Disclaimer: I do not now or before and most likely not in the future, own Final Fantasy, Square Enix or any of the characters.

A/N: This chapter has some song lyrics in bold italics, "Angel" by Theory of a Deadman. This song just speaks to me and really got this chapter rolling.

Very important so that you know what's happening! I separated each memory segment with "[x~x~x~x~x~x]" but it is all one flashback, just different memories, of different places in time, patched together with the lyrics of the song that correlates with that particular memory. There is one memory segment that I added after I got it back from my beta. What I'm trying to say is one of the segments has not been betaed. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Special thanks to my disco-dancin' beta SubZeroChimera!


"Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit." –Napoleon Hill

To You I Give My Heart

Chapter 39

~Patience Has Its Own Rewards~

"These clothes should fit you, they belonged to… you." Turning around, the blond regarded the freshly bathed man who stood naked in her room, oblivious to the awkwardness she felt, "After Shinra left the Frog forest, Red and I went back to the house and got our things." When she averted her eyes, Zack flinched with a sudden twinge of self-consciousness about his lack of clothing.

Memories of being stripped naked and paraded like cattle to that scientist long removed his ability to feel that way. A sense of decency and modesty was not something very useful in a specimen after all. However, he remembered he always felt more comfortable when he had his pants on rather than not having them at all. The pants became his security blanket and a way for the Professor to manipulate him. It was strange to think that a simple pair of pants could change the way you felt about yourself.

She tilted her head and spoke of her own memories, "Strange they never found the house…"

Interrupting her thoughts, he asked quietly, "My… my clothes?"

Her eyes focused on his curious face as she swallowed a lump, "Yes, I thought you would need them when I found you again." With a shrug, she handed him the clothes, "Gen thought it was futile, but I knew we'd find you."

Taking the stack of clothes, Zack asked as he looked down at the folded clothing, "Gen?"

"Um, yeah, Genesis. The guy you almost killed earlier today."

Not wanting to ask any more questions, in case she had a limit to her generosity, he dropped the next question and let it stay on his tongue.

"I'll, um let you, you know… get dressed then. I'll get some dinner ready." Hastily retreating from the room, she waited on the other side of the door. Zack could hear her heart beat rapidly and hard in her chest, her breaths coming faster and a light sniff of her nose. Was she crying? For him or because of him?


"Zack, sit down," the blond insisted, pointing at a chair.

Still standing in the corner of the room, where he'd been since his bath. She sighed, setting the plate of food on the table, "Come on, you need to eat something."

He had to admit that he was hungry, but the food she had on the plate didn't look like dinner, at least not what he was used to eating anymore.

"The roast won't bite you," Putting her hands down to her sides, she smiled and tried again when he didn't budge, "I learned how to cook."

The food won't bite, but wasn't that the problem? He didn't kill it himself, but it was cooked, and he vaguely remembered his mother's cooking. Pictures, smells, and tastes of sweet, moist, tender, and delicious food made his mouth water. Swallowing the extra moisture in his mouth, his eyes darted from the plate of steaming food, to the blond as she inched closer.

"Are you hungry?"

Tightening his arms around his chest in a self-hug, he pinched the back of his bicep, allowing the pain to comfort him with its tangibility.

Reaching out, she slowly and gently wrapped her tiny fingers around his wrist and he watched her as she tried to relate to him with the pity she still had behind her eyes. In a flash, he jerked back and grabbed her hand and twisted it, spinning her around until he had her in a head lock. Her restrained scream didn't bother him as his eyes flitted around the room, ready to fight for the food that sat at the table. If he had to subdue her so he got the meal instead of her, then he was ready to choke her until she lost consciousness, just like all the times with Harding in the lab; who ever won the fight, got to eat.

"Zack!"

Lowly he growled, "My food." He thought it odd that she didn't struggle. Was she not hungry?

"I-I made pl-plenty for both of us."

It took just a moment, but he glanced at the counter where another plate of food sat. Releasing her, he darted to the table, keeping his back away from the blond, maintaining her in his sights at all times. Picking up the food in his hand, he licked the plate clean and made for the second plate as Cloud looked on with her jaw hanging, "Okay, I wasn't that hungry anyway."

After eating everything she offered him, his stomach was sufficiently full and he stood in the kitchen as she gathered and cleaned the dirtied dishes.

"You need a haircut. Let's go."

Reaching up to his hair, he realized it had dried and now felt soft under his fingertips. Petting himself, his eyes wandered as well as his thoughts. His hair had grown back since the last time the Professor had his head shaved for an especially painful experiment. Cringing back, he stepped back into the corner.

"I told you, I'm not going to hurt you. Trust me."

Leading him to the bathroom, she ran her fingers through his hair and it sent tingles down to his toes and goose bumps up his back and arms. As she cut, she hummed a song, but he didn't know the name of it, or the words that accompanied it, but it felt familiar and calming. Fidgeting in his seat, he tugged at the soft pants and shirt, missing his old pants that the blond took away from him.


