Title: Lost Among The Stars
Summary: When Major Evan Lorne is attacked on a mission off-world, a series of events is put into motion that reveals the very secret John Sheppard had worked so hard to keep hidden. Eventual Sheppard/Lorne. Spoilers for "Coup d'etat" and "Doppleganger".
A/N: I've had a lot of requests for smut, but I will tell you it's not in the plan for this story for several more chapters. I am writing this story for the romance and character development. I don't plan on writing anything more explicit than the first chapter, so if that's what you're here for then I'm sorry to disappoint. I do, however, guarantee some good romance and emotional revelations.
That being said, I also have to say that this story is far from over. Another sub-plot is being added in this chapter, including a new character and an awesome new adventure involving our favorite life-sucking aliens - the Wraith. So stay tuned!
Characters: Evan Lorne, John Sheppard, Rodney McKay, Ronon, Teyla, Elizabeth Weir, Sam Carter, Radek Zelenka, Jennifer Keller, and other minor characters and OCs.
Disclaimer: all rights belong to MGM.
Warning: mentions of non-consensual rape.
~o~o~
It had been a week since the team settled on the cafeteria's balcony and simply enjoyed each other's company.
The events of that night were traumatic. They had all suffered their own personal nightmares. Even Sam and Rodney, who never had to experience the alien creature's horrible manipulation, confessed a terrible fear when Lorne and John were stuck in their own dreams, when their only options were to fight or die.
They were all haunted by the nightmare monster. And it took awhile, but each member of the team slowly was able to shake off the horrific experience. Ronon and John sparred for hours on end. Rodney threw himself into his work. Sam took the opportunity to go off-world and negotiate a treaty with one of their allies. Teyla mediated. Jennifer went to the mainland and offered free exams and lollipops to the Athosian children. Everyone seemed to be doing very well. Everyone, that is, except for Lorne.
The Major had detached himself from his friends. He mostly avoided team lunches and started working in his private quarters instead of his office. He temporarily canceled his three-quarter staff lessons with the Marines. He requested for his team to be taken off the duty roster. His free time was spent at the firing range or doing random odds-and-ends around Atlantis. And, while he had all but disappeared, the senior staff could not complain about any negligence in his work. The Major did his duty, just not with his usual energy or presence.
Everyone thought he was suffering from some delayed form of PTSD - perpetually stuck in his nightmare, trapped in the arms of Baltier. John tried to talk to him, but silly little emergencies kept getting in the way. Sam wanted him to meet with a psychiatrist but Kate's replacement had yet to arrive on Atlantis. Teyla also tried talking to Lorne, but he had so skillfully redirected the conversation that she didn't even realize it until he was walking away. They worried for him. This post traumatic stress, this obsessing over his nightmare, could not be healthy.
But, in reality, Lorne's mind keep going back to John's dream, not his own.
"You loved him."
A simple sentence. A simple stated fact. Oh, such a terrible confession.
Before Lorne had been satisfied to suffer through his crush when he assumed that John wasn't interested. It was easy to ignore his emotions, to push them aside and focus on whatever impending doom threatened Atlantis that week. Adventures in another galaxy allowed him ample distraction. He never had to worry about being in a relationship while on Atlantis. His crush on the Colonel allowed him to be uninterested in any other men, soldier or scientist, that crossed his path. And, when he thought John to simply be straight, it kept him in line - not acting on his feelings, admiring from a distance. He had always been content with their friendship.
And he did think the Colonel to be straight. He was a hopeless flirt and a tease. And John's track record did nothing to dispel that idea. Ancients. Princesses. He had been married for God's sake! So why would Lorne have assumed him to be anything other than strictly heterosexual. But now that he was presented with the idea that John wasn't necessarily as straight as he led other people to believe, and that he loved Lorne… everything the Major thought he knew had flown out the window.
But, now that he knew what he knew, it all made sense.
A lingering hand on his shoulder. A little smile when their eyes met. A casual nod whenever he was in the vicinity. A trailing gaze on his back when he left the room. A cheeky grin when he laughed. A presence in the 'gate room when he went off-world. A concerned face when he was injured. A personable conversation when he was stressed out.
Small, little things he would have written off as John's mannerisms if he didn't know any better.
A hyper awareness of when he was in the room. A jealous frown whenever he hung out with friends. A worried glance when he was in trouble. A unneeded touch to get his attention. A welcome distraction when he had too much work to do.
But things were going to be different now. Oh, so different. What was he to do?
