Chapter 12

Dean sat in his Impala wondering if there was any way to get out of this? Never, ever in all of his life had he even considered going to Confession. Why would he when he spent over 25 years not believing in God and all the time since then sure God didn't care about them. Yet... he had to. Not to save the world, not to meet God. Dean had to go to Confession because it was time to get some stuff off his chest. Poor priest, he won't know what hit him.

Walking into St. Michael's (Dean found the irony painful) he was glad to find a priest standing by the altar putting out candles. The man turned when he heard the doors open and spoke, "Can I help you?"

Walking up to the man Dean wondered if he was close to retiring. He didn't look all that old, maybe early 60's, but his eyes showed a life of a billion years weighted with all he'd seen. "Padre... um father. I don't really know how to do this but... I have some things to get off my chest."

The old man smile kindly and Dean almost wondered if this was what peace felt like. "Please, sit down. I'm Father Abba, but everyone just calls me Father. Talk I'm only here to listen and heal."

Dean sat on the pew awkwardly until Father sat besides him when he began, the words just tumbled out like a waterfall. " I'm going to sound nuts, what I say... you will think I'm nuts but I need to say it as it is. Don't worry about calling the white padded rooms they already know I escaped."

Father laughed at this before assuring Dean, "I have heard more confessions than you would believe in my time and nothing anyone has sounded crazy yet. Speak and I will listen. You're not talking to me anyways, you're speaking to God and I'm only here to make you feel less crazy as you talk to yourself."

Dean smiled weakly before beginning. "I've done some things, wild things that I'm not really proud of. It would take me a lifetime to tell you everything I've done because it's been a lifetime of doing these things. I've lied, constantly. There are people I've spent days with who I've never said an honest word to. I steal. My job doesn't exactly pay me so I have to run credit card scams just to make ends meet. Give my brother and I food and a place to sleep. I drink, a lot, have sex, a lot more than I probably should. And I've killed... sure the things I've killed they were evil, horrible, monsters even. Demons and ghouls, and vampires, but I've killed them and up until now... I've never even thought twice about it or wondered if they deserved to be killed. I mean I eat meat does that mean I'm evil and all the cows should come and kill me?"

"Those are some... harsh things but I'm sure you had good intentions and God's ability to forgive is great." Father said and it disturbed Dean how undisturbed he seemed.

"I'd believe that but honestly I'm not sure God cares. This is where the story gets crazy. A few years ago about 5 now I guess. I sold my soul to a demon, Lilith, to bring my little brother Sammy back to life. I went to Hell and in Hell... people say something is Hell, but they're wrong nothing is like Hell except for Hell. In Hell... I was tortured for 30 years and then, given the chance to get off the rack I tortured others. I told myself they were horrible people, they went to Hell because they were bad people, but I knew it wasn't true. I went to Hell for good reasons but once I was there I became as bad as the demons who dragged me there. A few more centuries and I probably would have become a demon. But God... he gave me a second chance. A legion of angels they saved me from Hell when I didn't deserve to be saved. They brought me back to life, to my brother, to my family, but the deed was done. By torturing people in Hell I'd broken the first of 66 seals. Because of me, because I was weak, Lucifer walked. I caused the Apocalypse. Then to make it worse... there is a special place in Hell father for those who know God's will for them and disobey and that's right where I'm going when someone lets me stay dead.

The angels told me I was the archangel Michael's vessel that he needed to possess me to fight Lucifer... who happened to be trying to possess my brother. Everyone told us it was our destiny, it was God's will it had to happen. I'm not sure whether or not it was God's will but it's my fault it's happening again. A teenage girl is in Hell as we speak trying to free Michael and it's my fault. If I'd just said okay and let Michael kill Lucifer we wouldn't be staring down the barrel of the Apocalypse again. I don't know if what I did was wrong, but it sure as Hell doesn't feel right. This is my confession father. I didn't say yes, I was selfish and now people have died and they will die. The worst part... I never would have admitted this if I didn't think it would help me stop the second Apocalypse."

"Dean. I have a question for you," Father began calmly, "You wouldn't have gone unless you were forced to you say and maybe that's true. But my question is now that you have gone do you believe your sins are forgiven?"

"No." Dean admitted, "I don't think what I've done, what I'm still doing can be forgiven. But I don't know maybe I feel like what I've done wrong... it doesn't matter anymore. I can move on and the things I've done aren't right, but they don't have to rule my future."

"Then congratulations Dean Winchester. You've done well my son and finished your trials."

"Wait... I never told you my name," Dean realized flipping his head to attention, "And how do you know these are trials I never mentioned that either."

Father laughed, "Of course I know your name and about these trials. I did create them after all. Are you there Dean? It's me, God."