I'm back! Theme song for this chapter is "Rise With Me" by In This Moment.
Chapter 68: Harder to Breathe
"Yes!" Natasha shouted, standing up. She wobbled, nearly falling over, and sat back down quickly.
Tony, who had been walking by, popped his head in. "You all right, Red?" he joked.
She sighed, and pinched the bridge of her nose. Tony's sense of humor was the last thing she needed right now. "Yes, Stark. I just found another of Pierce's applications, that's all."
"Ooh, how many does that make?" he asked, coming fully into her office.
"Eight?" she answered, fingering the others. "Plus the five he attacked makes..." she squinted as she thought.
"Thirteen," he supplied in a suspicious voice.
"Right. Thirteen. And he said seventeen, which leaves..."
"Four." Tony sounded seriously concerned.
Natasha closed her eyes and leaned back in her chair. After only a moment, she sat back up, eyes wide.
Taking one of the seats in front of her desk, Tony leaned forward. "Natalie," he said, using her original pseudonym.
"Yes?" she failed to raise to the bait.
"When was the last time you slept?" he asked.
She put down the stack of papers. "It's Monday, right? What time is it?"
Tony looked at his watch. "Almost 6 PM."
Natasha thought for a long, hard moment. "84 hours ago," she said at last.
He let out a low whistle. "You beat my record," he admitted.
She smiled wearily. "Not mine," she boasted.
"Listen," Tony said. "I know that Vanko's bastardized super serum lets you stay awake for like, a week, but that doesn't make it good for you. Go home. Sleep with your adorable girlfriend. Trust me, it helps."
"Speaking from personal experience?" she asked.
He shrugged. "Your girlfriend is probably less likely to freak about nightmares than mine is," he reasoned.
"I can't," she said, frustrated, as tears welled up in her eyes.
"Yes, you can." He came around the desk and helped her up out of her chair. "I'll go through these for a while. You need to sleep."
She shook her head, stubborn.
He sighed. "Avoiding the nightmares won't make them go away," he scolded. "You have to go through it to get to the other side."
Natasha glared at him. "Just because you worked out your issues doesn't mean you understand mine," she growled.
He just patted her back and pushed her out of the office. "You're welcome. Jarvis, get Miss Romanoff a car, and see that she actually gets in it."
"Yes, sir."
"Tasha. Tasha, wake up..." Clint's voice sounded strange. She opened her eyes to see his eyes floating before her, and they were strange too. They looked irritated, and glowed an eerie blue. "Time to play, Tasha," he crooned, slipping one of the knives out of her belt.
Realization came to her all at once, and she fought to free herself, finding her arms and legs bound. Strangely, she was now naked, and Clint was cutting her, and somewhere, someone was laughing as she screamed.
Natasha woke as she hit the floor, her legs still tangled in the sheets. She was covered in sweat and out of breath. She kicked free, ripping the sheets in the process.
"Damn it," she breathed, leaning her head against the bed. The clock on her bedside stand read 1:45 AM. Contrary to Tony's advice, she had slept alone, not even telling Loki she was home. At the time, she had reasoned that she didn't want to bother her, didn't want to be selfish, and that she could handle it on her own. Now, she realized how stupid that was.
She stood, stripping off her sweat-soaked clothes-she hadn't even gotten undressed-and found some clean pajamas. Walking out to the kitchen, she opened a drawer and removed the key taped to the underside of the counter. She let herself out of her apartment, locking it, and made her way across the hallway. Technically, she was only supposed to only use the key in emergencies.
Slipping the key in, she turned it silently and made her way in. It was dark, but a light still shone out from under Thor's door. From the sound of it, he was getting ready for bed. She locked the door behind her and made her way quickly across the apartment, letting herself into Loki's room.
She blinked, her eyes adjusting to the darkness. She hadn't been in this room since they had started sleeping together, they usually went to her place to avoid Thor. Natasha remembered the layout well enough, though, and once she made out the sleeping form on the bed, she crept over and laid her hand across Loki's mouth.
Loki awoke with a start, eyes wide. Natasha put a finger to her own lips, and Loki nodded. One she took her hand away, Loki scooted over to give her room.
"Natasha?" she whispered, worry showing in her voice.
"I can't sleep alone," she murmured as she slid between the sheets.
"Nightmares?" Loki asked.
Natasha just nodded.
"Oh, darling," Loki murmured against her hair, wrapping her arms around Natasha. "I'll take care of it, don't worry." She murmured a few words, weaving a light and meaningless dream for her. Within moments, Natasha was asleep. It was such a simple spell, she easily drifted after her.
In the morning, Natasha woke slowly, as if surfacing from a deep ocean of sleep. She felt remarkably refreshed, and while the tension she had carried since the mission had not gone away, it had dissipated somewhat.
"Good morning," Loki whispered softly, nearby.
Natasha blinked her eyes open, and it took her a moment to remember where she was. She turned on her side to face her companion, smiling. "Were you watching me sleep?" she teased.
"Yes," she replied unabashedly. "How did you like your dreams?"
