Norman Jayden sat at the grand piano, playing a few notes before playing a whole section of a song. He messed up a note near the end, though, so he gave up and leaned his head against the keys.
"Your vodka, sir." said the waiter who had arrived. "If you don't mind me saying, sir, you seem preoccupied. Trouble with the case?"
"That too. What the hell was Blake tryin' to do to me the'e? That's strangely the biggest question on my mind right now."
"Perhaps you should inform his boss."
"What good would that do? He won't listen to me."
"What about that Ethan Mars character, sir?"
"... I like him. I really do. I just hope my feelin's a'en't gettin' in the way of my judgement... He does seem innocent, and the geopro-" Before Jayden could finish, his ARI glasses were quite literally punched off of him.
Blake stood beside him, looking furious. "So the truth comes out!"
"Fuck! Blake, what the hell?!"
"I'll smash those fucking glasses! 'I hope my feelings aren't getting in the way of my judgement'. Hah! Your judgement's blind as a fucking bat when it comes to him, Norm! So you like him, is that it?! You love him?! You wanna get him off?!"
"Blake, stop!" Jayden's face reddened a bit and he tried to shove Blake, who was getting closer and closer, away from himself.
"Be a man, Norman! Is it true?! Is what I say about your relationship with Ethan Mars fucking true?!"
"Fuck off, Blake! Back the fuck off, or I will info'm Captain Perry about how you keep tryin' to rape me!"
"Don't flatter yourself, kid!" However, Blake was already trying to get Jayden's belt off again.
Jayden slapped him right across the face.
"Hah! You trying to fight me with the force of a woman, Norm?! Not gonna work!"
"Would you ratha the force of a man?!" Jayden slammed his fist into Blake's cheek, sending the man reeling. "I'm not afraid to kick you in the balls again if you evah come on to me like that again, Blake." That said, Jayden walked out and slammed the door.
'He really fucking loves to slam doors today, doesn't he?' Blake rolled his eyes at the thought. 'Fuck, he's probably going to go free Ethan... Oh, fuck it! Let him! I'll kill him either way, I know that for sure now!'
Jayden hurried into the interrogation room. There was a cop inside who sort of laughed to see Jayden, and the agent sneered.
"Leave us alone." Jayden ordered.
"Uh... But your man told me to stay."
"GET. OUT." Jayden ordered again, much more harsh.
"Okay, excuse me, princess." The cop walked out of the room, but was surely right outside.
"What's he talking about, Norman?" Ethan asked quietly.
Jayden helped Ethan up and corrected the desk's position in the room, giving him his chair back before sitting across from him and sighing. "Blake wouldn't leave me alone, so I attacked him, and he countah'd this by tryin' to strip me in front of everyone in the station..." He mumbled shamefully.
Ethan's eyes narrowed. "The fuck he did...!"
"He came at me just a minute ago and tried again... Ethan, I'm a little scared."
Ethan felt his hate for this lieutenant growing even stronger. "Jayden, this might sound crazy, bu-"
"I'm gettin' you outta he'e." Jayden cut in with exactly the same idea Ethan was about to 'suggest'. "I can't have him hurt ya enehmo'e than he has already."
"But what about you, Norman?"
Norman shook his head. "Ya just think' about yerself and Shaun. I'll be fine; Shaun's the one that really needs yer help."
Ethan opened his mouth to argue further, but before he could, Jayden stood.
"Stay quiet about this. I'll go find the handcuffs and a disguise fer ya." Jayden walked out of the room, being replaced by the cop again.
Ethan leaned his head against the desk, mixed emotions boiling up inside him. 'God fucking damn that Carter Blake.'
Jayden walked out of the interrogation room only to have everyone stare at him, some suppressing laughter. Jayden couldn't stop himself from sneering at them. He walked into the observation room.
"You can go. I'll watch ovah him." He said over the microphone.
