A/N: I am so sorry for the long delay! You can blame: vacation, contest entry and insane poison oak exposure. As always, thanks much to Branchirps and Saritadreaming for their help in making this fic so much better than it was. SM owns the characters, I own all the mistakes.
A/N2 10.22.11 - had to make a change regarding past interaction with Quileute as it turns out I had it wrong. Thanks to KzintiKiller for helping me figure it out during a Twitter convo!
Edward POV
I continued to watch Bella after she so gently requested that I stop questioning her. I had to give an inward chuckle at her choice of words; I was being rude, and she was right to call me on it. Her offer to listen to my secrets was a unique way to tell me to mind my own business without being rude in return.
As I sat and thought about why I cared so much to know what was in this girl's head, I noticed a new heat had started to radiate from Bella, and the smell of her blood had grown stronger. Turning to see what was going on, I saw she appeared very introspective, and her face had turned bright red in an obvious blush. While I cursed this talent of mine for failing me now when I needed it the most, I couldn't help but take an extra large inhale to breathe in her enhanced scent. I'd pretty much grown immune to the smell of human blood, but her slightly different…flavor…for lack of a better word, was really starting to appeal to me. Something that had been dormant inside of me for quite some time was starting to perk up a bit. This was worrisome but, I had to admit, a bit interestingat the same time. It gave me something to think about anyway, different from the usual drabble in my head.
From the blush, I deduced that Bella's own thoughts were embarrassing her. I wondered…so many of the other females in this school spent an inordinate amount of time fantasizing about me…could she be doing the same? It was annoying when those others did it…but for Bella to do so…annoyance is not quite the reaction that came to mind. Another thought to ponder at my leisure; she sure was giving me a lot to think about.
As I took a closer look at her, I noticed that there was sadness in her eyes along with the blush on her cheeks. I realized I was being an arrogant asshole and her blush more than likely had nothing to do with me, other than my intrusive questions bringing back memories she'd rather not face in a full classroom. A new level of chagrin surfaced within me as I realized the depth of discomfort I was causing her.
My responsibility to my family, however, dictated that I try to find out exactly what was causing her extreme reactions to us. My family depended on me to be the watchdog for any possibility that local humans were becoming aware that we were not as we seemed. Even though I could not read Bella's mind, I still felt it was my job to find out what she thought about us. Maybe I was only looking for an excuse to probe further…either way...I wasn't going to give up on learning more about her.
Biology ended, and I made my way through the rest of the day even more detached from the humans than usual. I answered the typical irritating questions from the teachers who always tried to be the one to catch me without the correct response. Even without my ability to read minds, none of these teachers would be able to challenge a vampire that had received two elite doctorate degrees among a host of others. I suppose it was egotistical of me to never want to give the wrong answer. School was bad enough, listening to the same drivel day after day, damned if I was going to appear ignorant on top of that.
Finally the last bell rang signaling our release from the building. I met my siblings at the car, as usual, and was immediately bombarded with their loud thoughts. Rosalie's were the most contentious as the thought of moving was abhorrent to her. It wasn't only starting high school again; it was also having her actions dictated by those she sought to avoid, those that reminded her of what she could no longer have.
"Edward, does she know what we are?" she practically shrieked in her thoughts. "I can't move again! We are almost out of high school, finally! There's no other place we can be outside as much as this..."
Her thoughts started to taper off in a more inward direction. I could see an idea forming in her head and moved to crush it expeditiously.
"Rosalie!" I shouted, "We're not going to harm her! You know Carlisle would never support that. It's not her fault we are what we are; she won't be hurt because of us!"
I couldn't believe she wanted to off a human simply to avoid us having to relocate. Yeah, it sucked, but if we were going to start killing them for such trite reasons, we may as well start drinking them all dry like we were meant to do. That shit from her really pissed me off considering all the effort we put into living among our former species.
"It's not my fucking fault either!" she said. "I'm so sick of the constant moving and worrying about being found out. I didn't choose this; why shouldn't someone else suffer for once instead of me!"
Emmett started trying to calm her down, and Jasper used his emotion control to help. It was hard for me to feel bad for her when she was often inconsiderate of the rest of us. Dealing with the constant depression she felt at the loss of her humanity left her little in the way of kindness for her family. Deep down though, she loved us all, and I tried to keep that in mind.
"Let's just go home." I said, "Carlisle has had all day to find out if there is anything in Bella or Chief Swan's past that would explain them knowing about us. We can talk about it then."
