I do not own Loki and the Avengers. I also don't own Gambit and any of the X-men. But if I don't own Dr. Bryardie, then I'm not really sure what I can claim as my own ^.~. But none of them are making me any money.
Also, fabulous guest reviewer, please see my response after this chapter.
Chapter 7: Revelations
She awoke the next morning to a soft knock on the door and the sun streaming through her open curtains.
"You should dress and eat," Thor said through the door, discomfort still in his voice. "Your appointment with Dr. Bryardie is in an hour." He walked away, and she could hear his bedroom door shut.
Loki sat up and stretched, feeling from the thrum in her body that her magic had been refreshed. She changed her outfit, trying to approximate the apparel she had seen the women of Midgard wearing: a tight black skirt that ended a few inches above her knees and a slinky green shirt with ruffled cap sleeves. She toyed carefully with the ruby, finding that while she could not take it off, she could change the length of the necklace as well as the appearance of the setting. She made it look like an antique locket. Lastly, she topped it all off with a pair of six inch gold stilettos.
After taking one step, Loki twisted her ankle and fell to the floor. Cursing and rubbing the affected ankle, she changed the offending shoes to only four inches tall. Carefully, she stood, and made her way out.
Upon leaving her room, Loki found that some fruit and pastries had been left on the kitchen table. She ate a few, and then timidly knocked at Thor's door. "I am ready to leave," she called.
Thor opened the door, and frowned at her outfit. She offered him an apologetic smile, and he sighed heavily. "Come, you must not be late to see Dr. Bryardie."
They left, Thor locking the door behind them. Loki was grateful for the elevator for once, not sure if she could manage stairs in her new shoes yet. Outside, there was a car waiting to take them back to Stark Tower. The ride there was silent and awkward.
Once there, she was delivered into the hands of a nameless agent, who led her to a floor that contained many offices. He knocked on the door of one, and a voice from within spoke. "Come in, please."
The agent opened the door, and gestured Loki through. Inside the room the environment was very different from the surrounding offices. There were two overstuffed leather couches facing each other, one a buttery cream and the other a weathered brown. Between them was a high cherrywood coffee table, and beyond them was a glass-top desk with several bookshelves behind it. On the walls hung paintings and tapestries, and there were at least five potted plants. Instead of using the overhead fluorescent lights, the room was lit by an open window and two tall standing lamps with swirled glass shades.
On the white couch sat a young woman, who could not possibly be older than 25, and looked like she was barely more than a teenager. Her oak-brown hair was so long that the ends of it pooled a little on the couch beside her. "Welcome, Loki. My professional title is Dr. Bryardie, but you can call me Rowena," she said. "Please have a seat," she gestured towards the brown couch.
Loki sat down carefully, eyeing her surroundings. The agent made as if to take up a post just inside the door, but the girl flapped a hand at him in an irritated fashion. "Please, this sort of thing requires privacy."
The agent looked frustrated, but not surprised. He went out the door and closed it.
Rowena smiled at Loki. "Now, would you like some tea?" she gestured to a small iron teapot sitting on a warmer to one end of the coffee table.
Loki shrugged. "I suppose. I've never had it."
"Hmm... something simple then..." She leaned down and retrieved a round tin with a pattern of bamboo leaves etched in the lacquer. Opening it, she scooped out something that looked like small brown pine needles and dropped it into the teapot. She replaced the lid of the teapot and covered it with an embroidered cloth. "I find that serving tea relaxes people," she explained. "I don't want you to feel like you're being interrogated. I just want to get to know you."
"Really?" Loki asked doubtfully.
Rowena looked up, her eyes sparkling. "Yes, actually. I've heard so much about you, and I've always thought you would be fascinating to meet. But before we talk about you, I want you to ask me anything you like about myself."
Loki shifted uncomfortably, trying to figure out this strange young woman. "Tony Stark expressed some... doubts about your authenticity."
Rowena chuckled and leaned back into her couch. "Straight to the point, yes? He has good enough reason to feel that way. I didn't go to graduate school to earn my degree as most psychologists do." She gestured to a small framed certificate on the wall. "It's an honorary degree, which even I admit SHIELD acquired for me. But before I worked here I had a lot of experience in a very similar field."