"Alright, princess. Watch your rear. Cuffs are on my desk in case you need to have him jerk you off with two hands."
"Just get the fuck outta the room."
The cop left Ethan alone in the room and Jayden noticed that the camera was off.
'I certainly hope it didn't catch Blake spillin' the secret about my addiction to Tripto... How did he know, enehways? I'll have to ask 'im latah.' Jayden walked out and looked for the cuffs.
Everyone was staring at him still.
'If they want flamboyant and gay, I'll fuckin' show them flamboyant and gay.' With that thought, Jayden started to dance seductively over to the desk to (by some logic) lessen suspicions.
Perry watched and covered his face, shaking his head, while Blake stood near him and got a little hot under the collar.
'What the fuck am I doin'.' Jayden wanted to just drop the act and fall to the floor laughing, but he had to get the keys.
Once he made it to the desk with the keys, he shot his leg up and rubbed it a little, gazing at everyone who stared at him in turn with this cheeky grin on his flushed face.
Everyone either cheered or laughed, not noticing that while he was rubbing his leg, he had picked up the keys and hid them up his sleeve.
He then dropped his leg from the desk and started to strut back to the interrogation room. He gave Blake a very blunt wink and a "chk-chk" before gracefully picking up a coat someone had left and walking back into the interrogation room. Once inside, he instantly dropped his act and held the door closed with his back against it, looking as though he'd seen a ghost.
"That didn't take too long. What happened?" Ethan asked.
"I just had to do the most embarrassin' I've had to do in my entiah life to get these goddahmn keys."
"And that is?"
"Trust me, Ethan, ya wouldn't undahstand." Jayden walked over and undid the cuff holding Ethan's wrist to the desk and handed him the coat. "Ya have to go fast. Don't stop, don't talk, don't even th-"
Ethan grabbed Jayden by the collar of the shirt, which set the agent off until he was kissed passionately. Jayden didn't know what to do exactly; he just sort of stood there awkwardly, accepting the kiss.
Ethan pulled away. "Why don't you kiss back?"
Blake stormed in to see them making out on the floor. "WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS FUCKERY?! I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR THREE FUCKING MINUTES AND YOU'RE ALREADY MAKING OUT?!"
Jayden gasped to see Blake there and pulled away from Ethan. Blake pulled out his handgun and started to corner Jayden, but Ethan then revealed that he had taken Jayden's gun during the makeout session and he aimed it at Blake.
"Hands on your head. Drop the gun, or I'll shoot you in the head right now, lieutenant." Ethan demanded harshly.
"Clever man." Blake said sarcastically as he put the gun down. "I won't let you be the one to get Norman, Mars."
"Too late, lieutenant."
Jayden narrowed his eyes as he looked at the two of them. "Wait... Was this a bet between y'two?"
"What? No!" Ethan denied it, but Blake laughed.
"He catches on so quickly, doesn't he, Mars?"
Jayden scowled at both of them.
"Norman, Christ! Who are you going to believe, him or me?!" Ethan tried to plead with him while Blake continued to lie.
Jayden's glare softened and was then directed with full force at Blake alone.
"Oh, oh, so you'll believe the crazy-schizophrenic-child-murderer, but not me? I'm hurt, Norman." Blake batted his eyelashes with puppy dog eyes and a quivering frown.
"That look really doesn't suit ya, Blake. If yer tryin' to look like a puppy, yer lookin' like a real ugly one." Jayden then gestured to Ethan. "Just go. I'll handle this."
"No, I-"
"Go. Shaun needs ya. I'll be fine."
Looking at Jayden, then at Blake, and then back at Jayden, Ethan hesitantly put the coat on, slipped the gun away, and hurried out of the police station, hoping that leaving Jayden behind wouldn't come back to haunt him.
Scott Shelby entered Manfred's typewriter shop with Lauren Winter close behind.
"Manfred~!" Scott cooed, happy to see an old friend.
