The theme song for this chapter is "Stay" by Rihanna, which I heard on the radio for the first time the other day and instantly thought of BlackFrost. I love moments like that. Also, a warning that there is mature sexiness in this chapter. Once Natasha has said her piece you'll probably want to skip to the next line break if you're looking to avoid that.
Chapter 42: Reflections
After excusing himself from the gym, Loki took a page from Clint's book and went looking for a quiet place to brood. It proved a little difficult-Stark Tower was a busy place. Eventually, inevitably he supposed, he found himself on the roof, staring at his favorite silver tower.
His counterpart had already done much of the thinking for him. She had spent the week agonizing over the external consequences of a relationship between him and Natasha, how it would affect the team, what those in Asgard would think. He cared little for such things, except for how it might make things difficult for Natasha. In his headlong pursuit of her, he had forgotten that there might be anything more in it for her than the pleasure of bedding him.
So now he tried to think of it from her perspective. Aside from pleasure, what did he really have to offer her? He had little money, no magic, and very little influence. He wasn't even a terribly pleasant person to be around, he knew that much. He had bothered Natasha relentlessly, almost forced her hand in the matter. It had been a battle of wills, and now that he had won he liked himself less for it.
And yet... He found himself drawn to her, almost magnetically, and he was unsure if he could ignore that pull. She was like a deep well of which he had tasted only the slightest drop, and now thirsted all the more. The glimpses into her complicated past that she had revealed to his female self only served to peak his curiosity.
Loki knew he was a selfish person. It had never bothered him much—he had to look out for himself, after all. And he had ruined many a young girl, with less than a thought as to the consequences. So why was he suddenly so reluctant to be selfish with Natasha, who was neither innocent nor naïve? He supposed it was because he had been surrounded by such damnably good people, Natasha included. They made him want to be like them, and it only served to make his self-loathing worse.
He sighed, and judged by the angle of the sun that it was late afternoon. He would go home and brood in the privacy of his own room. The corner of his mouth twitched upward when he thought of his box of mementos. They were his way of reminding himself that he was the real Loki, that he still exerted some bit of control when She was running the show. But he would have to be more careful, more subtle from now on.
When he reached his apartment door, he fished in his pocket for the key, reluctantly grateful that they finally trusted him enough to give him a copy. Before he got the door open, though, Natasha poked her head out of her own.
"Can we talk?" she asked quietly.
"Of course," he nodded, and re-locked his door before walking to hers.
She shut the door quietly behind him, and then crossed her arms. "This morning, after the fight, you apologized," she reminded him.
"Yes?" he frowned, remembering how she had seemed put out.
"Don't do that. Especially in front of the guys. I'm not a china doll, and I don't appreciate being treated like one," she complained.
He ran a hand through his hair, and let out a breath. "Alright. I understand."
She smiled. "Good." And without another word, she shoved him against the wall and began kissing him.
"Natasha," he gasped between kisses, "Stop. No."
She ignored him, her nimble fingers beginning to unbutton his shirt. She got to the third button before he caught her hands in his.
"I thought you said 'no means no,' remember?"
Natasha looked up at him, eyes hooded and a sly smirk in the corners of her mouth. "But you don't mean it. You're just saying that to make me go away."
Loki stared at her a moment longer, and then grinned. "What in the nine realms did I do to deserve you?" he laughed. He buried his face in her neck, releasing her hands to press her against him tightly.
"Probably something very bad," she joked, resuming her efforts to get his shirt off. Once she had succeeded in undoing all the buttons, she slipped her hands under the edges of the shirt, sliding them along his chest and over his shoulders, pushing it out of the way as she went.
As soon as he had freed his hands from the sleeves, Loki grabbed Natasha by the hips, turning to press her against the wall. She wrapped her legs around his waist and dug her fingers into his hair, returning his hungry kisses with equal vigor. He tore his lips away from hers, breathing hard.
"Couch or bed?" he asked breathlessly.
Natasha eyed the couch. It was a little small. "Floor?" she suggested. "Kitchen table?" she raised an eyebrow.
