would normally do, but you're right. In order to make this work we have to communicate about our problems, so that's what we'll do from now on. I promise, no more silent Bellamy." He gives me a smile.
"Good, because I don't like silent Bellamy. Now come on, I'm starving, I haven't eaten all day." I confess, as we begin to walk again.
His stare goes hard. "And why not?"
I laugh nervously. "I didn't want to leave" I admit, "plus, there was no time."
"That is unacceptable. You have to eat Clarke. It's no good for your patients if you pass out from starvation." He points out.
"Uh..It's only-"
"So in order to solve this problem I will bring you lunch everyday, so you don't have to leave, but you'll at least get to eat."
Why is he so good to me. "I can't ask you to do that."
"You didn't. I volunteered. Now you won't be able to change my mind, so let's hurry up and get you food before you pass out."
"I swear, the food just keeps getting better and better. And I'm still not convinced that drugs aren't put in."
Bellamy laughs. "You are something else Princess, you know that." Once we reach our door Bellamy stops. "Stop, and close your eyes."
I make a face. "Why?"
He makes a frustrated noise. "Because, I have a surprise for you. A gift to make up for the way I acted yesterday."
I give him a skeptical look, but I close my eyes. I hear him open the door, and then he slowly guides me into the room. I hear him getting something, and then I feel him right next to me. "Ok, open your eyes." I open them and I'm faced with an easel stacked with paper, and Bellamy hands me a box, filled with pencils and...paint. My mouth drops, and I don't even know what to say.
"How did you know I liked to draw and paint." It's the only thing I can say without sounding like an idiot.
"During our talk in the woods, you said something about drawing trees, so I assumed it was a thing you liked to do. So I went down to the market and bought these for you." he stops a moment. "Do you like it?"
I turn to face him. Tears have begun to well up in my eyes. Nothing comes to my mind that even begins to capture my gratefulness. So instead of saying anything, I put the box on the couch, twirl my arms around his neck, and hug him. I obviously startle him, but he soon returns my embrace, putting his arms around my waist. "Thank you Bellamy." I pull back and look him straight in eyes. "This is the nicest thing anyone, and I mean anyone, has ever done for me in a long time."
He smiles. "It was my pleasure."
I notice we're still locked in this embrace, so I quickly remove my arms, and so does he. I try to contain my excitement, but before I can comprehend what I'm doing, I squeal. The rest of the night, I began drawing, as Bellamy lays on the couch reading. I barely even notice at first what I'm drawing, till I notice it's of Bellamy. It's of how he is now, sprawled on the couch, book in hands, and frown on his face, except, instead of a frown I draw a smile, because that's the Bellamy I like best. Once it gets later in the night we both decide it's time to put up and go to sleep. However, it isn't till I'm half way asleep that I notice that instead of sleeping back to back like we normally do, we're sleeping face to face, and both of us are wearing smiles.
It's been 2 weeks since I came to the Capitol, and I've felt more like myself here, then I did at Arkadia. I honestly didn't realize how much of me I had stored away in order to be the leader, but being here with Bellamy, Octavia and Lincoln, working in the medbay by day, drawing by night, I finally realize the sacrifices I've made in the past. I've also gotten very comfortable here, probably because Bellamy and I have actually gotten really close. Though we don't see each other much during the day, he did keep his promise, and has brought me lunch everyday so far. We spend that hour of lunch talking, and laughing, and after the two weeks, I didn't think that anyone else knew me better then him. I knew it wasn't long, but when you spend almost your whole day with someone, and even share a room with them, you get to know them pretty well. We have fought quite a few times, but that's just because we're both stubborn, but we've been able to talk out all of our problems. Meaning no more silent treatment.
I hear quiet snoring next to my ear, so I know Bellamy is still asleep. I wiggle around a little and Bellamy's arm tightens around my waist. Yeah, that's another new thing in our "relationship". It progressed pretty slowly. After we stopped sleeping back to back, over the nights we just slowly moved towards each other till I fell asleep every night wrapped in his arms. We don't talk about it, and I am pretty sure it's intentional. And I'm afraid if I do bring it up, it won't end in a good conversation. So instead, I just enjoy the warm feeling of Bellamy, not caring that this will probably not end well, and drift back to sleep.
When I wake up again, I hear Bellamy moving around, I presume he's getting dressed. Knowing he still hasn't left for his duties means that I still have a few more hours of sleep till I'm due in the infirmary. So I don't open my eyes, and let Bellamy believe I am still asleep. It goes quiet for a few seconds, so I assume he's left the room, but then I feel him close to me, and then I feel like lips on my cheek.
"Goodbye Clarke." He whispers.
I'm frozen. My heart is about to pound out of my chest. The reason he did that was because he thought I was asleep, but the real question is, would he have done that if he knew I was awake?
"He kissed your cheek!?" Octavia yells.
My eyes go wide. "Seriously? I don't think people in space were able to hear you, can you say it a little louder?" I ask sarcastically. After the incident with the kiss on the cheek, I wasn't able to go back to sleep, and for the past few hours I have been over analyzing it to the point that I almost came to the conclusion that Bellamy might actually like me. I knew my thought was crazy, so I called in reinforcements, which just happened to be Octavia and Lincoln.
