"Happy birthday, John!"

A pair of radiation green eyes are the first thing John sees when he wakes up on the morning of April 13th, 2012. He's turning sixteen, and he and his friends will finally finish the game they started.

John sits up, blurrily. He grabs his glasses and shoves them on his face. He sees his sister, Jade Harley, with her black Witch garb clean as ever and pair of white dog ears twitching excitedly.

Yeah... long story.

"Hey, Jade," John croaks. "What's for breakfast?"

"Cake," Jade replies. "'The same recipes his father used three years ago', she said."

John groans. "You have got to be kidding me."

Jade laughs nervously. "I'm not."

"Oh, boy" is all John can say before he's swept out of his bed by a bright orange feathery asshole.

"Dave sprite!" John says indignantly. "Dave sprite, put me down!"

"Nope," the sprite replies, cool as ever. "I was paid to carry you to breakfast. Ironically."

"Who paid you?" John's practically yelling as he struggles, and Davesprite's being purposefully annoying by going the long way.

"Nobody." Davesprite laughs, then drops John, who manages to catch himself with the Windy Thing before he hits the floor. John's scowling now.

"Dude. Not a good wake-up call," John growls before he stalks off to the kitchen himself.

He walks into the kitchen. A blue, ghostly, half-harlequin-half-grandmother is standing by a load of cakes, furiously making another. John relaxes when he sees her, though is a little put off by all the baked goods.

Another ghostly figure, this time a pink cat with tentacles and a dress meows when he sees John, happy. John's always enjoyed the presence of the cat- it made him feel a little closer to Rose and Dave, who were far away. Davesprite, on the other hand, merely irritated John.

"Hey Nanna, hey Jaspers," he greets the two figures.

The blue grandmother, presumably Nanna, hugs John. "Happy birthday, sweetie," she tells him, with a laugh that sounds suspiciously like "HOO HOO HOO!"

John smiles. "Thanks," he whispers.

Jade walks into the kitchen. Under normal circumstances, John figures, she probably would have used her First-Guardian-and-Space powers to just teleport in, but she must be giving all she can to getting the ship to the Post Scratch session. B2, they call it.

Jaspers, presumably the cat, hisses at the arrival of the Witch. She barks, but John hurriedly hushes her and forces her down into a chair. He shoves a piece of cake into her mouth to make her be quiet.

Davesprite saunters into the room, as best a saunter as a sprite can. He's looking pretty excited, as best he can for being a sprite prototyped with an alternate timeline Dave.

"Man!" he says, taking a swig of apple juice. "I'm going to see Bro today, I haven't seen him since I fought with him against Jack and he died."

Jade grimaces. "Don't talk about that stuff today! Please?" she asks her once-boyfriend.

"Fine," he mutters and tucks into whatever was put onto the nearest plate.

"Hey!" John cries. "That's mine!" The sprite had eaten everything on John's plate.

Davesprite shrugs and walks out, with the plate, still eating.

"DAVE SPRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITE!" John shrieks. He's just so DONE with that feathery asshole. Jade practically has to tackle John to make him not murder the dude.

"Not today, John," she tells him softly. He settles down, still fuming but is now able to eat his food without flipping out.

"Today, John..." she whispers, just barely enough that John can hear her, "Today is going to be a very long day."


I wrote this back on 4/13. I figured I may as well post it now.