Chapter 24- Punishment

The room was dark, exactly as he preferred it. Not even a candle was lit. Only in this complete darkness could he feel alone with his thoughts. Up until now, Takasugi had spent his time calculating. He weighed the implications of Matako's death and of Bansai's. He knew his decision to send her against Bansai had been rash. It hadn't mattered to him then. Even now, in his bitterness, it still barely mattered. But he was sane enough know that if Bansai chose to fight seriously, Matako would most likely die. His last underling would be lost. Shinsuke would have to start over. Reassembling a new Kiheitai would take years.

Yet here she was. Shinsuke could see the silhouette of the gunslinger standing in his doorway. He wondered what manner of message she carried with her, though he already presumed its nature. Once her face became visible, he would instantly know. And then he would decide on her fate.

Matako saw the bandaged man's figure sitting crossed legged on the floor. The tobacco in the room felt thicker than usual. She ignored the pungent scent. Kijima's mind was preoccupied with who lay in front of her. Shinsuke had in his hands his unsheathed katana. The blade, as clean as it was, reflected the light Matako had allowed to slip into the room. Had Shinsuke been sitting in total darkness this entire time? Matako forgot this pointless thought. She was trying to think of the words she had rehearsed. They were broken and clouded by a sudden terror taking her. Matako clenched her fist. If she was going to speak to Shinsuke, she couldn't allow an ounce of fear to possess her.

"Tell me," said Shinsuke softly. His deep silky voice, with all its subtlety, commanded her attention. "Is he dead?"

Matako was silent. Her eyes were fixed on his katana for a moment. They slowly returned to staring at his face. Shinsuke's black aura was crushing her. She struggled to answer. Only one word was needed.

"No"

Shinsuke's eye began to twitch. It narrowed and glared up at her.

It had been almost a minute now. Shinsuke's gaze was still relentlessly upon her. Matako wanted to clutch her chest. It felt like her heart was ready to explode.

"Kijima" he said. His tone was loud and clear.

"Didn't I say that if you failed- to never return?"

Takasugi said, "I thought the consequences of your failure would be obvious. I thought you would have realized now…. I have no use for a traitorous subordinate."

She saw his blade slowly come forward. The muscles in his arm were pulsating as his grip on it tightened. All of his hate was about to be unleashed on her.

What was it I came here to say?

She saw Shinsuke standing up and positioning his blade towards her throat.

Did I come here to die?

No that's not right. I made a promise to Bansai-senpai didn't I? I said I'd save the Kiheitai. I said I'd save Shinsuke-sama. But what words can I say to break his hatred? I'm no good with this sort of thing. But… I have to try. Shinsuke-sama, I've followed after you all this time seeking your affection. Only, I really do care about you. I care enough to die for you. I adored you Shinsuke-sama. I still do. Why is that? Heh, why am I asking myself questions I already know the answer to? It's obvious isn't it? It's because—

"I love you. I love you Shinsuke-sama."

Shinsuke didn't seem any different after her answer. He asked, "If that were the case, then why did you betray me? You promise one thing and deliver the opposite. Before you die, tell me one thing. Why did you come back? Was it simply to confess to me?"

"No. I didn't come back to confess my feelings. I came here for you."

Matako continued, "Bansai-senpai didn't just escape. The truth is, when the time came, he surrendered. I couldn't kill him. You probably expected that right?"

"I had to know." said Shinsuke, "But it turned out that my left hand was as traitorous as my right. It only makes sense then that I cut them both off."

"Shinsuke-sama, things aren't how either of us expected. Bansai-senpai taught me something. He opened my eyes. I know now that I can't go on like this. No matter how much I love you, I can't kill innocent people. I won't do your dirty work anymore."

He laughed lightly and said, "How classic. So the assassin developed a conscious too eh? And what use will it be for you now on? You survived in this hateful world by shedding blood. You think if you throw away your weapon, you'll be redeemed? Do you honestly think that the same can happen for me?"

Matako frowned at him. She wasn't afraid to speak her mind anymore. The blade in his hand had lost its edge.

"Yes."

Shinsuke clenched his teeth and spoke, "I have nothing here. I refuse to accept it. I refuse to accept this world—changing… forgetting. This world that made our sacrifices in vain, that stole my teacher from me. It should die for its sins. Maybe then, it can be redeemed. Maybe then the beast inside me will be silent. But until then, I will pursue my goal. Alone or with the Kiheitai- it doesn't matter. I'll kill anyone who stands in my way. I'll sacrifice anyone to advance that goal. That will never change."

