When nothing goes as planned
Week 7
Emily placed her hand over her nose trying to keep the smell of coffee from reaching her nostrils. For some reason she could not stand the smell of coffee. It was usually only right before she was supposed to have her period that she felt this way, and she had her period last week so that could not be the reason for it. She rolled her chair as far away from Morgan and Reid and their coffees as she could and then took a few sips of water, trying to make the nausea she felt go away. It only helped for a moment and all the water made Emily's growing need to pee worse.
Emily shook her head and tried to ignore the nausea once again, but just as she got started on a new file JJ walked up to her and placed a mug of coffee right on top of the pile of files in front of her. A wave of sudden nausea hit Emily's already upset stomach and she was up and out the seat in a matter of seconds. She ran to the women's bathroom and into the nearest stall with her hand pressed firmly over her mouth. She slammed the door close behind her and quickly leant over the toilet just in time to feel her breakfast leave her body. She had her eyes squeezed tightly shut and held onto the toilet seat with both hands trying to keep her body steady. As another round of nausea hit her, Emily felt one hand moving her hair away from face and another one rubbing circles on her back.
When her stomach was finally empty Emily sat down on the floor, her body still shaking slightly. She looked up and saw JJ standing there with a paper towel ready for her. Emily happily accepted it and wiped her mouth off.
"Are you okay?" JJ asked as Emily threw the paper towel in the toilet and flushed.
"I think I'm coming down with something. I haven't been feeling very well in the last couple of days," Emily said as she got up from the floor and slowly walked over to the sink where she washed her face with icily cold water.
As Emily stood bent over the sink JJ used the opportunity to take a closer look at her dark-haired friend. Emily had seemed quite moody over the past few weeks. She had also seemed tired and would run to the bathroom at least five times a day. As JJ thought more about it she could not help but notice how much Emily's behavior was like hers when she had been pregnant with Henry – pregnant being the key word. But could Emily be pregnant? As far as JJ knew, Emily was not seeing anybody and if she was pregnant, then wouldn't Emily have told her? But maybe even Emily did not know yet.
JJ walked closer to Emily, who was wiping her face of with a paper towel and looking at herself in the mirror. JJ folded her arms across her chest and asked, "Em, are you pregnant?"
"No!" Emily answered a bit too quickly. She threw the paper towel on the trash can and turned back to JJ.
"Are you sure?"
"Of course I am sure. I'm 38 years old; don't you think I would know if I was pregnant?"
JJ ignored Emily's question and just asked, "When was your last period?"
"Last week."
"How long did it last?"
"Three days," Emily answered with a tone of annoyance in her voice, but JJ kept the questions coming. "How much did you bleed?"
"JJ!"
"How much?"
Emily sighed. "Not that much."
"Emily, do you know how common it is for pregnant women to bleed slightly during the first trimester? That's why some women don't realize that they are pregnant until later on."
Emily shook her head. "I'm not pregnant!"
"Do your breasts hurt?" JJ asked.
Emily just looked questioningly at her. "What do you mean?"
"I mean like when you were younger and they first started to grow."
Emily looked slightly down her chest and then nodded.
"That's because of the increase of hormone production in your body and that is also why you are tired all the time. And the reason for why you are also running back and forth between your desk and the bathroom is because of the increase blood supply at and around your uterus."
"No," Emily shook her head, "that can't be the reason for it, because I'm not pregnant! How could that even happen? I KNOW how that could happen, but that is not the case!"
"You are freaking out," JJ stated.
"Of course I'm freaking out; you are standing there telling me that you think I'm pregnant! But it can't be!"
"Why not?"
"Because! Because, because I can't!" Emily almost yelled and then realization washed all over her face. "Oh my God, this can't be happening." She ran a hand through her hair trying to pull herself together and then she turned on her heel and walked out the bathroom burying the new found information about her probably being pregnant away. Emily walked back to her desk and started working on the files that lay there, but she could not concentrate. Her thoughts kept wandering back to the fact that there might be a person growing inside her stomach. Emily sighed and wished for time to go faster, so she could leave.