"Alice, have you been able to see anything yet?" I asked.
"When I try to see her future, or our future because of her, everything is just blurry. It's like she is going to have some impact on us, but nothing is close to being decided. I think she's just all emotion right now and no logic."
"That's how she was in Biology," I said. "One moment she seemed ready to freak out, the next she seemed mad, then she just seemed sad. I guess we'll just have to wait to see if Carlisle has any information."
During the ride home, my siblings talked amongst themselves, and I was able to tune them out while thinking about the mystery that was Bella. Somehow, she had been exposed to the vampire world and lived to tell about it. Such a circumstance was almost unheard of due to the Volturi's rigid rule of remaining undiscovered. It was a rare vampire willing to risk dismemberment and fire just to play with their food. Still, we vampires were a bored lot most of the time; I could certainly imagine the minutia of our existence driving one to take chances normally untaken.
Pulling into the driveway of our Fork's house, I took a moment to appreciate our current residence as my siblings exited the car. This home we had made here in the wilderness by the river never failed to provide some calm to us all. It was a beautiful, old house that my adoptive mother, Esme, had restored to a true sanctuary. Soon, it would be twilight, and we would all feel that bit of relief that comes from making it through another day, into the safety of night. At least, we hopefully would. We still had to see what Carlisle was able to find out.
Carlisle and Esme were already at the dining room table waiting for us when we entered the room. All of our important family meetings took place at this table; we certainly didn't need it for eating, so it was good that it got some use. We took our seats and looked to our father figure to see what he had to say.
"Well," he said, "I managed to find out a bit about Bella's past. It was actually pretty easy since her family was featured in several Rhode Island area papers around ten years ago. Sadly, Bella's mother was the victim of a violent murder, and her body was found drained of all blood. Bella was with her mother at the time but was too traumatized to tell anyone what she saw. It was assumed she had blocked the memory, but it appears that may not be completely true."
"No!" Rosalie shouted. "How can that be? What vampire would have left her alive? It's not true! I don't want to leave just because some girl lost her mother. What about me? What about what I have lost? I do not want to start high school all over again! We get to be almost normal here!"
"Rose, please calm down!" Carlisle pleaded. "What would you have me do? She obviously knows what we are. We can't stay, or we risk her telling everyone."
"Her life is forfeit; she should have died at the hands of that vampire. We would just be righting a wrong, doing what the Volturi would expect us to do," Rose said.
I started to jump up to protest, but Carlisle held up a hand to ask me to stay seated.
"Rosalie," he said, "I realize you are upset, but surely you are not suggesting we kill this innocent, young girl because she knows what we are? That would go against everything I thought you believed in." Carlisle was clearly disappointed in Rosalie.
"Carlisle...Rosalie," Alice broke in, "I know I can't see her future yet, but I don't think she is planning to expose us. If that was her plan, I would have seen it by now. Maybe we can stay until she makes a decision, in case she chooses to keep our secret?"
"Why would she do that?" Carlisle asked. "She has no reason to protect our kind, considering it may have been a vampire who killed her mother."
"You should have seen her today, Carlisle," Alice replied. "She is painfully shy and afraid of attention. I think she would be too scared of what people would think of her if she started to claim we were vampires. It was like all she wanted was to be invisible. Maybe that is why I can not see her..."
"Carlisle, please?" Rosalie asked. "Can we wait to see? I'll leave her alone; I promise! I won't give her any more reasons to fear us."
Carlisle turned to me. "Edward, what do you think? It seems you spent the most time with her."
I took a moment to consider before I answered Carlisle's question. It seemed pretty clear that she knew what we were. She was trying to hide it, but maybe she didn't realize how observant a vampire was. We all had perfect recall of her reactions from what we saw whenever she came upon one of us, and fear was very much in evidence each time. Even if she didn't currently feel comfortable telling anyone, that could easily change. And if it was a snap decision, there may not be enough reaction time for us once Alice saw Bella's intentions. Yet, even though it would be safest for us to leave, something inside me ached at the thought of never seeing her again. I was intrigued by her—her mind that was silent to me only intensified those feelings. With more time, maybe I could figure out what was in Bella's head and why the contents of said head mattered to me so much.
I was about to attempt to articulate my thoughts to Carlisle when I noticed that Alice was having one of her visions. From the look on her face, it was one that came upon her all of a sudden and not when she had actively been looking. Just a quick glimpse, too quick for me to see clearly, of what was in her head was revealed to me before it was replaced with the United States constitution being translated into Morse code. She knew I fucking hated it when she pulled that shit; the beeping drove me absolutely crazy.
