Sirius walked toward the dungeons slowly, focusing every facet of energy on keeping his breath even. It was a task. As Remus guided as covertly as possible in the correct direction, it registered with Sirius that the emotion inside of him felt oddly like panic. Why was he panicking? Evans accepted a date with James. One date. That was all.
It didn't actually register with Sirius that they had arrived in Slughorn's classroom until Remus was urging him into a chair in the back of the room. He shook himself to attention; what if James noticed? He glanced over at the bespectacled boy. He seemed too happy about Lily's acceptance to pay much attention to what was going on around him. This only upset Sirius further. He was already being forgotten…
"We're making the Dragon's Eye potion today!" Remus exclaimed, whether out of true excitement or by means of distraction Sirius wasn't sure. He did vaguely remember having been excited about that particular potion before, but now he couldn't even remember what it was supposed to do.
"Mr. Lupin," he heard Slughorn say from a distance, "because your statement seems to more important than the lesson, I think we'd all love to be privy to your conversation." Remus blushed.
"I uh… I was just… excited we were doing the Dragon's Eye potion…" There was a snigger throughout the class.
"Oh! Well then Mr. Lupin why don't you tell the class all about it then, huh?" Had anyone aside from Remus been the one to say it, Slughorn wouldn't have believed it. Sirius thought it was probably more embarrassing for his friend that Slughorn did believe it. After mumbling a quiet explanation of the potion, he sat down and didn't utter another word.
This left Sirius alone with his thoughts for the duration of the lecture. He closed his eyes to the classroom and took another breath.
You're okay. You're okay.
"You're okay." He whispered it to himself and James looked at him oddly.
"What?" He mouthed. Sirius shook his head.
"Nothing." He mouthed back. James shrugged and went back to staring contentedly toward the front of the room. Sirius released a shaky breath. He was okay. Right?
Fortunately, further examination of this question was hindered by the beginning of the practical lesson.
He turned toward Remus but before he was able to pull his things from his bag, James grabbed his shoulder.
"Hang on there, Padfoot. It's our day remember?" Sirius cursed inwardly at the rotating system they'd set up to avoid anyone being left out of partnerships. He didn't want to work with James today.
"Oh yeah," He answered with a nervous laugh. "My bad, mate." He pulled out his things and set them beside James'. He thought he saw Remus gazing at him funnily but he didn't chance a closer look.
"Can you believe this, Padfoot!?" James exclaimed. "She finaly said yes! I didn't even have time to test out my new cologne!"
"Mhm." It was all the response he could manage. He tried to turn his attention to the text book.
The Dragon's Eye potion is one of the most difficult brews in the sense magnification field. While it only takes 1 hour from start to finish, the measurements, timing, and order must be done with exacting detail to avoid combustion of its magical properties.
The effects of this potion are useful among Aurors and ministry officials, but its use has been banned in many locations for security reasons. Working to change the make-up of the drinker's eye, it converts the pupil to one of dragon-like properties, allowing the user to see at 15 times the usual distance and gives the added function of both around-the-corner sight and the ability to see behind oneself without the necessity of turning the head. Unauthorized use of this potion within ministry protected areas is a class 3 felony and is punishable by up to 2 years in Azkaban.
Overdose on this potion is possible and may cause blindness. Careful, monitored use is strongly urged.
So that's why they had been excited for this potion. After all, it wasn't practical to pour over the map every moment of a covert operation. The map was useful but it, like everything, possessed its drawbacks. If they could brew this potion properly, they could use it in an airborne attack; something they had been dying to try.
"Hello, Padfoot?" James' voice accosted his thoughts.
"Huh? What?" He turned to look at his friend, who looked annoyed.
"I said, what should I wear for my date with Lily? You don't think my blue jumper is too pretentious, do you?" Sirius took another deep breath.
"No." He answered. "No your blue Jumper should be fine."
"Great!" James answered, beaming. "Now, what are we supposed to do with this thing?" Sirius consulted the text book again.
"Bring 6 cups of water to a boil." He read off, and checked to see that the cauldron was already bubbling. "And add 3 tablespoons of chilled dragon's blood." He watched as James added the blood. "Let it simmer for exactly 4 minutes." James set a tempus charm for 4 minutes and they waited as it counted itself backwards in the air. "You've gotten better at those." He commented. James looked up at the golden numbers.
"Yeah. I've been practicing." He answered with a smile. He watched Sirius for a moment and seemed to sense that something was wrong. After earlier that morning though, he also seemed unwilling to make a comment on the matter. Sirius wasn't sure whether he was upset or grateful for this fact. They watched the timer run down. "What are we supposed to do when it's done?" James asked.
