Well, I've made it back home from my conference! I've been super busy with my independent business, so I haven't had a lot of time to reply to reviews, but I appreciate every single one of them.
The song for this chapter is "World So Cold" by Three Days Grace. It's one of my favorites for Loki, although it doesn't really fit this chapter very well. I'm running out of songs! Suggestions would be more than welcome.
Chapter 53: Like A God
Loki scowled at the fine, bright morning. It was not the kind of weather that suited brooding. He knew that was what he was doing, and it galled him that he couldn't at least have a nice rainstorm. He was accustomed, by dent of his sorcery, to the weather mirroring his bad moods, but apparently only She got to be dramatic on such a scale now. He was reduced to squinting at the glaring sun as he contemplated all of his recent revelations.
He did not want to admit, even to himself, why the prospect of an immortal Natasha had upset him so much. He had only recently considered the fact of her mortality, thanks to Thor. He had not been greatly saddened at the time, only surprised and maybe a little relieved. He didn't like to admit it, but knowing that they would eventually be forced to part, because of her death if nothing else, made his relationship with her easier to categorize. If it were only temporary, there was no need to delve into the more serious ramifications of their attraction to each other. It would be over soon enough (relatively, in the scale of Loki's life), and why waste precious time on such theoretical questions?
But if Natasha was not mortal, at least not to the extent of average humans, if there was a chance at centuries, or more... Unbidden, the thought of the Helm of Awe sprang into his mind. His counterpart had already cast the minor version of it on Natasha once, as a sort of tracking spell, but that was not its original purpose. It created a link between the caster and the subject of the spell, and in its complete form, this link was strong enough to transfer vital energy between the two. The purpose of the link was simple: if one end of the connection was injured, the injury would be split between the two of them, lessening it's effect. If enough damage was done, both parties would perish, but it would take a very considerable force to kill either Loki or Natasha. Together, it would be nearly impossible.
A riot of emotions was born from this thought. His first reaction, a sense of relief that Natasha would be out of harm's way, was quickly followed by a sort of gleeful internal cackling when he realized that he, too, would be rendered practically invincible. This in turn created a sense of shame at his own selfishness, and this, naturally, reminded him of his past sins and thereby the existence of Femme Loki and his own inability to perform magic of any kind. He was sickened by the idea of asking Her to do something like this-if he were to do it at all, he must do it himself. Lastly, he was overtaken by a sinking feeling as he remembered Natasha's reaction to Her brief explanation of the spell. She probably wouldn't want it anyway.
All of this occurred in the space between two heartbeats, and Loki clutched at his head. His brain chose this moment to remind him of the change in Natasha and his counterpart's relationship. Perhaps with their growing closeness, Natasha would be willing to participate in the spell, for Her sake, to help counteract the vulnerabilities of Her newly mortal form. This thought made Loki intensely jealous, on top of the rising envy he already felt for Her. She had made Natasha cry out in Russian, an achievement he had yet to claim, on their first tryst.
He sighed, and tried to still the violent storm of emotions within him. Now would be an excellent time to get roaringly drunk. He looked up to see the clubhouse ahead of him, the fully-stocked bar glittering through the plate-glass windows. Surely somewhere in the array of colorful bottles was some substance that could dull his mind enough to let him think.
As he pushed open the door, he was disappointed to see that he would not be alone. But when the figure at the bar turned and revealed itself to be Tony, his spirit lifted a little. As he walked to the bar, Tony was mixing himself a rather large drink.
"Trouble in paradise?" Loki asked.
"No, it's a Mai Tai," Tony joked. "Seriously, though, no. Especially now that you're here, so I won't be breaking Pepper's rules."
"What rules?" he sat at one of the stools.
"Never drink alone, namely, but also never drink until I'm smashed, and never when I'm upset," Tony ticked them off on the fingers of one hand.
Loki raised his eyebrows. "Well don't tell Pepper, but I intended to break all three."
