Prentiss
At the end of the second week, I was discharged from hospital and was allowed to return home, as long as I ensured to take it easy and get a lot of rest. Of course, Hotch wouldn't let me go by myself. He walked a step behind me as I walked up the stairs towards my apartment and I knew he was waiting for me to fall or something that would require his assistance.
"Hotch, I'll be okay." I said as I reached the door. I got the key out of my bag that JJ had brought to the hospital for me and I unlocked the door. He had paid for someone to come and put new locks in.
"Last time you told me that, you were kidnapped."
"So were you." I rolled my eyes.
"It wasn't as serious for me, Prentiss. Yeah, so I was stabbed in the leg. I'm fine now."
"You limp when you walk."
"Well it still hurts, but it'll be okay, and it's only physical. On top of your physical injuries, you also have mental and emotional ones."
I didn't know what to say to that, so I just sighed and opened the front door. I motioned for him to go in and I closed the door behind us. I expected it to still be a bit messy downstairs, and the upstairs would be even worse, but it was spotless. There were new frames and small fake plants and decorations all around. It was darker colours, not light like Garcia would have decorated it with. It was neat and looked better than it did even before it was ransacked.
"Who did this?" I asked Hotch as I put my bag where I always did.
"Reid, JJ, Will, Henry, Jack and I. We didn't really want Garcia to bring much of her colour in, but she bought a few decent things to brighten it up a bit. Morgan and Rossi threw in a lot of money but they let us do it all."
"Why?" I turned and looked at my boss. I had tears in my eyes but I didn't let them fall. It was just so nice.
A ghost of a smile hinted at his lips, "We wanted to do something nice for you, especially since the only thing that got us out of there was you. We didn't know what to do, considering you were stuck in the hospital, so we bought new things and cleaned it up. The upstairs is spotless too. Also, I don't know why, but JJ bought you a new bed."
I laughed to myself quietly and nodded, "She hated my other one. I bet she was elated to be able to get another one," I looked at him again, "Thank you for all of this."
He nodded in return of my thanks and sat down on the couch, "You probably should get some sleep."
"Please tell me you're not going to stay on my couch."
"I am."
"Where's Jack?"
"He's with Jessica tonight."
I sighed. I knew I wasn't going to win this argument; he had so many more reasons to stay than I had for him not to. I looked at the couch; it wasn't the most comfortable of places to sleep, "Fine, but use the spare room, not the living room." I rolled my eyes.
He stood up and walked around to the kitchen. I got my phone from my bag and followed him to the kitchen, starting to fill Sergio's food dish. Rossi had brought him over this morning for me. I put the cat food down where I always did and called for him. I filled the small water dish too and sat it down beside the food one. When I looked back towards Hotch, he held a glass of water out to me, "Drink."
I took it from him; I hadn't been drinking a lot at the hospital, so they had to leave the drip on the whole time I was there. "Thanks." I said quietly.
I sipped it and looked at Sergio as he ate. I thought about how tonight would go. The nights in the hospital were okay; I was able to fall asleep relatively easily, but only when someone was with me. The last few nights I had there, I was alone at night, and I could never fall asleep. When I did, I had nightmares and woke up in cold sweats. Would I be able to sleep soundly tonight with Hotch in the next room or would it still be hard, not having someone actually watching over me protectively? If I did sleep well with him here, what would I do tomorrow night when he wasn't? Maybe I would call Garcia or Reid; maybe even Morgan or Rossi, but I'd let Hotch return to his son and I'd leave JJ with hers.
I finished the water and put the cup down, still thinking about what I would do. I didn't notice how long it had been that I had been standing almost motionless, staring at one spot on the counter with a blank expression.
"Prentiss, are you okay?" Hotch asked quietly.
His voice pulled me back to reality and I looked at him, "What? Yeah, I'm fine."
"You looked a little distracted there…"
"Uh…yeah, I was just thinking about something."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
I looked at him and smiled appreciatively, "Not tonight, thanks though."
"You know, if you keep delaying it every time I ask if you want to talk about what's bothering you, it's all going to build up and overwhelm you."
"This is the second time."
"It's the fifth." He said matter-of-factly.
"…Really?" I asked. He nodded in confirmation. "Well, maybe I'll tell you tomorrow."
"Maybe? How about we make a deal, you tell me tomorrow."
"And?"
"That's it. You tell me tomorrow and I try to help you."
"I don't think that's a deal…" I shook my head.
"Just go upstairs and get some rest." He rolled his eyes.
I nodded and took my phone upstairs with me, "Please sleep in the spare room, not on the couch." I reminded as I walked up the staircase. I heard his quiet and rare laugh as I paced the stairs slowly. I eventually reached my room and saw the new bed that JJ had brought. I'll admit, it was nicer than my last one. I plugged my phone in and got changed into comfier clothes with some difficulty before finally sliding under the covers. I turned the lamp out and closed my eyes.
I woke in the late morning, just past eleven. I lay in silence for a few minutes before I pushed myself up. I winced and my hand went over my ribs as I stood from the bed. My left leg was stiff and slightly sore as I walked on it, so I limped slightly as I walked across the room. I took my bathrobe from behind the door and walked down the hall to the bathroom. I had a quick shower and returned to my room, looking for something to put on. I was obviously going to wear causal, seeing as I wouldn't be at work for a while, but for some reason, my eyes kept looking for flattering. It was just Hotch here, why did that matter to me? I eventually slipped on a pair of tight jeans and a shirt that purposefully fell off my shoulders. It was what I was looking for, casual, and what the rest of me was looking for, flattering.
