You know... I wanted you guys to like Jackie, but now that I'm almost done with her I'm not even sure I like Jackie...


Chapter 10

Dean's eyes fluttered open to a brand new hotel in a brand new city. Grief possessed him as he lay wondering why God refused to just let him die. Why did he always live? Why did he always have to carry on?

"Dean I have some bad news."

Dean sat upright so fast whiplash replaced his grief. No. It's not possible. Dean knew that voice. Of course Dean knew that voice he'd heard it almost every day since he was 4 years old.

Sam sat at the motel table on his laptop normal as can be and perfectly alive. "That son of a b*tch." He growled never happier in his life. Who cared if the last trial was in the real Universe and this was the fake one, not Dean that's for sure. He had Sam. A perfectly, normal Sam. "Hey Sammy you haven't been thinking about dropping off the wagon and sucking some demons dry lately right?"

Sam scowled at Dean confused, "What are you drunk I'm not going there again thank-you-very-much. Where is this coming from all of a sudden?"

"It's nothing," Dean said beaming like a child on Christmas morning. "It's just good to see you. Really good to see you. Now if you'll excuse me I have an annoying cricket to kill."

Sam clearly thought Dean had gone mad, but Dean honestly didn't care. Sammy was alive, he hadn't killed him, and now the smug little Jackie sitting in the corner of their little motel room was going to get it.

Jackie followed Dean outside not worried at all because as she'd mentioned before Dean couldn't hurt her. It didn't matter what Chamuel made Dean see. Jackie wasn't really there unless she wanted to be.

"You son of a b*tch." Dean cursed, "That wasn't real was it. This isn't real either. NONE OF IT'S REAL! It's just the trials. I'm lying in some motel with Sam and Cas besides me. It's all in my head."

Jackie nodded, "Sorry, but I couldn't tell you. I mean it's much easier to plunge a knife into your brothers chest if you know you can just wake up to him being perfectly fine. This is another alternate reality, but yes, Sam's alive in the real world too you have my word."

"And your word means so much. You said the last one was the real world too Jackie. You're lying to me an you're my conscience. How am I supposed to trust a liar?"

Jackie rolled her eyes, "Come on Dean I'm not lying to you. I said what happened there affected the real world, and it did."

All Dean wanted to do was kick Jackie to the curve. With her tight lips she was no help and nothing but trouble. Yet... Dean knew he couldn't. One, he didn't doubt Jackie was his conscience... it had always been just as annoying as her and you can't throw out your conscience. Two, even if she refused to tell him anything of use Jackie did know things and knowledge was power where the Winchesters are concerned.

"Fine. Whatever. I'm not going to finish these trials and wake up fighting with you I've learnt that much. What's going on here?"

Jackie smiled glad she'd won the battle. She didn't get why Dean wouldn't trust her, but she guessed it was because he didn't trust himself. As separate as she looked Jackie was 100% pure Dean Winchester. "Why don't you go inside and ask Sam what his bad news is. That's always promising."

Dean scowled at her before walking back into the motel where Sam looked both worried and confused. Clearly he'd spent the entire time Sam was outside wondering what had gotten into his brother. "I'm fine." Dean said confirming Sam's suspicion that Dean certainly was not fine. "It's just residual angel stuff that apparently won't ever be over."

Sam nodded not convinced but knowing he wasn't getting anything out of Dean. If Dean wanted to talk he wouldn't shut up; if Dean didn't want to talk he never opened his mouth.

"You said you had bad news," Dean prompted. "What's wrong."

"It's not so much bad news as news you're not going to like," Sam amended. "After Crowley tried to get to us by killing people we'd saved I set up a news search that would alert me if anything came up about people we knew. We've saved a lot of people, more than I even realized, and I don't even remember all their names but I picked the big ones. People we got close to, kids, and such."

"And you got a hit? Who's in trouble?" Dean asked hoping it was something perfectly natural and not someone trying to get to the Winchesters by hurting people again.

"Now, she's not in trouble but... it's Lisa. I found a marriage announcement. She's getting married this weekend in Battle Creek."

Lisa... it had been so long. She was getting married, for great for her. She deserved it she really deserved it. Ben... he deserved a father a real father. Still jealousy made her way into Dean's heart. How was it fair? Why did everyone else get to settle down, get married, live in a nice house, have a normal life while Dean got to help prevent a danger he didn't know the scale of. Dean had so many one night stands. There were so many people he'd slept with he didn't even know the name of anymore, but Lisa... even with Sam in Hell Dean still saw those 6 months with her as some of the best in his life. His heart broke over again just thinking about the beautiful woman and her son whom he'd settled down with.

"You coming to yell as me for being jealous?" Dean asked Jackie after he set out on his drive to be away from Sam.

Jackie smiled sadly, "Being jealous is perfectly natural. My question is are you going to act on that jealousy?"