She began pulling cups and saucers out of the drawers of the coffee table, pouring the tea into each and adding what looked to be honey and milk. "The only real difference, of course, was that very few of my clients at the time were alive."
Rowena handed the cup to Loki, who out of surprise took it unthinking. She chuckled at Loki's expression, and picked up her own teacup. "You see, I have an ability which is actually not all that uncommon amongst humans. For whatever reason, I can see things which are not physical, and only exist as energy. Of course, seeing isn't really a very good analogy, it's more like something between feeling and smelling."
Loki nodded, understanding. "Sensing magic works much the same way."
"Right." Rowena took a sip of her tea, sighing in contentment for a moment. Loki decided to try hers as well, and found it pleasant enough, although a little too sweet for her taste.
"One of the things which manifests as energy only are the spirits of humans who have lost their physical bodies-died-and have not resolved what to do with their energy forms." She turned the cup around in her hand, studying the pattern.
"Ghosts?" Loki asked.
She smiled up at her. "Yes, ghosts. There are also a number of other entities which never were human nor had a physical form, but for the most part I dealt with ghosts. I helped them get over whatever emotional problems were preventing them from... moving on, to use a cliché. I also helped the living communicate with them, when necessary. The common name for my former profession is a 'medium,' a method of communication between this world and the next."
Loki continued to sip her tea, enjoying the way the warmth of it spread into her fingers. "So how did you come to work for SHIELD?"
Rowena smiled ruefully. "One of my clients was dealing with a grudge... he had been beaten at a game of chance, and rather than pay his debts he killed himself. He felt that he could only be at peace if the man who had cheated him got his comeuppance. Normally, I avoid revenge. It doesn't really solve any problems, nor does it resolve unpleasant feelings. But I was intrigued by the opportunity to meet the man he described, and thought it sounded like a good plan. I would enter into a game with this person, a card game, and my invisible friend would tell me whatever he had in his hand, giving me an unfair advantage."
Loki smirked. "That does sound like fun."
Rowena grinned. "It was. But I learned you should never cheat a cheater. He knew something was wrong-he knew, because he could control the cards, switch them without anyone knowing, only I always knew when he did. I could have been in a lot of trouble, if he had chosen to attack me. For all my abilities with the unseen, I am not terribly formidable in the physical realm."
She poured herself another cup of tea, and gestured to do the same for Loki, but she was still sipping her first cup. "Anyway, he didn't attack. He thought I was a telepath, and evidently I would not have been the only one he knew. He brought me to SHIELD, to be evaluated for mutations. But as I said before, it's not terribly unusual for a human to do what I do, and I am not a telepath. Although, I am somewhat able to sense what other people feel, but I've never been able to discern if that were an extra-sensory ability or just intuition from experience."
Loki raised an eyebrow. "I see little difference between the two."
Rowena tilted her head and put down her teacup. "Yes, but you grew up with magic. People here don't believe in it, or they fear it. Many people, people like Mr. Stark, think I'm a fraud, trying to take advantage of poor saps. But I think now we should start talking about you."
Loki set down her cup as well. "Well, what do you want to know? I'm sure you've been briefed on all of my... misadventures."
Rowena nodded, picking up a file from the coffee table and flipping through it. "Yes, of course. But what I'm most interested in is how you have changed. How are you different from the man who tried to rule the world?" She shut the file, looking at Loki.
"I..." Loki paused, thinking. "I'm not really sure yet..."
She put the file down and reached for another drawer in the cherrywood table. "Well, that's not surprising. You've only been you for a day and a half. Perhaps I have something that will help you figure it out." She pulled a deck of long, thin cards from the drawer, setting it face down on the table.
"These are called tarot cards. They are traditionally used for fortune telling, which is another reason Mr. Stark thinks I'm a fraud. There is no magic in your average tarot deck. The truth is that they use archetypes, common figures which exist in everyone's lives, and the skilled reader can use that to make a person think the cards are speaking directly to them."
Loki narrowed her eyes. "You said 'your average deck,' what about this one?"
Rowena chuckled. "You're sharp, Loki. Yes, this deck is not average. It is... jinxed. It was given to me by the man who brought me to SHIELD. For today, we will only use the major arcana, as the minor are more specific and aimed at fortune-telling." She tapped the deck with a finger, and as it glowed purple a little, it un-shuffled itself into two piles. One was much smaller than the other, and she picked this one up. "Now, I could go through this whole deck and help you find some way of applying each card to your life, but-" three cards popped up out of the deck and landed face up in front of Loki. Rowena sighed. "Alright, we can do the demo," she said in a slightly exasperated voice.