She grins sheepishly. "Sorry, but Bellamy is never that sweet, especially when he thinks a girl is asleep. He totally likes you."
I roll my eyes. "He does not." Right?
She gives me an exasperated look. "Come on! He bought you art supplies, because you mentioned you liked drawing once. He visits you everyday during lunch to make sure you eat, and also because he loves talking to you, which he told me by the way. And, he kissed your cheek when he though you were asleep. All this only adds up to one thing. He. Likes. You. Now, the only question is, do you like him back?"
I open my mouth to respond with a hard no, but nothing comes out. I swallow. Octavia grins widely.
"I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!" She yells.
I cover my face with my hands and groan. I didn't plan this, and trust me I definitely did not want this, but I couldn't help how I felt. I didn't even realize it before this moment. I thought we were becoming really good friends, and I pushed away the butterflies I felt in my stomach every time he was around me as nothing. I told myself that the fact that my heart beat faster every time I saw him as something not to worry about. I groan again. "What am I going to do?"
Lincoln speaks for the first time. "You can tell him how you feel."
I close my eyes. That's the last thing I want to do. "And what if he doesn't feel the same way, and then our whole friendship is ruined?"
Octavia gives me a look which I can only interpret as 'are you stupid'. "Have you not been hearing what I've been saying? Bellamy Blake, my stubborn, but lovable brother, who I have known all my life, likes you. A lot. More than he's ever liked anybody."
"I invited you guys over to talk some sense into me, not to persuade me in my thoughts."
"If you needed us to prove you wrong so you coulds stop thinking about this, doesn't that already show you that what your thinking is real?" Lincoln says.
When did he become the wise, all-knowing man?
Octavia stands up, pulling Lincoln with her. "I think you need sometime to think by yourself. I'll tell Argo you needed a day off."
I start to protest but she stops me. "Your head is not clear to be working on sick people. Enjoy your day, walk around the Capitol, paint, do whatever, but make sure you figure out what you want, because in our world, a war could be right around the corner, so you have to live everyday like it's your last, because it might be. And you don't want to regret not telling him how you feel."
They leave, and I am stunned in silence. I spend the rest of my day contemplating Octavia's words, and by the time the sun starts to set, I make a decision. I am going to tell Bellamy Blake how I feel about him, and I pray to God he feels the same way about me.
I've been pacing the last hour, because any minute Bellamy could walk through the door, and I was afraid I was going to back out. 'You can do this Clarke' I say in my mind, 'You managed to keep almost 100 prisoners from dying on Earth without any adults, so you can tell your husband how you feel about him.' I'm taken away from my thoughts by the sound of the door opening.
"Hey Clarke."
I swallow, and my hands are shaking. "Hey Bellamy, how was your day?"
He sets his bag down. "It was going fine till I learned you skipped work today. Is something wrong?"
I can't stop playing with my hands. "Umm, no.. I mean, kind of." I stutter. I can't do this. You have to do this. My brain and my heart keep fighting, and I honestly don't know who's going to win. Octavia's thoughts are running through my mind, 'you have to live everyday like it's your last, because it might be. And you don't want to regret not telling him how you feel.'
His eyes go a little wide. "Is this because of the kiss on the cheek this morning? I had a feeling you were awake, and I'm sorry I did it. I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry I made you feel uncomfortable. It won't happen again. And if it's also about how we've been sleeping the past couple weeks, I'm also sorry about that. I know we haven't talked about it, but I'll keep my hands to myself during the night. We can even put pillows between us-"
He continues babbling for awhile, and the fact that he's more nervous than me, somehow makes me less nervous. A small smile makes its way onto my face. For some reason, and God knows why, I like this idiot, and I finally know what I have to do. I step forward till I'm face to face with him, and I cup his face with my hands. He stops talking once he realizes how close we are. "Bellamy, any other day, I would love to hear you talk, but right now, I need you to shut up."
He nods.
And before I can comprehend what's happening, I pull his face to mine, and I kiss him. It doesn't take much time for him to respond. At first it was slow, our lips moving in synch with each other, but then it began to move faster. His tongue swept my lower lip, begging for entrance, and I happily obliged. His arms wrapped around my waist, and my arms went around his neck, my fingers digging into his hair.
And then it was over as quickly as it begun.
Breathless, Bellamy begins to speak. "I give you full permission to do that everytime you think I'm talking too much."
I giggle. I giggle. "Thanks for the consent." And I lean in, and kissed him again. I have to remind myself to thank Octavia tomorrow.
I am so sorry! I have totally been MIA for like a month and I apologize. School has been kicking my ass, and I haven't had to sleep, let alone write. I hope you enjoyed this chapter *wink *wink*. I wasn't going to have them kiss till next chapter but I wanted to be nice because of my absent. Hope you all had a nice Easter break if you celebrate Easter, and if you don't I hope you had a nice regular evening!
