I don't own Loki or the Avengers, and I don't make money off of them. Sad, I know. But legal.
Also, I'd like to thank my husband, who is the best beta/helper that I could ask for!
Chapter 15: Love Hurts
Loki fell into a steady rhythm over the next couple of weeks. On weekday mornings she would go to Stark Tower and work on the restoration. Since she had insisted on doing the Chrysler building first, her job mainly consisted of turning large quantities of sand into glass, in various shapes and sizes. It wasn't exactly the work she had imagined-she had thought she would be able to work in the Chrysler building, but Fury insisted that she remain as incognito as possible. So it was that the word on the street said that Tony Stark had donated all of the glass to repair the majestic skyscraper that stood opposite his tower. No one questioned it, since it wasn't hard to believe that he would find the broken building an eyesore.
In the afternoons she would hang out with Natasha and Pepper, if they were available, or watch movies with Tony and Steve. The movies went a long way towards helping Loki understand the culture she now lived in. Tony had finally given her the portable music player she had asked for, and she used it to keep herself company when none of the Avengers were available. Still, she felt very much like an outsider.
One particularly slow day, Pepper had a good solution to Loki's complaining that she didn't have anything to spend her poker winnings on.
"Well, whenever I've got some money burning a hole in my pocket, I go shopping." Pepper seemed excited at the idea. They were sitting in the media room as she flipped through various news channels half-heartedly.
Loki shrugged. "I don't need to buy clothes, I just make them show up."
Pepper frowned. "I've been meaning to ask you about that... You're not making the clothes right? Because you wear something different every day, and your closet would be full to bursting by now."
"Right..." Loki wasn't sure where this was going.
Pepper reached out a hand and touched the edge of her bell sleeve, rubbing it between her fingers. "So if it's an illusion, even if it's a really good one, it's not really real."
Loki nodded.
"So... In reality, you're sitting here naked."
Loki laughed at the expression on her face. "No! Well... Sort of. If I were suddenly to lose all my abilities, then I would be naked."
Pepper raised her eyebrows. "Well let's hope that doesn't happen then, yes?"
Loki chuckled.
"Anyway, like I was saying. Shopping. Clothes aren't the only thing you can buy. There's food, music, decor items, books..."
Loki's face lit up a little. "What kind of books? I spent a lot of time in my father's library as a young child."
"I can totally see you as the bookish, indoorsy-type," Pepper smiled. "Especially in comparison to your brother." She pretended to ignore Loki's cringe. "All kinds of books, history, biography, westerns, science fiction and fantasy, comic books, romance novels," she gave Loki a conspiratorial smile.
"Romance novels?" Loki was intrigued.
Pepper laughed. "A weakness of mine. Sometimes I just get tired of all the press releases and board meetings where I have to be this bastion of Feminist progress. So I find a nice cheap bodice-ripper and take a mental vacation."
"That sounds... highly appealing," Loki admitted.
"Come on," Pepper turned off the TV and stood. "I know just the place."
Loki stood and followed Pepper to the elevator. She folded her arms tightly and mentally braced herself for the long ride down.
As the doors closed, Pepper gave her a funny look. "You have a problem with elevators, don't you?" She sounded concerned.
Loki laughed humorlessly. "I have to admit, it's probably my least favorite thing about this place."
"It can't fall you know," Pepper reassured her. "There are automatic brakes on the cab itself that prevent that from happening.
Loki paled. "I had not even considered the possibility." She swallowed thickly, seeming to stare through the floor. "Down is worse than up. I think... I think I'm just generally not comfortable with the idea of the ground falling out from under me."
Pepper regarded her carefully out of the corner of her eye. She had never met Loki before her change, and had really only heard bits and pieces from Tony. She thought she remembered something from his stories about a part of the helicarrier that dropped away... but hadn't it been Thor who fell to earth in it? She thought there was something more to it than that... She would have to ask Thor.
When they reached the main lobby, Pepper caught the attention of one of the secretaries at the front desk. "If he asks, please tell Mr. Stark that I have gone shopping with a friend."
The secretary she spoke to nodded, but another one spoke up. "I can have an escort ready for you in just a minute," she said, typing away on her console.
Pepper rolled her eyes. "We are going shopping, we don't need an escort for that."
The secretary glanced meaningfully at Loki. "I'm sorry Ma'am, but you're not a member of SHIELD, and therefore not authorized to serve as her security detail."
Loki and Pepper looked at each other. "Sorry," Loki muttered.
Pepper sighed exasperatedly. "Well, fine, but make it someone discreet. The last thing we need is some guy sighing and rolling his eyes while we're trying to enjoy ourselves."
The secretary nodded. In a few minutes, a young woman in street clothes exited the elevator. Her chin-length hair covered her ears-and the tell-tale earpiece. She nodded at Pepper and Loki, and gestured for them to proceed out the doors. They all got in a company car, and Pepper directed the driver to her favorite book store.