So, instead of acting on any of his feelings, Lorne deliberately avoided everyone. He remained alone with his thoughts for days on end. In shock and slightly panicked. And the more and more he thought about it, it all made sense. Which drove Lorne even more crazy. He imagined every possible scenario. Every possible reaction. Disgust. Acceptance. Rejection. Resistance. Denial. So many things could go wrong. Then again, so many things could go right.
But then Lorne thought about his life - his profession. He and John were both military after all.
The implication about what could happen to their military careers and the safety of Atlantis was horrifying in and of itself. Fraternization, let alone homosexual relationships, was strictly frowned upon. Lorne could get reassigned. John could lose his command, possibly even get kicked out of the Air Force. Their lives, in short, would be over. And not even all the love in the world could make Lorne risk that.
So Lorne made a decision. He would stay quiet. If John could keep his crush under wraps then he could too.
He knew things would never be the same. His ignorance was gone. He hated it. He hated that crystal being. He hated those nightmares. He hated that John was doing this to him. He hated himself for ever falling in love with his commanding officer.
He hated his life.
~o~o~
John cornered him after breakfast.
"Have you been avoiding me, Major?" he accused, sounding no different than usual, if not a bit cross.
Putting up a front, Lorne smiled, "You would know if I was avoiding you, sir."
John huffed. "Then what have been doing this past week."
"Your paperwork, sir." It was a safe answer. He knew that John detested bureaucracy and took every possible opportunity to give it to Lorne.
John still didn't look satisfied with the answer. "I wasn't aware that I was so far behind."
"You've been busy, sir."
"So have you, apparently," John said. And his voice was so ordinary, so day to day, that Lorne had to turn and look at the man. Maybe he had been mistaken after all. Maybe he thought about the nightmare for too long, imprinting his own feelings onto his already heightened emotions. But, with one glance at John's expression he knew it was all true. It wasn't something you would notice if you didn't know the Colonel. But Lorne did know him. His eyes were warmer than usual, his face soft. The stress lines on his forehead were relaxed and his eyebrows weren't bunched together. It was subtle, so subtle that if he wasn't looking for it Lorne would have missed it all together.
John Sheppard had feelings for him. Of that Lorne was certain.
"What are you up to right now?"
Not willing to lie to the Colonel's face, he responded. "Nothing, sir."
"Well, the Daedalus is set to land in a half hour and I have to supervise the new personnel. Care to join me?"
"Of course, sir," Lorne smiled, trying to cover up the uneasy feeling that was coiling in his gut. "Should be interesting. How many people are we expecting?" With each trip, the Daedalus brought new recruits to the Atlantis expedition. While most of them were experts in their field - there to explore the new galaxy - many were there to replace the scientists and soldiers lost on the expedition. It was a perilous job, and it was unfortunate whenever someone on Atlantis died.
"About six or seven scientists and a dozen or so fresh Marines."
"No Air Force?" Lorne asked, dejected. There were never enough pilots on Atlantis and more were definitely needed.
"Not this time, Major."
They began their slow trek to the West Pier where the Daedalus planned to beam down the new recruits and some much needed supplies. Despite himself, Lorne felt better in John's company. He knew he should be avoiding the man, but now that he was quietly walking with him Lorne felt different. Content. Peaceful. It was the opposite reaction he wanted to be having. How could he cover up his affection for the man if he was so relaxed around him?
When they reached the proper location, the duo was greeted by several personnel. Most of them were military, volunteers to help unload the heavier equipment. Two or three scientists hung around, probably waiting to greet a colleague or to receive a personal package from a loved one back home.
"Colonel Sheppard?" a familiar voice echoed over John's earpiece.
"Go ahead, Chuck," he replied, clicking his headset.
"Colonel Caldwell just entered orbit and requests admittance into the city."
"Go ahead and lower the shield," John conceded.
Above them, Atlantis' protective shield began to melt away, its golden edges collapsing on itself until it hit the water. Once it was completely gone, the first batch of arrivals beamed down. It was a group of Marines. One of the younger soldiers promptly stumbled to the side of the pier and vomited. "I got it," Lorne said, waving dismissively at John, already walking over to the young man. The Colonel hummed and made his way over the remaining men who snapped at attention as they were presented with their new commanding officer.
"You alright?" Lorne asked, laying a comforting hand on the young soldier's back.
"Yes, sir. I just wasn't prepared for it."
