Disclaimer: I do not now or before and most likely not in the future, own Final Fantasy, Square Enix or any of the characters.
A/N: So sorry that this story's pace has slowed down, but I wanted to explore more about what Zack was going through. I needed to do that more since this story is from his point of view. This is a transition chapter of sorts.
Okay, so here is some honesty. After the end of the semester and I finished all my exams, I sat down in front of my computer to write on this story. After typing over and over what my name would look like if I got to marry Ryan Reynolds, I found myself browsing YouTube and I watched a plethora of videos like top 10 scary stuff, 50 most awesome stuff and funny things people do in MMOs… I had lost my muse of too much caffeine and worry over school assignments. Hopefully, after forcing this chapter out of my grey matter, my creative juices may start flowing again.
On another note, I am very aware that this story has taken a serious turn into super angsty fantasy land that some are finding distressing and depressing. I am also finding it difficult to keep from wanting to throw myself off a cliff after reading some of this, but hopefully this chapter will find some of you some warm and squishy feelings that I love to give out after an especially dramatic chapter. I am going to try and get on with the story so that I can finish this for those of you who are patiently waiting for updates.
Reviews, critiques and flames are welcome. I absolutely love all reviews about the story as it gives me motivation, I use good constructive criticism to help my writing improve and I feed the flames to the fires of my imagination.
Thanks to my deviously-dexterous beta SubZeroChimera!
"I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything; but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do." –Edward Everett Hale
To You I Give My Heart
Chapter 42
~Everything I Can't Explain~
Waking to a darkened room, first Zack quickly scanned his surroundings before turning the survey towards himself. Last he remembered, he was in Hojo's lab, with the Professor looming over him just before a gentle presence embraced him, willing the scientist away from him. Was she an angel?
Bringing his senses out to his physical environment, the soft feel of the mattress below him, the warm air circulating around him and the lingering feeling of a gentle caress in his heart made him smile as he slowly closed his eyes. He wanted to stay in that feeling for as long as he could before he faced the outside world. The same world that hurt him, the same people who claimed to love him was everything that he wanted to avoid at this moment. Lavishing in the toasty comforter that lay across his body, he yawned as he languidly stretched. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't stay there forever, there were things that needed to be done.
He needed to find out who it was that saved him from his delusion. The angel resembled his daughter, but it wasn't possible, or was it?
"…Zack?"
Opening his eyes, they fell upon the woman he loved. The woman who he'd die for, kill for and went through a tormenting four years for, "Cloud."
With a tense smile, she sat next to him holding a glass of water, "Here's some water for you."
Sitting up, he took the water, his fingers lightly brushing hers as he gripped the glass, "I'm sorry for what I said about you and Genesis."
"Don't be."
With a sly grin, he lifted the glass to his lips as he half joked, "I'll be whatever I want."
Smiling, she lowered her face as she covered her light giggle, "I know you will." Taking one of his hands in hers, she awkwardly placed her hands in his, "That's what I love about you."
Putting the glass down on the night table, he pulled his hand from hers as he asked quizzically, "You still love me?"
Quickly grabbing his hands again, she nodded, "Yes, I do. I always have."
"Then what about…" Clearing his throat, his voice cracked, "Genesis?"
Her piercing blue eyes found his as he noticed tears welling in those pools of emotional turmoil, "There is nothing deeper than friendship there." Taking a pause, she cleared her throat, "I don't love him. There were never any real feelings between us." Knowing that he allowed the hurt to cross his face when she flinched; his restless soul flipped over. When she squeezed his hands, he lifted his gaze that he'd not known he let fall. She then said with a firmness that he recognized that came from deep within her personality, the one he'd fallen in love with many years ago, "Me and Gen are friends." Pausing to take a breath, her eyes welled with tears as she emphasized, "I live for you. That's all there is, me and you – and Charlotte."
Charlotte, his baby, his only child. With a whisper, he asked with great trepidation, "What is she?"
Shrugging her shoulders, Cloud only said what was at the tip of her tongue, but the meaning behind the words was lost when she simply stated, "Our daughter." Rising from the bed, she crossed the room and cast a look in his direction, "Are you up for visitors?"
Thinking of Genesis, he ground out, "Depends."
A thick smile raised her lips, "I think you'll like who it is."
