Prentiss
"Back off, Morgan!" I yelled at him.
"I'm just trying to make sure you're okay."
"And why wouldn't I be?"
"Because your mother—"
"Don't." I cut him off and shook my head.
"It hasn't even been 6 months. You went through a lot with Doyle and on top of that, your mother passed. You haven't acted as controlled as you normally do over the past few cases. The whole team knows you're not okay. JJ hears you crying in your hotel bathroom."
"JJ doesn't know shit." I snapped. I saw the team approaching our desks in the bullpen out the corner of my eye. Garcia and Reid had been talking to Rossi about something and I had seen JJ laughing with Hotch when I had first walked into the bullpen.
"I what?" JJ asked.
"Apparently you don't know shit." Reid said to her.
"Don't get involved in this," Morgan said to them calmly, "Prentiss, I'm just—"
"Well don't! This has nothing to do with you!"
He shook his head, "Em, we're all worried."
"Well you can all forget about it because it doesn't concern you. Excuse me." I turned and walked away from them quickly. I heard footsteps follow me and I knew from the sound that it was Hotch. I walked quickly towards the bathrooms.
It had been three months since my mother died, and I was more emotional than I should have been on the cases since. On top of all of that, it was getting so much harder for me to keep the relationship that Hotch and I shared from JJ and Garcia. I wanted them to know every little thing he did for me, every night he spent with me and made me laugh and every date he took me on, but I also wanted their help. One day he's so happy with me and the next he acts like we're not dating at all. He was sending mixed signals and I didn't know what to feel anymore.
"Emily, wait." He tried. I shook my head and walked into the women's bathroom. The door fell closed behind me and I leant on it, shutting my eyes. "Em, come on hun." He knocked.
I didn't reply or make a sound. I listened to see if he'd walk away.
"I'm going to stand out here until you come out and talk to me and you know that I will, so come on, Emily." He seemed like he cared now, but when I needed him last night, he was nowhere to be found. He didn't answer my calls or my texts. This morning, he said he was sorry and that his phone had died. He was lying, because the call wouldn't have rang out if his phone was dead.
I sighed to myself and wiped under my eyes to remove the tears. I turned and pulled the door open. "What?"
He looked at me for a few seconds, studying my eyes, "My office, come on."
I looked away as I sighed and I walked out, following him back into the bullpen and towards his office. I looked down as I walked and refused to glance at my confused team. I walked into his office and he closed the door behind me, "Sit."
He drew the blinds as I sat down and he stood in front of me, leaning on his desk. "What's going on?"
"With what?"
"Well, let's start with Morgan."
I shook my head, "Nothing."
"Emily, we've talked about this. You need to trust me."
I sighed, "He just tried to get me to take some time off, is all."
"Why?"
"Because he thinks I'm not okay and he's worried."
"Should he be worried?"
"No. If I have to trust you then you have to trust me. I'm fine, Hotch." I was fine for the most part. The only thing knocking me off course right now was what I was going to do about Hotch.
"Okay, I trust you," He nodded, "Now how about what's going on here?" He motioned between us.
"Excuse me?" I raised my eyebrows.
"You're not like you usually are…"
"I'm not like I usually am? You're the one who can't make a damn decision."
"What?" He gave me a questioning look.
"Come on, Aaron," I stood up and stepped back a few paces, away from him, "One minute you're all for it and the next you don't want to be in this at all."
"I don't know what you mean." He shook his head.
"You don't? Hotch, I can't be the only one in this all the time. It's hard enough for me to commit to something like this, but for me to be the only one committed, it makes it so much harder."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm a profiler too, you know. I know what it looks like when someone is in a relationship that they don't want to be."
He raised his eyebrows and shook his head, "Emily, I never said that I didn't want this."
"It's kind of implied."
"No, I don't—I never meant—"
I shook my head, "Look, we're at work. I really don't want to walk out of here in tears so how about we just put this conversation off until tonight?"
He thought about it for a few seconds before nodding, "Okay."
I nodded and walked towards his office door, "It'll give you some time to think of an excuse." I mumbled as I opened the door and walked out.
Garcia had her bag with her and I stopped beside her, "And where are you going?"
"...Nowhere." She lied. I raised my eyebrows. She sighed, "Therapist appointment."
I nodded; she and JJ had both been going to see someone ever since Doyle's return. None of us were exactly the people to be open about people seeing pain in us. I wanted to apologise about Doyle again and what happened to her, but last time, I got a huge lecture and she was angry for days about it. I smiled at her and she walked to the glass doors.