"Alice, what the fuck? This is serious, and you're pulling that shit?"
Her face revealed nothing, and she just looked back at me without saying a word and then turned back to Carlisle and just gave a nonchalant, "Oh, nothing…carry on."
"Edward," Carlisle said, "your thoughts?"
I had been distracted by Alice and the subsequent blocking of her vision, but I got back on track and replied to Carlisle, "I have to admit, I feel it would be safest for us to leave; I don't want to, though. If the rest of us want to stay, too, I'm willing to take the chance."
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alice smirk and immediately my temper took a hold of me. I slammed my palm down on my table and shouted at her, "What, Alice! What the fuck did you see? Don't try to hide shit from me and then make it so fucking obvious you're doing it."
All at once, it was like anarchy in a house that rarely saw much dissension. Jasper jumped up, ready to pound me for shouting at Alice. Esme was ranting at me for putting a crack in the table while Rosalie started to spout off for who knows what fucking reason, probably just to hear herself talk, so Emmett had to deal with her but was trying to get between me and Jas before that got out of hand.
"Enough!" Carlisle shouted.
We were all so startled to hear him raise his voice, we froze like idiots in some kind of play. Literally froze: no one breathing, not a single movement, like only a family of stunned vampires could do.
"Calm down right now and sit. That's enough! If this is what is going to happen by staying here, we're leaving tonight. Damn you all for making me have to pull rank, but I will haul each and every one of you out of here to feed on penguins in Antarctica if you all don't start respecting this family right now."
We sat.
"All right now, Alice, do you have something to add?" Carlisle inquired.
"I saw—something—but I'm not ready to talk about it yet. All I can say is, I agree, we should stay."
She gave me a brief look after that, still inscrutable, and then asked if she and Jasper could be excused to go hunt. I could tell she was afraid of me breaking through her block. Carlisle let them go and then suggested we all break for a bit and meet again if anything changed; it was pretty clear we all wanted to stay in Forks.
I apologized to Esme for the table and promised to have a new one delivered as soon as possible. She kindly told me she would take care of it, that she was tired of that one anyway. There was no one more kind, or more compassionate, than my vampire mother.
Left to my own devices, I decided I preferred to be on my own right now while I worked through my list of "Bella Issues." There was a small cottage on our land set aside for my own personal use. I went there any time my siblings or parents seemed in need of privacy from my talent...or when I simply needed a break from it myself. It was far enough away that I didn't hear thoughts unless I tried but close enough that I could hear voices if they needed to call to me. The cottage was just one room in which I kept a second piano and my recording equipment along with the main part of my music collection and some books.
I felt like I needed to find a way to work through the thoughts I had about Bella. I started to play a melody that seemed to suit my feelings of wanting to sooth her while getting to know her and protecting my family all at the same time. The notes that I played started to resemble a lullaby. The way the music slowly drifted up and down in a gentle wave was the antithesis of the way Bella's feelings moved so erratically in the expressions on her face. Maybe if she just slowed down her thinking a bit, I could hear her?
Speed of thought never made a difference before as I could hear my family just fine, and they thought at vampire speed. I couldn't figure out why Bella's mind was silent, and it was proving very distracting to me. I decided the music wasn't helping any and that I would finish the lullaby another day. Thoughts of heading over to the Swan residence tempted me as I wanted another try at accessing her mind. If that didn't work, maybe I would at least hear something in her conversations with her father that would give some clue as to what she was thinking about during her day at school.
I got up from the bench and started to the door when my phone buzzed, an indication of a text message. Checking the screen revealed a short note from Alice.
Good idea!:)
She knew I hated emoticons so made sure to use them in all her messages. I had no idea how I became attached to a sister that enjoyed annoying me as much as she did. Now, she was trying to torture me with her vision and the little sideways smiley faces. I knew there was nothing I could do to make her tell me before she was ready, so I just put my phone back in my pocket and started my run to Bella's. I would disable all the colon and parenthesis keys on her phone later.
The one vampire trait I was grateful for was the running. There was nothing I could remember as part of my human years that came close to the exhilaration I felt when I was flashing through the forest at top speed. Of course, I reflected, I was seemingly the world's only 100 year old virgin as Emmett liked to remind me, so maybe if I had done more in my human years, running wouldn't seem the thrill it was for me.
