Robert's head is spinning and memories do not want to abandon him. So we will travel with him to his past, to know a little of the young Robert Crawley, in two distinct moments, the first at 15 and second at 17 years old. Ah, all the lovely memories...

III

"I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart"
The Lumineers - Ho Hey

During dinner that night, he had participated very little of the conversations, which fortunately seemed to have gone unnoticed, since all were interested in the news brought by Edith and Rose from their stay in London. Until Rose began to tell them cheerfully as she and Edith had known the young Earl of San Bertazzo and his brother on that afternoon while she was taking driving lessons.

"They were riding to know the surroundings," Edith explained.

"They seemed to be extremely kind and polite. And they both speak an almost perfect English, almost without any accent", Rose said, not hiding her enthusiasm. "The Earl told us that they will attend Lord Stratford's ball."

"I thought we might invite them to a dinner party here at Downton. What do you think Mama?"

Before Cora could answer something, Robert choked up having a fit of coughing. Covering his mouth with his napkin, he reached out to pick up his glass of wine, under the astonished looks of everyone. "I... I'm fine..." he managed to say at last, raising his hand to reassure them, and drank more of his wine.

"I think it is a great idea, sweetheart," Cora said finally, without taking her eyes from Robert, whose faces had gone from bright red to completely pale.

"I suppose we should wait for the arrival of your Aunt Rosamund," Violet spoke ignoring Robert, already suspecting what was the reason for that preposterous reaction. "She would be very disappointed if she could not be present."

"Sure, Granny," Edith said with a smile.

"Robert, are you okay?" Cora asked, with a concerned look.

"I am," he replied, making a sign for Carson to serve him more wine. "I just need to drink a little more."

"So we must schedule the dinner party for after the ball. What do you think Robert?" Cora asked him. "I guess I can wake up from this nightmare now", he thought before answering her with a simple nod and a forced smile.

"Good. I will write the invitation tomorrow morning," she told them, still looking concerned about him.

After his mother was gone and the girls had retired to their rooms he remained for a long time sitting in the library. Cora had come to meet him before going to bed. And he realized the tone of concern in her voice when she spoke.

"Excuse me if I'm being insistent, darling, but are you alright? You have been acting a little strange lately. Maybe you should see Dr. Clarkson."

He held her hands in his, lovingly, feeling the weight of guilt on his shoulders. He did not want to cause her any concern. Even more that the reasons for his strange behavior would be nothing pleasant to her. And because of her, he needed to overcome everything. More than that, he owed it to her.

"Do not worry, my dear, my health is good," he smiled, looking into her eyes with the certainty that he still loved her very much.

"And is everything okay with..." she paused knowing how much he was sensitive to that subject, "...with the finances?"

Robert smiled, trying to reassure her. "Yes, everything is alright."

"Right. I will not trouble you with this issue anymore," she kissed him quickly on the cheek before leaving him alone again, at the promise that he would take only one drink and then would also go upstairs.

But Robert does not know if he could keep that promise. He sat on the couch, staring at the glass of brandy in his hands. He had to solve it, or it would raise even more Cora's suspicions. The last thing he wanted was to hurt her. But the brief encounter that morning had only served to make him more confused, and bringing up even more memories. And he knew he would not sleep well again tonight.


At fifteen, Robert was almost a head taller than his friend, and despite being a handsome young man with impressive blue eyes, he was easily overshadowed by James' almost classical beauty and charisma.

Robert was sitting under a tree shadow, listening to the endless argument between James and Rosamund. In these moments he wished that Miss Fairfax could interfere. But Rosamund was not her responsibility. As Dunnington's governess she had her attention completely focused on the lovely James' sisters. And in that moment she was more concerned with taking care of Charlotte and Anne who were feeding the ducks by the pond. Robert looked at them wondering how long it would take until little Anne decided to go inside the pond.

Then he looked at Elizabeth, who was sitting next to him, and who seemed to have fun on the argument between his brother and Rosamund.

"Is there anything that will make them stop?" Robert told her with a grin.

"We could make a fake ball," she said, her girly face lit up with the very idea, and Robert laughed, rolling his eyes. She was always ready to play one of those imaginary parties in the gardens.

"No, no. Today you will not make me dance!"

"But we have to get used to dance, Robert. After all, when we get married we will have to dance together forever," she told him, with all her wisdom and Robert laughed openly.

That conversation seemed to have caught James' attention, who interrupted his discussion with Rosamund for intervening.

"Elizabeth!" He scolded her. "You should be happy that Miss Fairfax hasn't heard you. Young ladies don't say things like this. And you shouldn't be bothering Robert."

"That's right, because is allowed to bother just one Crawley at a time," said Rosamund, teasing James.

"We haven't finished our conversation yet, Rosamund," James told her with a smirk. "What about you, Lizzie, I do not know how a little girl of only ten years can be so impertinent!"

"Eleven. I am eleven, James. And I'm not a little girl. And I'm not impertinent," Elizabeth crossed her arms and frowned angrily. And Robert tried not to laugh this time.

"She's not bothering me, James. But I am sure, dear Lizzie, that once you grow up you will find a very nice gentleman, much better than I... "

"And probably more handsome too," Rosamund interrupted him and Robert gave her a disapproving look before continuing.