I unplugged my phone and saw JJ's text asking if everything went okay. I texted her back and said all was fine and told her that Hotch had stayed in the spare room just in case. I walked downstairs slowly and eventually reached the bottom. The couch didn't look like anyone had slept on it last night, so that was good; he had actually listened to me. I heard a spoon stirring in the kitchen and walked over to see Hotch making two coffees.
"Sleep well?" He asked as he looked up at me and walked around the kitchen, sitting at the dining table across from where I was sitting. I moved carefully so I didn't hurt myself too much. He slid a mug across the table to me and I thanked him when I took it.
"I did," I nodded, "You?"
"I did too." He said as he drank the coffee. I saw Sergio walk towards the table, but instead of me, he jumped up to Hotch's lap. He smirked at me as my mouth dropped open.
"He normally sits on me every morning."
Hotch laughed as he petted his head, "I can't help that he likes me better."
"I feel so betrayed…" I joked. My phone sounded and I looked at JJ's text.
"Hotch stayed with you? What about Jack? He's who I'd least expect to offer his company…"
I smiled to myself and texted her back, "I know right? Jack was with Jessica last night. It was kind of weird to come downstairs this morning and see him making coffee in my kitchen."
I put my phone back down and sipped the coffee. I looked at Hotch when I sensed his eyes on me. "What?"
"Who was that?"
"JJ." I answered without hesitation.
"What did she say to have you smiling like that?"
"Like what?"
"So adoringly. You looked like you were talking to a beloved boyfriend."
"Or a beloved JJ." I laughed. I didn't know what he was talking about; it just felt like a genuine smile to me.
"So, what was it last night that was bothering you?"
"Ah, you're staying with the deal that isn't really a deal but you called it a deal to make it seem fairer to me?"
"Yes." He nodded.
I snickered, "I was just thinking about what I was going to do tonight. I hadn't told anyone, but when I was in the hospital, I almost always had at least one of you around at all times, so I slept fine, but the last few night there, I was alone and I couldn't really fall asleep and when I did, I woke with nightmares and cold sweats several times throughout the night. Last night I was okay, I guess because you were in the next room, but I'm not too sure how I'll go tonight."
"Would you like me to stay tonight as well?" He offered.
I shook my head, "No, you should go to your house and see Jack and go back to how your life was before all this mess."
"Okay, so were the dreams about Doyle?"
I nodded, "I don't even remember the majority of them, I just remember Doyle and a few of his men and then waking up and looking around for either one of them to kill me or one of you to calm my down. Both of which never happened so I had to calm myself down."
"So you dream about them hunting you again?" He asked. I nodded in affirmation. "Why do you think that is?"
I shook my head, "I don't know, maybe because it's been kind of hard for me to wrap my head around the idea of him actually being dead. Before, when we thought he was, I always had this sick feeling every time I thought about him, like something wasn't right. I guess it was my gut telling me that he was alive and he was coming for us. Now when I think about him, I don't feel anything. I don't feel sick, pained or relieved. I feel numb whenever I think about it."
"Numb? Like something inside of you didn't want him dead? Maybe you still loved him deep down?"
I shook my head, "If I still loved him, I wouldn't have let Morgan pull me out of that room and leave him in there with the grenade. I wouldn't have thrown that first punch when he stabbed you. I wouldn't have told him to kill me when he held the gun to my head or when he took me to the other room; I would have begged him to let me live. I wanted him dead, I think it's just because it's finally over, and the issue had been present for so long, that my body isn't used to the feeling of being free from him. Even when I thought he was dead before, I never fully believed it."
"You possibly got less confirmation of his death this time around than last time. What makes you so much more assured of this time?"
I looked at him, "I guess because you told me. Last time, I just saw the blood and the wound and then the paramedics took him and one told me he died. This time, you were able to tell me and you were confident when you did. I trust you more than I trust some paramedic who was in with him the whole time anyway."
"And do you think that the trust you have in the team and I will stand or will it be lost after this?"
"It won't be lost," I shook my head, "But if I'm being honest with you here, I'll probably start to keep a lot more things from you guys, just to ensure your safety more than anything else."
"If you can bring yourself to, I want you to try and keep trusting us with everything. Emily, what you keep from us to ensure our safety, jeopardises you own."
"I know that." I nodded.
"So why would you risk us losing you rather than letting us help you and keep you around if another dangerous situation were to occur?"
I looked at the coffee as I thought about it. If another situation that was anything like this did come about again, I wouldn't want to tell the team; I would want to keep them as distant from it as possible, but maybe that wouldn't be the best option. Maybe the best option for me would be to stay close to them now, keep trusting them like I did before Doyle returned so that if something else ever did rise, I would be confident in trusting them with that too. We needed ultimate professional trust for us to function as a team, but did we ever have full personal trust? Outside of work, did I trust them with anything and everything? If I needed to, did I feel okay with going to any one of the members of my team with a personal problem? I would see JJ, maybe Garcia, possibly Rossi or maybe even Reid, but Morgan and Hotch weren't really who I'd go to first. I never knew how much I could trust with Morgan because I never really tried, and now that I think of it, maybe I did trust Hotch, considering all that I was telling him now with little hesitation.
