I'd like to apologize to everyone because I made a mistake. I should have called Cora's maid (Edna Braithwaite) by her last name and not by her first, since she is a ladies' maid. But to not create any confusion, I will ask for artistic license and continue calling her by Edna until the end.

XII

"When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?"

Coldplay – Fix you

She tried to wipe away the tears before Carson could open the door, but the butler knew immediately that something was amiss as soon as he took her in. Cora came in quickly, almost bumping into Carson in an attempt to try to hide her face from him, so he could not fully realize the precarious state in which she was.

"Carson, please ask Edna to go immediately to my bedroom," she said, trying to control the trembling of her voice, without looking at him.

"Had something happened, my lady?" He quickly shut the door and walked behind her, his concern clear in his voice.

"Nothing happened, Carson," she said, walking determined toward the stairs.

Edith and Mary emerged from the sitting-room going to meet her as soon as they heard her voice in the hallway. They were all worried about her prolonged absence.

"Good Lord, where were you Mama? We were all..." Mary stopped talking when she saw the pained expression on her face, and Cora turned away, without diverting from her path.

"Is something wrong? Why are you crying?" Edith has anticipated trying to reach for her hand, but Cora had moved faster, escaping from her grasp and starting to climb the stairs as fast as she could.

Hearing the commotion, Tom and Rose who were in the sitting-room joined them at the bottom of the staircase. And it was with great concern that Tom saw Cora going up the stairs in a rush with Edith in her pursuit.

"What happened?" He asked Mary, who merely shook her head, not knowing what to say. They then looked to Carson, who passed them on his way to check for Edna, but he also shook his head stating that he also knew nothing.

"Mama?" They heard Edith's voice coming from above and the sound of a door slammed. It only took a few seconds for Tom and Mary go up the stairs hurried, heading for Cora's room, to find its door open. Mary came in and saw Edith standing in the middle of the room watching horrified while Cora emptying her wardrobe putting everything over the bed.

"Mama, please tell me what is happening." Edith practically begged. Cora trembled slightly, and stubbornly tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Mama?" Mary tried again to get some answer from Cora, with no success. Tom had not entered the room, but stood in the doorway, watching everything with great concern, with Rose peering over his shoulder.

The two moved away slightly to give passage to the maid who stood next to Mary and Edith, looking as surprised as them with the scene she witnessed.

"My lady?" Edna said with uncertainty in her voice, noticing the commotion.

"Edna, please, bring down the bags down and help me to pack."

"Yes, My Lady." She said, taking only a few seconds to move. Before she left, Cora turned to her and asked her to warn Mr. Carson that she wanted to talk to him. They all could see the tears streaming down on her face, which she tried to wipe again. Mary approached her, but Cora nodded, discouraging her.

"Please, I ask that you leave me now... I..." Her voice failed for a moment and she had to struggle to continue. "I need to be alone."

"But Mama, I don't ..." Mary tried once more to talk to her, but Cora turned her back on them. "Please..." Her voice was very weak, and Mary felt tears coming into her own eyes. Tom walked up to them and silently convinced the two of them to leave the room, shutting the door behind him.

They stood in the hallway in silence, not knowing what to do.

"But what happened?" Rose asked, totally lost.

"I don't know. She said nothing." Edith said, and there were tears in her eyes as well. Tom touched her arm fondly, trying to comfort her, but he was also lost. "It must be something really serious. I never saw Mama like that..."

Edna walked past them and entered the bedroom carrying the suitcases that Cora had asked, shutting the door once more. Carson appeared in the hallway a few minutes later, his thick eyebrows curved in concern.

He knocked and announced his presence, opening the door when Cora asked him inside. Edith followed him, and Tom stopped Mary from coming in too, holding her gently by the arm. He shook his head at her, and they stood at the doorway, from where they could overhear what would be said inside the room.

"Carson, please find me a hotel room so I can spend the next few days, from tonight."

Carson blinked in surprise, and Edith opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by Cora.

"And please make the necessary arrangements so that I can travel to Newport as soon as possible."

"Newport?" Edith echoed, looking from her mother to Carson as the butler could help her understand what was happening.

But Carson was as perplexed as she, and stood there staring straight at Cora, his eyes wide open in complete amazement. Mary broke away from Tom and suddenly went into the bedroom.

"Newport? But why it now, Mama?" Mary frowned, her dark eyes peering into her mother's face in the search for an answer.

Cora took a deep breath and had to gather all her strength not to crumble in front of them. She averted her eyes from her daughters, focusing them at some point over Carson's shoulder.

"Carson, please do as I asked."

