July 1st, 2014: Alyssa
PLACE: Raleigh, North Carolina
TIME: Tuesday, 07/01/2014, 6:50 PM
KISSER: Matthew, aged 19
RECIPIENT: Alyssa, aged 20
In fact, it would be a very long time before I kissed another girl. But, the wait would certainly be worth it, as I would come to find out.
Alyssa was my co-star in a production called Little Things. It was a scene about a married couple being put on by a small theatre company. Our scene was one of 10 being put on by this fairly new theater company as part of a Triangulate showcase, to be held in August at a more established theatre. Our director, Nicola, had asked us at one of our first meetings if we would be comfortable with kissing, as we were supposed to be married. Both of us had been responded in the affirmative.
More than 5 years had passed since I had stolen a kiss from Hannah in a deserted stairwell. I had grown from an impulsive 8th grader into a much wiser rising college sophomore. I was exhilarated by the prospect of kissing another girl, even it was just a stage kiss. (I had had to do a stage kiss before, as part of a summer camp production of All Shook Up. The reason it is not listed here is that it was ultimately entirely faked, because the girl two years my senior got cold feet).
That evening, Nicola told us to take it from the top. We opened with Alyssa and myself in a double bed. I delivered my first line, excited. She gave her first line. I leaned toward her….
And she turned away. Interestingly, it made perfect sense in the context of the scene. I should have been smarter. My expectations were high if I thought that we would be kissing for real at only our third rehearsal. Then again, I had figured that the sooner we started the kissing in the rehearsal process, the easier and more natural it would be by the time we reached tech and then the performances.
Alyssa had set the tone for this rehearsal. But, I still wanted to know what it was like. I decided to be patient. Throughout our rehearsing, I was affectionate toward her in other ways, so that we would grow more comfortable with each other. She seemed to appreciate that. And, yes, I got my kiss!
During our second run-through, I began the third scene. The blocking called for me to kiss Alyssa and say, "Good to see you too." Alyssa was seated at what was supposed to be our kitchen table. I began the scene by walking over to her. I planted one on her cheek, then delivered the line before giving her another one on the nose. I continued on with our dialogue before Nicola asked us to stop. I had failed to realize that my back had been turned to the audience during the entire opening exchange. I asked to start the scene again from the top. We restored quickly.
This time, I walked around the table so the audience could see me. Alyssa was still seated at the table, trapped between it and the chair. I realized in that moment that I had her right where I wanted her. I gave her another peck on the cheek and delivered my line. Then, I closed in and kissed Alyssa right on the lips.
"Mmmm…." I heard her groan. Whether it was from surprise or the want to perform better as an actress is not for me to say. Nevertheless, she accepted my kiss graciously and without complaint. After a couple moments, I drew away. Then, I took my seat at the table and continued the scene as if nothing had happened. I was glad that I had snuck that kiss in. If nothing else, it would tell both Alyssa and myself what kissing each other was like. That one kiss might open the door for us to be even more comfortable than we had already become over the last three rehearsals, and in this one rehearsal alone.
The next week, we had no rehearsals. It was just as well. I had to work on an internship, and it involved helping out with, and supporting my brother in, a summer production of Jesus Christ Superstar.
Nicola, Alyssa and I met Thursday the following week. I had decided that in this rehearsal, I was going to be more assertive. We were less than 3 weeks away from tech; the time for pussy-footing around had passed.
Alyssa resisted my attempts to kiss her at first, but I was persistent. Within a few minutes, she had accepted that we were at a turning point in the rehearsal process and became more receptive to my kisses. In our first run through, out of three that evening, we lip-locked probably half a dozen times. With Nicola's notes, we whittled it down to only 2 lip kisses, with the rest being in other various places.
As Alyssa and I became more comfortable, we laughed and joked. At one point I cracked about the kissing. She said, "Honey, teeth should not be used in kissing." I flushed, embarrassed. I had figured that the way to kiss Alyssa was to be open-mouthed. That was how they did it in films; it was passionate. I was also embarrassed because my experience with kissing was very limited.
After rehearsal, Alyssa walked to her car. I followed and caught up just as she was getting into it. I apologized for my kissing method and told her about my lack of experience. She sighed sympathetically.
"Honey, kissing is a difficult thing. But you don't have to go about it like you are French kissing. I've done that and almost gotten sore because people try and stick their tongues down my throat. It can be simple and still passionate. Like this."
And with that, she grabbed me by the shoulders and kissed me full on the mouth. Our lips remained closed and just pressed together. Ironically, it was the exact same way I had kissed Hannah so long ago. After a moment, she drew away. "See?"
I nodded. Then, we laughed and swapped stage kiss stories. The way Alyssa told it, she had done this many times before, and according to her, only one kiss had been considered a "good one." She suddenly kissed me again, hands still gripping my shoulders, our mouths still closed. I told her about my ultimately fake kiss in All Shook Up.
