"Okay, Mr. Redfox, you're free to go," the nurse said.
He nodded, not bothering to reply.
The nurses and doctors had been horrified that he opted to leave. They tried to convince him to stay under their care for the remainder of the week, at least, but he refused. Medical bills were a good excuse. He'd told them that he had no family, only worked a part time job, and was trying to pay off student loans on top of all the medical bills he already had to pay. Which, none of that was a lie. But still, they tried everything they could think of to get him to stay. Told him all the usuals—this is a severe case, your cancer is spreading, blah blah. Same speech, new teller. All of it led to the same end: he was going to die soon.
That morning, the nurse had come in with some release papers, and asked how he intended to get home. The first person he thought of was Dragneel, oddly enough. Gajeel didn't have his truck with him, and he had no other way to get home. Besides, he'd overdone it so much the day before that just trying to stand was difficult.
For the briefest moment, he'd thought about calling Levy. But then he remembered everything that happened, and that she probably hated him, and he pushed it from his mind and settled for Natsu instead. He sent Natsu a text, and an hour later, he was in the waiting room.
The nurse pushed his wheelchair out to the car pick up. Natsu and Gray stood outside, Natsu's car pulled under the awning. Just as Gajeel had assumed, neither of them looked too happy. They actually looked furious—that was no shock.
The nurse lifted the foot rests away and held out her hands to help Gajeel. He hated looking so pathetic in front of his friends, and he hated even more that he actually had to have the help. He wanted to stand on his own. But damn, it hurt. The nurse steadied him when he wobbled, holding onto him for a moment when he stood completely so he wouldn't fall.
"Don't forget to contact your oncologist, okay?" she said politely.
Gajeel nodded again, climbing into the back seat of the car slowly. Natsu and Gray were quiet for at least ten minutes before either of them spoke. Gray was the first to speak. "How are you feeling?"
Gajeel blinked. Dumb question, but he supposed they didn't know where to start. "Like shit."
He could see Gray's head bobbing up and down, like he had no idea how to answer. And that was the end of their conversation, effectively destroying any hopes of talking normally. For such talkative people, Gray and Natsu were quiet and tense. Gajeel couldn't blame them, but the familiar burn of guilt was creeping up his skin, settling into his bones. And it hurt.
They arrived at their complex, and they helped Gajeel get up to his room. They took a slow pace, not rushing him when he needed to stop because the pain or exhaustion became too much. Gray shooed people away when they became overly concerned with the hobbling trio, and Natsu kept a stabilizing arm around Gajeel's torso to keep him upright as they slowly maneuvered into the elevator. And once they got up to Gajeel's room, they took him inside and got him settled.
Natsu was angry—Gajeel could feel it rolling from him in waves. But regardless, when they were turning to leave, he looked over at Gajeel. "Let us know if you need anything. I only live next door. And if I'm not home, Lucy is." Natsu didn't meet his eyes.
Gajeel mumbled out a thanks and watched them retreat, head collapsing back onto his pillow. Exhaustion was pulling him in, and he wanted to give in, but all he could think of was Levy. Just as he thought, she was gone—she'd been heartbroken and angry, and after they talked, Jellal and Erza took her home to get some rest. Gajeel knew she wasn't coming back, and it killed him. Though, he couldn't be too beat up over it—he knew this would happen. But Levy had given him the best months of his life. She'd given him amazing memories to replace all the terrible ones. If this was his time to go, then he couldn't be more thankful that he'd been given such a wonderful send-off. Levy gave him the most amazing final months of life, and that was more than okay with him.
Gajeel fought sleep, scratching Lily's ears while his brain wandered to Levy over and over. Her smile, the cute freckles on her cheeks, the way she laughed when she was happy. Her dancing. The way she would curl up against him in the early hours of the morning, or how she would curl her toes when his hands found a spot she liked. The way she hummed when she was cooking, or how she'd bite her lip when she was reading. Her voice.
Oh, he'd miss her voice. Gajeel didn't know what was waiting for him after he died, but he knew that whatever it was—wherever it was—he would still miss her. Damn, he'd miss her.