It was good to have something to be thankful for, though, since every other aspect of my vampire existence seemed to be becoming more and more depressing to me. It was lonely being the one single in a family of perfectly matched couples. It was abominable to have to rely on blood for my sustenance. And it was debilitating when I thought of all the years stretching ahead of me with no change and nothing to look forward to. I knew Esme feared I was changed too young to ever find a mate, which made being alone till the end of time my greatest fear.
As I became more and more apathetic with each passing day, I wasn't sure how long I could remain a part of the family before I became a burden to them all with my morose demeanor. Jasper especially had a hard time being around me as he felt all of my emotions as if they were his own. Of course, being me, knowing what I was becoming, only further exacerbated my decline. This...situation...with Bella; I couldn't really describe what it was making me feel. But it was something different. And, in an existence where there is never a change, something different was something to appreciate.
Keeping within the trees, I was able to get close enough to the Swan house to hear the activity inside. Truthfully, I felt like some kind of stereo-typical lame-ass vampire stalker asshole hiding in the woods out here. All I needed was for it to be a "dark and stormy night" for my pigeon hole to be complete. Still, what needs doing needs to be done, so I made myself comfortable in a tree and tried to console myself with the fact that at least I wasn't scared of garlic. I appeared to have made it in time for the dinner hour as I heard the sounds of chewing and utensils clinking on plates. I could smell the food they were eating: some type of disgusting vegetation with a lean meat.
"Great meal, Bells," her father said. "We definitely eat a lot better now that you do all the cooking around here."
"Thanks, Dad," she said. "I'm glad you liked it. I'm gonna clean up and then hang out in my room for a while. Go watch your game;I can tell you're dying to get to the couch."
"Thanks, Bella. I know I'd just be in your way if I tried to help, so I'll move along."
It seemed that Bella was a bit of a caretaker in her family. The way she talked to her father seemed more mature than how I had seen other teens interact with their families. Obviously it didn't always take being turned into a blood sucking fiend to loose a youthful state of mind. She was humming a little song as she worked, which indicated she didn't really mind the tasks she set for herself. I heard the dishwasher door slam and then a quick, "See you later, Dad!" before she went up the stairs to what I assumed was her room.
Just being a party to that short conversation had increased my curiosity about Bella. Did she really enjoy taking care of her father? Did she only do it out of a sense of obligation? Did she resent not getting to be "just a kid?" Back in my human days, women were fighting for their rights to be more than just home makers. What did it say about Bella that she seemed to be comfortable in that role?
The baseball game started up on the television, and I could hear books being opened and a pen scratching on paper as Bella started her homework. It didn't seem like I was going to learn much more that evening, so I decided to go for a quick hunt just to give me something to do. Really, it was the equivalent of a human raiding the refrigerator in a moment of boredom; luckily, I never had to worry about getting fat. I remembered a vampire acquaintance had once mused to me that female newborns were so much more out of control than males because it was the first time they had really let themselves feed as much as they wanted. Rosalie and Alice had not been impressed with his theory which prompted Alice to wonder, in turn, if extreme ignorance could be considered a vampire "gift" since a stupid vampire was such an anomaly. The vampire in question didn't seem to get the point...Anyway, Forks had recently declared a deer problem so I was doing my part to help. Just as I was about to step down from the tree I was sitting in, I heard Mr. Swan mutter to himself about forgetting to tell Bella something and then he went up the stairs to her room.
"Hey, Bella?" he said.
"Yeah, Dad? What do you need?"
"This Saturday I have to go to a place near here called La Push. It's the Quileute reservation on the coast. One of my jobs as chief is to work with their police force on things that affect both our town and the reservation. There's a beach there with tide pools, so I thought you might enjoy coming along to check it out. What do you think?"
Now this could be a problem, I thought. If she somehow got to talking with one of the Quileute about us, they might become concerned that we were a threat to the Swans. We knew that they would love any chance to enforce the treaty and force us to leave the area. They could certainly make things so awkward for us that we would have no choice but to go. If the Volturi found out that we had come under the discussion of the locals, they would be quick to remove us themselves, and that was something to be avoided at all costs.
"That sounds nice, Dad." I heard Bella say. "I'm sure it won't be a Southern California beach, but at least it's still the ocean."
"Okay, then," he said, "we'll leave around 10."
I heard him head back down the stairs and sounds indicating that Bella had resumed her homework. Listening for a bit longer yielded no further details other than learning the chief snored when he fell asleep watching the game. I needed to get back to the house to talk to Carlisle about Bella's impending visit to the reservation.