"I'll tell you what each card means, and you try to figure out a person or a situation in your life that matches that meaning. You don't have to tell me." She pointed to the first card, which showed a bearded man sitting on a throne with a staff in his hands. "This is the Emperor. He is usually a father figure, and represents tradition, discipline, control, order, and so on. He is the status quo."
"Odin," Loki said quietly.
Rowena nodded, and moved on to the next card, it showed a figure with the symbol of eternity above its head, opening the jaws of a lion. "This is Strength. It represents self-control, compassion, and reliability."
"Thor," she sat back, enjoying this game somewhat.
"Do you want to talk about Thor?" she asked innocently enough, but Loki could tell she was fishing.
"I thought we were going to talk about me?" she replied slyly.
Without responding, the young medium moved on to the third card, a woman holding a sword and scales. "Justice represents objectivity, responsibility, and cleverness."
Loki stared at it a long moment. For reasons she couldn't understand, it made her think of the Black Widow. Rowena glanced up to read her expression. "Like I said, you don't have to tell me. This is more for your sake than mine."
She sat back, putting the cards back into the small deck and watching as they shuffled themselves. "So now that you can see how it works, let's do a simple reading." Some of the cards distributed themselves into three face-down piles. "This pile," she touched the one to Loki's left, "represents your past. The one in the middle is your present, and this one the future, although it is only what you could possibly do with your future, not a prediction." She picked up the first pile and laid out the cards face up.
"The Devil, the Tower, and the Magician, hmm..." she poked the Tower a little, as if she did not like it. "This is pretty much the worst card in the deck. It represents disaster, ruin, and chaos. I think here it's meant to represent your attempt to take over Earth, but whether it's the ensuing failure or the damage it caused is up to you."
Loki stared at the burning tower, struck by lightning, at the man who fell from the window as a crown fell from his head. She remembered falling, falling into the void as Thor and Odin rose above her.
"The Devil isn't really as bad as most people think," Rowena continued, "it mostly indicates focusing on the wrong thing, getting your priorities out of order, or allowing your baser desires to get the better of you." She pointed to the last card, the magician, "And this one's pretty obvious, but I find it interesting because it's usually seen as a positive card, although there are undertones of manipulation." Rowena sat back. "Tell me what you think."
Loki stared at the three cards, most intrigued by the last one as well. "I was... I wasn't really a bad person..."
Rowena smiled. "Well of course not. Nobody sets out thinking 'I want to be a bad person.' There is usually a long list of good intentions behind their actions."
Loki nodded. "I wanted to be respected."
Rowena blinked. "But you were, you were seen as nearly Thor's equal."
Loki frowned. "That wasn't enough."
Rowena sat back, thoughtful. "Did you see yourself as Thor's equal?"
She looked down at her hands, clasped tightly in her lap. "No. I always knew I was different. I never felt the same way they did, never enjoyed the same things or had the same goals. I just wanted to fit in. Then, when I found out my true parentage..." she trailed off, looking out the window. "It was like all my worst fears and suspicions came true. I needed... I wanted to know that I was still the same person, but..."
Rowena busied herself pouring another cup of tea, and waited patiently for Loki to work it out.
"I was always afraid they would fear me, revile me. Part of me knew it would happen no matter what. So I decided I would make it happen on my own terms, I guess. Although, that certainly wasn't what I was thinking at the time."
Rowena nodded. "That sounds a lot like Borderline Personality Disorder. You reel them in, then push them away, either because you're trying to test your bond with them or because you're already sure they're going to leave anyway."
Loki frowned. "What do I do about it?"
Rowena sighed and put down her tea. "Normally, a personality disorder isn't something you can "fix." It stays with you your whole life, and you can only learn to recognize it and try to work around it. However, if you're able to analyze your actions this well, I'd wager it's not a part of your personality anymore."
Loki let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding.