/
After all of the things that JJ had pointed out, Emily could see that the chances of her not being pregnant were slim, but that did not keep her from driving by the drugstore on her way home. She bought one of each brand of pregnancy test they had, making a total of five tests now lining up on the edge of her bathtub.
Two minutes, the package said.
Two minutes and then…bam! Your whole life completely changed forever. Nothing would ever be the same again. Emily could not stand looking at the test while she waited, so she sat the timer on the clock for two minutes, walked out of the bathroom and sat down on the top step of the stairs.
2:00
"God, how can two minutes take this long," she said as she kept looking down at the clock in her hands.
1:45
"It was once! Just one little mistake I made! It's not like the last time. Then I was young and inexperienced. It had just been one stupid mistake!" Emily sighed. This had been as much as a stupid mistake as the last time. "Surely, it wasn't enough to actually get pregnant. Right? It really must be something else."
1:40
"How naïve am I being? Of course it can't be anything else! I have all of the symptoms for being pregnant. I have actually been pregnant before, so I should know!"
1:30
"God, I hate Hotch! Well, maybe not hate seeing that I can't get the night we spent together out of my head, and for what I actually remember, it was really good sex. Drunken sex. God, it's like we were begging to get pregnant! I mean…hello? In his motel room, my legs around his waist, totally drunk? Isn't that how all the stupid high school kids get pregnant?" Emily stopped rambling to herself. "Well, it was not how I got pregnant the first time, but it should have been!"
1:15
"But I'm not a teenager anymore, so I can do this. I'm 38 years old; I have a great job and a nice big apartment. Everything will be just fine."
1:10
"How could this happen?"
1:00
"You know what? This is all JJ's fault! How could she just leave me alone with Hotch when I was that drunk?"
0:55
"JJ and Garcia! How the hell do I tell them and the others about this?" Emily gasped. "Oh God, how am I supposed to tell Hotch that he succeeded in knocking me up the one time we decided to sleep together?"
0:50
"Okay, I need calm down. I'm probably not even pregnant. It's just an overreaction," Emily said trying to stop herself from panicking. "These tests have to be negative. I mean, I'm sure there's a logical explanation to the nausea…and tiredness…and my lack of period…and my moodiness, right?" Emily shook her head. "Who am I trying to fool?"
0:40
Emily tilted her head to the side. "Well, things could be worse. I could have gone home with some guy I didn't know anything about, not even his name. Yeah, Hotch being the father is a good thing and then at least I know that my baby will be cute. It may even have dimples." Emily smiled when she thought about what her baby was going to look like.
0:32
"God, this is taking forever." She tapped her fingers against the surface of the clock and glanced at the time. Still a couple of more seconds and then she would know for sure.
0:20
"This is not how I would have guessed, that this would happen. I always thought that when I became pregnant again, that I would be in a stable relationship with someone I love. I thought I would be excited and praying for the test to show a little blue cross and not be sitting here coming up with other things that could explain the symptoms I was feeling. And the most important thing, I never thought that my boss would be the father of my baby!" Then Emily felt panic filling her body. "What if he doesn't want to have anything to do with the baby? I can't do this alone!" Emily felt like crying. "Ten more seconds to go!"
0:07
Emily looked at the clock and watched as the numbers went down.
"5… 4… 3… 2… 1…"
0:00
And then the clocked started beeping. Emily got up from the step and slowly made her way back to the bathroom. She walked up to the sink and closed her eyes. She did not know if she was ready to look just yet, but after a moment she did and saw five little, blue cross' staring back at her. She dropped the clock and it hit the floor with at loud noise, but Emily did not notice it, she just kept looking at the positive tests before her. Slowly one hand went to cover her gasping mouth, while the other one went to her stomach.
"What am I going to do now?" Emily asked herself as a few small tears made their way down her cheeks.
