Title: Lost Among The Stars
Summary: When Major Evan Lorne is attacked on a mission off-world, a series of events is put into motion that reveals the very secret John Sheppard had worked so hard to keep hidden. Eventual Sheppard/Lorne. Spoilers for "Coup d'etat" and "Doppleganger".
A/N: The reception to this story is very encouraging! I was a little concerned that people might not like my pairing or that people wouldn't be interested in a Lorne-centric story. But, surprisingly, that hasn't been the case.
In truth, I have always loved Major Lorne. He's a secondary character that isn't one dimensional, like so many of the other characters are. Throughout the Stargate: Atlantis series you learn little tidbits about him (like that he has a sister or that he grew up in San Francisco). Anyway, I have always enjoyed seeing other people's depictions of Lorne, so I thought I'd finally give it a try.
Well, putting all that aside, I just want to thank everyone who had commented on this story. I love hearing from you. I try to take your suggestions and criticisms into consideration when updating and editing my stories. So please, keep the reviews coming!
Well, without any further ado, here is Chapter 3 of Lost Among The Stars. Enjoy!
[EDIT: this chapter was re-uploaded on 8/1/2018]
Characters: Evan Lorne, John Sheppard, Rodney McKay, Ronon, Teyla, Elizabeth Weir, Sam Carter, Radek Zelenka, Jennifer Keller, and other minor characters and OCs.
Disclaimer: all rights belong to MGM.
Warning: mentions of non-consensual rape.
~o~o~
John slowly trudged into the infirmary. He had briefly stopped in the locker room to take off his gear and change his mud covered boots. He knew we wouldn't be allowed to visit Lorne if Jennifer spotted even a speck of dirt within her domain.
The lanky, dark-haired soldier nodded at the nurse on duty.
"He's sleeping," the nurse informed him. "Try to be gentle."
When John stepped around the privacy curtain he nearly gasped. Lorne was pale, too pale. A ring of dark purples and blues circled around his neck. The outlines of fingers stood out sharply against the marble-like skin. The bruises were only interrupted by a single bite mark along the Major's jugular. In any other situation John would have made a joke about hickeys. But now, it seemed wrong. All wrong.
John watched as Lorne unconsciously licked his chapped lips, his tongue darting in and out.
When they had first found Lorne, drugged and collapsed on the bed, there had been blood all over his cheek, lips, and teeth. At first John had thought him to have internal injuries, fearful he was coughing up blood. But it was soon revealed the blood wasn't his, but rather from his attacker.
The blood has long been whipped away.
A small swell of pride surged in John's chest. Lorne had never stopped fighting, even when he was effectively overpowered. He had still found a way to injure his would-be rapist. Biting Baltier's tongue might have saved him from a horrible fate. It had temporarily stopped the attack, allowing his team to have enough time to rescue him.
But Lorne had always been a fighter, John reminded himself. He never took things sitting down.
Watching the sleeping soldier in front of him, John couldn't help but think back to when Lorne had been kidnapped by Cowen and the Genii.
It was supposed to be a routine mission. Though John had come to learn there was no such thing.
Random violence? An attack by the Wraith? At the time they didn't know. Dr. Lindsay Novak had just rushed back to Atlantis under the Major's orders, not fully understanding what was happening to her military escort. John and his team immediately responded. But all they found was a dying fire, burned bodies, and dog tags.
The Colonel had been overcome by guilt. He let his men down, and now they were dead. Dead and gone. The walk back to the Stargate had been silent. Even Rodney did not complain about the heat or the difficult terrain. And, when they had returned, Elizabeth had the nerve to tell him he would not be leading the investigation - though he did feel slightly better knowing that Ronon and Teyla would do everything in their power to find the truth about what happened to Lorne and his men.
Slightly comforted by that fact, John pushed all feelings aside to go after the ZPM that Ladon Radim had been ransoming. That Genii sneak. It wasn't until he had been gassed and interrogated that he learned of Lorne's fate. He nearly fell over in total disbelief when he first entered the cage.