The day was long but the night was longer. I was clueless as to what to do; Hotch claimed he didn't know what I was talking about, that he didn't intend on acting any different or to confuse me, but I didn't know if he was entirely truthful.
I eventually gave up on the conversation for tonight, we were both exhausted anyway, and neither of us knew what to say. We didn't know whether to end it or keep trying, he didn't know what he wanted and I knew exactly what I wanted. I had a sick feeling that this wouldn't end well, and I hated every second I felt it.
I went back to my apartment despite his efforts to stop me and keep me there with him and I went into work this morning acting as normal as I could. I bet Morgan here and I was sucked right into the world of paperwork. JJ and Reid had played cards at the start of the day as they talked, but they decided it was best to start on their mountains of work too at some point. I didn't even see Morgan come in and he hadn't greeted me, it wasn't until an hour or so past that I stopped writing and looked at him behind me. I took a breath and stood up. I glanced at JJ and Reid as they watched me approach his desk warily. JJ grabbed her phone and unlocked it without looking, probably to text someone if I was going to start anything this morning. The tension between the two of us had not gone unnoticed, apparently, and they must have thought that it'd get a lot worse if they were watching us like this.
I stood beside his desk and he continued writing, "Yes?" He asked quietly.
"Put the pen down for a second? Please?" I spoke at a low volume as not to disturb anyone else around the bullpen. I heard two office doors open and I glanced up, seeing both Rossi and Hotch in their doorways, watching us intently. "Oh, am I really this unpredictable?" I asked myself quietly.
He let out a sigh and dropped his pen. He sat back in his chair and looked at me, waiting for me to continue.
"I'm sorry," I continued to speak quietly, "I was way out of line and I know that you were concerned and you were only trying to help. I was just already worked up over something else and I took it out on you when I really shouldn't have. I'm so sorry."
He looked at his desk for a few seconds and I assumed he was thinking about whether he'd accept the apology or not. He looked up at me and nodded, "Okay, so what's going on?"
I looked down and bit my lip, "It's really nothing important. It's just "booty call" guy." I figured I owed him at least a vague explanation.
"You're fighting with him?"
"No." I shook my head.
"You broke up with him?" He guessed again. I shook my head. "…He broke up with you?"
I cleared my throat, "No, but I have a feeling he's going to." We weren't speaking quietly anymore and Hotch and Rossi would both be able to hear this is they were listening hard enough.
"Why do you think that?" JJ asked from her desk.
I shrugged my shoulders, "The whole things pretty complicated, but in shorthand, I just don't think he's really feeling what he says he is. He just seems too indecisive with the situation."
"Have you talked to him?" Reid asked.
I nodded, "Yeah, but neither of us really knew what to say…I mean, I called him out on wanting to be with me one minute and then wanting nothing to do with me the next, but after that, I had no idea how to approach the issues within our relationship and he didn't have a clue either."
"Well he doesn't sound very smart." Garcia said from behind me.
"Oh no, he's smart; he's just…careful."
"Does he have kids?" JJ asked.
"Why?"
"Well maybe he just isn't sure if it's the best thing for his child if he has one. Maybe he thinks the kid will get the wrong impression on him or women or something."
I nodded, "He has a child, but he's old enough to understand."
"You've got to ask yourself whether this guy is worth your time, tears and concentration." Morgan said.
"Picture yourself in five years' time. We're obviously all with you, because you would never leave us, but is he there too?" Garcia asked, "If he's not, then let him go. If he is, then fight because he's worth it, girl."
"And if you make this decision and you decide that he's worth it, then you're really going to need to set up a night for the team to meet him because you know that no one is worth it if they can't get along with us."
"Does anyone really get along with Morgan?" I joked. They all laughed and Morgan pushed me away playfully. I walked back to my desk and sat back down.
"It's only been an hour and I'm already so sick of this." JJ said quietly.
"Cards again?" Reid offered.
"Yes." She spun around in her chair and wheeled herself to his desk.
"Anyone else up for a game?" He asked.
"Hallelujah." Garcia said quietly. She walked over and sat on the side of Reid's desk. Morgan accepted the offer and joined them.
"Come on Em, you know you want to." Garcia smirked at me.
I sighed and smiled, "Alright." I pulled my chair over and watched Reid as he dealt the cards out.
"Emily, please call me back. I lost count of how many messages I've left, you won't pick up my calls or answer my texts. I need to talk to you. Call me back." I listened to the latest of many messages Hotch had left me tonight.
I heard a knock on my door a few minutes later and I groaned to myself. I knew it was him and I knew he wouldn't leave. He's bust the door down before he went home. I stood up and walked to the front door, looking briefly through the peep hole to confirm him before I opened the door. "What?"