Dean laughed, "What do you mean? Lisa doesn't know me as anything but the man who almost killed her and Ben. What am I going to do storm over there and demand she marry me instead? Don't be ridiculous." Dean didn't know why he was pretending he was okay when in all reality he wasn't. Lisa deserved to be happy, but didn't Dean too? Why couldn't they have been happy together? Why did Crowley have to force Dean to have their memories wiped? Why did everyone Dean love end up dead or gone?

"Cas would high tale it over to Michigan if you'd let him restore Lisa and Ben's memories you know that. You could go, give Lisa back her memories and marry her. It's all she ever wanted the entire time you were together."

"What do you want me to go there?" Dean snapped.

"Of course not! I want you to trust your gut and know your options. It's an option that's all I'm saying."

"Lisa is better off without me." Dean told Jackie firmly.

"Then why are you driving to her house as we speak?" Jackie asked quietly.

Dean refused to answer but kept driving. He'd go to Michigan and find Lisa. Just seeing her, seeing her happy, and being sure that her fiancée was human would make Dean happy. Dean drove all night and despite his exhaustion (he hadn't slept since the trials began) he never stopped. After a few hours Sam called and yelled at Dean for going off without him, but Dean didn't care. He was just going to catch a glimpse of Lisa and Ben happy and then leave. That was ll. It wasn't like he was going to break up the wedding.

Jackie was silent the entire way until boredom overcame her and she began to sing to the radio. Dean couldn't help but notice that her voice, when not yelling at him, actually was pretty sweet and ironically gentle. Neither of the companions spoke but they were highly aware of the others presence. Still. even with the long silent drive, it never felt awkward. Or no more awkward than driving 8 hours alone ever did.

By the time Dean arrived it was noon and wired with nerves at seeing Lisa he walked into the first bar and sat down at a table. As he was eating his pie Dean noticed a man in his early 30's enter the dinner with a teenager strolling behind him. Even though it had been 3 years Ben looked the same as he sat at dinner with his new Dad. Thinking about how he'd reacted when Dean came to stay with them Dean was surprised to find how comfortable Ben seemed. Dean smiled inwardly, even if he wasn't his kid Dean had begun to feel like Ben's father all those years ago. It still wasn't too late for the kid to have a nice dad. Did Dean wish it was him sitting at that table with Ben about to marry Lisa? Yes. Did that mean he wasn't happy Ben was happy? Of course not.

One down one to go. If Lisa is this happy then walking away should be easy. Dean told himself even if he knew it wasn't true. Seeing Lisa not knowing him would break Dean's heart enough, but seeing her happy with someone else would hurt more.

After finishing his lunch Dean cast one last glance at Ben before heading into town to see Lisa one last time. he'd overheard then talking about a dress fitting so he headed to the towns only bridal shop. Timing perfect as only Dean's could be he arrived at the dress store just in time to run into Lisa, literally, almost letting her dress bag fall to the ground. Catching it softly before it landed in a puddle Dean looked right into Lisa's eyes and wanted more than anything else to just ask Lisa to marry him instead.

"Oh my God thank you so much. I didn't see you there," Lisa apologized. Looking into Dean's face she got a confused look on her face and Dean worried that Cas's work had been faulty and she would remember him. What would he do if she did? "Do I know you?" Lisa finally asked, "You look really familiar."

Dean laughed casually, "Yeah um... I'm the person who hit you with my car a few years back. I'm really sorry about that I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt."

"Oh yes. Well you saved my dress now so it's fine. I don't know what I would have done if the dress got ruined! I'm getting married Saturday!"

"Congratulations," Dean told her sincerely as his heart shattered. Why couldn't he have this life? "Would you like me to help carry this dress to your car. We wouldn't want any more accidents."

Lisa looked relieved as if she'd been wondering how to carry the long dress without ruining it. "Would you? That would be so great thanks, it's right over here." Lisa led the way to the car Dean would recognize anywhere. "I guess I should actually thank you. If you hadn't hit my car I would never have met Branden. He was my nurse in the hospital after the accident." Lisa let out her soft laugh that to Dean sounded like an angel should. "He wrote his number on my cast."

"I'm glad then. You seem happy." Dean told Lisa quietly as he placed the dress down in the car with care.

"I am," Lisa told him sincerely, "I don't remember the last time I was this happy. Branden is a good man and he'll make a good father." Lisa smiled at Dean before getting in the car, "Thank you, again. For everything."

As Lisa's car pulled from sight Jackie walked up besides Dean and placed her soft hand on his shoulder. "Are you going after her?"

Dean shook his head and made his way back to the Impala. "No. She's happy. That's all I ever wanted." To Dean's surprise he felt no envy, no jealousy. He was just truly and completely happy. He hadn't ruined Lisa's life; Dean gave her the one she deserved, with Branden.

Jackie smiled, "Then my work here is done. I know you don't like me very much Dean, but if you ever want to listen to me again I'll still be there. Even if I can't smack you in the face to pay attention to me I'm there."

Dean opened his eyes to Sam and Cas talking on the other side of his room in the Men of Letter's bunker. Jackie was gone and Dean knew this was the real world. He was done. He was home.