So this is it, this is the last chapter. I would like to thank everyone who accompanied me throughout this journey, especially to everyone who sent always so kind reviews.
XIV
"Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Coldplay – Fix You"
Rosamund met Robert sitting alone in the library, his elbows on his thighs, his head down, staring at an empty glass he was holding. The image of her brother sitting there, completely heartbroken, was enough to bring tears to her eyes. But she managed to control herself. She couldn't get so emotional if she wanted to help him.
She walked towards him and Robert jumped when saw her in front of him. He was so far away lost in his thoughts that he hadn't even seen her entering. He motioned to get up but she stopped him, placing her hand gently on his shoulder, and sat down beside him.
He glanced at her briefly and then returned his eyes again to the empty glass, sliding a finger around its edge slowly.
"Robert, what happened?" Rosamund asked, placing her hand gently on his arm.
"She left me." He said after a long silence, without looking up from the glass. Rosamund knew that Cora had gone to a hotel and intended to leave for Newport. Mary had told her already. And while her niece hadn't told her many details of what had occurred between Robert and Cora, Rosamund was pretty sure that she knew the main reason for their breakup.
"Is this all because of... Elizabeth?" She said cautiously, studying his face as she spoke.
Robert looked back at her. "Not exactly." He said. "Actually, this is all because of me and my stupidity."
Rosamund gently took the glass from his hands, placing it on a side table, and took his hand fondly. She looked into his eyes, in a silent encouragement for him to tell her what had happened. Robert closed his eyes for a second, and then, knowing that Rosamund was the only person with whom he could talk openly about it, he started to speak.
He told her how and why he had been shaken by Elizabeth's return, how he had been foolish enough to try to cover everything from Cora. He told her why he had stayed in Downton when Cora had returned to London, told her about the talk he had with Elizabeth and how they finally had made everything clear between them. And lastly, he told her about the dreadful misunderstanding when Cora had seen them at the train station. Rosamund listened to everything intently and in complete silence, just squeezing his hand from time to time to encourage him to proceed when he seemed to flinch.
They were silent for a long moment after he finished, his eyes fixed on the floor. Then, Robert stood up and walked to the window, turning his back to her. He needed to recover from the turmoil triggered by his outburst.
"I can talk to her, Robert." Rosamund said him, finally.
"No, Rosamund. Mary had already tried... And besides..." He paused for a brief moment before continuing. "Cora needs to know the whole truth, but I am the one who must tell her." Robert then turned to her, forcing a smile. "Thank you, anyway." Rosamund smiled back and nodded, agreeing with him, she thought that was the best way too.
"You must be honest with her, Robert. Don't try to cover up the truth for fear of hurting her. The truth will always be less painful in the end."
He nodded, silently agreeing with her. And after all, he wouldn't be so foolish again. Cora knew how to read him too well for him to attempt to conceal the truth from her.
"Where are the girls?" Rosamund asked, trying a change in the subject.
"They are in the hotel with Cora. Trying to convince her not to go, I suppose." He sat down beside her again, running a hand through his hair.
"And when is she supposed to leave?"
"Today, in the middle of the afternoon." And then, it was like a lightning bolt had fallen upon him. "Bloody hell!"
Rosamund's eyes widened, surprised not so much because he had cursed but at that time he had said that Cora's ship should depart. He had raised almost in a jump from the sofa, to watch his wristwatch, just to make sure he had completely lost track of time.
"Damn it! Damn it! The ship will depart in 40 minutes!" He ran to the door and hurried out of the library, with Rosamund at his heels.
"Take my car, Robert! The chauffeur is standing outdoors in front of the house." She told him and he agreed with a nod.
Robert was so hectic he didn't see Tom in the hallway and ended up bumping into him, almost throwing the young man against the wall. Tom looked at him open-mouthed, not realizing what was happening, but didn't have time to utter a word, when Robert held him firmly by the arm.
"You come with me." Robert said and practically dragged him out the door. When Tom asked what was going on he simply replied, "I will need help in the harbor."
They had left Grantham House in such a hurry that they hadn't even picked up their hats or anything else. Robert instructed Rosamund's chauffeur to go as fast as possible to the harbor. On their way, he was able to explain his plan to Tom. With so little time before the ship's departure, if the two of them divided to search the port, there would be more chance to find her before it was too late.