Tony gave him a wary look. "You know, the last time you told me you wanted to get wasted..."
He rolled his eyes. "No."
"Oh good," he replied cheerfully, "Because A) I'm married now," he waggled the fingers of his left hand to show his ring, "And B) you're not really my type. Something I can get you?" he turned to glance over the shelves of alcohol.
Loki sighed. "I should like to drink something that will actually affect me," he lamented, "Although I'm not sure there is such a thing on Midgard."
Rubbing his hands together, Tony chuckled. "Yeah, that stuff She gave me was harsh, man. Ooh, goody!" he reached up and snagged a small bottle off one of the higher shelves. "You should give this a try. It's illegal in the states. If that doesn't work, we should try Applejack, but I don't see any here," he glanced over the bottles again as he got out a tumbler and put it in front of Loki with the bottle.
Loki picked up the bottle, studying the label. It had a green fairy on it (or at least what Midgardians imagined the fey to resemble, which was quite a different thing) and read "Absinthe." The liquid inside was a startling shade of light green, precisely the color of Natasha's eyes. The irony suited his mood perfectly. He poured himself a generous measure, and shot it straight back.
Tony gave him a look like he wanted to warn him to be careful, and then thought better of it. Instead he sat down two stools away and began to work on his Mai Tai.
The moment the absinthe hit Loki's tongue, he knew Tony had chosen well. The effect, which would have induced choked coughing in a lesser man, was bracing, and reminded him very much of a libation he had once been offered in Alfhiem. He stared again at the bottle-perhaps the association was more fitting than he guessed. Once in his stomach, the poison quickly began to work its magic, spreading fiery warmth through his body and making his head feel light.
"Soooo... Rough night?" Tony guessed. His teasing smile revealed that he thought he already knew the source of Loki's troubles.
He scowled in response. "You had something to do with this, didn't you?"
The cocky smile was all the answer he needed, but Tony always liked to crow... "Oh yeah. Darcy and I set them up. Not sure if she meant it as revenge or gratitude, but I was just in it for shits and giggles."
Loki groaned, and poured himself a larger glass of the green liquor, but took his time with it. "Well on top of that, she chooses now to reveal some of her history to me. Her rather extended history."
"Aaaah," he nodded. "You found out Natasha is part of our little club?"
He frowned. "What club?"
"The super-serum club. Most of us Avengers have some connection to it. Steve is obvious, and me as well, even though it's rather second-hand: my dad's success landed him a slew of weapons contracts from the US government, the end result of which is my prodigious fortune, and, indirectly I suppose, this." He tapped his arc reactor through the AC/DC shirt he wore. "Bruce was actually trying to figure out the energy component of the process when 'the accident' happened, and Natasha..." He trailed off. "Actually, I'm not really sure how much I should say on that subject."
Loki took another sip and raised his eyebrow. "You have no qualms over hacking into SHIELD's database to view her private files, but you won't share that information with others?"
Tony frowned a little. "Hey, I did that for a good reason. I had to set up a Batman gambit in case one of the Avengers went rogue."
Choosing to ignore Tony's convoluted ethical system and the pop-culture reference (which was lost on him, as usual), Loki decided to change the subject. "And what about you? Isn't this supposed to be your honeymoon?"
Tony smiled into his drink. "Yeah, but I'm only tolerable in small doses. Pepper has a higher-than-average tolerance for my personality, but I try not to push it. You know what they say, 'absence makes the heart grow fonder.' So I sent her off to the spa for some 'her' time. She'll thank me for it later."
Loki was suddenly aware of the similarities in their personalities. Of all the Avengers, Tony was the most like him. He supposed that was why he was often amused by him, and at other times couldn't stand him. Fortunately this was not one of the latter times, and the two men fell into an easy and companionable silence.
It was this peaceable quiet that a very flustered Happy barged into some twenty minutes later. Before he could state the reason for his agitation, he scowled at their drinks.
"Geez, you guys, it's not even 10 AM!" he chastised them.