On my run back to the house, I reflected on the uneasy truce we had with the Quileute tribe. We had come across them during our last stay in Forks, around 70 years ago. Carlisle worked in the hospital then, as he did now, and when one of the tribe members became sick, he recognized Carlisle for what he was when Carlisle attempted to treat him. Thankfully, Carlisle exuded goodness and peacefulness; I think that alone is what convinced the tribe to meet with us when Carlisle begged them to not expose us. Carlisle explained each of our stories to the Quileute and emphasized that we never fed on humans, only animals. And, even with the animals, we made sure to hunt responsibly and never endanger any one species in the area. The tribal elders shared their history with the "cold ones," as they called us, and were very reluctant to believe that we could resist human blood. They had seen the frenzy that could consume a vampire when exposed to human blood. Carlisle managed to convince them, though, and our treaty was established; we wouldn't go on their land, and they agreed to keep our secret. We also had to assume responsibility for any other vampires that came to visit us.
When we came back to Forks this time, Carlisle re-established contact with the Quileutes, and let them know our numbers had increased by two, but insisted that we were still no danger. Since the treaty had never been broken before, there was no reason for them to prevent us from re-establishing our home here.
I made it back to the house and headed up to Carlisle's office. When I went in, I saw that Alice was already there and was looking bothered again.
"Edward, what did you do? The future is all messed up again!"
"Alice," I said, "I've done nothing. I went and listened to Bella and her father talk and then I came back home. I came here to talk to Carlisle about what I heard."
"Well," she said, "what did you hear? Someone must have decided something to make everything disappear."
"What did you see before?" I asked, hoping she would finally reveal it to me now that it seemed that future was no longer in place.
She just glared at me, refusing to answer.
Carlisle joined in. "Edward, as you can see, Alice is a bit flustered here. If you can please let us know what you heard, maybe that will help her."
"Other than some typical human chit-chat regarding dinner, the only other thing I heard was plans to go to the Quileute Indian reservation this Saturday. That's what I came here to talk to you about."
"The Quileute?" Alice said. "Why would they go there?"
"It's part of Chief Swan's job," I replied.
"It's different this time," Alice said "Before, futures were shifting so fast it was just a blur. I couldn't tell what I was seeing, but I was seeing. Now, it's like there is no future. What time did you hear Bella agree to go with her father?"
I let her know it was 7:02pm. Another ability we all had was perfect time keeping in our heads.
"Yes!" Alice exclaimed. "That is the exact time the future went black. Something about them going to the Quileute reservation is blocking me from seeing further than that. My vision from before was more in the future than this Saturday, so that must be why it is black now."
Carlisle was clearly very interested in this latest development. Not only from the standpoint of how the missing vision affected our family, but also as a new aspect of Alice's talent. I was not the only one that thirsted for new things to learn.
"I wonder," Carlisle said. "Is it possible that Alice can not see a future that involves shape-shifters? Maybe the tribe has members that have started to phase."
I pondered what Carlisle had said. "Why would they, though? I thought that only happened if there was a threat."
"To them, there is a threat—us," said Carlisle."
"We've been here almost two years now. Why wouldn't they have started phasing sooner?" I wondered.
"Only certain members of the pack can phase; they have to have the gene. They have to be old enough as well. I suspect all three conditions must be present: threat, age and gene." came Carlisle's theory.
"Either way," continued Carlisle, "if they are starting to phase, they are not going to be interested in telling us since it does actually give them the ability to fight us if they feel it becomes necessary. Since we have no intention of breaking the treaty, it would not typically affect us other than for this recent development with the Swan girl. So we need to decide: do we stay or do we leave now that the future is blocked to Alice?"
Alice finally decided to speak up again. "Okay, here's the thing. Briefly, and I mean very briefly, I saw a vision of our family that included Bella. There was no telling where or when, but she was one of us, and she was happy. We all were happy—even Edward."
Carlisle and I just looked at her, surprise all over our faces. It was no small thing what she was saying. Really, the only circumstance that would lead to Bella joining our family was if she and I somehow became a mated pair. I wasn't sure what to feel about that. It would be nice to not be alone any longer, but the thought of being responsible for the loss of Bella's humanity caused a moment of true pain for me.
"Look, I didn't want to say anything at first because I knew Edward would freak and go off and do something half-cocked and fuck it all up. Now, though, things are just getting so crazy. So there it is; that's what I saw. Honestly, for once, I have no idea what to do with that information."