Loki chatted with Pepper the whole way there, but kept one eye on the undercover agent. She appeared to be absorbed in checking her email on her phone, and few would have guessed she was listening to every word they said.
They were dropped off in front of an old-fashioned looking bookstore. It was very small, wedged between two taller buildings, but once inside Loki saw that every inch of wall spaced had been crammed full of new and used books.
"What we're looking for is upstairs," Pepper announced, and led them up a tiny wrought-iron spiral staircase wedged in the corner. Once at the top, she gestured to a large display that nearly filled the back wall.
Loki stared at them with wide eyes. There were so many! Each bore an image on the front, usually of a man and woman partially undressed and wrapped in a passionate embrace, as well as a title and the author's name in big, fancy letters.
"There are several different sub-genres," Pepper explained. "Paranormal romance, historical romance, some authors write about specific professions..."
Loki was beginning to feel a little overwhelmed.
"I like Regency-period stuff myself," the agent added, not even looking up from her phone. She had a slight British accent.
Loki turned to face her. "Regency period?"
At last she looked up, and shrugged. "It's a historical period in the UK, during the 1800s. Probably the height of the aristocracy. Like Jane Austen, only I hate Jane Austen. I just like imagining all the balls and fetes, the fancy manners and beautiful clothes. Plus," she smiled secretly, "society was so sexually repressed at the time, and that always makes the love scenes seem more... illicit. I'd suggest Julia Quinn or Lisa Kleypas from that lot."
Loki smiled. "Thank you." She turned back to the wall and located the suggested authors. Pepper meanwhile had found a few that she thought Loki would like.
"Do you have enough to buy all these?" she asked. There were at least ten.
She handed Pepper the stack, and focused for a moment. With a twist of her hands, a thick roll of bills appeared between them.
The agent gave a low whistle.
"How much of that was Tony's?" Pepper asked, humor in her voice.
"Most of it." Loki fished out the appropriate number of bills, and then vanished the remainder back to her apartment.
They split up the stack of books so they could manage the spiral staircase again, and after buying the books piled back into the company car.
"I like you," Loki said to the agent, who had gone back to pretending she was engrossed with her phone. "But somehow I doubt my recommendation would be of much help."
"I'll say something," Pepper offered.
"Thanks," the agent said with an embarrassed smile.
Loki asked the driver to drop her and the agent off at her apartment. "I have homework to do," she grinned at the bag of books.
Pepper began to wonder if she had made a mistake.
The books were not, as Loki had hoped, much help to her. Very few were at all relatable to her own situation. The ones that the agent-Loki had realized that she hadn't even asked her name- had suggested were the most on track. The men in them were honorable, duty-bound sorts that Thor would probably like.
The problem was that none of those involved a woman trying to seduce such gentlemen against their will. Sure, there were many who sought to attract their attention, but in the end it always seemed to be the men who chose. Jarvis suggested that this was probably due to the era, when men did have the majority of choice. The modern books provided a few instances like hers, but the men were always dark and moody, with mysterious pasts, far more like her former self than Thor.
They were, however, an excellent way to pass the time. She found that she could finish them within a handful of hours, and returned several times to the bookstore to pick up more, as well as books from other genres. Eventually she had to turn her unused dresser into a bookshelf to hold the ones she didn't sell back. This time, she asked Thor's permission first.
One Saturday afternoon in her second week on Earth, Loki sat on one end of the couch, finishing up a paranormal romance and Thor sat on the other, engrossed in a television program which sought to compare various historical warriors to each other. This episode was pitting the Vikings against Japanese Samurai. Thor, naturally, was urging on the Vikings, whose fighting style had been largely preserved in Asgard.
Loki pretended not to be watching, but felt that the Japanese weapons were much better crafted and versatile. She was particularly impressed by a demonstration with the naginata, a mid-length spear with a dagger-long blade at the end. The stuntman using it had sliced the top of their fake-man's skull clean off. Alas, the final verdict was that the Vikings, being more brutal in their fighting style, would have emerged the victors. Thor cheered like a fan at a sporting event, and Loki watched with a peeved expression over the top of her book.
"I'm bored," she announced. "All I ever do is work at SHIELD or hang out here. I want to go do something," she whined.
Thor blinked at her, perplexed. "Well, I suppose we could go see a movie. Rogers assures me it is a thrilling experience."
Loki resisted the urge to sigh. She had watched plenty of movies with Steve and Tony, and the novelty had worn off somewhat. But a movie with Thor... "Could we go eat somewhere, afterwards?" she suggested.
"I do not see why not," Thor nodded.
Excellent! Loki thought. Dinner and a movie. "Great! Just let me change."
Thor began to protest, but before the first word had even finished, she had transformed her comfortable t-shirt and jeans into a spangled evening gown. Her hair was swept up into a mess of braids and curls, and while the front was a conservative halter, the back dipped dangerously low.
"Well?" Loki asked, turning so he could see.