The Major smiled. "Don't worry, you aren't the first to become sick. I could tell you stories…" he trailed off suggestively before the familiar buzz of Asgard technology interrupted him. Lorne didn't need to turn around and to know another group had been transported down from the Daedalus. From the sound of many moving booted feet he guessed it was mostly supplies this time, not personnel. The young soldier finally collected himself and was able to walk back to the rest of his peers. John was before them, giving the standard lecture.
"...simple rules. If you follow them, you will survive." A few of the Marine tittered in response. "I'm serious, men!" John snapped. "The Wraith are ruthless. And some of our allies aren't much better. My advice, listen to the veterans, soldier and scientist alike. Never dismiss their warnings, they probably know more about a situation then you do. Now, how many of you have the ATA gene?"
Two of the dozen men raised their hands.
"Okay, never touch an Ancient device unless you know what it does. Also you'll have to go through flight training. All gene holders are required to learn. While you might not need to pilot them on the day to day, you may have to fly them during emergencies or in battle."
Seeing that John had everything under control, Lorne moved over to help carry some the heavier crates of weapons. Another shipment had beamed down. The pier was now a flurry of activity. Everyone was rushing around and collecting items. The Major worked for several grueling minutes hauling a box of replacement TAC vests. But then, just has he handed the crate into the ready arms of a Sergeant, he heard his name being called.
"Evan?"
Lorne furrow his brow. And turning, he was nearly thrown to the ground when someone jumped into his open arms.
"Wh-"
"Oh my God, Evan, it is you!"
Collecting himself, Lorne looked down at the petite body in his arms. A pair of big brown eyes, framed by strawberry blonde hair, gazed up at him. The Major grinned. He would recognize that face anywhere. "Gracie!"
Dr. Grace Richards nearly vibrated in excitement. "Who knew I had to travel to an entirely different galaxy just to see your ugly mug."
Laughing, Lorne picked up the woman and spun her in a circle before drawing her into a tight hug. "Shit, I missed you," he confessed. "How long has it been?"
"Years, Evan," Grace scolded. "And without so much as a letter." She playfully punched his shoulder.
Someone coughed behind him. Lorne glanced over his shoulder to see John standing there. A look of barely contained jealousy clouded the Colonel's features. "Who's this, Major?" he asked. His voice sounded casual enough but Lorne knew better.
"Sir, this is Dr. Richards. She's a linguist."
The woman stuck out her hand. "Pleasure to meet you, Colonel Sheppard. I've heard a lot about you."
"All good things I hope," John smirked, raising his eyebrows suggestively. Lorne pursed his lips. The man was back to flirting. It was his default setting it would seem. "And how do you know Major Lorne?"
"We used to date," Grace replied bluntly.
It was true. Sort of. Lorne had really been dating Grace's brother, Malcolm, in high school. But the boy's parents didn't know he was gay and had a boyfriend. So Grace generously posed as Lorne's girlfriend so he could hang out with Malcolm undisturbed. Sleepovers were particularly fun. Because her parents wouldn't allow Lorne to sleep in the same room as Grace, he always crashed with her brother. It was an ingenious plan really. And, even after he and Malcolm broke up, Lorne kept in contact with Grace. All throughout college they hung out. Their fake girlfriend/boyfriend routine became a private joke between them. And, over the years, they monopolized on it, taking each other as dates to many events that they were not willing to go to alone or with strangers. Now they were still good friends, nothing more.
John grimaced at the response. "Oh," he breathed, clearly not expecting the answer. He peered closer at their current position, arms around each other, reevaluating their entire relationship.
Not willing to put up with John's jealousy, Lorne turned back to his friend. "How's Malcolm? And the girls?" Grace's brother had married a civil rights lawyer several years ago. They had adopted two girls.
"Oh, wonderful," Grace gushed. "Rachel and Katie are so big now. You should really come and visit next time you're home."
"Your husband?" John questioned Grace hopefully, re-entering the conversation.
"My brother," she replied, still looking at Lorne. "I'm single."
"Really?" Lorne asked, quite surprised. "I thought you would have settled down by now."
Grace pressed her lips into a line. "So everyone tells me."
The Major chuckled. "Who knows, maybe you'll find the right guy on Atlantis."
"Are you volunteering, Evan?" she joked.
Lorne just shrugged, pretending to contemplate the idea.
"Major, we need to get the new recruits their assignments," John reminded him.