Alice kind of slumped down into her chair after that. She looked frustrated and depressed, and I wished there was something I could do to help her. I don't know how she got the impression that I was such a drama queen but, out of all my siblings, she was the one I was closest to. Our unique gifts drew us together, and the bond between us was very strong. Still, she wasn't my mate. She and Jasper had a love that would clearly sustain them for eternity. Alice wanted that for me; she wanted it for me so much.
Living in this home with three perfectly matched couples, I did feel lonely from time to time. But I didn't truly know what I was missing, since I'd never felt the bond of vampire mating. Seeing the thoughts of my family didn't come close to letting me actually experience what the bond felt like. I would need Jasper's gift of reading emotions for that.
Sometimes I thought I was better off on my own. From what I could see, and what my siblings had described, along with that love went a feeling of possession of the other that was overwhelming at times. It was self-preservation really; apparently, there was only one mate for each vampire. If that mate was lost, the survivor was doomed to an eternity of suffering. Vampires could and did experience lighter relationships; casual sex was simple when you didn't have to worry about pregnancy or disease. But once that mating bond was upon you, that was it; you would never be able to be with any other vampire again, casual or not.
I had tried to simply let go and fuck some of the many beautiful females I had come across in my time. Unfortunately, none of them inspired the necessary physical reaction in me. It was an extreme source of embarrassment, and while I felt bad for having a reputation in the vampire community for being a snob about women, it was much better than being known as the vampire eunuch.
Now, knowing that there was an actual potential mate for me, I wondered; would I ever be able to be a true man for her? How would we even bond together without the physical aspect? Vampire sex was extreme: rough, loud and long. I didn't even know if it was possible for me to have sex with a human female. Maybe we would have to wait till she was turned. But considering that part of the puzzle, why would she even want to be turned? Who the hell would choose to live like this? Given her particular experience with us, it seemed even more unlikely. Still, for that brief time, Alice had seen it. There had to be something there.
Carlisle and Alice had been sitting quietly while I had been thinking of what Alice's vision meant for me. I looked up at them, at a loss for what our best way forward should be.
"Carlisle, I don't know what to think here. She's human, and she hates us; turning her…bonding with her…it would be an abomination. But if she's it for me, if she is my one and only chance at a mate, wouldn't that mean I am that for her? Or is that only if she is turned? Will she find love with someone else if she stays human? Could I end up mating with someone else if I don't allow the bond to form with her?"
I asked the questions of my father, not really expecting answers, just thinking aloud.
"Edward, I truly do not know. Vampire mating is not an exact science. No one has been able to explain why we have the ability to live for so long yet only bond once. The Volturi have studied it for centuries."
"I wish I could see more for you, Edward," Alice joined in, "I was so happy for you when I saw that vision, I could barely contain it. If only I had showed you, if only you had seen the pure joy on your face, and Bella's, too. Do you want to see it? I wasn't sure if you'd want to now that we don't know if it will happen."
Did I want to see Bella and I together, both inhuman, yet happy? I would never be able to forget it once seen; our memories were perfect, the vision would be with me forever. If we never ended up together, having that in my brain might make my future existence that much more unbearable.
"No, Alice. I think I will pass for now. Keep it for me; maybe another day."
I looked out the window; it was completely dark now. Bella would either be asleep or heading that way shortly. Alice was right; I could already feel the draw to her. At that moment, all I wanted to do was head back to the Swan residence and see what she was doing.
"Edward, tell me now—if I see anything else involving you and her, do you want me to show you or block it?"
For Alice to ask me this was a surprise. Normally, she considered it her right to do what she felt was best with her visions. She would either share them or keep them as she saw fit. For her to ask my opinion, well, it just further emphasized how deep in unchartered territory we all felt now.
"As long as we are all safe, you keep it, Alice. Block it from me so that I am not influenced. I want my reactions and deeds to be based on instinct, not prescience. Thank you; thank you both for helping, and for agreeing to stay even though it could be dangerous. You'll tell the others? I think I've had enough of talking about myself for tonight; I'd like to be alone for a bit now."
"Yes, Edward," Carlisle said, "Alice and I will share our conversation here with the rest of the family. You go; you've got a lot of thinking to do."
I gave my father and sister each a quick embrace before heading out of the room and the house itself. Of their own accord, my feet took me on a run toward Bella's. Each stride closer to her home, I could feel the anticipation of being back next to her grow. All of a sudden, it was like I had to be with her. This girl, who hated my very existence, who I didn't even really know all that well, had become the center of my world. There was no point in fighting it; I had mated to a human.