"So, you come to rescue us?" Dead man talking.
"Until a moment ago, I thought you were dead..."
John spoke the truth. He had tucked the memory Lorne away, putting him in the very back of his mind with the rest of the dead men he served with. Holland. Mitch. Dex. The list went on and on. But the relief of taking a name off that list was overwhelming.
John surveyed his imprisoned soldiers. They wore peasant clothing. Their uniforms long since burned away on the dead bodies of strangers. Lorne's men had been there several days already. Some of the other teams even longer. Most of them looked thin and pale. Several, like Lorne, sported bruises that disappeared under the drab, thread-bare cloth.
With renewed strength and hope of rescue, the men drew toward their commanding officer. It wasn't long before Rodney and the other members of his strike team woke up from the knockout gas. But, before John could think of a plan, Ladon returned to set them free. Adrenaline sent them rushing back to the Stargate, desperate to return to Atlantis before the nuclear bomb exploded and destroyed everything in its path.
When John finally stepped through the event horizon, and the shield was raised, he witnessed Lorne collapse into the open arms of a Marine. The Major was quickly rushed to the infirmary. The Major had suffered the worst of Cowen's experiments because he had the strongest natural gene among the captured group. As such, Lorne was taken from the cage more often than the rest, stuck with needles to drain his blood and beaten when he refused to activate Ancient devices.
John had visited him in the infirmary. But back then Lorne hadn't been sleeping, he had been unconscious. Pain and exhaustion, they told him. He had lost too much blood for the sake of the Genii's gene research.
After Lorne had finally awoken, Ladon visited him and apologize for his treatment. John wasn't too surprised when Lorne forgave his captor.
"Forgiveness has nothing to do with absolving someone of their crime. It has to do with relieving yourself of the burden of being a victim, sir… To let go of the pain. To transform from victim to survivor," Lorne told him later.
It was then that John vowed to find a friend in Major Lorne. Before he had simply taken his second in command for granted. Thanking him for the occasional rescue while allowing him to depart on some of the less interesting, but no less important, missions. Plus the man was amazing at paperwork.
But John knew nothing about Lorne. Sure, he had his military and SGC files but there was not much to be said about the integrity of a person from the white bureaucratic documents. Afterall, his own file was more of a soap-opera than a testament to his time in the Air Force.
There was only one black mark in Lorne's file. It was from his time at Stargate Command. A surveyor serving under him - Lieutenant Ritter was his name - had been murdered off-world. The death had been attributed to negligence and carelessness. Lorne's carelessness. But, after an extensive review, General Hammond had permitted Lorne to continue working with his 'gate team, SG-12.
John never held the mark against him. He had enough black marks in his own file to know how crushing the guilt could be.
Confronted with such ignorance about his second in command, the Colonel began asking around about the Major. Soldiers and scientists alike had nothing but good things to say about Lorne. He was polite and a good conversationalist. One particularly talkative botanist even admitted to having a crush on the man.
In the end, it was Dr. Radek Zelenka that was able to give him some answers. The Czech scientist usually worked closely with Lorne both on and off-world. The two shared a similar relationship to the one John shared with Rodney, though less bickering was involved.
If Radek had been surprised that John was asking questions about Lorne he didn't show it. It was through him that John learned that the Major knew how to fight with a Jaffa Staff Weapon. He was one of a select few to be taught by Teal'c while at the SGC. Unfortunately, the Atlantis expedition did not possess such weapon. Radek, however, was able to tell John that Lorne still continued to practice with a three-quarter staff while off-duty. The Major had even gone as far to give lessons to some interested Marines during his down time.
Armed with this information, John had snuck into one of Lorne's training sessions and was able to watch for several minutes before anyone noticed him.
"Care to join us, sir?"
"Not at all, Major. I'm just interested in the capabilities of my men."