As if on cue, the red beast that he'd come to trust padded through the door, "Hello Zackary."
"Red!" Throwing his legs over the side of the bed, Zack grinned bigger than he had in years, "How- I mean, thanks for keeping them safe-"
"Please do not thank only me, if it were not for Genesis' help, we surely would have been re-captured," Red sat on the floor closest to the brunet.
Unknowingly letting out a growl, "Yeah, I heard." Zack scowled at the mention of the red-head, making the red beast in front of him stiffen.
With a shake of his head, Red mentioned, "He is not the same man who you fought with in the Frog Forest or Modeoheim."
Flashes of the greying man swinging his red rapier at his head trying to kill him, weren't as easy to forget as last night's supper. It was a growing darkness, the same darkness in the former Commander's heart that lead to Sephiroth losing his mind and burning down an entire village, and making it possible for his and Cloud's capture in the first place. Furrowing his eyebrows, he regretted that Cloud could so easily forgive the man for his contribution to their hell. Perhaps he'd atoned for his sins by protecting what Zack couldn't.
Wanting to change the subject, Zack asked, "Where have you been?"
"Out looking for clues to your whereabouts," With a gleam, his eye twinkled, "Charlotte brought us here to Midgar, but sent me out to search the surrounding areas."
"What?"
Looking to Cloud, Zack's unasked question was answered by the blond, "I told you, she's special. Didn't you feel it after I… um, slapped you?"
"That was Charlotte? But she was so… so, angelic."
Crossing her arms, Cloud's face fell, "I know."
Letting his lips fall, Zack whispered, "Maybe she could help me with a problem then?"
Crossing her arms, Cloud spoke bitingly, "You don't mean that mess with Jacob do you?"
Raising his eyes to hers, Zack nodded and Red asked, "Do you mean Jacob Harding?"
"You know him?"
Zack's question didn't turn Red's head away from the brunet, "Yes. The same man who helped Hojo."
Biting on his bottom lip, Zack regretted saying anything now. However, the man still helped them when he didn't have to, and subsequently went through a hideous torment at Hojo's hands. Now, because of their shared hell, Zack felt an obligation to the former lab assistant to their tormentor.
Sensing the tension, Zack lifted his knees to his chest and spoke softly, as if afraid of the words and reaction, "He's dead."
Red swallowed, visibly shaken at the news of the death of Hojo's assistant. Gingerly approaching the subject, Red asked simply, "How?"
Clearing his throat, Zack whispered, "I killed him just before we escaped." Sudden realization lit his eyes up, "Wait a minute, there was…" Looking around, he wondered if he should mention the voice he heard, but thought it might be important, so he continued, "A… uh, voice that, um helped us… I mean me escape. Was that Charlotte too?"
Shaking her head, Cloud answered, "Not that I know of. I don't think that her powers work like that."
"Was the voice real or in that head of yours?" If Zack didn't know better, it almost appeared that Red was grinning in a facetious way that he remembered well from his own sense of humor.
Hearing the girlish giggle from his blond angel was like washing in healing water. Zack lifted his eyes to the blond as he answered Red's question, "I'm not sure." Wishing to get the subject over with, he again recounted the story that he remembered about Harding when he helped him escape with a pregnant Cloud and his latest escape from Hojo's clutches, finishing with, "So we need to get to him before the animals do. I owe him at least that much."
With a sigh, Cloud crossed her arms as she rolled her eyes, "Fine. We'll take care of it first thing tomorrow morning."
Sitting in the darkened kitchen, Zack fiddled with the vinyl tablecloth with his fingertips. In the early morning hours, he anxiously waited for dawn so that he could take care of the man who helped torture him, but it was the man he turned into that Zack wanted to help. He wanted to lay him to rest in a dignified way, a way that Hojo would've never allowed for his specimens.
Gazing out the kitchen window for what seemed like hours, the darkness was finally broken by the filtered light from the plate above. The insides of the quaint house permeated with the oblique smells of the slums and the charged atmosphere outside was an assault on his senses. Finding Harding's makeshift grave would prove difficult, but he had to try.
"You're up early." The soft voice from behind him didn't startle him.
