Prentiss
I stared out the window of the jet. Morgan and Reid were playing some card game that left them laughing and arguing a lot across the plane. JJ sat beside me and Hotch and Rossi were across from us. I was seated so that I could hold a book or something without JJ seeing what was on or in the pages. I held a large book with the pro and con list inside it, although the writing was giving it away a bit.
"You do realise that there is a table in front of you, right?" JJ asked me, looking up from her book. I glanced at her before looking back at the piece of paper. She sighed and shook her head before looking back at her book, "I don't like that you're keeping that from me." She mumbled quietly.
"Why is it so important to you?" I asked, lying the book and paper face down on my lap.
"Because you're supposed to tell your best friend things, that's why. I would tell you about it if this was reversed."
"Yes JJ, but you have very little that you need to keep secret from me."
"And you need to keep this secret from me?"
"Yes." I said confidently.
"Why?"
"Because I don't want to lose my job." I tilted my head slightly.
Hotch closed the file that he was reading over quickly and put it on the table, "Something serious I should know about?"
"…No…I just said I don't want to lose my job."
"See, you're just making their suspicions go in the wrong direction." Rossi shook his head.
"You know?" JJ asked him. He nodded in confirmation. She looked at me with questioning eyes, "So you trust him with something that threatens your job and not me?"
"Yes," I nodded, "Because you would feel obligated to tell Hotch or someone else and Rossi isn't afraid to break the rules."
"It really isn't that important, guys." Rossi tried to ease their curiously and worry.
"Gee, thanks." I raised my eyebrows at him.
"Whose side do you want me to be on?" He smiled at me.
I rolled my eyes and looked back at the piece of paper. Morgan and Reid starting talking and arguing lightly again once they realised that I wouldn't continue talking about it. Rossi looked back to the puzzle he was doing in his book and Hotch and JJ sat still watching me.
I looked at the two of them, "Carry on with your reading."
"My office when we land." Hotch said as he lifted the file back up and opened it. I groaned and looked at Rossi.
"Would you like me to come?" He joked with a smirk.
I snickered, "Imagine that."
I managed to get through the rest of the flight only being questioned once more by both JJ and Reid combined. Then I made it inside the precinct to grab the things that I left along with some paperwork and I got out safely without going to Hotch's office like he requested. Morgan had told me as I walked out beside him quickly that Hotch was watching me.
I calmed down when I got to my car and I drove home to my apartment. Maybe he would forget by tomorrow morning. I doubted he'd let it go, though.
I made myself dinner and ate with low music on. I stared at the list as I ate, thinking of more things to put on it. I fed Sergio afterwards and I sat down on the couch with a container of cookies and cream ice cream. I wrote down a few more things and heard a knock on my door. I dropped the spoon into the quarter eaten ice cream container and read the list as I walked to the door. I slid the chain open and flicked the two locks without looking through the peep hole and opened the door. I looked up and saw Hotch looking at me with hard eyes. I almost dropped the ice cream as I moved quickly to put the piece of paper out of his sight.
"You didn't expect me to come here after you ran out of the precinct without coming to my office like I asked?"
"I expected you to wait til tomorrow before you yelled at me." I said as I stepped out of the way. He walked in and I closed and locked the door behind him. He followed me to the living room and I sat back down where I was previously. He sat on the couch adjacent to this one and watched me as I pulled my legs up. "Ice cream?" I offered him.
"No thank you." He shook his head.
"A drink? Anything?"
"No thanks," he declined my offer, "But I'll cut straight to it. What are you keeping from the team and I?"
"It's nothing." I shook my head.
"If it's something that threatens your job, then I should probably know."
"It's not bad." I shook my head.
"Then why can't you tell me, Em?" He never called me Em. He hardly even called me Emily.
"It's…I'm just thinking about a change of job…" It was the first lie that came to mind.
"That's not it because that wouldn't threaten your current job." He called me out.
"Hotch." I pleaded with him not to make me tell him.
"Are you not telling me because of what happened Sunday night?" He asked hesitantly, "Because I honestly thought that you were still capable of making decisions on your own. I realised the morning after that you definitely were not…so if you're thinking that I took advantage of you, that was not what I intended and I'm sorry. I also didn't mean to break the Bureau rules and I can assure you that no one that is capable of doing anything about it will find out."
I shook my head, "No, I knew what I was doing. But do we really have to discuss this?"
"Yes, because you haven't been yourself around me since," He said as he moved to my side, "If you are desperate to forget about it, then I can leave, but I do think that you need to talk to me about it if it affects your work."
"Okay, can you just tell me where you're at with all this before I say anything?"
"Well what do you specifically want to know?"
"…Do you regret it?" I asked quietly.
There was silence for a few seconds and I stared at the face down piece of paper on the table in front of me and I assumed he was thinking.
