Jade's POV

Maybe I'm not in love with her, or maybe I am. I'm not sure. You see, normally when a girl is in love they say they feel butterflies in their stomach and all that shit. But not me. After last night, I see Cat differently, I don't know why. When I see her I feel fucking fireworks explode in my stomach and she's making it hard not to blush when she talks to me (which is not that often). Maybe because the sex wasn't as rough as usual, maybe because it was more 'romantic' or whatever you wanna call it or maybe it was just because I'm letting my emotions take over me. And I hate it. I hate the way I love her.

Today's Sunday, right? Fantastic, I won't have to see fucking Vega today. Seriously, if I see them being all couple-y again, I'm gonna puke. Sometimes I feel like it should be me the one that makes Cat laugh, that get to kiss her, to hug her and she would hug back. Ugh, that's my feelings talking again. Cat, what have you done to me?

Wait a minute, she's still here. I crack my eyes open and notice we're in the same position as we were yesterday in the morning, only this time that we are both clothed, that's right I didn't let anything happen last night. I was a little frustrated thinking about them all the time, I just couldn't do it. We only made out but I stopped it before it was too late, told her I wasn't in the mood which earned a quizzical look from her. Something that's really weird is that she's here, usually she leaves and doesn't say anything else. Come to think of it, she's getting more talkative with me which is odd. Does she feel something for me? More than lust?

I feel a bit sick today. I'm getting tired of being her dirty little secret. She has to sort all this out. Because if we continue this, I'm just gonna fall more in love with and she'll still be with Tori, which would suck to me. I feel her stir beside me and yawn, I take my arm from her waist and sit up.

"Hey," she says in that raspy voice. I'm really not in the mood right now. Not that mood, but the mood to talk to her or see her. Fuck! Why did I have to fall in love with her? Why is she with Tori? Can't she see that I care for her? A grunt came out of my mouth as a response. "Are you okay?" she asks, her voice filled with genuine concern. She's making this harder than it is.

"I'm perfectly fine, Cat." I reply sternly getting up from the bed. I get to my wardrobe and change my clothes. When I return she's looking a little confused.

"You're not, Jadey. What is it?" she asks. Oh fucking shit, she's acting innocent. As if she doesn't know what's happening. Is she really gonna make me say it? "Did I do something wr-

"First off, don't call me Jadey, I've told you that a hundred times. And second, don't you see? All of this," I say and use my hands to point the air between us. "Is wrong. You're with Tori. Remember?"

"Yes, I know." she says and looks down like a child that just did something wrong. "But I like you more."

"Like me? This isn't about liking me, Cat. This is about betrayal. What are you gonna do when she finds out?" My voice getting a little louder by the second. She looks like a puppy. An abandoned puppy, and there she has that look on her eyes, like she's sorry. But what if she's acting? I can't trust her that much, after all, she's a great actress. "Come running to me like you always do?"

"Why do you suddenly care about me?" she asks and catches me off guard. I've always cared about you, Cat. If she only knew. "This didn't bother you in the beginning. Why the sudden concern about Tori and I? Are you jealous?"

"I... am not." it came out hesitantly. Now she's turned the cards on me. Now I'm the one speechless, she's making me powerless. I hate that feeling more than anything. What do I say? That I love her? That I want her?

"Tell me, Jadey-

"Because I'm in love with y-" I stopped my tongue but it was too late. She heard and so did I. She let out a gasp escape from her lips and next thing I know, she's leaving. I hit myself in the forehead. Fucking great, Jade. You nailed it. Now she's not gonna talk to you ever again.


It's worse than I thought it would be. We're not talking to each other, we don't even dare to look each other in the eyes. It's like I'm in a melodramatic movie and it's making me sick in the stomach. It's been a month since that morning and if I say I moved on I would be lying. But it's good to see she's in the same state than me. Her mood reflects on her clothes. She's wearing shades of gray I didn't know she had in her wardrobe. Like I'm always wearing black and dark colours you can't tell that I fell down. The only thing that cheers me up a bit is seeing that's she's not with Tori that much. I can see the struggle in Tori's face when she fails to make Cat smile. I have to admit that I miss her smile too. Nevertheless I still can't tell if they're together or not.

A weird thing happened today at lunch. Cat and Tori had this huge discussion in the middle of the courtyard. It drew a lot of attention, even mine. When Tori stormed into the building and left poor little Cat there alone, she looked at me with watery eyes and I could almost read in her eyes 'help'. That was the first time I felt sorry for Cat in that whole week. But the weirdest thing happened today. When I came home from school, Cat was here. In my bedroom.

"Why are you here?" I asked her, confused as fuck.

"Your mom let me in." she replied carefree sitting in the edge of my bed with those fucking short shorts that make me distract myself.

"But what are you doing here, Cat?" I asked. She got up and reached out to me, put her hand on my cheek and I furrowed my brows. She didn't say anything and kissed me. A soft kiss on my lips and I backed off. "You're with Tori." I replied with sadness in my voice.

"Not anymore." that made a smile cross myself almost immediately. Is this a dream? I don't think so. And if it is, I don't wanna wake up.

The end.