What startled him was the gentle hands reaching over his shoulders. Jerking away, he tried desperately not to show Cloud his surprising disgust, but it was even more difficult to not see the lingering hurt cover her face. "I'm sorry Cloud… I just…"
"It's okay. I understand."
She said she understood, but he wondered if she fully understood or ever would.
Crossing the small kitchen, she asked, "Would you like some coffee?" Starting a pot of coffee, she pulled a mug out of the cupboard and looked at him expectantly.
"Sure. That sounds like a good idea."
With a nod, she pulled a second one out but paused just before bringing out another one.
A masculine voice from behind him made him cringe, "Make that three."
Barely withholding a growl, Zack stood slowly.
Sidestepping toward Cloud the red head raised his hands, "Easy there. I'm just here for some coffee and to help with a body dump." Daring Zack to attack him, Genesis leaned down and kissed the blonde's cheek, "Good morning Cloud."
Pushing the man away, she spoke as she glanced toward Zack's waiting gaze, "Stop it. Just stop trying to antagonize him."
Peering at the brunet over the lip of his coffee cup, Genesis smiled, "He won't attack me again. I have you to protect me."
Finally letting the growl loose, Zack slammed his fist to the tabletop, "Get away from her!" Cloud was his and he wouldn't let her out of his sights again.
Sitting on the other side of the table, Genesis pulled out a copy of the daily newspaper, flippantly opening it, blocking his view of the irate former Soldier, "Just relax, drink your coffee and then you can help relocate the body by sniffing it out like a good little puppy."
As predicted, Cloud stopped him with a hand on his chest, "Zack, he's acting like an ass on purpose," With a quick glance to the red head, she finished, "But if he does it again, I'll personally give you something heavy and blunt to hit him with."
"Don't be so melodramatic. There is no hate, only joy. For you are beloved by the goddess. Hero of the dawn, Healer of worlds."
Pulling away from the woman, Zack spat, "Look who's talking Mister Fancy Mc Fance-r-son with your Loveless quotes and your dramatic reenactments of Loveless and your dramatic entrances full of… fancy moves that a… a… ballerina would be proud of!"
Dropping the paper, a smile crossed Genesis's face as he appeared to relax into the chair, "There's the old Zack we missed. My friend, your desire is the bringer of life, the gift of the Goddess."
"Enough! Both of you." Sitting down only after Zack sat back down, Cloud leaned over her coffee, inhaling the aroma before she spoke, "This is already going to be a difficult day, so if you would so kindly stop trying to fight each other, I would appreciate it."
Sipping at the hot beverage, Zack relaxed a little after Cloud laid down the rules to both men and Genesis resigned himself to be more polite. It was one of her more appealing characteristics that he loved about her. She took charge and he would never be able to stop her from being the woman she was born to be and he never wanted her to be anything different.
Once Aerith arrived to watch over Charlotte, the three of them began their early morning body search. It wasn't that Zack didn't remember what the immediate area where he'd buried the man looked like, it was finding where that area was located in such a large city.
Walking slightly behind the brunet, Genesis spoke softly to avoid unwanted attention, "After we find this Harding fellow, what are we to do with him then?"
Wrinkling his nose against the conflicting smells of trash and meals being cooked in various shelters, Zack drastically changed his tone, not wanting to deal with the angry blond, "I was hoping that you would have some of your materia so that maybe we could cremate him."
"Ah, yes." Genesis paused, "My fire materia is no longer a necessity."
"Meaning?"
Dodging a pile of rubble, Genesis spoke with trepidation at first, "I mean that along with the excruciating pain from the degradation, magic flows freely through my veins now. My friend, the fates are cruel. If it is a cremation you desire, then a cremation you shall have."
Allowing himself to be guided by far off memories, Zack returned to the large pipe where he'd met his daughter after being away for so long. It wasn't a distant amount of time before he was able to remember the long walk he'd taken with the dead man over his shoulder. And very soon after that, they found themselves at the makeshift grave, torn apart… from the inside.
Genesis tapped the distinct grip and pommel of his sword with his long fingers as he eyed Zack, "It looks as though this has changed from a cremation to an extermination."
A/N 2: Thanks to everyone who reads, favorites, subscribes and/or reviews, I appreciate your time and I dedicate all of this to you. To quote another author, "Getting reviews makes me feel all warm and squishy."
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