"Please let me talk to you." His voice sounded almost desperate. It was quite late, around midnight, and I was only awake because I couldn't bring myself to sleep with all of this going through my mind. I sighed and stepped to the side.
"Where's Jack?" I asked as I closed and locked the door again.
"He stayed at a friend's house tonight. They have an early start to a fieldtrip in the morning so I let him go."
I nodded as I yawned.
"Did I wake you?"
I shook my head, "No, I was already up." I sat down on the couch and looked at him as he paced in front of me across the coffee table.
"I haven't slept for more than a few hours each night over the past few weeks. I have been thinking nonstop about us and where I want us to be. Now I'm still not sure about it, but I know that this isn't it," He shook his head, "Emily, you're important to me and I never intended on making you feel anything less. I don't know, maybe I was distracted by work and I wasn't listening to you, maybe you were getting changed or wearing little clothing and that distracted me when I wasn't listening to you, but I never meant for this to happen. Things were going well, it was working. I don't know where it all went wrong but I know it was my fault and I'm so sorry."
I shook my head, "You have nothing—"
"Let me finish. Please?" He looked at me with distressed eyes, "Look, I don't know where I went wrong or how or why I did it, but whatever I did to make you feel like I didn't want to be with you was misleading. I thought I loved Haley, and I did, and I thought I loved Beth, but Emily, I know now that I never loved them as much as I do you. Whatever it was that I did, I am begging you to forget about it or let me redeem myself or something because I am so sorry…and I love you. Jack loves you, and you're so good with him. He sees you as a surrogate mother now, and our jobs; who cares about the rules. Tell the team if you want to, I'll resign if I have to, just please, please don't give up on this."
Tears were in my eyes and threatened to fall. I bit my lip and looked down, "I was never giving up on this; I just thought you were."
"But you've been shutting me out."
"I was just trying to think clearly and see if I could make a decision on what I wanted."
"And what do you want?" He asked. His eyes were filled with hope, fear and anxiety.
"…You." I said quietly. He closed his eyes briefly in relief before walking around the table. I sat up and his lips collided with mine. He laid me backwards again and climbed over me. His lips didn't leave mine for a long while.
I woke up to his phone ringing in the early hours. I lay on my back on the couch and Hotch was over me, asleep with his head against my chest. My fingers were running softly and mindlessly through his hair repeatedly. I closed my eyes and tried to block the sound out. After his stopped ringing, mine started. I sighed and woke him up gently, "Our phones." I said quietly as he lifted his head.
He sat up but kept one arm around my waist as he reached for my phone. He handed it to me and he took his own. I answered the call, "Hey Pen."
"I'm so sorry to be calling so early pumpkin, but I need your help."
"My help? With what?" I asked as I sat up.
"Garcia?" Hotch asked me. I held my finger to my lips to hush him, "Is she okay?" He asked.
I hit his arm, "Shut up." I hissed at him quietly.
"Are you with mystery man?"
"Yeah…Penelope what's going on?"
"I'm at the hospital…I'm okay though, it's nothing serious. I was driving home late and a car hit mine; Esther is gone but I'm completely fine. The only problem is they won't let me out without someone here to pick me up and no one else answered their phones."
"Who's Esther?"
"My car. She's totalled."
"And you're sure that you're okay?"
"Yeah. I've got a few cuts and bruises but I'm fine. My doctor said I'm fine and I feel great."
"Okay, which hospital?" I asked as I stood up and brushed my hand through my hair.
"Hospital!?" Hotch asked me loudly in a shocked tone.
"Shut up!" I yelled at him quietly.
"Uh…pumpkin…was that Hotch?"
"Which hospital, Penelope?"
"Stafford."
"Okay, I'll be there soon," I hung up and looked at Hotch, "Why would you do that?"
"Is she okay? Is everyone else okay? What happened?"
"Aaron, she heard you and she knew it was your voice. She asked if I was with mystery man, I said yes, and then she heard your voice. She knows."
"…Well if you don't want the others to know then ask her to keep it between us. Please tell me what's going on?"
"Someone hit her; her car's been totalled but she's fine. They just won't let her leave without someone picking her up." I said as I went upstairs quickly. I took the first outfit I found and threw it on. I brushed my hair quickly and walked back downstairs. Hotch took my keys before I got them.
"I'm driving."
"What? No, you can't come. I have to come up with a lie as to why she heard your voice. It'll give it away if you're with me."
"She's not stupid, Emily. She won't believe a single lie you throw at her and you know she won't."
I sighed, "Fine." I followed him out and we walked downstairs to my car quickly.