Focusing, she could only remember a sense of floating, and being warm. "Very nice."
The sorceress smiled. "Oh good. It was pretty simple because I was sort of half-asleep," she demurred.
"Simple is good," Natasha argued. "Simple is... uncomplicated."
"I suppose so. Given a little forewarning, though, I could give you something very nice," she grinned suggestively.
Natasha laughed and sat up, looking for the clock. "Shit, I have to get to work," she said when she found it.
"I don't think so," Loki said, pulling her back down to the bed. "Tony texted me last night," she pulled her phone out of thin air. "Said I'm supposed to keep an eye on you, make sure you get some downtime." She flipped through her messages for a moment. "Ah, yes. Here. He says he found the other four applications."
She cussed softly, feeling inadequate.
"He also says you're welcome," she laughed.
"For what?" Natasha peered at the phone.
"For 'returning the favor' I guess," Loki read.
Sighing, she relaxed into the bed again. She knew what that meant. Tony was telling her that she was out of line, a danger to herself, and she needed to take some time to get her shit together. "All right," she said begrudgingly, "I guess I can take a couple days off. What about you?"
Loki shrugged. "Actually, I'm pretty close to being done with the restoration," she explained.
"Really?" Natasha was surprised and impressed.
"Yeah. I get a lot done on Mondays, thanks to Him. I'm mostly just doing cornices and trim now. It's pretty boring. Tony says I can stop whenever I feel like it." Loki didn't sound very excited about the prospect of finishing her punishment.
"What's wrong?" she asked, sensing Loki's reluctance.
She looked at her carefully, pushing a curl of red hair out of Natasha's face. "It's just... when I'm done, what purpose will I have? I'm afraid I'll be superfluous."
"Nonsense," Natasha murmured, pulling her girlfriend into her arms. "You're very useful. You're still the only one who can do magic, remember?"
"Dr. Bryardie does magic," she revealed.
Natasha pretended not to be surprised. "Not like you," she argued.
"No, I guess not. I just..." she paused, biting her lip. "Sometimes I feel like I'm not the real Loki, you know? I'm just some weird, alternate-universe version of Him, and I'm ruining his life."
She thought about that for a long moment. "I don't think He feels that way, at least not anymore," she reasoned.
"Oh? How do you think He sees me?" Loki challenged.
Knowing that she couldn't lie to her, Natasha said, "I think He finds you to be a necessary evil. And from what I can tell from his past, he's fairly comfortable with those."
She smiled wryly. "That's certainly true... still..."
"Listen, if it really bugs you, you should probably talk to Dr. Bryardie. She knows more about these sorts of things," she suggested.
Loki narrowed her eyes. "Things? Plural? Did He go back to see her again?"
Natasha sat up, surprised. "Well, yeah. He... He didn't tell you?"
She sat up, too, sighing. "He wrote me a three-page note. Either He had so much to tell me He forgot, or He was actively avoiding telling me. Somehow I doubt it's the former."
Rubbing her back awkwardly, Natasha tried to think. Should she tell Her about his nightmare and break His confidence? Or let them work it out on their own? Loki gave her a look, and smiled sadly. "Don't worry about it. Let's go have breakfast."
"Ok," Natasha smiled in return, gladly putting the issue aside. She got up from the bed, stretching, and followed Loki of the room.
"Thor!" Loki sounded very surprised to find the god of thunder sitting at the kitchen table, which was nearly covered in leather-bound books. "You got them!"
"With a little help," Thor admitted, standing suddenly when he saw Loki was not alone. "Lady Natasha, good morning!" He sounded surprised, but pleasantly so.
"I snuck in last night," Natasha explained, "Just after you, I think."
"Well," Loki said, grinning, "I go to bed alone and rise to the company of my two favorite people!" she joked. She looked between the stacks of books and the kitchen, fingers twitching by her sides.
"Read," Natasha suggested. "I'll make breakfast."
"Thank you, darling," she sounded very relived, and leaned over to kiss Natasha happily. Thor pointedly grinned at the table top. Sitting down, Loki pulled the nearest book into her lap. "Oof! I don't remember these being so heavy!" she laughed. "Tell me, how did you manage to purloin them so quickly?"
"Actually, it was mostly Lady Sif's endeavor," Thor smiled. "Apparently she has been sneaking certain tomes from the library for many centuries."
Loki's smile turned sly. "Ah, yes. There was a time when we went on such adventures together, in our youth."
Natasha poked around the cupboards and refrigerator. She found rice, sausage, and cream of mushroom soup. Shrugging, she decided to make a breakfast version of stroganoff. As she gathered the necessary tools and ingredients, she enjoyed listening to the two siblings talk. Loki had made a great effort to speak like a human, but when she was conversing with her brother, she slipped into the archaic forms he still used.
"Did you truly? Lady Sif made it sound as if these books were of a scandalous nature," he teased.
"Yes, well, there was a time when I was quite enamored with her," she admitted, eyes sparkling.
Thor looked genuinely dumbstruck. "What happened?"