To Robert's dismay the traffic had been partially interrupted by a milk truck that had turned down, leaving a trail of broken bottles and spilled milk on the ground, causing the cars and pedestrians had to dodge their usual paths to avoid the mess, what caused them to be even more delayed.
They arrived at the port with little more than ten minutes before the ship's departure, but for more they had sought, they hadn't found any signs of Cora or Mary and Edith. Not even Tom had gotten any information if Cora had already boarded the ship. They said to him that that information was confidential.
And it was with frustration, anger and a sadness almost verging on despair that Robert saw the large ship set sail. He felt a great emptiness inside his chest as he watched the ship slowly follow its path, carrying his heart on board.
Tom remained silent standing a few steps away, allowing his father in law had the minimal privacy he needed at that time. After a while, he walked over to Robert, and putting his hand on his shoulder guided him back to the car, and then they could return home.
Once the car stopped in front of Grantham House, they both got out, and Tom watched Robert climb the front steps heavily, as if carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. They hadn't said anything on the way back. As much as he thought of something that could ease Robert's pain, he hadn't found the words. But Tom could feel his pain. And even though it was different, Tom knew very well the pain of loss.
The door opened and suddenly from inside the house appeared Mary, Edith and Rosamund. Tom could have sworn he saw a little smile on Rosamund's face and frowned, unable to imagine why they were all there, staring at Robert as if they had some important news to give him. "Unless..." he thought, and raised his eyebrows inquiringly at Mary, who realizing the unspoken question in his eyes, just nodded slowly.
Robert looked at them, but he was so defeated, that couldn't noticed the signs in their faces. In fact, he barely had seen them when he went his way inside the house.
"My Lord?" Robert slowly reacted to Carson's call, as if seized by a lethargy. All he could think about was to crawl into his room and don't get out of there soon. But he forced himself to look at Carson without noticing the anxious glances from the others.
"This came as your lordship was out." Carson handed him an envelope, and Robert felt as if a knife had pierced his chest the moment he recognized the Cora's handwriting. He didn't think for one minute and opened the envelope right there in the foyer, feeling his hands cold and trembling.
"Always and forever."
His eyes immediately fill with tears and then he felt it streaming down his faces. He looked up and realized that they were all staring at him, in a silent expectation. And it took him only a second to understand what it was about.
"Where..." He started but his voice failed, and then Mary held his hand tightly, with a gentle expression on her face when she spoke.
"She is waiting for you in the garden." She told him. Robert closed his eyes, feeling immediately the effect of those words on him, as if the weight he carried on his shoulders had suddenly vanished. He took a deep breath, and gave them his back, slowly following the path that would take him to the garden, under their watchful and hopeful eyes.
Mary approached Tom, her eyes still watching her father. "Do you think it will work?" Mary asked him quietly, as if speaking in some other tone was improper at the moment.
"Well, she didn't leave. So I guess that's a good sign." He said in a whisper, following her lead. "And if there is anything I've learned living with this family is that your parents love each other. Truly. And you, as far as I, know the power of true love." And then he added with a reassuring smile. "I'm sure they will find their way back to each other."
Robert stopped at the doorway leading to the garden, attempting to pull himself together, and looked again at the note in his hands.
Many years ago, in that same house, he had declared his love for her. A statement that came almost too late, but it was sincere, because it had born from the deepest feelings of his heart. Since then, those words had become special to them, powerful and almost sacred. And that was the reason he had used it in the previous day. Because he knew that those words could touch her heart.
When he had read the note only a few minutes ago and had understood that she hadn't left, his first thought was that she was still in the hotel. But the fact that she was there in Grantham House, where those words had been uttered by them for the first time, made everything much more significant. And his heart was filled with hope that she could forgive him and they could finally find their way back again.
He knew where to find her as he went into the garden, and walked straight onto the core, where there was a small fountain. That had always been her favorite place, and he saw her, walking slowly seeming to enjoy the yellow and white flowers that had blossomed recently.
Robert stood there for a moment, silently admiring the beautiful woman that she was, feeling his heart pounding in his chest at the thought of how close he was to losing her forever. And he knew it was up to him to make her stay.