"As I was saying, before being kindly interrupted by my impertinent sister, you will find someone who will dance all the dances with you."

Elizabeth looked at Robert for a few seconds, very serious. Then she got up, still looking angry and walked towards Miss Fairfax and her sisters, but stopped and turned back to him.

"One day we will get married and you'll want to dance all the dances with me. I'm sure," she said, turning on her heels and running to meet her sisters.

The three of them exchanged glances and laughed.

"Now you are cursed, Robert," James said, sitting beside him.

"Well, James, she is lovely," said Rosamund. "And you should be glad for this interest of her in Robert. After all, although I think marrying Robert would be the worst punishment for anyone, it would deviate our dear parents' eyes from us."

"Now that you mention," said James, looking from Rosamund to Robert. "It does not seem a bad idea to have you as a brother in law."

"No, this is very wrong. And besides, you can still be my brother in law by marrying my sister," Robert said to them.

"But this will not be possible," James said, pausing on purpose to look at Rosamund. "Because this will be the worst of punishments," he added, in a playful tone, already preparing to run to defend his own life from Rosamund's anger. But she merely throws him a contemptuous look.

"As my older brother, you should defend me, Robert."

"I'm sorry, Rosamund, but I'm not used to it. You rarely need to be defended," Robert said with an amused look, and Rosamund rolled her eyes.

"You're hopeless. Both of you. I don't know why I even waste my time with you two," she said, marching toward the pond. Perhaps it would be better to go feed the ducks.


Robert smiled at the memory, filling his glass again and slowly tasting the brandy.

Elizabeth had always seemed so sure about their future when she was a girl. He never gave it much attention, always thinking of it as a child's game between them.

He never understood how anyone could be so fond to dance as Elizabeth. At that time she was the only person able to convince him to dance. After all, there was music even in her smile.


They had given the horses' reins to the stable boys who were waiting for them in front of the stables. Robert was thirsty and was already getting sick of the discussion between James and Rosamund, who had come all the way back to the house arguing over who had actually won the race they had disputed.

Then he walked away, leaving them behind, crossing slowly the path that led from the stables to the house. He particularly liked that path because it crosses a small garden, which at this time of year was already flowered.

He was pleased because the ride was finally finished. He liked of horse riding, but lately, riding with James and Rosamund had become an eternal patience exercise as the two always seemed to be competing with each other.

He heard a female voice that was humming softly, and he instantly recognized as Elizabeth's. He followed her voice, trying not to make any sounds, until he saw her through the trees.

She was alone, and seemed to talk to someone imaginary, because she bowed slightly and then stretched out her arms as if hugging the air. Then, leaning on her imaginary partner, she began to waltz gracefully while humming. Robert stood there for a while just watching her, a grin on his lips, enjoying the scene before his eyes, while remaining sheltered by the trees.

Until he left his hiding place and approached her, his boots making noise under the kindling of the ground. Elizabeth was startled to see him, and immediately stopped her imaginary dance, embarrassed to have been caught like that.

"Robert... I... I did not hear you approaching," she said through an embarrassed smile.

Robert just smiled and held out her his hand , tilted his head slightly.

"Lady Elizabeth," he told her, still smiling, "would give me the honor of this dance?"

Elizabeth hesitated a moment, surprised. But then she grinned and with a bow, took his hand. Robert then conducted her gracefully in that imaginary waltz, while Elizabeth hummed, looking perfectly happy to be in his arms.

They then heard James's voice, coming from behind them and they both turned immediately, interrupting their dance as he came through the trees.

"Well, well, looks like we are losing the ball, Rosamund!" Said James, putting his gloves and hat onto a bench and reaching for Rosamund, with an exaggerated bow. "Lady Rosamund?"

But Rosamund looked at him with disdain, her green eyes flashing.

"Oh, James! I'm in no mood for such childish games! Moreover, ladies should only dance with gentlemen, something that definitely you are not!" Rosamund sat on the bench, angry.

Elizabeth looked at Robert, hoping that he would explain what was going on, even though she already knew what it was. James started again picking on Rosamund and Robert shook his head, as if he had given up on them. He and Elizabeth then followed by the gravel path, walking side by side, while he told her about one more of the disputes between his sister and her brother. They both laughed, and stopped in the shade of a tree.

"It is a pity that you and James have to leave to Christ Church again," she regretted.

"It is, indeed. But then we will have only two more years to go", he grinned.

"Two more long years in which we will see each other only a few times."

Before Robert could say anything, they heard the voice of Miss Fairfax, who seemed to be looking for Elizabeth. She then looked at him without hiding a mischievous smile.

"I need to go back. I should be inside studying my piano lessons," she said to him in a low voice, as a confession and Robert faked a look of reproach.

"But the day outside was so adorable that I had to run away," she opened her arms and spun, smiling. Robert watched her with a smile, enjoying the joyful way that made him feel so good.

So, Elizabeth approached him and getting on her toes, placed a quick kiss on his face, and after that, she had walked hurried towards the mansion, turning only to smile at him one last time.

James and Rosamund had not seen the scene, joining him just in time to see Elizabeth disappearing through the doorway. Robert knew he had blushed, because he felt the heat in his face, and because of the puzzled way Rosamund was looking at him. He chose to ignore her and start walking back to the house before she started to ask him any questions.