"Scott~!" Manfred hugged him, and Scott took pleasure in scarring Lauren again.
Scott then quickly shot Manfred in the face.
"OH MY GOD, SCOTT!" Lauren looked horribly disturbed.
"What?"
"Why'd you shoot him?!"
"Did I shoot him? Oops." Scott then picked up the phone to call the police.
"Scott, no!" Lauren grabbed his arm with her small hands. "If you call the cops they might arrest you! Please, don't... I don't want to be alone."
Oh, how Scott loved her so. Right then and there, he kissed her, but then the cops barged in.
At the police station, Scott sat next to Ash, who questioned him with rhetorical questions. Scott said whatever to them, alternating between yes and no without truly hearing the questions.
'Where is Jayden? I don't see him anywhere... and why is Blake pacing like a worried spouse?' Scott put two and two together to get six, then he jumped up and walked over, ignoring Ash, who kept running his mouth.
Blake kept pacing, looking at the floor.
"Hey, Carter." Scott said casually.
Blake looked over at him. "I should scream out your true identity right now." He growled.
"Yeah, you probably should, but you won't for the sake of the story. Say, where's that sick guy from before?" Scott asked, not certain if Blake knew yet that he was knowledgeable on Jayden, more so than the lieutenant.
"Fuck if I know, that's why I'm so worried. He disappeared!"
"Hmm, too bad. I'd find him, if I were really a private investimagatorrator."
"Get the fuck out, Scott."
Scott blasted into orbit around the building.
Ethan Mars stood in front of the door of Brad Silver's apartment. He wanted to kill this guy regardless of necessity, mostly to take out some of his rage that had been caused by Carter Blake.
Silver opened the door with this adorable face that made Ethan hesitate.
"Awwwww..."
Silver then turned into a disgruntled Asian.
Ethan had never aimed and shot a handgun faster.
Madison Paige was sitting on her motorcycle, petting a chicken that she had grown fond of.
A meteor suddenly wiped her (but not the chicken, mind you) off of the face of the earth.
"Moo." announced the chicken as it floated gracefully into the stratosphere.
Jackson Neville, better known as Mad Jack, sat in his construction vehicle, moving a car.
"Could ya stop that thin'?" asked a voice from behind him that startled him. He took his time in turning off the vehicle before he glanced over his shoulder.
Behind him was a skinny, pale white guy. He had a black eye and looked to be having trouble even standing, and he also had bruises elsewhere that Jack could see. Yet the man still looked moderately determined, even as he shivered from the constant pour of the chilled rain. Jack got out of the construction vehicle and stood in front of the man, nearly towering over him.
"I'm Agent Nahman Jayden of the FBI. Could we talk?"
"I'm listening."
"Could we go inside?"
Jayden sounded so pitiful as he asked that, that Jack had to let him inside his garage. He made a gesture and walked inside, Jayden following closely behind him before retreating a little further into the semi-dry grey garage.
"I'm lookin' fer the ownah of a blue Chevrolet Malibu '83. I don't care how ya got it, or if y'stole it or not. All I wanna know is who y'sold it to."
"You got a lotta nerve, cracker, to waltz into my junkyard bruised 'n shit just to accuse me of being a no-good thief."
"Jack, I've seen yer records. Please, I need to know who y'sold the car to."
"Sorry, I got a real bad memory for names."
"Fine, be an asshole about it. Mind if I take a look around?"
"I don't care. You ain't gonna find anything of interest to your likes here anyways." Jack left Jayden alone in the garage, starting up the vehicle, but getting out quietly and preparing to shoot if Jayden found anything secret.
Jayden stood, wobbling, in Mad Jack's garage. He pulled out his ARI and put it on. His bruised eye started to hurt as he looked through the ARI, but he dismissed it.
'Must still ache because of what Blake did to me. God, I need t'get a restrainin' ordah on him soon as I get back to Washington.'