Maybe feeling observed, she turned to him, and Robert involuntarily held his breath as their eyes met. There was a look of sadness and exhaustion on her face when she looked at him, but that silent and restrained anger was gone. He approached her and saw that she had in her hands the note he had written to her and had left in her hotel room the day before. Cora looked down, staring at her hands, as if embarrassed.
"You didn't leave." He said, his voice a little more than a whisper.
"No," she replied, also in a quiet voice, nervously passing the paper from one hand to the other, until she raised her eyes holding his gaze. "How could I?"
For a moment he thought she was going to cry, but then she just averted her eyes from his, struggling to recover her self-control. After a long silence, she finally spoke. "I came here to listen to you. And I will ask you only one thing, Robert." She said, her voice seeming totally controlled but was deceived by the pained look in her eyes, which he couldn't ignore. "Please tell me the whole truth."
He nodded slowly, and then, pointed to the bench near them, where they sat side by side. He was silent for a long moment, listening to the sound of leaves swaying with the gentle breeze, trying to calm down.
Robert then turned to her, looking for the right words to begin. And the only way he could tell her the entire truth was starting at the beginning, then she could understand the true nature of his feelings for Elizabeth.
Then he told her how everything had happened, from the start, their friendship in childhood, their hidden courtship, James' death and how they had decided to keep as a secret their marriage plans, Elizabeth's family departure to Italy due her father's bankruptcy. He also told her how painful was the way she had dispensed him, and how afterwards he had seen that everything had not passed of a plan so he could do what was necessary to save Downton.
"Which was marrying me." She couldn't avoid the bitter thought. But at least she hadn't spoken it aloud. Until now, she had heard it all in silence. And when his eyes sought by hers as he spoke, she struggled to maintain her control and mostly, to hold his gaze. Because, most of all, she needed to look at his eyes to see the truth stamped on it. And for a moment, she could almost feel the pain he should have felt in the past.
"Would you have married her if..." she couldn't finish the sentence, feeling the growing lump in her throat.
He hesitated for a moment, but nodded. "I've had..." he stumbled on his words, his emotions running loose, "I had committed myself to her. I could never go back."
Cora glanced again at her hands, twisting her fingers nervously. For the first time since he had started to speak, she felt that she was losing control of her emotions. They were silent for a long moment, until she felt his hand over hers. Unlike what he thought, she didn't push her hands away, but remained with her eyes lowered, not looking at him.
"I thought I loved her, I can't deny it." Robert continued, his voice choked with emotion. "But I was very young and didn't know what love really was." He took her hand gently, pulling it to his lips and kissed it softly. "That, I just came to know some time later. With you."
Cora didn't dare to look into his eyes, she knew she would succumb to tears if she did it. Instead, after some time, she pulled her hand away from him gently, putting it back into her lap, her fingers touching again the paper note which still rested there.
"Why..." Her voice failed again and she took a deep breath, calming herself down, until she was able to speak again. "When she came back, why did you get so..."
He waited for her to continue, but as she remained silent, he added. "Confused?" Robert looked at the white flowers in front of them that swayed gently in the breeze. Perhaps this was the most difficult question to answer because he himself had taken a long time to understand his reasons.
"I had never thought of her. Not after I've met you..." he began. "And I never saw her after that day in Italy." He spoke slowly, as if carefully chosen each word. "I just needed to hear the whole truth, told by her. And I also needed to know if she could forgive me."
He looked at her again, wishing desperately that she looked at him. And when she kept her eyes fixed on her hands, he continued, trying to control his emotions. "I know I behaved like an idiot, Cora. And I put at risk everything we have for something from my past. I was so blind and selfish that I didn't realize how all this could hurt you."
Once more he took her hands, feeling it cold and trembling in his. "And I need you to forgive me for being so stupid. The truth is that you are everything to me. And I'll never stop loving you. I couldn't, even if I wanted to. Just because..." At that she lifted her eyes at him, filled with tears, and Robert felt a sharp pang in his chest to see her like that. "My heart beats inside my chest, but it isn't mine. You took it a long time ago. And you still have it," he finally said, his voice trembling with emotion.
Now tears rolled down her cheeks freely, and he pulled her to him, letting her bury her face in his chest, feeling his own eyes burning with tears.
"Please, Cora, believe me when I tell you that there is nobody in this world that I love more than you", he whispered.