Thoughts of Levy haunted him until he was asleep, and even then, she stalked his every dream. But where his dreams of her were once happy and content, now he couldn't see anything but her tears.
"I'm dying, Lev."
Just as he'd expected, she was shocked, and seeing her in so much pain hurt him ten thousand times more than he thought it would. Her eyes were wide, her skin pale, and the tears just kept falling. Gajeel was forced to watch her come to pieces as she cried. Gently, he smoothed his hand over her hair.
"I have stage IV stomach cancer," he said quietly. She cried harder. "I was diagnosed two years ago."
She wiped at her eyes and sat up. He took a breath. "Also…about two weeks ago, my oncologist said that the cancer has spread into my lungs."
Honey-brown eyes widened, then squeezed shut as she bit her lip, trying to force away her emotions. "Does this have anything to do with where you go on Monday mornings?"
Gajeel nodded. "Every Monday I have an appointment with my oncologist—Porlyusica. She works at the clinic near the hospital."
This conversation was so difficult. Gajeel opened up and told her everything, from the beginning up to the moment he collapsed at the studio. But with each new bit of information, her heart cracked just a little bit more. Slowly, she was shattering, falling apart right before his eyes.
"I guess you didn't have chemo, then."
Gajeel brushed the hair from his face and considered how to answer her. "No, I decided not to."
"Why?" Her voice was pleading, and Gajeel noticed that it was the first time since this conversation started that she looked him in the eyes.
Suddenly his throat felt dry and the words seemed to melt away. Gajeel swallowed, scratching at one of the studs on his wrist slowly. His eyes felt heavy, and it hurt to breathe, but he had to fight it. Levy needed to know. "I deserve to die," he said, finally. "And I chose not to go through with chemo."
White hot fury flashed through her gaze. She'd never looked so angry before. But then her lip trembled, her shoulders shook, and she cried again. Her head pressed to his side as she sobbed. Gajeel just wanted to take all her pain. Pick her up and hold her close. Kiss away her tears and tell her everything would be okay because he would keep her safe. But he couldn't. It would all be a lie. And she deserved better.
"Actually, I went in last week to see about starting treatments. You changed my mind, Lev. I wanted to live for you." He hated the emotion choking him up. He felt weak. "But Porlyusica said that it was too late." She needed to be in the loop, so he forced himself to tell her every detail. "I've been on medication for a long time. I keep them hidden under the sink in the bathroom. We've tried so many different medications that I've been put on my final round. They aren't going to change 'em out anymore."
Without looking up, she asked, "Is that why there's a bruise on your stomach?"
"Yeah," he breathed. He was trying to breathe normally, but he felt so short of breath. "One of my medications is an injection. I have to have it a lot."
"I see," she whispered. "I could have helped you, Gajeel. I— I would've supported you."
"I know you would have." He swallowed and took her hand, squeezing it. "I'm sorry, Levy. I'm so sorry."
Levy sat up, eyes traveling from the IV in his hand to the thinness of his cheeks, the dark circles under his eyes. She looked so hurt, so broken. "Then why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you trust me enough to tell me something this important? Were— Were you worried I would be scared?" Her tears just kept coming, and he could do nothing to stop them. "I-I don't understand why you didn't tell me, and… I just don't understand…"
It was the one question he knew she'd ask, and the one he was most dreading.
"Because I'm a damn coward." Levy's shoulders were shaking, and he brushed his thumb over the back of her hand gently. "I didn't want you to see this side of me, Levy. I didn't want you to look at me and see all of this."
Levy looked hurt. "You honestly thought I would see you differently?"
"No, no." His eyes widened and he coughed. His coughing worsened until the heart monitor started beeping and a nurse ran in. She noticed his coughing and pulled a rag out of the cupboard across the room, slamming the door quickly and jostling the vase full of white flowers on the countertop. She rushed over to cover his mouth. More blood covered the rag, and Levy wanted to look away but she couldn't. After a minute, the nurse stepped out and Gajeel slouched against the pillows tiredly and looked up at Levy.