"Yes, my lady."

He seemed to have been shaken from his stupor, and by making a little bow, walked out the door quickly without looking at Tom and Rose who were still outside.

"And you girls, please let me. I still need to pack."

"But will you not tell us why are you leaving?" Mary insisted.

Cora closed her eyes again and gave her back to them, tears now back with all the strength, making her whole body tremble.

"Ask your father to explain everything."

"Papa?" Edith repeated, aimlessly.

"Now please leave me."

Edith and Mary exchanged a look, and Mary seemed to finally understand part of the reasons for that extreme reaction from her mother. She had realized that something was wrong between her parents when they had left Downton, days before. And whatever had happened to leave her mother in that state, could only be related to her father. Mary pulled Edith out of the room by her hand, leaving Cora alone with Edna who was still packing as if nothing was going on around her. They both looked distressed to Tom, who was thoughtful.

"I will call Papa." Edith finally said.

"But this isn't going to help, he won't be able to do anything from there." Said Mary, in disagreement.

"I'll ask him to come here." She looked at Tom Mary "After all, whatever had happened, it seems that is related to him."

Mary and Tom nodded, and she walked toward the staircase, stopping before going down.

"And besides, if she will leave for Newport... He must know... " she said shaking her head disconsolately, and then went down the stairs as fast as she could.


Edith found Carson on the phone, making the arrangements that had been requested by her mother. He gave her a dismayed look, and hung up a few minutes later.

"I'll call Papa." She explained herself to him, without even knowing why.

"Sounds like a good idea, my lady." He said, and walked away to give her privacy.

She asked to the operator to complete the call, that was answered shortly thereafter by Barrow. He informed her, to her surprise, that Lord Grantham had gone to London on the first train that afternoon, which meant that within a short time he would be there.

Edith hung up and looked at Carson, hopefully.

"Papa is coming. He will come in any minute, Carson. "

Carson nodded, looking a little relieved at the news, and watched her while she went upstairs. Then he returned to the phone to finish the task Lady Grantham had asked him, even though he believed it was a nonsense.


Robert jumped from the taxi and watched Bates doing the same, while the taxi driver put their bags on the floor. He turned to see the family car stopped in front of the house and his chauffeur on standby, standing on its side. The man bowed his head in courtesy as soon as he saw him.

"My Lord, may I help you with your bags?"

"Mr. Jarvis, yes, thank you." Robert smiled, climbing the few steps to the door, with Bates behind him carrying his own suitcase. But before he reached the door, Carson opened it suddenly.

"Your Lordship!" Carson had almost jumped when he saw Robert at the door, and Robert thought that was just because he had come by surprise.

"Carson!" Robert smiled at him, and he saw with strangeness when Carson opened the door in its entirety giving space to James. The young footman walked past him carrying a number of bags and placed it carefully beside the car, returning quickly to pick up Robert's bags which Mr. Jarvis had left in front of the doorway.

"Whose are these bags, Carson?" Robert said, furrowing his eyebrows after handed the butler his hat and coat. He watched curiously Mr. Jarvis put the suitcases in the car.

Carson, however, had no time to answer, because Cora came across the foyer followed by their daughters, their son in law and Rose, and Robert thought it to be an unexpected and awkward reception committee. She halted for a moment when saw him, looking shocked. Robert ventured a shy smile, but she turned her face, walking past him and hurried down the stairs toward the car. It took a few seconds to him realize that it was she who was leaving.

"Cora? What is happening?" He followed in her pursuit. "Where are you going? Cora? "

Robert tried to grab her arm, but she turned to him, her blue eyes cold and angry.

"Do not touch me," she hissed, and he frowned and took one step backwards, without understanding why she was overreacting like that. He watched as she leaned on Mr. Jarvis' arm to get in the car.

"Cora, what's happening?" He asked, with a bewildered look.

"Oh, Robert, seriously?" She said, in a bitter and sarcastic tone. She sat in the car and when Robert motioned to approach, closed the door tightly, ordering Mr. Jarvis to leave. The chauffeur hesitated for a moment, and glanced at Robert, before taking his seat behind the wheel.

"Cora?" He insisted, looking at her through the window, but she turned her face again, and Robert could notice by the slight trembling of her shoulders that she was crying.

"Mr. Jarvis, please." She said, trying to control her voice, and the chauffeur finally departed, leaving Robert standing in front his house, observing while the car went on.

He closed his eyes for a moment, feeling already the first signs of headache, and rubbed his forehead with his indicator and his thumb. Then he turned slowly and saw all other standing at the door. His daughters, his son in law, Rose and including Carson and Bates were just there, staring astonished at him.