"I believe you, Robert." Her voice came weak amid the sobs that shook her body. "But that doesn't mean I have not been hurt."
"I know, my love. And, I promise I will spend the rest of my days trying to reward you for it." He said, fighting through his own tears to keep his voice steady.
They stayed for a long time there, Robert kept her close to his chest tightly, as if afraid that at any moment she would get up and leave him forever. She allowed herself to be embraced by him. She needed to feel his warmth, his scent to make sure he was actually there. And so, she stood there in his arms, until she regained the strength to speak.
"I just need to be sure of two things, Robert." She said finally, wiping away her tears with a handkerchief he had given her, her voice slightly hoarse. "You will never conceal the truth from me. It doesn't matter how painful it may be." He agreed with a slow nod of his head looking at her, willing to take her in his arms once more.
"And you will love me." She added in a whisper. "Forever."
The shadow of a smile curved the corners of his lips, and he closed his eyes when she touched his face, feeling the warmth of her skin on his. Robert covered her hand with his, and holding it, took it to his lips and kissed its palm, warmly.
Her gaze finally softened when he touched her cheek gently, his fingers sliding down her face, tracing a path to her lips, his eyes never leaving hers. Again he saw her eyes filled with tears, and wiped slowly with his thumb a stubborn tear that ran down her face.
Robert leaned toward her, his face approached hers slowly and felt his heart pounded heavily inside his chest. She could feel his breath on her face, and saw his eyes perusing her face, as if it could suddenly absorb every single detail. And when he got nearer, his lips almost touching hers, she blushed slightly and lowered her head to avoid his kiss.
"Not now." She said softly. He gently touched her chin with his forefinger to lift her face again, a shadow of concern in his eyes as he stared at hers, searching for any sign that there was something wrong.
"Why not? There is nothing I desire more than to kiss you, now." He whispered, his voice hoarse.
"So do I... But is that... They are all looking at us", she said, her cheeks blushing even more.
"Who?" Robert blinked for a few seconds without understanding of whom she was talking about, and finally when he got it, a lopsided smile passed through his lips.
"I can see their heads peeking through the windows," she added, with a shy smile, blushing furiously.
"Well," he finally said quietly, his lips were so close to hers that brushed against hers as he spoke, "I don't see any harm that if they know how much I love you." He said and she saw the glint in his eyes. And then, before she could move away from him again, he held her face in his hands and pressed his lips to hers, softly. When he felt her lips parting slightly, he pulled her into himself, and intensified their kiss. For a long moment, they both finally surrendered in a passionate kiss, without worrying about who was watching them.
When their lips finally moved apart, he wrapped her in arms again, and she put her head on his chest, closing her eyes and letting herself be lulled by the quickened beat of his heart.
One day, many years ago, he promised himself that he would love her with all his heart and would do everything in his power to make her happy. They had learned how to live that love together, and on the contrary to what many could imagine, it had only consolidated and grown more and more as the years gone by. They had had their good and bad times, and he knew he had never been so close to losing her. Robert also knew it would take some time for things to return to normal. He didn't expect after the pain he had caused her that everything could be resolved magically. The wounds wouldn't be healed so quickly. But he would do anything in his power to heal it and to erase the scars.
Then, feeling the warmth of her nearness in his arms, he quietly renewed the promise he had made to himself many years before. Because he knew he couldn't have their relationship for granted. Life had taught him that nothing was for granted.
"I love you, Cora. Very much." He finally said, and she moved away from him slightly to lift her face to look at him. She saw his blue eyes full with love for her, causing her to fight against her emotions. He touched her face again, and she covered his hand with hers, lovingly, and suppressed a sigh before finally tell him. "I love you too, Robert."
"Are they still peering through the windows?" He asked suddenly, and she thought she saw that tiny smile twitching the corners of his lips, before she lifted her head briefly to look over his shoulder. "No," she answered gazing at him once more.
"Good." He whispered. "Because then you won't mind when I'll do this." Then, suddenly, he leaned toward her, his lips capturing hers in a hot and passionate kiss, in that way that always made her melt in his arms. In that way that always made her breathless.
And there, in that moment, despite knowing that they still have a long road ahead, she couldn't help but to completely surrender to the joy it was to have him back.