Needless to say, John was impressed. Lorne moved with such grace and ease that he could make any seasoned warrior jealous. Suddenly John wished to witness the Major with the powerful Jaffa weapon. The Colonel could only assume he wielded it with as much deadly accuracy as he did a P-90. After the lesson was over John invited Lorne to his private sparring sessions with Ronon and Teyla.
"We could use some new talent in the ring. I'm tired of getting my ass kicked." John grinned when Lorne hesitated. "Bring your staff and they won't know what hit them."
Slowly the two soldiers began to hang out more and more. They trained together and sometimes ate together, emergencies permitting of course. John found Lorne to be thoughtful, loyal, and composed. He was an excellent leader who could make the hard decisions for the betterment of the mission. He also had easily earned the respect of those serving under him.
John envied Lorne's ability to move about the ranks. Other soldiers didn't often approach the Colonel with their questions and concerns. They were too easily cowed by the craziness of his plans or the standoffish presence his team exuded. As such, it was Lorne who was usually called to settle disputes among the masses. Radek even got him to respond to disturbances among the scientists, at least the ones that couldn't be handled by Rodney's big mouth.
Over the months John learned more and more about the man who was his second in command. Lorne's sarcasm rivaled that of his own. And he was smart. Not MENSA smart like John or Rodney, but he had a firm grasp on the softer sciences and most languages. Lorne excelled at learning Ancient. While he couldn't speak it or read it as fluently as the linguists - they were the best of the best after all - he could read instructions on devices and warnings around doorways. Such abilities came in handy on a mission more than once.
Also, Lorne could paint. Interestingly enough, it was Ronon that told John about the Major's artistic hobby. The Satedan had found out sometime after that fateful Sunday when the Atlantis expedition had lost Dr. Carson Beckett. Lorne had sent the painting he made that day back with Carson's body to Scotland. Ronon said it was a gift for Carson's mother, an apology of sorts.
Since then Lorne had kept painting. There was evidence of this when a fairly large canvas sporting a blood red battle scene appeared in Ronon's room. The Satedan warrior had loved it, hanging it proudly above his bed. Only a select few were also gifted paintings from the Major. Among those few were Radek and Dr. David Parrish, another scientist that Lorne was friendly with. John was secretly disappointed that he never got a painting for himself.
John's team lunches grew more crowded. Lorne ate with them more frequently, often joined by Radek or David. And then, eventually, John's curiosity evolved into something else. Yes, the two soldiers shared respect and appreciation for each other, but somewhere along the line John found himself falling in love with Lorne.
Yes, John had been previously been married but that hadn't turned out too well. He loved Nancy, but not romantically. He did it more to get back into his father's good graces than for the domestic homelife. In terms of sexuality, John never really labeled himself. He had had many girlfriends and boyfriends in the past. Who was he to judge? You love who you love.
Love.
He loved Lorne. This realization was only solidified during their latest mission on PXK-233.
When John had heard Lorne's weak calls for help over his earpiece during the feast, his heart stuttered to a stop. He had immediately dropped his drink and stood up from his seat to search for the Major. Lieutenant Abrams and Teyla took charge of Elizabeth's safety while John, Rodney, and Ronon rushed to Lorne's aid. John didn't know what was happening, which terrified him. Lorne was missing, drugged. Taken from under their noses. The Colonel didn't know what to expect. Was it a solo attack? Coordinated? Were they all in danger, or just Lorne? John feared that the other members of his team would also be incapacitated. They had to be careful.
Thanks to Rodney's quick thinking, they were able to boost their radio signals, allowing them to track Lorne throughout the twisting hallways of the castle. While they searched John could hear Lorne's heavy breathing, the sound of his stumbling, and scared quake in his voice when he mumbled the name of the former Genii leader, Cowen. Occasionally another strange voice would join his. The kidnapper's voice. What was said, whispered in private, disturbed John. Promises of carnal desire. Obscenities and assurances of lustful undertakings. As the seconds flew by, John became more and more certain of Lorne's possible fate.