"Let's move on to the present, shall we?" Rowena gathered the first pile of cards and laid out the second. "The Wheel of Fortune represents change, so that's fairly obvious. The Hanged Man is interesting... it represents a new point of view, a willingness to change and accept the consequences of your actions. I'd say that's a good sign. Then we have the Fool." She smiled.
Loki narrowed her eyes at Rowena. "I do not think I am a fool."
The medium laughed aloud. "No, no, you've got it all wrong. The Fool represents 'mystical cleverness bereft of reason,' and new beginnings. I just find it amusing because the Viking Tarot has you, Loki, on the fool card. It's very apt. I think it means a return to who you were before all of this upheaval in your life. You tell me what you think."
She leaned back, still a little insulted. "Again, I'm not sure. I feel like... like there are all these things I've always wanted to do and say, but couldn't because of my pride, or because they would make me look weak. Now that I'm female, that just doesn't bother me as much. I want to set things right, to make everyone happy."
Rowena had a very thoughtful look on her face as she collected the cards. "Last, the future. Now, I'll warn you again, this isn't a prediction. What you do with your future is determined only by your own free will. These are merely ideas, suggestions for which way you might take."
Loki nodded impatiently as Rowena dealt out the cards.
"Judgment, Temperance, and," She hesitated for just a moment, and a small crease appeared on her forehead. "The High Priestess." She bit her lip, thinking. "Well, I think you're already on the right path. Judgment and Temperance both encourage you to take action to right the wrongs you've done and find healing in the process." She sat back. "I like your idea of repairing New York, but I think you should take a little time to get settled first. Decorate your bedroom, magic yourself up a nice wardrobe, work on making friends. You may be too exhausted to do these things later, and they are important."
"And the High Priestess?" Loki was intrigued by her response, and would not be distracted.
"It represents a female force in your life, which reminds me." She reached under the table and grabbed a book, handing it to Loki. It was titled "The Care and Keeping of You," and was obviously geared towards little girls.
"I'm sorry it's a little immature, but it was the only thing I could find on short notice. It should help you figure out how to care for yourself now that you're human and female, and cover some of the more embarrassing topics. The rest, I believe Miss Romanov and Miss Potts are going to handle." She cleared away the tarot cards and put them in a stack to the side.
Loki looked up. "Lessons?" she asked.
"Yes, Miss Romanov informed me that she's willing to help you learn the fine art of being a woman, and I must say she is a highly qualified instructor, even if her background is even more questionable than mine. Miss Potts will be there to provide a little normality, I believe." She stood.
Loki stood as well. "Thank you for telling me that. She had left me a little in the dark."
Rowena smiled, and put out her hand. "I don't think anyone should ever be left in the dark," she said kindly. Loki took her hand, but was unsure what to do with it, so she just held it. Rowena chuckled a little, and let it go gently. "Please come see me if there is anything else you would like to talk about."
"Of course." Loki knew a dismissal when she heard one, and went out in the hallway to find her agent-turned-babysitter.
After the door closed, Rowena sighed heavily and plopped back down on the couch. She reached over for Loki's teacup, and with quick fingers flipped it over on it's saucer. She peered down into the tea leaves. She was no clairvoyant, but it couldn't hurt to try...
Three cards popped out of the tarot deck, the High Priestess, Temperance, and the Fool.
Rowena rolled her eyes, gathering up the cards. "Yes, I know she is the Anima. But she has to figure that out on her own. And you need to behave yourself, or I'll buy that gorgeous Art Nouveau deck I saw last week!"
A/N: Decided to post an extra chapter today so you wouldn't be left hanging with the awkward Thor/Loki stuff.
To the Anonymous person who left me a fabulous review, here is my response: First, I want to thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful critique. I come from a background where criticism is seen as an opportunity for improvement, and I feel your review was given in that spirit.
It's true that Loki's attraction to Thor is sudden and somewhat unfounded. I would remind you of Chapter 2, when Morpheus hinted at a 'simple solution' to Loki's negative obsession with Thor, and that nothing could be removed, only changed into something more positive. Also keep in mind that Morpheus changed much more than Loki's gender. If that were the only thing changed, it would be a very different story!
I'm glad you haven't given up on me, and it is my hope that you'll find the explanation you seek as the story progresses. It might be a long time before all of your concerns are addressed, though. I don't want to give anything away, but your mistrust of the situation is actually a good thing. So don't worry—it's all part of the plan!