"No," He replied just as quietly, "Do you?"
I shook my head and admitted that I didn't, "No." I stood up and put the lid over the ice cream container. I took it and the spoon towards the kitchen to buy myself a few seconds to think and process what was just said. I put the ice cream in the freezer and cleaned the spoon quickly. When I turned around, I saw him looking at the pro and con list that was previously on the table.
I felt my breath catch in my throat and I swallowed hard to allow myself to breathe properly again. I took a few silent breaths before walking back towards the couches across the room slowly.
"There are a lot more cons than pros…" He said quietly when I sat back down. His voice almost sounded disappointed. He was wrong, there was a whole other page of pros, but I didn't want it all on one page and have to stare at the reality in front of me every time I looked at it. I cleared my throat quietly and stood back up. I walked across the room to my bag and retrieved the pro page. I gave it to him as I sat back down.
"These are all pros…"
"Yeah." I whispered. I couldn't believe myself. I was letting him see the lists that were labelled "pro us" and "con us". "…I guess pro us wins." I said awkwardly.
"And what do you think about that?" He looked to my eyes. I looked back at them for a few seconds.
"I don't know yet…" His lips inched closer to mine slowly. I closed my eyes and he kissed me once. When I opened my eyes, his opened too, and seeing the darkness of his boring into mine, I couldn't help myself from kissing him back. We continued to kiss for a short while before I pulled away and stood up, "No." I shook my head.
"Emily…"
"This is so against the rules." I said to him as I turned and looked towards him. He was standing too and he approached me slowly. I took a few steps back as he continued to me and eventually, his hands gripped my arms gently and my back hit the wall.
"Screw the bureau." He said quietly before pressing his lips back to mine. I gave in to him and jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist and his arms wrapped around me.
I lay against his bare chest with my eyes closed as he scratched my bare back gently. It was so soothing and relaxing. I heard my alarm go off after a while and I sighed as I rolled away from him to switch it off. I sat up and brushed my hair back. He pulled me back down gently and I dropped back to him.
"We have to get up." I said after a few more minutes.
"Five more minutes." He said quietly.
"Aaron, it's six. You're normally at the office between six or six-thirty. So is Reid. If you're not there in your normal timeframe, he'll be suspicious. We can't tell the team about this." He sighed as I sat back up and took the sheet with me, wrapping it around my chest, "…Unless you want them to know…"
"No." He sat up quickly.
"And the reason for that is?" I asked hesitantly. I thought it may have been just for privacy and rules at first, but now I was wondering if it were because it was me that he was sleeping with.
He stopped himself from getting up and looked at me for a few seconds. He shook his head, "It's not you, Emily. The Bureaus rules are stricter on me than anyone else of the team, especially with Cruz taking on Strauss's role and being on my arse all the time."
I nodded, "That's what I thought you were going to say." I smiled and kissed his cheek before getting up. I pulled the whole sheet with me and the blanket stayed around him. I opened the top drawer in my dresser and got underwear and a bra out.
"You're not upset about that, are you?" He asked, "I mean, having to keep it from JJ and Garcia, Morgan and Reid."
I turned and looked at him, shaking my head, "No. Sure, I would have liked to be able to speak to JJ or Garcia, but I can survive without the usual update on men. Rossi knows though…"
"I figured after the flight," He nodded, "How did you even approach him about it?"
"I spent all morning thinking about what to say and then he kind of guessed," I shrugged my shoulders, "I thought it'd be a lot more of an awkward conversation but it actually wasn't as bad as I expected it to be."
"Well he's probably the only one—" He stopped midsentence when his phone rang, "Hold on." He picked it up and greeted the caller with "Hotchner".
I walked out of the room and to the bathroom as he talked to whoever had called him. I tied my hair up and turned the water on. I stepped in and after a short while, I heard a knock on the door and then it opened. "I've got to go back to my place and get changed, okay? I'll see you at the office."
"Wait, who was that on the phone?" I stopped him before he could walk away.
"Reid…he was wondering where I was…"
I smiled to myself, "Told you."
"Yes, you were right. I'll see you later."
"Bye."
I heard the door click shut and I smiled again as I thought about last night. He made me happier than I had been since even before the whole Doyle back from the dead thing. I dated guy after guy and I never felt anything remotely close to real happiness with them; I was just there to try and feel something. Then Doyle came, and he put a halt to my dating, if you could call it that, and Hotch was there every second when I needed anything. And now we were here, and I was happy, and he seemed happy, although I could be completely wrong about that. My feelings could have been clouding the truth, but even if Hotch was just looking for a temporary thing and nothing serious, I wouldn't just drop the whole thing. I would take whatever happiness I could, whether it was brief or something more. I just didn't care right now.