The two employees exchanged a look and Bates walked away silently disappearing among the bushes that surrounded the path leading to the house's side entrance.

"Can somebody explain to me what had happened?" Robert walked to the door hoping that some of them could clarify everything, and it was Tom who eventually spoke.

"We don't know." The young man seemed to be choosing his words carefully. "Cora went for a walk and returned home... well... looking disturbed..." Tom looked at him before proceeding. "All she said is that she is going to a hotel, and as soon as possible she will depart to Newport."

"Newport?" Robert felt his stomach twist and an immediate a feeling of nausea came over him. So finally his worst fear had come true. He had broken her heart. And she was leaving him.

Tom noticed that Robert had gone very pale, and made him enter, leading him to the sitting room. Robert let himself fall heavily on one of the sofas, under their concern gaze. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to organize his thoughts. That couldn't really be happening.

"Papa, what happened?" He heard Edith's insecure voice, and opened his eyes to see the apprehension plastered on her face, with the same fear that he could see reflected in the faces of all of them.

"I'd... ruined everything." Robert blurted in a low voice, closing his eyes once more. He desperately needed a drink.

"Well then, fix it!" Mary said, and he knew by her tone how much she was angry. He opened his eyes again and saw Tom touch her arm fondly, trying to calm her. But Mary was right, he had to fix things, or at least try. Cora couldn't leave in that way, without at least knowing the truth. His head was spinning, an infinity of mismatched thoughts going through his mind. He needed to hold on to something tangible if he wanted to think clearly.

"You said she went to a hotel. Which hotel?" He asked Tom, struggling to maintain some level of control. He couldn't fall apart before them.

Tom hesitated for a moment before speaking. "I don't know if it's a good idea to you go after her right now, Robert."

Robert nodded in silent agreement. "And I won't. But you will." Tom blinked, without understand. "Someone needs to go after her and make sure she'll be fine." He took a deep breath before continuing. "In the state she seemed to be when she left, I'm afraid..." Robert couldn't go on, feeling a lump in his throat.

"Right," Tom said, and glanced at Mary, who nodded slowly."I'll go with you," she told him, her voice sounding more calm. But the stiff look in her eyes when she turned to him made Robert feel pain rising in his chest.

They watched Tom and Mary leaving and Robert finally turned to Edith, giving her a sad look. Edith looked at him for a while before saying, "Is there anything I can do to help Papa?"

He took a deep breath. "No, dear." He stood up and walked to the door, but before leaving, he turned to her. "Just let me know when Tom and Mary come back. I'll be in my dressing room."


Robert sat alone in his dressing room for a long time, recalling recent events, feeling an idiot for having allowed things reached that point.

If only he had not stopped in the path between the station and his house, he would have arrived earlier and might have succeeded preventing Cora from leaving. He once more searched inside his jacket pocket for the small box wrapped in a delicate gift paper, feeling a complete fool for had been going to the store. So, he carefully placed the box on his bedside table, and only then realized the darkness of the room. He lit the lamp with a sigh and pulled the watch from his waistcoat pocket.

It was late, and by then dinner was already over. He had been so absorbed in his thoughts that didn't even hear the dressing gong. But it didn't matter, eating was the last thing he was thinking about. He was startled by a knock on his door and hurried to open it, feeling immensely relieved to see Tom on the other side. Robert made him enter, anxiously waiting for the news that he could bring.

"So?" He said, getting impatient with his silence.

"She is installed at the Savoy..." Tom twisted his hands together, looking utterly uncomfortable. "It was hard to convince her to receive us, but she finally accepted talk with Mary."

"And what did she say?"

"Well... The truth is that Mary didn't tell me very much. She just..." He saw Tom hesitating once more and had to control himself not to shake him. "She just said that Cora didn't want to see you."

Robert sighed heavily and shook his head. "Well, somehow, I had already anticipated this."

Tom remained silent, staring at him for a moment, and Robert felt the tension rising between them, becoming obvious to him that Tom wanted to tell him something else.

"What will you do?" Tom asked finally, and Robert looked at him, unsure how to answer that question. He didn't really know how he would fix things.

"I'll go to the hotel to talk to her." He replied because that was his only certainty.

"Maybe it would be better if you'd go to see her just tomorrow."

Robert nodded slowly, silently agreeing. The two exchanged a look before Tom walk to the door.

"Tom," Robert waited for him to turn back. "Thank you."