Back at the station after Ethan Mars had left, Carter Blake had beaten Jayden savagely. The agent tried to fight back, but as usual, that only resulted in an increase in Blake's libido. Now Jayden felt completely ashamed and humiliated, and he could hardly stand.
'I need a break... I need to take a nice, long, Blake-less break...'
He let the ARI do its think and was immediately greeted by the presence of washed blood on the floor.
"ARI Comment... blood on the floor, leading to the acid bath... Why is the'e blood he'e?" Jayden knelt next to the acid bath to lift the metal cover, only to see another drop of blood land near the initial blood. He reached out and touched it with a finger on the ARI glove, and was then shocked to see the ARI start displaying his own information.
'I'm bleedin'? From wh'e?' Jayden reached up with his ungloved hand and felt his face a bit. He felt blood on his right cheek, under his black eye. 'Fuckin' Blake... I'll get him back for this somehow.' Jayden thought, assuring himself that the bleeding had to do with the beating and not the ARI.
Suddenly, Jayden felt the barrel of a cold handgun against the back of his neck.
"Hands on your head, pig." Jack ordered.
Jayden cursed silently and stood, doing as he was told.
"One of your cop buddies asked too many questions. I had to shut him up." Jack said almost casually as he gestured at the acid bath; Jayden felt ill when he realized what Jack meant.
"Get inside the garage. I ain't got time for this shit..." Jack pressed the gun harder against Jayden's neck, forcing him to go further into the garage.
Jayden looked frantically for a way to get out of this situation, and he found one. He kicked backwards a piece of scrap metal that had been on the floor and threw himself for a wrench, immediately using it to swipe at Jack... who caught his arm and flipped him over.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk. Bad move, boy."
Jayden struggled to get up, but then found himself unable to as Triptocaine withdrawal suddenly came back into effect now that the ARI had fallen off. He groaned in agony as he started to see double and he just lay there.
"What's wrong, did you break something?" Jack snickered. "Don't worry, I'll make all of your pain go away real fast..." The stronger man knocked Jayden out swiftly with a punch to the face.
Blake had eventually had a moment of shame when he realized he knew exactly where Jayden had gone, and then that shame turned to immense worry.
'Fuck, he's gone to Mad Jack! He'll get himself killed!' Blake rushed out without saying a word to anyone and jumped into a squad car. 'I hope I'm not too late...!' He stepped on the gas pedal and drove as fast as he could to Mad Jack's junkyard. Once there, he practically dived out of the car. "JAYDEN!" He screamed loud enough to make Mad Jack hesitate in dropping Jayden's car, in which Jayden was unconscious, into the compressor.
"The fuck are you?" Mad Jack shouted at him. "Best stay back, lest I pop a cap in your ass!"
"Jack, stop! Leave Jayden alone!"
"Nope." Jack giggled like a hyena as he released the car, letting it crash on its side into the compressor.
Blake stared with his jaw hanging and his eyes widened in shock as Jayden's scream filled the air over the sound of the car being crushed.
Suddenly, just as soon as the car had started being crushed, it flew, spinning, up into the air. Blake and Jack both watched it until it came down on Jack's construction vehicle, somehow sending it to another planet. The car landed on its four wheels and Jayden jerked with its landing, looking traumatized and afraid.
"Wh-.. No... That... CUT. NO. THAT'S NOT RIGHT! WHAT THE FUCK?! THE PHYSICS ENGINE DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT! THIS MOMENT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE TRAGIC!" Blake yelled at the sky, cursing the player/author's existence.
Scott Shelby sat at his desk. Lauren was sitting across from him.
They sat in silence.
"Hey, Lauren, stay here." Scott said as he stood and put on his coat. "I'm just going to go run an errand or two for the sake of story connection."
"What? You're just going to leave me here?" She argued, pouting.
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"PRIVATE INVESTIMAGATORRATOR..." Scott purred like a jazz singer as he moonwalked out of his apartment.