He tried talking to the Major, but received no response. It was then that all the noises from Lorne's earpiece just stopped. Several minutes later Rodney found Lorne's headset on the ground in the middle of a corridor.
John had taken out his LSD, temporarily forgetting the disruptive properties of the castle walls. Curse that Disrutu stone! As such, it took another minute until Ronon could pick up the trail again. The Satedan tracker finally led them to a locked door several turns away from the discarded earpiece.
When Ronon had kicked down the door nothing could have prepared John for the sight before him. Lorne lay, unmoving, half naked, on a bed with his kidnapper straddling his waist. One of the man's large hands closed around the Major's throat while the other gently stroked the drugged soldier's bare chest. The rapist's exposed erection proudly lay across Lorne's belly button.
John had surged forward, ripping the man off Lorne. The kidnapper flailed and hit Lorne. The Colonel's orders to Rodney and Ronon mingled with the sandy-haired man's surprised shouts. John vaguely remembered the sounds of vomiting while he effectively restrained the rapist with some carefully placed strikes. Leaving Rodney to guard the now unconscious man, John rushed over to the Satedan who was carefully checking over Lorne.
"Ronon? Is he alright?"
Lorne tensed at the sound of John's voice, his eyes snapping open in fear. His glazed eyes rolled around in his head until they made contact with the Colonel. A flash a recognition allowed the Major to relax.
"Yeah, he's fine. We got here in time. He got his shirt off but that seems to be all."
John nodded, focusing back at the nearly unconscious soldier. "Major? Lorne, are you still with us?" He gently tapped the bloody cheek.
It was then that Lorne finally passed out.
The rest of the night was a blur. Elizabeth was informed of the situation and she gave them permission to take the Major back to Atlantis for medical attention. Teyla, Ronon, and Rodney had joined their team leader on the long trip back to the Stargate while the rest of Lorne's team and Elizabeth stayed on PXK-233 to help secure the attacker.
During the whole trip back, Lorne remained unresponsive. Rodney reassured them it was most likely the drug's fault. Jennifer had greeted them in the control room, ready to escort her patient to the infirmary. Despite Ronon's earlier assessment, John privately ordered Jennifer to test Lorne with a Rape Kit.
It came back negative.
The team kept watch until Lorne woke up the next day. Several people came to visit the Major, including Radek, David, and the pretty botanist. The latter left a vase of flowers from her lab. Thankfully, John was able to keep the nature of the attack confidential. He knew that the whole of Atlantis didn't need to know that Major Lorne was almost raped while off-world.
Much to John's relief, Lorne was awake and talking when he finally made it back to the infirmary after stepping out to grab a coffee from the cafeteria with Ronon and Rodney. But his alleviation didn't last long. Lorne had suffered an anxiety attack and didn't seem to remember much of the events about the previous day. John didn't know if that was a blessing or a curse. Lorne had been scared, terrified about what might have happened.
Luckily, John and his team were able to settle any doubts in the man's mind.
Then it was John's turn to be frightened. In a compelling moment of love - though some would say weakness - he went to hug Lorne. The Major had reacted violently, pushing John away with such unexpected force that he almost didn't catch himself on the chair beside the bed. His scent, of all things, triggered another flashback.
Horrified, John had remained at the back of the group for the remainder of the visit. He did not visit Lorne again before departing to PXK-233 for the trial that morning.
"Sir?"
Lorne finally stirred, snapping John out of this thoughts. His eyes slowly blinked open as they chased away the fogginess of sleep. Struggling to sit up, Lorne smacked his dry, cracked lips.
"Want some water, Major?"
"Yes, thank you," he replied. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down when he swallowed. The bruises on his neck danced in the infirmary's bright lighting.
Taking back the empty cup, John waited a good distance from the bed before stating, "I have bad news."
Lorne's head snapped up and John mentally winced at his own bluntness.
"What happened?"