"So, like this?" I asked. Cupping her face in my hands, I leaned in and kissed her softly but firmly on the lips. I did not try and force her mouth open with my own; just closed-mouthed. We captured, released then captured and released our lips again for a moment before breaking apart. Alyssa smiled, and I could tell she had enjoyed my kiss. I had, too.
"Better," she murmured happily. She definitely approved. Then we said goodbye and said we would see each other at our next rehearsal that coming Tuesday.
From that point on, Alyssa and I were more comfortable with kissing. The two times we did it during the show was enough. Still, Alyssa would playfully try and avoid even these required lip-locks, though it was half-hearted.
However, Alyssa was quick to praise me on how I kissed her on other parts of her body, especially during the scene's opening exchange in bed. She always let that drag on a little longer as I would place feather-like pecks on her neck, ear, cheek and shoulders. According to her, I was a fantastic neck kisser. The lips were where I needed work.
After rehearsals, we would walk to her car and have kissing lessons. These, of course, were for my benefit. After one such rehearsal, I reached Alyssa after she had gotten into her car.
"What?" she asked, opening the car door.
"I forgot something," I said, setting my stuff down.
"What?"
I didn't answer as I grabbed her face and pressed my lips to her. When I pulled away, she smirked.
"You're still using too much teeth," was all she said about it.
"Oh come on, really?" I laughed. I kissed her on the lips again and then pulled back expectantly.
"Better," she approved.
"How do you open-mouth kiss?" I had blurted it out without thinking.
"What?" she asked, clearly not understanding.
"You know, the way they do it in films."
She waved her hand dismissively. "Don't worry about how they do it in films. What you just did is all we need for this show."
"Ok," I said. "Well, goodbye." I pulled her back to me and we shared a long kiss; the longest yet. I deepened the kiss by leaning into her, and I also snaked my one hand behind her neck to keep her in place, my fingers twisting into her long, blond hair. I captured and released her lips tenderly; I could not stop kissing her. Her lips were full and puffy and very enticing. I wagered that even if I could open-mouth kiss her, her lips were too full for me to adequately take into, and cover with, my mouth. At long last, we broke apart. I left her with a few affectionate pecks on her face.
"Alrighty," she said simply.
"Alright." I walked away.
A few minutes later, Alyssa's mom pulled up into the parking lot, ready for her rehearsal. Alyssa got out of her car and went to meet her. I met her mom, and she offered to help me with my plumber coveralls. We updated her on comp tickets and other tech details. Alyssa said nothing about the kissing lessons we had been sharing after rehearsals. Still, I was relieved. A few minutes faster, and Alyssa's mom just may have caught me intensely and openly kissing her daughter through her ajar car door.
We did not meet for the rest of the month. August rolled in overcast, rainy and chilly: not at all the "dog days of summer" that usually frequented North Carolina. We met as a cast the first Saturday of the new month; tech was that next week. Costume and other things were finalized. Little Things would be the first scene after intermission, since our set was so elaborate.
We ran the scene three times that day. Throughout, I sexually explored with Alyssa. At the end of the first scene, I wrapped my arms around her waist like normal... And then groped a bit lower. I cupped her bum boldly. It made perfect sense in the context of the scene, so Alyssa rolled with it, playfully slapping my hand away for being a naughty boy. Emboldened, during the second run-through, I approached our ending lip kiss the way I always did. I cupped her face in my hands and kissed her on the mouth. Alyssa's eyes closed as we kissed. Soon after, mine did, too. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her flush against me. Then my hands roamed. I ran my hand down along her butt and down near her thighs and between her legs, feeling and stroking her there lovingly. Alyssa squirmed in my embrace and firmly moved my hand back up. We broke apart suddenly. At notes, she told me half-stern, half-amused to not ass-grab her the second time; the first was enough and she totally agreed with. During the last-run through, I kept the butt- grab in the first scene, touching Alyssa in the same way as the aborted last one. After rehearsal, we walked to her car. I apologized for the un-called for second grab and she accepted it readily. She left for work quickly, but not before I stole one kiss from her as practice that she tolerated. I hope that I had not pushed my luck too far with her, and resolved to be more cautious going forward.
Tech was smoother than I thought it would be. I enjoyed our set, though it did call for some re-thinking of our blocking. We had a legit double bed, a working fridge and everything.
The ritual of kissing lessons after rehearsal had ceased. I couldn't, not now, with Alyssa's mom (in a scene herself) accompanying her daughter to rehearsal. Though, the practice did not disappear entirely. I still managed to always give Alyssa a kiss for luck, once we were lying in bed and places had been called. And from now on, I always cupped her bum and gave it a good squeeze during the opening scene, rather than run my hands down in between her legs and thighs.
The performances were a big success, and the audiences were most impressed.
After the last matinee and striking of the set, we met our neighbors at Noodle & Company for dinner to celebrate. My mom admitted to me that she had been thrown by my kiss with Alyssa, as I had not told her ahead of time. I had shared many kisses with Alyssa that summer, in fact, but kept silent. I could only think of the first one, on an afternoon in early July, trapped between table and chair.
