Apologies for the weird technical difficulties... I have no idea why FF wasn't letting people view this chapter. Obviously if you're reading this the problem has been fixed.
This chapter has no official theme song, because there are several songs within it. There's a full list at the end of the chapter. So fire up Youtube, or if you're on Spotify you can search for BlackFrost and find my playlist that has all of these songs and many more!
Chapter 34: All is fair…
Loki stared down at the note her other self had left her.
To my closest friend,
She rolled her eyes at the sarcasm.
I have just come up with a fabulous prank to play on our good friend Natasha. Perfectly harmless—just a little revenge for a prank she pulled on me. However, it does require magic. Everything you need is already on your iPod.
Loki frowned down at the list of songs, trying to figure out what ulterior motives her other self might have. It looked pretty harmless, just a bit embarrassing for Natasha. It was a good prank, she had to admit. She was still the god-goddess?-of mischief, and it was so very long since she had been allowed to have any fun. She supposed she could give it a try.
Natasha was typing up a report in her living room when a phone began to ring. It startled her a little, because she was alone and it wasn't her ringtone.
How dare you say that my behavior's unacceptable?
So condescending, unnecessarily critical
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone,
Not fit to fuckin' tread the ground that I am walking on!
Natasha frowned. Who the hell would set that as their ringtone? She began searching for the phone as the chorus kicked in.
…And like a little girl cries in the face of the monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there, 'cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe…
Finally Natasha located the phone—in her jacket pocket. Before she could think to answer it, the call stopped. She quickly unlocked it—the code worked, so it must be her phone—and saw she had a missed call from Fury. She dialed him back quickly and apologized for missing the call. He asked her to head over to Stark Tower for a meeting, and she grabbed her things and went out the door. As she went down the elevator, she checked to make sure her ring tone was set back to the correct discreet beep she liked.
As she drove her motorcycle down the street, the song she was listening to was interrupted by another.
My lips are pale and vicious,
You're foaming at the mouth.
You've suffered in the darkness,
I'll suck the pain right out.
So come and taste the reason
I'm nothing like the rest:
I'll kiss you in a way you'll never forget about me.
That chick can eat her heart out!
Love bites… but so do I! So do I…
Natasha was jerked out of listening to the unfamiliar song, realizing that it was actually her phone ringing. She pushed the button on her handle to answer it.
"Hello?" she spoke into her helmet.
"Hey, it's Clint. Did you get the message from Fury? He said he was having trouble reaching you."
"Yeah, I'm on my way there. My phone is acting weird, don't worry about it."
"Kay. See ya there." He hung up.
Natasha forced herself to focus on the road. She could figure this out later, when she wasn't weaving through traffic at high speeds. Once she got to Stark Tower, she had Jarvis connect her to Tony via voice as she rode up in the elevator.
"Hey Tony," she said as an overture, "Weren't you just bugging me the other day to try your latest phone?"
"Yeah…" Tony drawled slowly. "Why?"
"Mine is acting weird. Can you download the contacts from the database into a new one and link it to my number?"
"Sure, I'll bring it to the meeting."
"Good. And make sure it's set to vibrate."
"Whatever lifts your skirt," Tony said in a lecherous voice.
She rolled her eyes, ending the conversation.
When she got to the conference room, Tony was already there. He tossed her a sleek new phone. It was small and thin, but she saw that if you pulled on the right half, it expanded to a wider screen. "Thanks," she said shortly, and sat down.
The conference was nothing out of the ordinary, just an update on what was going on with various parties they were tracking. Natasha was starting to get bored, Clint was reporting on a mission he had seen to solo, which he had already told her about. Then her phone rang. It vibrated, but it also began piping a song loudly out into the room:
I can't fake it my love,
I need filling come on,
I need it louder than bombs
Come to me
Plug it in, so I can digest you
I will taste you (Ooh ooh)
Natasha thought there was nothing that could make her blush anymore, but she felt her cheeks heat up at the range of expressions on her male comrades. She grabbed the phone and looked—it was only a courtesy call from her dry cleaner, but she opened the ringtone settings to see what it was: "Taste You" by Auf der Maur. Where had she heard that name before?
She glared at Tony, who threw his hands up in the air. "Not even I am that good!" he protested.
Fury was scowling. "Is there a problem here?"
Natasha met him scowl for scowl. "Someone is hacking my number. I had Tony get me a new phone because the old one played two other songs. Who is doing this?"
Fury got up from the table, "I'll go down to security, see if they can trace it. Keep calling her so it reactivates." He left.
Tony whipped out his phone, the same model, and hit her speed dial number.
The way he moved, it was a sin, so sweet and true
Always wanting more, he'd leave you longing for
Black velvet and that little boy's smile
Black velvet with that slow southern style
A new religion that'll bring ya to your knees
Black velvet if you please…
Natasha frowned. A new religion that will bring you to your knees? That sounded familiar… "The songs, they're clues," she said. "Call me again."