John pursed his lips. "The trial did not go as expected," he said diplomatically. When Lorne didn't respond immediately, the Colonel continued, "The whole thing was just some sick show. It turns out Lord Solove never really intended to punish his precious Head Protector. He was sentenced to a flogging and a few days in prison, which we doubt was even carried out. We left the planet before anything happened. Elizabeth has effectively cut all relations with PXK-233."
"S-so he's still out there?"
John's gazed softened. "I'm sorry, Lorne."
The Major buried his face in his hands. His breath shuttered. "Thank you for telling me in person, sir. But I think I would like to be alone now."
"You sure? I could wait if you'd like."
"No."
"Alright. I'll see you tomorrow."
And, respecting the man's wishes, John left the infirmary.
~o~o~
Lorne was released from the infirmary a few hours later. While Jennifer gave him a clean bill of health, he was ordered to visit Dr. Kate Heightmeyer, Atlantis' resident psychiatrist, before he could go back to active duty.
Wanting to get it over with, Lorne made his way to Kate's office.
"Ah, Major Lorne, how are you?"
"I've been better."
Kate's lip quirked in a half smile. "Yes, I suppose you have. Shall we get started? I don't want to keep you from your duties for too long."
"I appreciate it, Dr. Heightmeyer."
Lorne moved fully into the pleasantly decorated room. It was not his first time in her office. He had been there briefly after his time with the Genii. While that had been almost a year prior, the office had not changed much. The door automatically slid shut behind him, blocking out any and all noise from the hallway beyond. Kate finally settled down in a cream colored chair in front of her desk. Lorne purposely forwent the plush seat by the door as he moved to take the uncomfortable metal chair across from her. If the Doctor noticed his choice in seating she didn't comment.
"Why don't you tell me what happened?"
Lorne looked at her skeptically. "What do you already know?"
"That doesn't matter," she waved her hand dismissively. "What matters is what you are comfortable with sharing."
The Major sighed and leaned back in his chair, contemplating where to start. "I was supposed to be on sentry duty," he eventually said, "but I let my guard down. I still don't really know how it happened, or when. But one moment I was talking with-" Lorne paused, unwilling to say the name.
Kate waited patiently for him to continue. She didn't interrupt or ask questions.
When he recomposed himself, Lorne started again. "One moment I was talking to him and then I was being pulled down a hallway. I remember stopping a few times… I think I fell at one point. He was really handsy, kept groping and kissing me." Lorne scratched at the bite mark on his neck absentmindedly. "He left me alone for a moment and I was able to radio for help. I knew Colonel Sheppard and the team was on their way but the drugs were making me confused. There's a big chunk of time missing from when I called for help to when I wound up in that room."
"I must have told him my name because he kept calling me 'Evan'. No one calls me by my first name except my mom and my sister," the Major shrugged. Getting back on track he spoke, "He started kissing me again, but I pushed him away. The drugs were really messing with head at that point. I eventually was lifted into a bed and he straddled me. That's when I recall biting his tongue. He got angry. He wasn't so gentle after that. He hit me and ripped off my shirt. Or maybe he got my shirt off then hit me, I'm not too sure." Lorne scrubbed his hands over his face. "Anyway, he did some stuff and when I tried to fight him off he choked me. It wasn't too long after Sheppard arrived with the cavalry."
"Nothing happened," Lorne asserted, meeting Kate's critical eye. "I would have remembered. And Ronon promised me nothing happened."
"I don't think what happened to you was nothing."
"We didn't have sex."
"Sex implies consent."
"Fine then, he didn't rape me."
"The group came back from PXK-233 several hours ago. Did you talk to anyone from the team?"
Lorne slightly shifted in his seat, making himself more comfortable before stating, "Yeah, Colonel Sheppard came and saw me in the infirmary. He told we the outcome of the trial."
"And how do you feel about the outcome?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Okay," Kate nodded. She tried a different topic to open the conversation back up. "Dr. Keller noted that the drug you were slipped causes retrograde amnesia." Tapping her chin, she asked, "Have you had any flashbacks? Nightmares?"