She was rewarded with two bright patches of pink on Thor's astounded face.
"I... I do not believe Midgardians dress in this fashion to attend the movie theater," he stammered out.
"Oh." He had a point. She changed it again, to a pair of skin-tight jeans and a slinky top. Thor seemed to relax. "Hmm..." Loki said with a mischievous glint in her eye. "Does this top look better on the shoulder, or..." she flicked one side of the shirt so that it fell to her upper arm, "off?"
"On." Thor sounded as if he were being strangled.
She grinned, and did nothing to change her clothes. "That's what I thought."
Just then, Thor's cell phone rang. He scrambled to get it out of his pocket as if it were his only hope for survival. "Hello?" he answered without even looking to see who called. Suddenly he stood, looking stunned.
"Wha- no, I just-" he tried to speak over whoever was on the other end. He ran a hand through his hair. "Just calm down," he said kindly. "Where are you? WHAT?!" He ran to the window, looking down at the courtyard. "I'll be right there." He hung up.
"Who was that?" Loki asked.
Thor looked at her, and his face seemed to be lit from within. "Jane is here," he breathed, and then ran out the door, nearly tearing if off its hinges.
Loki walked over to the window, as if in a trance. She was sure she didn't want to see this, but she was driven to look. She put a hand on the window to brace herself, and looked down. Next to the fountain she could see a woman with long brown hair. She stood with her feet far apart, defiant, but one arm wrapped around herself as the other blocked the sun from her eyes. She was looking up at the apartments, trying to guess which was Thor's, presumably. Loki started to step back as Jane turned to face her direction, but then Thor arrived.
He came running into the courtyard, and without stopping swung Jane up into an enormous bear hug. Loki could hear her delighted laughter all the way up in the apartment. But then Jane was shouting something, crying and pounding her fists against his chest. Thor shook his head and kissed her, softly, apologetically.
Loki felt her breath hitch, felt the hot tears running down her face, and hated herself for crying. She leaned against the window, falling, her legs buckling beneath her as she slid to the floor. There was a pain in her chest, which was all too familiar. She had felt it before, looking up into her father's face as he softly said "No, Loki."
Sobs wracked her body, and she fought to stay silent. She almost didn't notice Natasha come running into the room.
"What's going on?" she demanded, and hurried over to Loki. She stopped as she reached the window, seeing Thor and Jane's passionate reunion.
"You were right," Loki moaned. "Love is for children. I wish... I wish I were like I was before. Loki the Heartless, they called me. Unable to feel love." She drew in a shuddering breath. "Even that cold emptiness is preferable to this."
Natasha sighed heavily and sat on the floor next to Loki. "It's true that for most, love is a weakness, a distraction. But for a few, like Thor, or Steve or Tony, it is a strength."
Loki sniffed. "And what about people like us?"
She let out a breathless laugh. "I'm not even sure it's an option for me at this point." She glanced out the window and rolled her eyes. "I'd suggest they get a room, but that would bring them up here. Look," she studied Loki carefully. "I'm certainly no expert on these things, but I think the general idea is that if you really love someone, you should be happy as long as they are happy." she shrugged.
Loki wiped the tears from her face. "That is a shitty sentiment."
Natasha laughed. "I think so too, but if that's not how you feel, maybe you don't really love him."
From the door, they could hear the sounds of Jane and Thor talking as they came up the stairs. Loki looked panicked for a moment.
"Come on," Natasha stood quickly, helping Loki up. "Let's go to my place before Romeo and Juliet decide to grace us with their presence."
Loki hurried with her, ducking into Natasha's apartment just in time. Natasha made sure she sat on the couch, and then poked her head through the doorway.
"Loki's with me," she called as Thor came down the hallway.
"Thank you, Natasha. And thank Loki for giving us some time," he called back cheerfully.
Natasha closed the door, and Loki buried her face in her hands. She noticed for the first time that she still had the romance novel in her hand. She laughed at it sadly, and debated chucking it across the room. Before she could decide, Natasha snatched it out of her hands.
"Bite Me?" She asked, flipping through the pages.
Loki shrugged. "It's about vampires. And sex. Mostly sex," she admitted.
Natasha raised an eyebrow. "Is it any good?"
"Eh... I've read better. Not terrible, though." She glanced toward the door. It was going to be a long night.
A/N: Dun dun dun! Jane has arrived to spoil the day. I'm sure you're all heartbroken rofl. Don't worry, the ThorxLoki stuff is going to take a huge dive pretty soon here, in favor of LokixNatasha. If Bite Me is a real paranormal romance novel, I apologize. I meant to just make it up and then realized that someone may have actually given their book that title.
I also want to say that I LOOOOOVE all the reviews I've been getting! You all make me so happy! Every time I get an email that says "New Review," it just totally makes my day, even if it's something short. And the happier I am, the more motivated I am to write... I could use a little inspiration, NaNoWriMo is really starting to drag...