Tony glanced at his watch. "It's way past five o'clock on the west coast," he argued.
Loki shrugged. "In Asgard, it is not uncommon to partake in strong spirits early in the morning. Especially when large quantities of them were consumed the night before."
Happy just rolled his eyes. "Look, we're having a bit of a security issue, so I need you to-" He was interrupted as a local woman burst into the room. She had tears streaming down her face, a bundle in her arms, and was speaking rapidly in her native language. She tried to rush up to Tony, but Happy caught hold of her.
"What's going on?" Tony demanded.
"I have no idea, I can't understand a word she's saying," Happy lamented.
Loki slipped off his barstool, frowning. "She wants to know if the Big Man can save her granddaughter's life," he said somberly.
"How do you know what she's saying?" Happy asked at the same time that Tony said "Who's the Big Man?"
Loki ignored Happy's question and gave Tony a look. "You've been constantly bragging about how you own this island since we got here. Who do you think the big man is?" He walked to the woman, murmuring soothing words to her the others didn't understand. She seemed greatly relieved, and held the bundle out to him. He took it, and folded back the cloth to reveal a tiny newborn infant. Her skin had a grayish tinge to it, and she seemed to be struggling to breathe.
"This girl was born less than an hour ago, and was several weeks too early," he explained, stroking the baby's forehead gently as he translated. "She needs medical attention, quickly."
"Bruce," Tony said suddenly. "Where's Bruce?"
"Probably meditating," Loki turned and handed the tiny bundle to Tony. He took it awkwardly, terrified by its fragility. "I'll go find him," he offered, and then rushed out the door, betraying his agitated state.
Tony stared down at the gasping child, at her crying grandmother, and a very upset Happy. Today was not shaping up to be a great day.
Loki ran along the narrow path that wound through the dense jungle undergrowth. His counterpart had accidentally discovered Bruce's preferred meditation spot while she had been recovering from the shock of Thor's announcement. He had offered to let her share it, and she had politely declined, not sure she could ever be at peace so near him. Since then, Loki had skirted the area in either form. Now, he wasted no time on politeness, bursting into the small clearing next to the waterfall with no warning.
Bruce, for his part, didn't even flinch. "What is it?" he asked, clearly reading the anxiety in Loki's breathless state.
"One of the locals has given birth, and there's something wrong with the child," he gasped out.
"Tell me everything you remember," Bruce instructed as he stood, already making his hurried way back to the clubhouse.
Loki gave a thorough description of the infant's condition as they half-ran, half-jogged along the path. Bruce's face grew darker with every word.
"There's not much I can do without access to tools," he said, worried.
A thought occurred to Loki, and he quashed the feelings of jealousy and inadequacy it engendered. "The child is a boy, by the way," he said absently.
Bruce nodded, and then did a double-take. It was the first time he had seen Loki change.
"I assume I'm here for a reason?" Loki asked, staring at her unexpected surroundings.
"Walk with me while I explain," Bruce said kindly. "I think I may need your help."
He detailed the situation as best he could, considering his information was second-hand, and they reached the clubhouse just as he was finishing. Loki ran straight to Tony and took the baby from his hands. Bruce looked her over, frowning.
"I need a stethoscope," he told her.
She nodded. "Check your pocket."
Bruce felt the extra weight suddenly materialize in one of the oversized pockets on his cargo pants. He took it out, put it on and pressed the end of it to the tiny chest. "That's what I thought," he sighed. "There's something wrong with her heart. Can you take a look?"
Loki nodded, and began to look through the baby in her arms, examining the complex muscle fiber by fiber. Suddenly, she gasped.
Bruce looked up. "What?"
"There... There's a hole, in the fourth chamber," she said weakly.
"How big?" he asked grimly.
She frowned, focusing. "A little more than a centimeter in diameter," she guessed.