Loki hummed appreciatively, pressing his hips against hers. "Maybe later." Lifting her effortlessly, he moved to the wall beside her bedroom door, still kissing her as he reached around the corner and hit the switch to close the curtains. Picking her up again, he carried her into the room and kicked the door shut behind him. The thick curtains blocked most, but not all of the light. It wasn't candlelight, but it would do. He fell onto the bed, Natasha beneath him.
Almost immediately, she rolled so she was on top, and started to lift her t-shirt over her head. Loki stopped her as soon as the collar cleared her lips, trapping her arms inside the fabric and keeping her blindfolded. She chuckled, but played along, holding still as he brushed his lips across hers softly. He reached behind her and undid the clasp of her bra, sliding his hand under the loosened fabric and trailing his fingertips around the curve of her ribs. When he just barely brushed the swell of her breast, she moaned and arched against him.
"More," she gasped.
He grinned and released her hands so that he could comply with both of his. She whipped off the shirt and threw away her bra, before taking hold of a double handful of his hair as he added his lips, tongue and teeth to the work his hands had begun. She moaned, grinding her teeth at the mix of pain and pleasure. Her hips began to move almost of their own accord, and she cursed.
Loki paused, glancing up at her.
"Pants," she said, pouting.
He chuckled and let her up, quickly unbuckling his belt and removing his own. She took her time about it, though, sliding them over her hips slowly and stepping out of them, before repeating the process with her panties even more slowly. He watched, licking his lips. When she was finally done, he caught her around the waist and tossed her onto the bed with a growl.
She giggled, and then gasped as he pushed her legs apart and pressed into her all at once. She clutched at his shoulders and he stilled, cursing. "You make me do this," he whispered harshly. It was not quite an apology.
Natasha only smiled deviously, tilting her hips up toward him and dragging her fingertips down his back. "And you make me want more," she murmured.
Loki slid a hand under her back and clutched her to him tightly for a moment before he began to move inside her. "I shall endeavor to rise to your expectations, then," he teased.
Loki played idly with a strand of Natasha's hair, his legs and arms entwined with hers. She was drowsing, finally sated.
"I've been thinking…" he said softly.
"Mmm? That's usually a bad thing at this point," she murmured.
He chuckled. "Why do you do this? Is this like… like what Clint did for you? Are you just giving me the control I need?"
Natasha opened her pale green eyes and stared at him. "No, Loki. Besides, I pretty much jumped you."
"Yes, but why?" he persisted.
She rolled her eyes. "It's really not that complicated. I'm in it for the sex."
He gave her a doubting look.
"The kinky, rough, crazy sex. Can't get it like that anywhere else."
At last, he grinned. Flattery got him every time. "Even if it's against your better judgment?"
She frowned. "It's not. Loki, you didn't trick me into this. You're good, but you're not that good. I chose this. It wouldn't have happened any other way. So stop beating yourself up about it," she ordered. "That's my job, apparently."
He closed his eyes and pulled her closer, so her head lay against his chest, tucked under his chin. She nuzzled her face against him a moment and sighed. It wasn't truly a lie, she did enjoy the sex. But was that really all there was to it? If not, she had to be careful not to let him see. A part of her, the Black Widow part, mocked her for it already. She couldn't take it from him too. Love is a lie, he had told her, and she knew it was true.
Loki placed a kiss on top of Natasha's head when she sighed. It felt good to hold her to him like this, where, in the protection of his arms, he could pretend he had some claim on her. What would she think if she knew he felt this way? Love is for children, she had said, and he had agreed. He had sworn he was incapable of the emotion—so what was this that pulled at his chest, irrationally making him want to protect this woman who was perfectly capable of doing it herself?
A/N: Short chapter for today, but I think important stuff still happened. I'm currently working on outlining the remainder of the story, and it's looking like it's going to be around 85-90 chapters, so we're only half way through!
I'm curious if there's anything specific you guys would like to see happen, leave me a review and I'll see if I can work it in somewhere!
On Wednesday, we begin the next part of the story with Chapter 43: An Announcement.