"Sorry, Lev." He blinked tiredly, trying to remember where he left off. "I didn't want you to have this burden. You were the first person that treated me like a normal human being, and that's why I didn't tell you. With all the studs and scars, most people treated me like some fucked up basket case. Then I met you and you weren't terrified of me." He laughed dryly. "It was nice."
She nodded slowly.
Gajeel studied her as she twisted her hair. Her head was down, tears dripping onto her leg warmers. He reached out and took her hand, thankful that she didn't pull away, and she was heartbroken to discover him trembling. "I'm so sorry, Levy. I never meant to keep this from you," he murmured. "I wanted to tell you so many times. After keeping it in for so long, it was hard to tell you."
The next few minutes were silent. Gajeel wanted her to say something. Anything. But she was processing. Mourning. He was about to speak up when she scooted the chair by the bed closer and hugged him. Curled into his side and clung to him as she sobbed. She didn't say she was mad, or that she forgave him. She didn't tell him it would be okay, that she'd stand by his side. She just cried. And that broke his heart even more. Gajeel knew this would be the last time he'd get to hold her close, because he was certain she'd be gone in no time, so he cherished the moment. Trembling hands stroked her hair and rubbed her back, hushed words soothed her tears.
Several minutes, an hour—some indeterminable amount of time—later, a soft knock on the door brought his attention up. Erza peeked inside cautiously, glancing at Levy sadly. She'd fallen asleep crying in his arms.
"How are you?" she whispered.
He just gave her a look, which she understood. "Levy needs sleep."
Erza nodded. "Jellal and I can take her back to our place. We'll make sure she eats, too."
He nodded slowly, gently nudging Levy. She didn't move. Erza stepped up and shook her shoulders softly until she stirred, looking up at her with puffy red eyes. "Erza?"
"Come on, Levy," she whispered. "Jellal and I are going to take you home with us, okay? You need to rest."
Now more awake, she sat up. "No, I can't—"
"Levy." Her eyes locked with Gajeel's, and he gave her look. "Go. It's okay."
After some convincing, Erza managed to get Levy to the door, telling her to go on to the waiting room. She stepped into the hall, where Lucy was waiting for her, and Gajeel pretended not to hear her break down again.
Erza turned to face him, her expression unreadable. "I'm proud of you, Gajeel. She needed to know."
"She didn't deserve that," he bit out."She shouldn't have ever had to face this…"
Erza came and sat by him, her scarlet eyes piercing. She studied him quietly,trying to determine how he was actually feeling. "We're all so worried about you, Gajeel," she said, softly. "How— Are you okay? Eh…"
What she wanted to ask was if he was about to die, and Gajeel understood that. Thankfully, she was polite enough not to. Gajeel's gaze softened. "There's nothing they can do. Cancer's advanced too far. Doc says I have two weeks, at the most." He looked away. "They told me to enjoy what time I have left."
Erza blinked at him, wide-eyed. "I'm so sorry, Gajeel." She swallowed, wringing her hands. "Is this the room you'll be… Um…"
"I'm not staying in the hospital." Her mouth fell open and he scowled. "There's not a damn thing they can do, Scarlet. It's too late. I can either sit and rot in this hospital or go home. There's no way in hell I'm stayin' here."
Her expression fell to grief for the briefest moment before determination washed over her. "Don't give up. This may be all you can do, but don't welcome death. Fight it." She stood up quickly and walked to the door. "If you do… If it is your time, at least you won't have gone down without a fight."
Gajeel nodded. For once, he appreciated the pep talk.
"I'll talk to everyone, and we'll take care of you." She opened the door and smiled at him. "Get some rest. We're counting on you."
Erza turned away and stepped out, where Lucy and Levy were waiting, both in tears. Everyone jumped up to meet them as they re-entered the waiting room. Sting and Rogue were the first to approach Levy. Sting took her into his arms and hugged her, trying to stay strong for her. Rogue hugged her afterward, and then Levy was forced to face everyone else.