He sighed and took off the stethoscope. "Damn," he said softly, shaking his head. "Even if I was a NICU cardiac surgeon and we were in an operating room right now, there's a good chance I couldn't save her life. Now, here..." he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.
Tony had been watching the whole exchange, looking from Bruce to Loki and back again. "Isn't there something you can do?" he asked her, his voice strained with hope.
She bit her lip a moment. "No, Tony. My magic works on the molecular level or smaller. At the cellular level..." she tried to think how to explain.
"It's vastly more complicated," Bruce agreed.
"I... I could have learned. My mother is very good at it. But I..." she looked down at the dying infant, tears forming in her eyes. "I thought it was a waste of time..."
At the somber expressions of the small group, the child's grandmother began to worry. She asked them a question, but Femme Loki, being human, lacked the gift of All Tongues that her counterpoint enjoyed. Realizing they didn't understand, the woman turned to Loki and addressed her specifically, asking another question.
Happy's face lit up. "I know that word, it means brother. I think she wants to know where your brother is," he offered.
Loki frowned. "What does Thor have to do with..."
"She means the guy that looks a lot like you," Tony explained rudely, as if it were obvious. "We need our translator back."
Stung by the implication that she was no longer of use, Loki nodded, handed the baby to Bruce, and left the room, head down. She walked in the kitchen to see Darcy raiding the ice cream selection with Clint. They looked up with guilty expressions.
"Hey, are you ok?" Darcy asked, noticing the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes at any moment.
"Yeah," Loki sniffed. When that didn't work, she elaborated. "Just, you know... Thor," she flailed. It was possibly the worst lie she had ever told, but it seemed to work anyway. He dashed the back of his hand across his eyes angrily, and sighed at Darcy and Clint's surprised faces. "Long story," he said simply.
Darcy sighed. "We'll leave you the tub of triple fudge chocolate," she offered.
He nodded his thanks, glanced awkwardly at Clint, and went back out the door. Happy was trying desperately to translate to the woman, who now held the infant again. Bruce was gone, and Tony was sitting in a chair, staring blankly at the wall. Squaring his shoulders, Loki approached the woman and calmly explained that there was nothing they could do, that the infant probably wouldn't last more than a few more hours, and that she should take her home to be with her mother.
To his surprise, the woman was grateful. She thanked him and the others for trying, she had known it was a long shot. She was sorry for intruding on them. With a sad smile, she bundled up the child and left with Happy.
A long silent moment passed with only Tony and Loki in the room. At last Tony grabbed an orange from a nearby fruit bowl and chucked it across the room. It hit the side of the bar harmlessly, and rolled away, a little lopsided.
Loki sighed and sank into the chair opposite Tony. "You asked me, when we came here, what it felt like to be a god. This is what it feels like. You have all this power and influence, and you think it means something, until you realize that you're still powerless when it really matters," he said bitterly.
Tony shook his head. "No. I can do something. I'm going to build a proper medical center, here on this island, and staff it," he said stubbornly.
"It's too late," Loki argued.
"For her, yes." Tony stared out the window, in the direction Happy and the woman had gone. "But not for others." The tiniest glimmer of hope shone through his expression.
Loki stared at him, at a loss. He forgot, sometimes, the largest difference between himself and Tony. Underneath all the crude jokes and arrogance, Tony was a very good person. He stood, sighing, picked up the bottle of Absinthe, and walked to the door.
"Where are you going?" Tony asked.
To think without your blasted altruism in the way, he thought. But instead he smiled and said, "To break Pepper's rules."
A/N: Aaaand we start heading towards the more serious, dark issues this story covers. That's ok, I was getting tired of the fluffy happiness. Although there will be some mushy romantic bits on Saturday, but we are headed in that general direction.
Hope you guys enjoyed it, this chapter was one of those concepts that I had right at the beginning of writing the story. It's always satisfying to present one of the original gems to you guys. "Pepper's Rules" are the general rules for avoiding alcoholism, in case you were wondering.
Next on Saturday, Chapter 54: Stars