Shinsuke then said, "You expect me to integrate with such a treacherous society? I've already sunk to its level, followed its diseased teachings, and betrayed everything my sensei stood for. But never, will I forget what it did and become a part of it. Forgiveness won't change anything. If history has taught us one thing Kijima, it's that the sword shapes the face of this world. So I'll use this blade to restore Edo. And I'll start by killing you."

Time slowed down for her as she saw his blade plunge towards her forehead. Her eyes remained steady. In a second it would be over.

"So that's it." she said.

His blade stopped momentarily.

"What is?" he asked. He wanted to hear her last words.

"The reason you're suffering so much. You lost the person who you cared for the most. I've never felt such a pain. I never had anyone like that- not until the Kiheitai. Not until you. Shinsuke-sama, why are you running?"

"Running?" he asked.

"Just because I spared Bansai-senpai, doesn't mean I'm no longer useful. So why are you killing me? I think it's because I betrayed your trust. You put your faith in him and he left. And when I was tested, I failed as well. So it's easier to just kill me and forget- to put everything on your shoulders. But is that all right? Do you just want to be alone forever? Are you just gonna run away? What is it you want? To keep on killing and killing until everyone is dead, including you? But really, you said it yourself: you've gone against everything your master taught. You've become no different than the Amanto. You're as much a traitor as I am."

Shinsuke grit his teeth and began to hiss manically. His blade was trembling. It took every ounce of his self to control to not lose it. If he lost it for a single second, his former comrade would be a bloody stain on the floor. But he wanted to fight her.

"There's only one difference." said Matako, "I'm not about to leave you. I want to fill that hole in your heart. I don't want to see you possessed by your sword any longer. I want to see you smile. Though, I don't know if people like us are meant to be happy. But I'm positive we're not meant to live like this. Bansai chose to do what was right. Just like he convinced me, the same applies to you. You can put aside your revenge if you want. That choice is still in front of you."

He quietly said, "I've already made my choice. And not you or anyone else can sway me. Now just die, softly and silently."

She felt the blade twist and draw a drop of blood from her head. Matako suddenly grabbed the blade and pushed it to the side.

"Is this how you want it to be?!" she said, "Is this who you want to be?"

Her voice lowered and became shakier. "You don't mind the aching inside your chest? Knowing it could have been different? You don't care that you kill so many people, all for a dream that won't end in happiness?"

Shinsuke said, "I already said nothing matters. As for this pain, I feel nothing of the sort. I feel no remorse in killing a single soul. Perhaps things are different now, but I've never really changed. I have always desired to protect Edo. But this hatred has always existed within me. This is my way of saving the city I loved. This is my way of avenging the master I loved. I know loneliness. He was the father to a boy who knew only sorrow. He showed him a world of honor, peace, and happiness. But Sensei's ideals were too pure. They could never exist after the Amanto's taint and after Edo desecrated his memory."

He continued, "It's not that I forgot his words, but to make things right, I chose this path. I chose to acknowledge that hatred. And as I already said so clearly, the sword is the only path that leads to victory. I am not as pure as Sensei was. I am not meant for his perfect Edo. But I was too weak to save him and to stop this invasion. I won't fail again. I'll never drop my blade and forget his existence. If that is what you call humanity, then it is my last shred of it. But Kijima, not all human traits are good. And we are all immoral beings. This may not be what my sensei wanted, but neither is any of this world."

"That's why" he said, "That's why I have to destroy it. Not just for the urge biting my soul, but for everything this world has lost!"

"It's not lost!" she said, "Don't you get it? We're the ones… we're the ones who won't forgive it. We're the ones who don't want it to recover. People like us, who make others remember their guilt, are the same ones who won't let them change. It's because of us that Edo can never be the perfect place your sensei wanted."

Matako's hand released his blade. To her surprise, his sword had begun to falter.

Kijima softened her gaze. She said, "Shinsuke-sama, we're worse than the Amanto. Alien, human, it doesn't matter. Not everyone is guilty and even the guilty can change. Why won't you give Edo that chance?"

Matako smiled. "Let's build the Edo your master loved together."


Author's Note: Matako attacks with "Sensei's Wishes". Shinsuke's resolve takes 10 points of damage.