The song for this chapter is "Stars" by Grace Potter and the Nocturnals. Normally I consider this to be Jane's theme song, (and it just about makes me cry, thinking of her staring up at the sky and wondering what happened) but it also inspired this chapter.


Chapter 54: Stars

Natasha looked up from her book as Loki came through the front door. "Hey," she called in greeting. "What have you been up to all day?"

"Thinking. Wandering."

She frowned a little at his slightly-disheveled appearance. "Drinking?" she asked teasingly.

"Maybe," he half-admitted. He glanced at the clock. It was late, but... "Are you tired?" he asked.

She put down her book, curiosity written on her face. "Not really, why?"

He smiled mysteriously. "There's something I'd like to show you. It's a bit of a hike, though."

She shrugged, standing. "I'm game."

Once they were out the door, Loki held out a hand to her and she took it, smiling. He led her up one of the lit paths, following it for a while before turning onto a barely-visible trail. They wandered through the dense jungle in the dark for some time, and a suspicious voice began to nag at the back of Natasha's mind. She snorted.

"What?" he asked, turning back.

"Oh, I was just thinking that it would take them a long time to find my body," she joked.

He rolled his eyes. "Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Training is hard to ignore," she apologized.

He looked sad for a moment. "I know."

They continued onward, and after a few more minutes, the trees dropped away to reveal a rocky outcropping. But what Natasha saw first were the stars. "Wow," she breathed, wandering out into the clearing. The sky seemed to stretch on forever, the millions of tiny lights winking like so many diamonds on blue-black velvet. They tumbled over each other in every direction, until they fell into the sea, where they were dimly reflected. "We must be at the top of the island?"

He nodded in the darkness. "It makes me think of Asgard," he admitted. "I thought you would like to see it."

Natasha glanced around the open ground, and spotted a few blankets and pillows laid out. She raised an eyebrow at Loki. "I never would have pegged you for a romantic."

He grinned, and sat down on the blankets. "There was a time when I sought to master such skills," he confided. "It was a long time ago, and things were much simpler. In Asgard, everything is so idyllic, and the girls think of little beyond what dress to wear and who to take it off for."

She laughed at that, and sat beside him. She studied his face as he watched the stars. "Did you love her?" she asked suddenly.

He looked at her, surprised.

"Angerboda," she clarified.

He chuckled, looking down at his hands. "Desperately," he confessed. "Now there was a challenge, as romance went."

"Oh?"

He smiled self-depreciatingly. "I had grown used to using magic to charm ladies, but she far outstripped me in such things. Much of what I know of illusions I learned from her." He gazed up into the sky again. "Yes I loved her. And I think she loved me too."

Natasha frowned. "But your sons..."

"Oh, I was a means to an end, that much she made clear from the beginning. I knew about them, actually, contrary to popular belief. They weren't our children in the traditional sense, not like Hela. But we made them together. Sometimes I wonder... If I had known... what I am... How would things have gone differently? We might have been truly happy." He was suddenly struck with the notion of what it might be like to take a woman in his true form. He doubted he would ever know, now.

"I was married, once," Natasha said quietly.

Loki looked at her with open surprise.

She laughed. "If you've been married twice, why is it such a surprise that I have? Where did you think I got the name Black Widow?"

He raised an eyebrow. "From your modus operandi?"

She smiled wryly. "That came later." She looked up at the stars. "His name was Alexei."

"Did you love him?" he would never have dared to ask if she hadn't done so already.

"Unquestioningly," she said darkly.

"What happened?" there was so much about her that he didn't know, so much he wanted to understand.

She sighed. "At the time, the Soviet Union was dabbling in eugenics. It made sense to put two of their best agents together and see what might come of it. They didn't count on us falling in love."

Loki frowned. "Were there children?"

"One. A girl. Rose. I've never loved anything the way I loved her," she breathed.

Loki ran a hand through his hair. "Daughters will do that to you." He waited patiently for her to finish the story.

Natasha swallowed, the emotions still thick after all these years. "They died." She heard Loki's soft indrawn breath, and pressed on before he could pity her. "At least, I thought they did. I tried to shut out my grief. I returned to the Red Room and volunteered for the serum. I thought I had nothing left to lose." She shook her head. "Turns out, that was exactly what they wanted. It was all a ploy to get me to volunteer, to break me, emotionally. Alexei-" her breath caught in her throat, and she frowned, angry. "He volunteered, too. He's still alive for all I know. I hope not. I hope I never see him again," her low whisper dripped with bitterness.

"And Rose?" he asked, though he feared the answer.

She picked at the edge of the blanket. "No. She really did die."

Loki closed his eyes against the pain in her face. "Have you ever wished for another?"

She laughed humorlessly, and laid back, resting her head on the pillow. "Not an option, I'm afraid. It's the serum. Can't get drunk, sick, or pregnant. The body... rejects it, like a parasite." she sighed heavily. "I'd be a terrible mother, anyway."

Loki looked down at her, at the complicated mess of pain and emotion that she had revealed to him. He thought about what Tony had said, about love making you a better person, and how Clint had said that he didn't deserve her. Maybe he was right, but maybe she deserved someone like him, someone who had messed up enough to know what it was like to be haunted by your mistakes. It was a strange thought that he rolled around in his mind. He knew he wasn't good enough for her, but perhaps he was just wrong enough for her, for it to work.

He leaned on his elbow beside her, touching her face. It was dry, she was too strong for tears. "Have you ever been with someone, under the stars?" he asked softly.

She gave him a sarcastic look. "If you're asking if I've ever had sex outdoors, yes. But..." she thought back on hurried back-alley exchanges and parked cars. "I don't really know if you could describe it like that."

He smiled. "If it's done right, you feel like you're out among them, part of them. Like you could lose who you are."

She looked up at the glittering sky, thinking, and then reached up to touch his face. "Show me?"

Loki kissed her hand softly. "Gladly."


A/N: I am inordinately fond of this chapter. I wrote it ages ago, when I first heard the song "Stars," and I've been dying to post it sense then. I really hope you all like it, I know it's a lot mushier than what I usually write for BlackFrost, but I think they deserve a little romance now and then, you know?

Reviews are the bread and butter of my Muse. My buffer continues to wane, but I just got a keyboard for my iPad for my birthday yesterday, so hopefully that and all of your wonderful encouragement will help me build it back up!

Tune in on Wednesday for Chapter 55: Another Point of View!