"What's going on?" Natsu asked seriously.
Levy took a breath, already shaking, and Erza took her hand reassuringly. Levy was so thankful for her, and when Lucy stepped up to her other side, she knew she wouldn't be able to do this without them.
She took a deep breath, exhaling through her nose and wiping her eyes. "Gajeel has stage IV stomach cancer." There was a collective gasp, and Natsu dropped back to his seat, shocked. "A-Apparently he was diagnosed two years ago.It's already spread into his lungs."
Juvia gasped, covering her mouth, and Gray wiped her tears quietly. Looking around, everyone was completely blindsided, their faces varying between anger and grief, even guilt. They'd all known something was going on, but… Cancer? How could they not have known? What kind of friends were they if they didn't know?
"Levy," Mira started, timidly, "did you…?"
"No," she whispered. She laughed sadly, despite her tears, and her chin trembled. "I had no idea."
When Gajeel woke up the next morning, incredibly groggy and in too much pain to think straight, he could still smell Levy's perfume on his pillow. On his sheets. Her star-patterned blanket was laying over him, and her favorite book was still on the night stand. But her side of the bed was empty. Cold. And the realization hit him as the memories of the past few days came rushing back.
She wasn't coming back.
It was over.
Nothing more than memory.
Gajeel sat up just enough to take the pills off his night stand, gulping them down with the glass of water Gray had left for him. He'd take one of the injections later—he didn't feel like getting out of bed yet. Gajeel slumped back onto the pillows again, taking the pillow next to his in his arms and inhaling the smell of her perfume. Her shampoo. Levy.
It hurt.
He didn't know when he'd dozed off, but some time later, he was awoken by several knocks on his door and a squeaking meow. He cracked an eye open and glanced around the room for Lily. Another knock echoed through the apartment, and he blinked the sleep from his eyes. "Come—" He coughed, swallowing the scratchy feeling in his throat. "Come in," he croaked.
He heard the front door click open, not bothering to get up. "Oh! Hello, there." It was Erza. And presumably, she was talking to Pantherlily. "Oh, are you hungry?"
A few minutes later, she appeared in his bedroom doorway, dressed and polished in her slacks and pumps—much more like the Erza he knew. It was more comforting seeing her like this. At the hospital, she'd looked so casual and…normal. It was weird.
"Good morning."
Gajeel sat up slowly, easing his back against the headboard. "Morning."
"Rather, good afternoon. It's a bit too late for morning greetings, I'm afraid." Her eyes softened, flashing with some emotion he couldn't place. "I fed your cat. He was quite eager to lead me to his bowl."
The laugh he gave was empty and humorless. "Yeah, I bet he was hungry." He watched her look around the room for a moment, her eyes zoning in on the ungodly amounts of medication on his nightstand. "What do you need, Scarlet?"
"We all want to talk to you. Everyone is on their way here right now."
His eyes widened. "What—"
"Don't argue." Her tone was terrifying. "We deserve that much."
Well, he couldn't disagree with that. Erza helped him to stand, and he trudged into the bathroom to take the injection he'd put off that morning. By the time he made it into the living room, Erza and everyone else were crammed into the small room. Natsu, Lucy, Gray, and Juvia were sitting on the floor. Laxus, Freed, Cana, and Mira were standing in the kitchen, while Erza and Jellal were standing off to the side. Gajeel noticed that Levy was nowhere to be seen, but it didn't surprise him. Still, it stung all the same.
"What's going on?" he asked lamely.
"Sit," Erza commanded, pointing to an open space on the couch.
He did as he was told, sitting on the couch and waiting for the war to begin. He was waiting on it—the anger, the ending of friendships. He knew it was coming and had prepared for it. Pantherlily sensed the tense aura, and he curled up in Gajeel's lap, almost protectively.
No one seemed to know where to start. Looking around, there were varying reactions. Some hurt, some angry, some even guilty. It made him feel even worse.