In the bathroom, alone, he used the toilet after so long of not having one. He smiled to himself as he flushed the toilet and his waste was washed down the pipe with a whoosh of water. It'd been too long for him, and the little things seemed like big things now.

Staring at the man in the mirror, his features were chiseled, well defined with his square jaw and the scar from Angeal. His eyes glowed brightly as he searched his face, getting to know himself again, he didn't look like the animal he felt like. As he was readying to leave and face the woman again, he glanced at the toilet and just because he could, he flushed the toilet again, giggling to himself at the sound of the rushing water.

Expecting the blond to be waiting for him outside the door, he was surprised she wasn't there. Stealth was in his power, and he crept down the short hallway to the living room, searching her out until he found her on the couch.

Laying on her side, her fist tucked under her chin, her eyes moved under her eyelids as she slept. His breath hitched, his heart began pounding as his eyes took in the sight of the beautiful peace she was in…


The cold seeped in to his skin, attacking through his muscles down to the bone. Crawling to the wall, he tried to curl into himself, wrapping his arms around his bare chest. Silently he thanked the cleaning crew that left his pants where he'd left them in a pile to put on as soon as he got back from the tortuous bath.

Hojo would be relentless and try anything to get the information out of him, including questioning him while he was under the effects of the multitude of drugs that he was bound to pump his body full of.

Squeezing his eyes closed, he fought the sting of tears as he gathered and ruminated on his memories of her…

[x~x~x~x~x~x]

I'm in love with and angel, heaven forbid
Made me a believer, with the touch of her skin

Breathlessly she called with a good-natured smile as she ran as fast as she could, "Zack! You cheater!"

With a giggling scoff, he mocked, "It's not my fault you can't run faster than me," Zack ran a circle around her on the deserted track at the training grounds, "I'm running backwards. How is that cheating?"

Just as he passed in front of her, she grappled his shirt and they tripped, toppling over one another as they both laughed.

[x~x~x~x~x~x]

I'd go to hell and back with you
Still lost in what we found
Worlds apart we were the same
Until we hit the ground

The truck bounced the occupants as Zack tried everything he could think of to get her to talk to him, but her stubborn nature kept her gaze off him and on cleaning her rifle.

"Cadet Strife, are you still preparing for the Soldier entrance exams?"

Losing interest in the rifle, she looked up at the General with a stunned look at his question that broke the silence, "Yes sir."

"I believe that Lieutenant Fair is still working with you then?"

With the briefest of glances at the brunette, she answered, "Yes, he was."

Sephiroth glanced between the two of them and lowered his hands to his lap, "Not any longer?"

Clearing his throat, Zack spoke, "I uh, I've been slacking off with her training this last week." Sephiroth's raised eyebrow indicated that he required more information, so Zack filled in, "I fell behind on some paperwork."

Nodding with a blink, in the way that the fan clubs went crazy for, the General acknowledged with a non-committal, "Hmmm," then looked at Cloud as he spoke to Zack, "Continue with her training, I am sure that she will make an excellent Soldier one day."

[x~x~x~x~x~x]

Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm weak
Maybe I'm blinded by what I see
You wanted a soldier
But it wasn't me
Because I could never set you free
So fly on your own
It's time I let you go

Leaning against the wall, Zack kept his arms crossed as he spied the new recruits funneling in. Country kids, not unlike himself, looking for a better life away from farming, kids from wealthier families who were joining up to rebel from their parents, homeless kids looking for a way to live that didn't involve hustling for money; it was always the same every recruitment crop every month.

Just being a people watcher, he enjoyed listening to the bustle of activity and watching the wide eyes of innocence as they took in their new freedom as they systematically signed away that freedom to Shinra Corp.

Just as he was ready to leave and call it a day, long blond hair caught his eye as a beautiful girl with bright blue eyes shuffled through the crowd, barely able to hold onto her duffel bag.

With a smile, he stood up and sauntered over, "Hi, I'm Zack. What's your name?"

[x~x~x~x~x~x]

I'm in love with an angel, who's afraid of the light
Her halo is broken but there's fight in her eyes
Walls were built to keep us safe until they're crashing down
Worlds apart we were the same
Until you hit the ground

They laid there, he stroked her hair, kissing her forehead from time to time as she slept off and on. He pondered what the rest of their lives would be like down here in this dungeon of terrifying despair, there had to be a way out. Interrupting his thoughts, her voice sleepily filled the silent and darkened room, "I wish I knew you before all this happened."

Clearing his throat, he stroked her hair slower, "You did know me before we were captured."

Shaking her head a little, she spoke again, "No, that's not what I mean."

"What do you mean then?"

Raising her head, she moved to his line of sight, her eyes peered deeply into his, "I mean, if I had given you a chance before…" With a slight fidget, she continued in a whisper, "I wish I had given you a chance to love me while we were still free."

