Prentiss

I lay restless in bed. It was past midnight and I hadn't gotten any sleep yet, not even a few minutes. I couldn't fall asleep and even if I could, I knew I'd wake up to nightmares before long. I had picked up my phone several times and contemplated texting someone for company, but I assumed they'd all be asleep.

I couldn't stay lying in the darkness like this, staring at the blackness which was the ceiling. I pulled myself up and got changed slowly to not hurt myself too much and I walked out of my apartment, grabbing my coat and keys on the way out. I walked downstairs in the building and out into the cold, crisp air. I pulled my coat tighter around me and walked around the streets. My phone was in my hand and my keys made quiet jingling noises every so often when I stepped, but other than that, the night was silent.

I sat down on a park bench for a while, looking over the deserted streets. I did live in a rather quiet place, but I never expected it to be this quiet. I have been out this late before and there were a few people that I had passed on the paths, but there wasn't another person in sight tonight. My phone rang after a few minutes. I looked at the time, 2:09, before looking at the caller's ID. I accepted it and held the phone to my ear, "Hotch?"

"Hey." He said quietly from his end.

"It's two o'clock in the morning, has something happened?"

"No, everything's fine. Sorry if I woke you."

"No, I was already awake."

"Why?"

"I couldn't sleep so I went for a walk. The streets are really quiet tonight."

"You're out in the streets at this kind of time in DC? It's not exactly the safest place…"

"I live in a relatively safe area." I defended.

"Please go home? And keep me on the phone while you walk there?"

"Hotch, it's okay," I smiled to myself, "So why are you awake and calling?"

"I'm awake because I couldn't fall asleep, and I'm calling to see if you were able to."

"But if I was asleep, your call probably would have woken me up."

"Are you kidding? If I need to wake you up for an emergency case or something, it takes me five calls before you answer."

I laughed, "Yeah, okay, you're right." He changed the subject and we talked for a while. I didn't mind the call or the conversation; it was comforting, actually. It made me feel like I wasn't alone tonight. I guessed he was just bored and had nothing else to do.

Eventually, the conversation came back to my location. "Are you walking right now?" He asked.

"Yeah, I have been for like five minutes."

"Are you finally going home?"

"No, I'm getting further away from it."

"Why?"

"I can't go back to my apartment. It's dark and lonely and I can't sleep anyway."

"You could have called me earlier; I would have dropped Jack back at Jessica's and came back over…"

"No, I didn't want you to have to do that. You don't see him very often anymore; you need your time with him."

"I think another night would have been fine."

"You don't need to give up your family life so that I can fall asleep. I will eventually."

"Well where are you right now?"

"I am…two blocks from your place, actually." I said as I looked at the street sign on the corner I was standing on. It was a long while from my place; we didn't live close to each other at all. How long had I been walking? I looked at my watch underneath the streetlight, 2:57. Had we been talking that long? Had I really been walking this long?

"You walked that far!?"

"Well, I just kept going." I said guiltily.

He sighed, "You need to rest, Prentiss. Come over and you can stay here tonight."

"No, it's okay."

"Prentiss, I am forcefully telling you to come here."

I sighed and looked around, "But—"

"Don't make me get in the car and come and get you. I'm sure it wouldn't look good for us if I had to force you into my car." He cut me off.

"Okay." I rolled my eyes.

"And straight here please; no detour or dawdling."

I groaned, "You know, I could just keep walking around. It isn't so bad."

"I'll see you soon." He said, ignoring my comment.

"Fine." I sighed. I hung up the call and started towards his place.

I reached Hotch's house and got my phone out to text him that I was here. I didn't want to knock and risk waking Jack. When I found his contact and our previous messages, I heard the lock and the front door opened. He stepped to the side and motioned for me to come inside. I locked my phone and slipped it back into my pocket as I stepped inside. I should have argued with him and gone back to my own apartment, but I just didn't have the energy.

"You look exhausted." He said quietly, closing the door behind me. He turned the lock and I looked in the small mirror hanging on the wall near the entrance. I didn't feel as bad as I looked.

"I look worse than I am." I admitted.

"Well I was going to offer to have coffee and talk, but now I'm just going to make you go to bed." He motioned for me to follow him and walked out of the small foyer. The house was generally neat, except the coffee table, dining table and a desk in the corner were filled with papers. The ones on the desk were Jack's though, not Hotch's. The rest appeared to be Hotch's. Paperwork, mostly. I followed him upstairs and he opened a door and walked in, turning the light on as he did.

"You really didn't have to do this." I said quietly.

"I'd rather you were actually able to sleep," He replied, "Hold on." He walked out of the room quickly. I looked around; the furniture looked relatively expensive. The type of furniture, it seemed like Haley's taste. It just didn't seem right to me, sleeping in a room full of the things Haley owned previously. Hotch returned and handed me a shirt, "I know, kind of uncomfortable, but if you want something else to sleep in."

I took it from him, "Thanks."

He nodded, "Call me if you need anything, but please try and get some sleep."