Finally, Lucy sighed. "Look, Gajeel. We're all just…really worried about you. Why didn't you tell us?"
Gajeel looked around. Now everyone's attention was turned to him, waiting for him to provide an answer. "It's not something I like to tell people."
"That's bullshit," Natsu said. "That's bullshit, and you know it!"
Lucy took Natsu's hand, trying to settle him. "Surely there's another reason, though, right?" she asked, gently. "I mean, we're friends. You can trust us."
Juvia reached out and squeezed Gajeel's hand. "Juvia knows this is hard for you, but we all just want to help. You can talk to us about this."
Gajeel had never been so uncomfortable before. He knew they only wanted to help, and he knew it scared them to see him like this. But it wasn't as easy as they thought. The second he opened his mouth, the second he let them in, it would all be the same. "It's not that easy, okay?"
"Why is it not easy?" Natsu said. "You talk, we listen. How is this hard? I—"
"Because any time there's trouble, people leave!"
The room fell silent.
"Every. Fucking. Time." Gajeel sighed and brought a hand up to massage the bruise on his stomach. "In my experience, every time shit happens, people leave. Every time my life has blown up in my face, every time I've needed someone, they left me! I'm finally at a place in my life where I have people, alright? You guys, Levy… I didn't want to lose all of that! Because growing up, if this happened to me while I was in foster care, do you really think my foster family would've stuck around?" He swallowed. "I went through that cycle enough. Any time I messed up, or made life hard for them, I suddenly found myself with a new family. Damn it, I won't lose anyone. Not again."
Reactions were a mixture of sorrow and shame. It was out in the open now. Gajeel didn't know if he felt better getting it off his chest or worse. He heard a hiss, a muffled curse, and looked over to Gray. He looked unbelievably pissed, Juvia sending him confused glances. "This is ridiculous," he bit out.
"Gray-sama?"
"None of us are going to hit the road because of something you can't help!" Gray yelled, fists clenched.
Gajeel just stared, speechless. Up until then, Gray had been completely silent. Apparently that silence was masking an explosion. Juvia jumped beside him when he yelled, and she took his hand gently and gave him a sorrowful look.
"If you think that we're going to just get up and leave because you're sick, then you're a fucking idiot!" Juvia put a hand on Gray's shoulder, and he took a deep breath. "Look, man, we're your friends. We're worried about you! Why the hell would we leave?"
Natsu shook his head and smirked at Gajeel. "Yeah, man. We're a team! We're all in this together."
"No one's going to leave you for this," Cana said suddenly. "If you can't count on your friends, who can you count on?"
Gajeel looked away. "You all feel that way?"
"Absolutely." Lucy smiled at Gajeel, and he instantly felt relieved. It had been a long time, or possibly never, that he felt like he had friends he could rely on. "We all care about you. You're our friend! We're going to watch out for you."
Everyone in the room agreed, and finally Gajeel felt a bit peaceful. There were no secrets between them, and somehow he managed to keep all of his friends. They were mad, understandably, but not ready to give up on him. Natsu was right: they're a team. Through thick and thin, they would support him.
"So, when did you find out?"
Gajeel looked over at Mira, and he took a breath. "Two years ago."
With their attention captured, he told them everything from the beginning, just as he had with Sting and Rogue. And with Levy. Symptoms, secrets, times he told them he was "going to get cough drops" but actually going to try not to die from the pain. He even told them how Erza found him that night in the hallway, coughing blood. He told them about Sting and Rogue, how they knew from the start. And then he answered any of the questions they had. They were timid at first, not wanting to get too personal, but Gajeel laughed bitterly at that and told them that he was dying anyway, talking about it didn't scare him.
Somewhere along the way, Juvia got choked up and hugged him. She'd known him since they were children, and she felt the most guilt because she never noticed. She was the closest person he had to a sibling, and the guilt slammed into the forefront of his mind at the realization that he'd hurt her, too. Now, Gray comforted her while Gajeel wrung his hands in his lap.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys," he said quietly.