Tony hit redial, and this time they were greeted by a drum beat, followed by a twangy bass guitar.
Very superstitious… writings on the wall
Very superstitious… ladder's 'bout to fall
"Wait…" Natasha frowned. She wouldn't… "I don't think it's hacking. Call Steve."
Tony raised his eyebrows and complied, and as Steve took out his phone it rang like an old fashioned wall-mount telephone. "That's the correct ring tone," he said, looking a little sheepish.
"Now hand it to me." She held out her hand, and Steve passed her the phone. She looked to Tony, and he hit redial again.
A jazzy beat and a blues guitar played a short intro.
I put a spell on you… because you're mine.
You better stop the things that you doin',
You better watch out, I ain't lyin'.
I ain't gonna take none of your foolin' around,
And I ain't gonna take none of your puttin' me down.
I put a spell on you… Babe, because you're mine.
Natasha looked up from Steve's phone, a furious look on her face. "Where is Loki?" she asked very quietly.
"She's in the lab, down the hall and to the left," Clint answered quickly.
Natasha stood, grabbed her own phone, and walked very, very calmly out of the room. "LOKI!" She shouted, and they all jumped.
Natasha stormed into the room, phone in hand. Loki did her best to look innocent. "What?"
"What the hell is the meaning of this?" She demanded, throwing the phone down on the counter in front of her.
Loki gave up pretending. "Whoa, whoa, Natasha. It was supposed to be a joke. Calm down."
"A joke?" She laughed. "Loki, your dirty little French girl started singing in the middle of a meeting!"
Loki blushed at that. "Eh heh heh… sorry. It was supposed to be embarrassing, but not that bad."
"Did you even listen to the lyrics of the songs?"
"Not all of them…"
Natasha closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. "What could have possibly possessed you to do this?"
Loki shifted uncomfortably. "It was His idea."
Natasha sighed. "Why am I not surprised?"
Loki bit her lip. "He said he was trying to get back at you for a prank you pulled on him."
Natasha went blank for a minute, thinking. When had she ever pulled a prank on him? Unless… "Oh, no no. He's trying to get revenge for a prank that backfired on him."
"Oh…" Loki had the decency to look ashamed at having tricked herself so.
Natasha ran a hand through her hair. She was still very mad at Loki—just not this Loki. "Look, do you have some of his clothes here?"
Loki vanished the trendy outfit she was wearing, revealing a baggy t-shirt and drawstring sweatpants. "I pretty much wear them all the time anymore." She switched back.
"Good." She grabbed Loki's hand and dragged her towards the door. "You're gonna go tell a lie."
Natasha pushed Loki into the conference room with a none-too-gentle shove. She looked around sheepishly, and then turned back to Natasha.
"Are you sure?" she whispered.
Natasha nodded.
Loki sighed, and turned back.
"Hey Rogers," she called half-heartedly.
Steve frowned. "What?"
Loki looked at a spot above his head. "Your name is written on the ceiling."
"Huh?" Steve glanced upward.
Amid laughs from the table, Loki transformed into his male self, smiling. He turned to Natasha. "Ok, that was a good one—"
Natasha decked him hard across the jaw, the sick pop silencing the laughter of the Avengers. Then Clint clapped a couple times, but he stopped when Natasha glared at him.
Loki closed his eyes, eyebrows raised, and lifted a hand to the red mark on his cheek. "You know, I think I would have enjoyed that a lot more if you hadn't waited for my little magic trick. What was that for?" he demanded in an acid tone.
"You know very well what it was for," she hissed in his face, poking his chest. "Don't you ever do anything like that to me again!" and she stormed off down the hallway.
Loki turned around to face the remaining Avengers and shrugged, rubbing his jaw. "Women, right? Can't take a joke."
"Dude… not cool," Tony said seriously.
"You made her look unprofessional," Clint scowled.
"And you threatened our security," came Fury's voice from the doorway.
Loki turned, a look of alarm on his face. "I did no such thing. I did nothing to her phone or the communications system. It was a simple spell on her, and her alone."
"You came very close to violating our agreement. I'll go easy on you this time, as it's clear you didn't understand the seriousness of your actions, but this is your last chance," he warned.
Loki had the sense to bite his tongue. "Yes sir. If you'll excuse me, I would like to apologize to Agent Romonov."
Fury looked a little impressed. "Ok, but you'll want to give her some time to cool down first."
Loki nodded.
A/N: Ooooh, somebody's in trouble! Find out on Wednesday whether his apology is successful in "Apologies and Good Music." Reviews are the high point of any day.
Full list of songs (in order of appearance):
Harder to Breathe – Maroon 5
Love Bites – Halestorm
Taste You – Auf der Maur
Black Velvet – Alannah Myles
Superstition – Stevie Wonder
I Put a Spell on You – Tab Benoit and Kenny Neal