"No nightmares," Lorne answered honestly. "But I had two panic attacks shortly after I woke up back on Atlantis."
"What do you think caused them?"
"Well, I had the first one right after I woke up. I was scared and confused. I didn't immediately remember what happened so I panicked. Colonel Sheppard calmed me down. He told me everyone was safe. That I was safe. He told me what happened."
"And the second time?"
Lorne looked down at his lap, embarrassed. "I didn't- It wasn't his fault…"
"Major Lorne?"
"Coffee and peppermint." He glanced up, hands twisting together anxiously. "Sheppard smells like coffee and peppermint. A-and he smelled like coffee and peppermint. I just wasn't prepared for it. McKay said scent is the most powerful memory trigger." Fisting his hands into his pants, Lorne grimaced. "I just couldn't handle it so soon after the incident."
"That's understandable," Kate hummed. "Was this similarly a problem during the assault?"
"Yeah." He shivered. "And that's the ridiculous part. I distinctly remember Sheppard being there. But I knew he couldn't have been. I thought he..." Lorne trailed off. "It's all very frustrating," he admitted.
Sensing his reluctance, the Doctor stood and moved toward her desk. "I know this is difficult, but I appreciate your honesty and openness. You seem to have a firm grasp on the events during your mission, as traumatic as they were." Lorne's eyes followed her casual movements. Pen in hand, she began writing on a slip of paper. When she finished she approached the Major. "Many people in your position would be in denial, but you are not. To be frank, it's very comforting."
Kate lowered herself down to perch on the edge of the small table before Lorne. "In terms of Colonel Sheppard, I know you both work together regularly. If you'd like, I can approach him as a third party and perhaps recommend some new shampoo. It would help with any flashbacks in the future, particularly those that might happen in the field."
"That's very thoughtful, Dr. Heightmeyer, but completely unnecessary," Lorne commented. "The first time just caught me unawares."
"Very well." She handed him the form she signed earlier on her desk. "I'm going to put you back on active duty. I cannot, in right conscious, allow Atlantis to be without you for any extended period of time. Who knows what would happen?" Kate joked.
Lorne shyly smiled, but he didn't refute her claim.
"But promise me, if you have any nightmares or flashbacks you'll come see me?"
"Yes, ma'am." Lorne accepted the slip of paper and stood. Relief crept through him. The session wasn't as bad a he thought it'd be. Collecting himself, Lorne made his way toward the door. Foregoing the control panel, his natural ATA gene willed the door open. And, with a familiar hiss, freedom was within sight.
"Major Lorne?"
Lorne slightly turned, glancing over his shoulder to look at Kate. "Yes, Dr. Heightmeyer?"
"What's his name?"
He blinked. "Excuse me?"
"You never said his name."
"Baltier," Lorne paused. "He's the Head Protector."
And with that he left, hopeful never to return.
~o~o~
A/N: Wow, I really laid the angst on thick this chapter! With such a psychological trauma, I wanted to really accurately depict Lorne's struggle with the attack and the lack of closure he was able to receive as best I could. I don't want Lorne to be completely okay with what happened to him, and I definitely wanted the events of PXK-233 to have an effect of his character in this story. As such, don't be too surprised when he sees Dr. Kate Heightmeyer again in future chapters. (As a side note, I always thought it was so important to show the characters in the Stargate: Atlantis series struggling with their many missions and off-world encounters. The inclusion of a psychologist in the series, no matter how brief, was monumental as many shows don't depict such mental anguish without it becoming a point of weakness for the character.)
Anyway, now we're getting a little momentum going. I felt this chapter offered a bit of exposition behind my characterization of Lorne. I want him to be loyal and dependable, but not entirely dimwitted or two-dimensional like he is often portrayed. A lot of the background information and personality that I gave Lorne is a mixture of canon and ideas of my own creation. In the following chapters I will continue to add background (for both Lorne and John) so that you guys can get to know the characters as I know them in my head. That being said, comments and suggestions are always welcome.
Well, until next time! XOXO
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