A beat of silence passed, but then as some nodded, and others smiled, Natsu clapped a hand on his shoulder and gave him a goofy thumbs up. "It's okay, man. I honestly couldn't tell you how I'd react if I were in your situation, either. But we know now, so we're in this with you. I don't know why you thought you'd be able to go through this quietly. You should've known we wouldn't let that happen!" Natsu laughed and held out a hand. "So you in? We're a team?"
Gajeel looked at Natsu, then nodded as he took his hand. "Yeah, we're a team."
"Alright! Awesome, because when you beat this cancer, I'm kickin' your ass, lead head."
Gajeel flashed his teeth in a dangerous smile. "You're on, pyro freak."
"Now, now," Erza cut in. "I'm pleased to see everyone getting along now, but I think Gajeel has someone else he needs to talk to."
His heart sped up. "Have you talked to her? How is she?"
"She'll be okay," Erza said softly. "We brought her back to our apartment last night. Jellal and I were able to comfort her and get her to eat a little bit, after a considerable amount of convincing. She finally fell asleep on the couch." Her gaze softened. "She wants to talk to you."
He stiffened. "I don't—"
"Gajeel." This time it was Jellal to speak. "May I?"
Gajeel nodded.
"I spent two hours last night holding your sobbing girlfriend while Erza tried to convince her to eat even a tiny bite of food. Do you know why she was crying?"
Gajeel felt the sting of his words. Like he'd been slapped across the face. "Because I'm dying, and because I lied—"
"No," Jellal said, and Gajeel deflated. "She is definitely angry that you didn't tell her, and obviously the news of your cancer terrifies her, but that wasn't why she was crying. She was crying because she wants to help you and doesn't know how. She doesn't want to leave you, contrary to whatever it is you believe. She wants to help you, but she knows she can't. And she's scared she'll lose you."
"Talk to her," Erza insisted.
Gajeel just nodded slowly. They were right; he needed to talk to her. But he wasn't going to tell her what they were hoping. Everyone wanted him to reconcile with her, but he knew that wouldn't be an option. Gajeel wouldn't let her go through the pain, no matter how much it hurt. He'd talk to her, but only to end things.
Pain tore through his chest when he took a breath, and suddenly he was coughing. It was painful—his throat burned and his lungs were searing, screaming for air as he coughed and sputtered. He reached up to cover his mouth, when he felt the blood, and when he pulled away to see the scarlet puddle in his hand, a gasp of alarm sounded in the room.
"Shit—" Gray made a move to stand, but Juvia was already running into the kitchen.
Erza came beside him and patted him on the back, a bit harshly, but enough to help the coughing subside. Gajeel tried not to look at the concerned faces around the room, instead focusing on breathing. "It's normal," he rasped. "I'm fine."
Juvia ran back into the room with a glass of water and a rag, handing him the rag to wipe the blood from his mouth. When he was done, he reached for the glass and took a long, slow sip.
"Is there anything we can do?" Natsu asked.
Lucy smiled. "Yeah, anything! We all want to help."
Gajeel's first response was to say no, but he stopped himself. He needed to include them in this battle. "Well—"
"I mean, you look like shit."
Lucy blinked, everyone gawking at Natsu, who was grinning smugly at Gajeel. "Natsu!" she hissed. "What the hell?"
"What?" he said. "Gajeel knows it."
Timidly, they looked at Gajeel, looking for any sort of discomfort. But they found none. Gajeel just snorted, his small chuckles turning into loud, hearty laughter. As it turned out, that familiar banter he'd come to know had been just what he needed. And while they looked at him like he was crazy, they were relieved to see him laughing.
With his friends by his side, no matter if he lived or died, he would be at peace. Because he wasn't alone in this.
He would be okay.
A/N: I hope no one is mad at me from the last chapter, and I hope this cleared some things up! The next chapter is a good one. We have less than 10 chapters left, guys! I hope you'll all stick with me through to the end :)
Thank you so much for all the amazing reviews! I absolutely love hearing from y'all! I hope you all have a great weekend, and I'll see you on Monday! Until next time :)