Loki stopped reading, and shook her head a little. "She set her cap for you, brother. It made me very angry, and I did something very foolish. Story of my life, as they say."
"Her hair?" Thor guessed, shocked. When she nodded, he shook his head. "I always wondered what drove you to do that."
"What happened?" Natasha asked, unable to resist butting in.
"Er..." Loki turned in her chair, looking awkward. "I, um. Well. I cut off her hair while she was sleeping. I was still quite young."
Natasha raised her eyebrows. "How short did you cut it?"
Thor laughed. "He used magic," he revealed. "And took all of it. Nor would it grow back."
Looking from Thor to Loki, Natasha tried not to appear alarmed.
Sensing her unease, Loki told the remainder of the tale quickly. "I was punished, and instructed to hire the dwarves to fashion her new hair. However, I didn't really feel like paying the greedy little bastards, so they made it from nothing, from the night. That's why she has black hair-and to be frank, I think it looks very nice. She stands out in a crowd of fair-haired ladies."
"I think that was not to her liking," Thor shot her a look.
She shrugged.
"How were you punished?" Natasha asked, curious.
"The dwarves sewed my lips shut," Loki said without fanfare. Thor nodded, neither surprised nor disturbed.
"So... you cut off your friend's hair, and they sew your lips shut. You attempt genocide and world domination, and they... turn you into a girl? I continue to be amazed at the Asgardian sense of justice," she laughed.
Loki looked very serious. "Well, they wanted to kill me, but I won't stay dead. This was the best alternative. And they didn't know it would turn me into a girl. I didn't know."
Thor looked thoughtful. "Would you choose it again, were you given the choice?" he asked.
She smiled and tilted her head. "Well, of course I would, but I don't know about Him. Probably. Like Natasha said, it beats getting your lips sewn shut."
There was a long pause, in which each of them thought to themselves. "You know what?" Natasha said suddenly, "this conversation is way too serious to have before breakfast."
"I second that," Thor laughed.
"So what do you want to do today?" Loki asked as she thumbed through a particularly nasty-looking tome bound in red leather.
Natasha sighed, stirring the rice into the water, which was now boiling. "I don't know. I don't really do R&R well, you can ask Clint."
"I'd like to get out in the city," Loki suggested. "But I don't really know what we'd do."
"There is a display of art at one of the more prestigious galleries," Thor piped up. He rose from the table and ducked into his room quickly, coming back with a pamphlet. "Jane and Darcy enjoyed it very much."
Loki took the brochure, looked it over, and passed it to Natasha. It seemed that the Guggenheim was doing an exhibition on "Mysterious Art," which featured paintings and sculptures of unknown origin.
"Could be fun," Natasha agreed. The sausages had finished cooking, and she began making the sauce in the same pan.
Loki made a sound of agreement, nose buried in one of the books. Natasha and Thor exchanged a look of commiseration. He launched into an amusing story in which a young Loki had holed himself up in a favorite hiding spot with a good book, and was not seen for several days. The palace had been frantic searching for him throughout Asgard. When he finally reemerged, he was very surprised to find how long it had been. He had been summoning food whenever he needed it, and completely lost track of time. Odin had been furious, but Frigga, amused, had convinced him not to punish the boy.
The subject of this anecdote seemed mostly not to hear it, except for scowling at the end. Once the rice had finished cooking, Natasha piled it onto three plates, and topped it with the sausage stroganoff. She handed one to Thor, found a square foot of bare table to put her own down, and then made to pull the book out of Loki's hands teasingly. She jerked it away from her outstretched fingers, though, snapping it shut and setting it on the floor.
"Be careful not to touch these books," she said, gathering up several of the volumes and placing them beneath her chair. "They have a very strong magical aura, and I'm not sure what effect they would have on a normal human."
Natasha smirked and put a plate and fork in Loki's hands. "I'm not exactly a 'normal' human, if you recall, but in this instance I can see what you mean."
"Lady Natasha, this is delicious!" Thor announced.
She shrugged as she sat down. "It's just a cheap version of a traditional Russian dish. Some time I'll make the real thing, I promise."
"He'll hold you to that," Loki joked, tucking in. "Wow, this is really good. I should not-cook more often."
Natasha just smiled. "Well, you two certainly know how to make a girl feel appreciated," she laughed. As they ate, she realized that a little more tension had slipped away. Maybe Tony was right. Maybe she just needed some time.
A/N: I have returned! I apologize for the delay, but I wanted to finish Pity for the Devil before we proceeded with this story. I thought the connection between the two would show up in this chapter, but it looks like it will be next chapter.
Speaking of Chapter 69, I will probably be posting it late on Wednesday, and then not posting again on Saturday. I'm going camping for the Fourth of July weekend, and I don't expect to be anywhere near the internet or even much electricity. I'm sure my American readers will be busy as well, but I apologize to my international fans.
Anyway, thanks for your patience while I figure out this whole full-time job thing. It means a lot to me. As always, I love all your reviews, it's always a treat to take a break at work and see one in my inbox.
See you Wednesday!