"Of course, sir," Lorne answered. And then looking back at the woman still in his arms, he said, "I'll come find you in a few hours, Gracie. We can catch up and I can give you a personal tour of Atlantis."
Grace cheekily replied, "I'll look forward to it."
As so, giving her one final hug, Lorne followed John off the pier. They walked in silence for a few minutes before John glanced over at him. "So, Dr. Richards is pretty."
Lorne just hummed, not really wanting to have this conversation. But it seemed John had other ideas.
"So… how did you meet?"
Lorne fell back on the generic answers he always used. "Through her brother."
"When'd you date?"
"A few years in high school."
"Why did you break up?"
"We were both going into college and weren't really looking for a long distance relationship."
"Wh-"
"Look, sir, is there something you need me for?"
"Not really…"
"Then I'm going to go update the duty rosters with our new Marines and schedule their evaluations."
John shot him a curious look but didn't stop him. "Of course, Lorne."
"Thank you, sir." And then Lorne was off.
It didn't take long to complete all the paperwork. Lorne sent several copies of the rosters and schedules to John and Sam for them to approve. He assigned John to test out the new recruits' survival and flight skills, Ronon was to evaluate close-quarter combat, while he charged himself with weapon evaluations. Lorne even penciled in a little time with Rodney so the Marines would be able to experience the full brunt of the science department in advance. He knew Rodney would complain about the whole thing, but the Major thought the scientist would like the opportunity to show off his intelligence in front of the newest soldiers.
When he was finished he swung by the labs to see Radek and David. Maybe a lunch with friends would be a nice change. But before Lorne could find his favorite scientists he ran into Grace, quite literally.
Picking himself off the ground, the Major stuttered an apology. "Gracie, I am so sorry. I didn't see you there."
"Evan," the woman grinned. "It's always a pleasure running into you." She accepted his outstretched hand and pulled herself from the cold floor.
Lorne offered his own smirk in return. "So how do you like Atlantis?"
"Oh, it's beautiful," the linguist gushed. "The amount of Ancient text available here is unbelieveable. There is writing everywhere! And people completely dismiss it and take it for granted, not even bothering to learn what it means. Just from the walk from my room to the labs there were several inscriptions that I couldn't help but read. This one here," Grace turned to point at the squiggly writing of the Ancients mounted the wall, "it is directions to-."
"-to the chair room. Yeah, I know."
Grace guffawed. "So you're a linguist now?"
"I've taken a few classes in Ancient," Lorne shrugged. "I'm nowhere near fluent but I manage."
"Well," she sniffed, "I can't really complain. I do love a man who's good with his tongue."
The Major grinned wolfishly. He had barely seen his good friend in years and here they were, playfully flirting like nothing had changed. Lorne leaned forward, bringing his forehead down to touch her brow, mimicking the formal Athosian greeting. "You would know, wouldn't you?"
After a moment, the two pulled out of their intimate embrace. "But does anyone else know?" Grace smiled cheekily.
Lorne straightened and cocked his head to the side. "What do you mean?"
"Have you been seeing anyone?"
"Not recently," Lorne admitted. "I haven't really had the opportunity, seeing as I'm stuck in another galaxy."
"What about someone here on Atlantis?"
"There is no one, Gracie."
"Do you want there to be someone? I saw how Colonel Sheppard reacted to me." She waggled her eyebrows. "The jealousy oozing off that man was adorable. He wants you."
"I know."
"So what are you going to do about it?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
Lorne sighed. "Look, Grace, he's my boss. I can't really take a tumble in the sheets with him without serious repercussions."
The woman pursed her lips together. "If you say so… I think you would be amazing together."
The Major leaned forward and whispered in her ear, "So do I." He winked.
Grace laughed, the jovial sound echoing down the empty hallway. "It's a shame you and Malcolm didn't stay together. I would have loved you to be my brother-in-law."
"Surely you would be bored of me by now."
"No, never."
"Come now," Lorne scolded. "I have to keep you on your toes, keep the mystery alive."
"Oh, there is no mystery about you, Evan Lorne. You are far too predictable."
"Really? Well, then," Lorne smirked, "I guess you already know that I'm going to ask you to join me for lunch."
"But of course," Grace nodded seriously. "And, after that, a private tour of all the best Ancient inscriptions in the city."
"Wow, I guess I am predictable."
"No, I just know you too well."
"I guess you're right."
"Of course I am!"
The two friends laughed and made their way to the cafeteria.