[x~x~x~x~x~x]

The walls are built to keep us safe until they're crashing down
Worlds apart we were the same
Until we hit the ground

Peeking through the door, Zack watched as the woman who held his heart sat and nursed his daughter, although she still didn't know she was his child. The twinge of guilt twisted in his gut as he thought of them being on the run for the rest of their lives. Allowing himself to take in the moment, he leaned his head against the door frame, reveling in the love he felt.

Noticing him standing there, she covered herself quickly, "Stop staring at me."

Their training that day was the first of hopefully many times, and she was able to keep up with him. He'd had some fun with her, watching her cheeks flush with embarrassment and it was well worth wasting the little bit of water that he'd poured on himself.

"I got you a glass of water." Backing away, he put his hands in his back pockets, cleared his throat and said, "I hope you enjoy the walk tomorrow."

Swallowing the sip of water, she nodded and smiled shyly, "It'll be nice to get away from the house for a little bit."

[x~x~x~x~x~x]

Maybe I'm crazy maybe I'm weak
Maybe I'm blinded by what I see
You wanted a soldier
But it wasn't me
Because I could never set you free

Watching the credits scroll after the movie, Zack pointed the remote at the television, turning it off, leaving gentle silence to fill the apartment. The light breathing next to him made him smile as he gazed down to her radiant face, her head resting heavily on his shoulder. He didn't want to move, didn't want to disturb her rest, but she couldn't be too comfortable, besides, he had to use the restroom.

Shifting slightly, she slowly began to slide down his chest, until he flinched when her head fell into his lap. He fought the sudden flash of erotic thoughts. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he took her head gently in his hands and slid out from underneath her. Laying her across the couch, she nuzzled the warmth of the cushion he'd left behind and he sighed at the thought of what he wanted; what he wanted out of life with her.

Taking a blanket from the bedroom, he covered her, wanting to keep her warm, keep her safe and close to him. If he woke her and moved her to his bedroom so he could take the couch, she'd wake up enough to want to leave and he needed her there with him. Dropping his hands to his sides, he sighed at what he couldn't have and just watched her sleep for a few stolen moments before he retired to his bedroom.

[x~x~x~x~x~x]

So fly on your own
It's time I let you go

"You gotta pick a song Cloud."

Watching as she scrolled through the numerous screens of songs titles, she mumbled, "I hate karaoke."

"You only hate it 'cause you've never done it before," Gently elbowing her out of the way, Zack touched the screen, indicating which song he wanted to sing, "I'll go first."

Uncrossing her arms, she chided with an ample smile, "I'll get my phone out to record this train wreck."

"I know how to sing. Ask Kunsel."

Glancing to her left, Kunsel grinned at her, "Yeah, it's one of the few things he can do without supervision."

Throwing her head back, her laugh originated from deep inside and it set his soul on fire, wanting to sample what loving her would grant him. Grabbing Kunsel's shoulder, she held herself upright as she agreed with their friend.

Wrinkling his nose and narrowing his eyes at Kunsel's remark, the boisterous brunette bounced on to the stage and announced in the microphone, "This is for my good friends, Cloud and Kunsel." Raising his beer to them, he finished with a wide and genuine smile of happiness, "Best friends forever."

[x~x~x~x~x~x]

So fly on your own
It's time I let you go
Go, go

Zack sat, tightly bound to the lab chair, waiting for Hojo to begin his painful tests.

In a pleasant sounding voice for the Scientist, Hojo sat in front of him, "Specimen Z, I would like for you to tell me where my other specimen is."

"…" Blinking, Zack furrowed his eyebrows and flinched away from the assistant as he injected more of the mako cocktail that was now a regimen that Hojo implemented.

"Specimen Z, look at me."

Raising his eyes to the face of the Professor, his eyes glassed over, "Huh?"

"Where is the female you called Cloud? Specimen C." Losing the battle with gravity, Zack's head lolled forward on his neck. Grabbing a handful of unruly black spikes, Hojo lifted his head and asked again, "Where is Cloud?"

His eyes rolled around, as he fought to think, pinching his eyebrows together to help him find the information in his mind, but he drew a blank, "Who's Cloud?"


Finding himself across the room after his tormenting stream of memories, he fell to his knees next to the couch and he tentatively reached his fingers out, searching for the warmth that he knew she would have. Allowing himself to actually feel her, it was the feel of her skin, like the little girl's, it felt like he belonged touching her, the blond of his dreams. Blinking away the tears as they formed in his eyes, they trickled down his cheeks.

Stirring slightly, her eyes cracked open, glazed from fatigue. She smiled sleepily and sighed longingly, "Zack, I wish you were more than just a dream. I miss you."

Biting his lip, he pushed a strand of blond hair from her forehead gently as he whispered, "I missed you too."


A/N 2: Thanks to everyone who reads, favorites, subscribes and/or reviews, I appreciate your time and I dedicate all of this to you. To quote another author, "Getting reviews makes me feel all warm and squishy."

Please send me your reviews if you want. It is really easy. Just click your arrow in the little box, write what you thought or felt about the chapter and then click right down there, just below the box. A little lower… a little to the right… yeah, right there! Click it! *grinning*