I nodded in return and he walked out of the room, closing the door behind him. I stood still for a few minutes, looking around the room and then at the shirt. I decided that sleeping in Hotch's shirt would be better than sleeping in what I was wearing right now. I took my coat off and slipped my shirt off, putting his shirt on. I hadn't forgotten the warmth that came with wearing a male's shirt to bed. For me, the warmth usually was of love and happiness, the feeling that I was being cared for, but it felt different this time. It felt…better? No, it couldn't. It wouldn't.

I turned the lamp on beside the bed and turned the ceiling light out. I lay down underneath the blanket and turned the lamp back out. I lay for what felt like forever before I finally drifted off to sleep.


I woke up in the late morning. I lay in silence for a few minutes, thinking about what possibly happened to make me give in to staying at Hotch's place. I got up, got dressed and ran my fingers through my hair to neaten it. I looked at myself in the mirror and took a deep breath. I could hear Jack's laughter downstairs, mixed with Hotch's…and…was that Rossi? My head was pounding for an unknown reason. I wondered if Hotch would just let me walk home now without a word. I'd just have to suck it up and get through the morning. I opened the door quietly and walked downstairs quietly. I saw Jack standing with his back to me in the archway to the dining room. I reached the bottom of the staircase and my heel on my boot clipped on the floorboards. Jack turned around and smiled at me.

"Good morning Emily. Are you okay after last night?"

"…Yeah, I'm fine," I was a bit confused on what he thought happened last night, "Thanks."

He nodded.

"Jack, why don't you go watch some TV?" Hotch asked him. He nodded and walked to the next room. I stood leaning against the archway.

"What'd you tell him?" I asked Hotch.

"That you came to stay over here for reasons that didn't concern him." Hotch said as he handed me a cup of coffee.

"Thanks," I took it, "So why is he asking if I'm okay?"

"I would like to know why you just came downstairs after sleeping here, first," Rossi said with a surprised look in his eyes, "I mean, I knew something was going on between you but I didn't know it was this far…"

"…What?" I asked him in confusion.

"Yeah…what?" Hotch looked at him.

"Do you want me to pretend that I don't know that you're sleeping together?"

"Oh my god…" I said quietly, looking down.

"We're not sleeping together." Hotch shook his head.

"Then why are you here?" Rossi looked at me.

"I can't sleep in a house by myself so I was walking around past midnight last night and Hotch called me and then he told me to come here so that I could get some sleep."

"…Well okay then." Rossi looked down at his own coffee.

"Anyway..." I looked back to Hotch, trying to erase that small conversation from my memories, "Why did Jack if I was okay after last night?"

"…Do you not remember last night?" His eyebrows furrowed. I shook my head in reply. "Well, you woke up to a nightmare in screams."

I groaned, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," He brushed my apology off, "You can stay with us for as long as you want to, okay?"

"No, I have to go home and feed Sergio and…I don't know…watch a few TV series?"

"That's what you do when you're not working?" Rossi asked.

"I don't have a life," I shrugged my shoulders, "I can't do anything anyway. Sometimes I contemplate adopting a child just for something to do, but then I remember that I would have to, like…see it…all the time, and I just don't know if I have that in me."

They both laughed at me. "Well you're more than welcome to take Jack sometimes if you want." Hotch joked.

"Oh yeah, I'll just text you and be like "hey, I'm bored and I finished watching Pretty Little Liars again, I need to borrow Jack" and then I'd just come pick him up for the night."

"Finish Pretty Little Liars…again?" Rossi smirked.

"I've lost count of the times…but I need to go home, so…thanks for letting me stay." I drank back the rest of the coffee and rinsed the cup out. I said goodbye to them and kissed Jack's hair as I walked past him towards the door. I walked out as Hotch tried to stop me from leaving but I was already walking down the path at the front of the house.

"Prentiss!" He yelled out to me. I stopped at the gate at the end of his front lawn and turned back around, "Come back inside and talk to us."

"I can't, I have an appointment today and I need to go home and get ready."

"Appointment?" He asked as he walked down the path to me, "What appointment?"

"…Just an appointment of sorts that I need to attend."

"It's a therapist, isn't it?" He asked quietly.

"Yep." I answered quickly.

He smiled at me, "Well I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. I had to force Garcia into booking an appointment for her…and Morgan, and JJ, and Reid…and Rossi…"

"So, everyone?"

"No, Will accepted my suggestion and went to see someone. You're doing it on your own."

"I'm doing it under doctors' orders, but sure," I nodded, "And are you seeing someone?"

"I don't need to." He shook his head.

I gave him an obvious look, "Hotch, come on." He shook his head and I rolled my eyes, "You can't just expect everyone else to go and you not go yourself, even just one session. You're taking care of us but you're not taking care of yourself."

He looked away, "I'll go to one appointment. When they ask what brought me there, I'll say you."

I smiled and nodded, "You do that. Bye." I turned and walked through the gate. He didn't try to stop me this time. He watched me walk up the street for a short while before he turned and went back inside.

I went home, had a shower, got dressed into fresh clothing, tied my hair up and put a minimal amount of makeup on before going out to my car and driving to my therapist appointment. I took a deep breath and got out of the car, walking in and forcing myself to keep going and not turn around. You need this and you know it. It's not cowardice. You're allowed to see someone about this.