"We're going to need 3 lacewing flies and a boltrope seed, simultaneously, and then stir 4 times counter-clockwise and 2 times clockwise. Blow out the flame and let it sit for 6 minutes and then light it again. Add 7 drops of snake venom." He read it off without looking up.
"Bloody hell." He heard James sigh. "This isn't going to be easy, is it?" He shook his head. "Do you think she'll like my grey slacks better or my brown?" Sirius could feel his hands beginning to shake. His head was spinning. He wanted to throw up. She was never supposed to say yes. She was always only mean to him. James was supposed to give up on her.
"I like your grey ones better." He answered. "Timer's down." They counted down the final seconds and then added the ingredients together. James' sleeve brushed up against Sirius, giving off his natural scent. Sirius breathed it in as he watched the contents of the cauldron swish around while being stirred. After the 6th rotation of the ladle, he bent down and blew out the flame. James set another tempus charm. "Wear the black vest." He added. "It looks good on you." James appraised him slowly.
"I didn't know you paid so much attention to my wardrobe, Padfoot," he said finally. "Thanks, I will." You're okay.
"No problem." You're okay.
"I'm starved. What do you think they'll have for lunch today?" Sirius shrugged. He wasn't hungry. You're okay. He closed his eyes. "You sick or something? You don't look so good." Great, he thought, now you look gross. Pull yourself together.
"Don't feel so good today. Think I might be coming down with something." James frowned.
"That sucks, mate. Maybe you should go lie down." Good. An escape.
"Yeah. Yeah I think I will after lunch." James nodded.
"I think I'll come up with you. Sprout is still out. No Herbology. We're finished after this today." Sirius nodded but groaned inwardly. He needed to be alone. But how? He watched the timer again, and tried to steady his hands. He didn't know how long he could keep this up. The clock ran down and he added
1
2
3
4
5
6
7 drops of venom to the concoction.
"Now you need to stir 5 times, alternating between clockwise and counter clockwise." James read to him. "He obeyed, and a green mist rose from the cauldron. "Now bring it to a boil and let it sit for 15 minutes." He increased the flame and sat down. "You know, Padfoot," James continued. "I think this might be the happiest I've ever been."
Sirius was lucky that the steam coming off the potion gave off a very strong scent; it gave him justification for the wetness in his eyes.
*Later that Day*
After a miserable, and torturous lunch, Sirius found himself on his way back to Gryffindor tower, flanked by Remus and James, the latter of whom was still talking animatedly about his date.
"And I thought that if I brushed my hair right after I took a shower, it might stand a chance of staying down. But I don't know if I want it too straight because that could look dorky. But if I let it stay too messy it will make her think that I don't care about my appearance. I just don't know what to do." Remus rolled his eyes.
"Just wear it how you always do, James. You're studying in the library; you're not going to a five star restaurant.
"Well, yeah, but I want to impress her, you know?" Sirius clenched his fists as they approached the entrance to the common room. "I don't want her to think badly of me. What do you think, Padfoot?" Sirius turned and glared at him. He made effort to keep his voice from shaking.
"You want to know what I think, Prongs?" He answered, forcefully. "I think that if you're so worried about what she'll think you shouldn't be going out with her. Stop this. Who cares what your hair looks like? She sure as hell shouldn't and if that's a bloody deal breaker for her than you're with the wrong person. Just be you. If she doesn't like it then tell her to fuck off." They entered through the portrait hole and Sirius stomped off, leaving his friends in the common room.
He thundered up the stairs to the dormitory and collapsed down onto his four-poster. He drew the curtains around himself violently and cast a silencing charm on its perimeter. He fell back onto the mattress, shoved a pillow on his face, and screamed as loud as he could into it. The scream melted into sobs and for a solid 15 minutes he stayed that way, waiting for someone to rip open the curtains and expose him for his wretchedness.
It grew hot beneath the pillow after a while, so he sat up, hugging the pillow between in knees and chest. He wiped at his face and then wrapped his arms around his legs. He was still crying, forehead resting against the worn knees of his most comfortable trousers. He couldn't do this. This had to stop. She was never supposed to say yes.
It was a good 20 minutes before he started to calm down, taking deep, labored, shaky breaths as he listened to the sounds of the room. The door-knob was wiggling, which meant that his friends were returning. Sirius climbed quickly beneath his covers and flipped his pillow so the wet side wasn't showing. He lied down and made like he was asleep.
"I don't know. He said he wasn't feeling good earlier; he's probably asleep."
"He said he was sick?" Remus's tone was strange.
"Well, yeah, I guess. He seemed fine yesterday. Must have just set in." There was no response from Remus and Sirius heard them cross the room to their respective beds. "My gods," James sighed from beyond the curtain. "Saturday will never come fast enough." Sirius closed his eyes as further tears threatened to overwhelm.
He honestly had no idea what to do.