"No need to thank me." Tom tried to smile. "If there is anything I can do to help, just let me know." He said, and then went out, leaving him alone again. Robert chose not to call for Bates. Even though he knew his valet would be totally unobtrusive, he had no desire to see anyone else. He undressed depositing his clothes on the chair beside his bed, and put his pajamas, sticking up under the blankets. And even before going to bed, he knew this would be another sleepless night.


He came down for breakfast later than usual, feeling completely exhausted, physically and emotionally. He wasn't hungry, but even though he went to the dining room to at least take some tea, since the last meal he had done had been the previous day luncheon. He believed that his delay maybe he could help to avoid his family, but it seemed that they all had been waiting for him.

As he entered the dining room all their eyes immediately felt upon him. Edith and Tom seemed legitimately concerned, Rose gave him a curious look. But there was a silent anger in Mary's face that worried him even more. And it was she who spoke first.

"Papa, I need to talk to you. I'll be waiting for you in the library." She said, giving her back and walking to the door. Robert watched her and gave up sitting at the table.

"Wait, Mary. I'll go with you", he said, and went after her.

They walked in silence to the library, and shutting the door behind him, Robert stood there, waiting for her to speak. Robert knew that Mary had talked to Cora the night before, and probably this was the reason for her being so upset with him.

"I never before got involved in any problem between you and Mama." She said, staring at him coldly. And he struggled to control himself, feeling his blood rising as she spoke. "And I don't care if you think this is not my problem, or if it is inappropriate. But I can't believe that you have been so mean to her!"

There was something beyond anger in her tone and Robert thought it was disdain. He looked at her without understanding exactly why, and breathed, clinging to the little self-control he still had. She was right, he thought it was totally inappropriate for her to address him in that tone. And as angry as he was at that moment, he knew it would be pointless exploding with her right now. Then he swallowed and tried to hold his voice when he spoke.

"Mary, I don't know exactly what your mother told you, but..."

"Not much. But enough for me to understand that you are leaving her for another woman," she hissed. Robert's eyes widened in an expression of shock.

"What?" He could hardly speak. "Where did you get that?"

"Mama saw you yesterday with..." Mary paused taking a deep breath and then continued, her voice raspy. "With that woman!"

Robert blinked, completely confused, and then realized that Cora should have seen him at the train station. He closed his eyes and ran his hand over his face, not believing that was actually happening. It was enough problem Cora had discovered about his past by herself, but now he had a big misunderstanding to complicate his situation. That was the reason for the preposterous way she had left Grantham House yesterday. And he felt completely heartbroken thinking how she must be feeling right now.

"Mary, I can explain." He approached her, looking into her eyes. Mary looked at him in silence. Besides the obvious guilt there was something in his eyes that made her want desperately that her mother had mistaken.

"Please," she said to him, her voice softening, but nevertheless with a stiff look in her eyes. Robert looked at her for a moment, thinking about the best way to tell Mary what had happened. It didn't make any sense to tell her the whole story. That was something he only could tell to Cora. And by now, he knew he owed it to her. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad if he had told her many years ago. But he wanted Mary to understand that although he did wrong, he still loved Cora more than anything, and that all she had seen had been a misunderstanding.

"I assume your mother has seen me at the train station, with Elizabeth." Mary nodded, and he continued. "I met her completely by chance after I got off the train, and all I did was accompany her to the her car. Nothing more than that. So it was all a horrible misunderstanding."

"And what happened in the past?" She gave him the question without the slightest hesitation, and he took another deep breath, controlling his anger for her being so bold.

"What happened in the past belongs to the past, Mary," he turned his back to her. He never thought one day he would discuss such intimate matters with one of his daughters. But however that the situation was hard for him, Robert knew he must regain Mary's trust. And then he went on, unable to look at her.

"What I can assure you, Mary, is that I love your mother with every fiber of my being." He paused, feeling a lump in his throat. "And without her, I'm nobody."

Mary remained silent, looking at her father, and knowing how to admit it out loud at that moment must have been difficult for him. As soon as she was old enough to understand, she had become aware of how the relationship between her parents was special and rare. As she grew up was easier to see the signs of that love so deep, in every look, every smile, and every small gesture of affection they made for each other. So even though she had never heard him admit it so openly, a long time ago she already knew the truth of his words. That's why it was so difficult to see them going through that. Especially now that she knew so well the pain of losing someone you loved most in the world. Then from the moment her mother had told her everything the night before, she had been intimately hoping that she was wrong. Because she truly believed that they couldn't live without each other.

"So please, tell her that."

Robert turned and saw the sad look on Mary's face, and felt guilty because he immediately knew that all of that should have brought her memories of Matthew.

"I will try." He approached her, trying to sound calmer than he actually was. "But I need your help."