~o~o~
With Dr. Grace Richards' arrival, the senior staff began to notice that Lorne seemed to return back to his normal self. The two friends - or past lovers as they led everyone to believe - were nearly inseparable.
Lorne first introduced Grace to Radek, Laura, and David. The scientists quickly welcomed her into their little group. Radek was pleased to learn that Grace knew Czech. They frequently conversed and told jokes in his native tongue, much to the amusement of their friends. David easily accepted her enthusiasm for all things Ancient. While he was only a botanist, he enjoyed learning about the language and history of Atlantis' previous occupants. And Laura was just happy to converse with another female that didn't only want to gossip about their peers.
The group invited her to their dinner parties in Radek's quarters. The Czech happily made them meals while exchanging recipes and ideas. Not too long after, Grace started to attended team lunches. Teyla accepted her warmly, enjoying a new conversation partner. Grace introduced her to a plethora of word games and riddles that the female warrior enjoyed, claiming they kept her mind sharp. Rodney was as loud and obnoxious as usual but eventually grudgingly admitted that Grace's intelligence was noteworthy, for a linguist. What really changed his mind about her was when she effortlessly beat him in a game of chess. Even Ronon took shine to the woman. She didn't mind his gruffness and standoffish behavior. As a sign of good faith, he taught her the basics of the Satedan language - which Grace picked up in two weeks flat. Needless to say Ronon was impressed.
John, on the other hand, was more resistant than the others. Not that he showed it. On the surface he was courteous and flirtatious, all the while jealousy and spite raged underneath. He didn't like how close the woman and his second in command were. He knew of their history - or so he thought - and he could see the intimate bond they shared. Something he believed, now more than ever, that he could never have with Lorne.
Grace knew things about Lorne that he could never know by simply being his commanding officer. She knew about his life outside the military. His passions. His touch. His secrets. His love.
Admittedly, John was completely surprised when Grace introduced herself as Lorne's former girlfriend. Even more so when the Major didn't dispute the claim. In all the time that John knew his second in command, Lorne had never mentioned any past relationships, intimate or otherwise. In his experience, John always saw such silence as the sign of a secret - such as uncommon sexual preferences or preserved virginity. Men loved to brag about their past conquests, particularly those with beautiful women. And Grace was a gorgeous woman. Surely, Lorne would brag about such a woman, no matter how long ago they stopped dating.
He always knew the Major to be a very private person. It took John several months to learn as much as he knew now. But never during all his snooping did he witness Lorne give his attention to another person - female or male. That being said, plenty of others had expressed interest in Lorne, Baltier notwithstanding. John knew for a fact that a pretty botanist had asked Lorne on a date before being politely turned away. A few other nurses had also tried to approach Lorne with several sexual propositions, all of which were rejected. While on an off-world mission John even witnessed a village elder's son corner Lorne during a fertility feast. But the Major also did not accept his invitation. John also knew of several other female and male personnel that had crushes on Lorne, but much like him, they would never act upon it.
With no evidence to suggest otherwise, John assumed the soldier to be asexual or something of the sort. And that thought was comforting. John didn't have to worry about either rejection or acceptance. He could hide his love for Lorne and simply enjoy the friendship they shared.
But this new information completely changed John's perception of Lorne. The Colonel was now presented with actual living proof that Lorne wasn't, in fact, asexual. Or even homosexual. While bisexuality was still on the table, John easily dismissed it, thinking back to the lack evidence of prior relationships or sexual interest.
While John didn't like Grace, simply on principle, he couldn't deny that she was good for Lorne. Since her arrival on Atlantis the Major had emerged from whatever funk he had been in. He was no longer hiding in his room or running around Atlantis, doing menial tasks, in the middle of the night. He had even resumed his staff lessons with the Marines. He was laughing again, spending time with friends. The old Lorne was back.
And so, for Lorne's sake, John begrudgingly accepted Grace into their little group.
~o~o~
A/N: Surprised you, didn't I? Just when you thought we might be reaching the end I threw a curveball. Well, what can I say, I like to complicate things.
The addition of Dr. Grace Richards will be a hitch for John, his jealousy and blatant dislike will be blinding. On the other hand, Grace will become a good friend and confidant for Lorne, helping him through difficult situations and eventually nudging him in the right direction. I added Grace into the story because I felt it necessary for Lorne to have someone to talk to about his troubles, someone who knows him better than anyone else on Atlantis. As such, Grace will be there to push the plot forward and be the voice of reason when needed.
Please review and let me know what you think. Until next time. XOXO
