Chapter 3

"Daphne Teagues, when did you get back in town?" Nathan grabbed me in a bear hug as I walked back into the living room. "It's been a long time."

"A couple of weeks, but I haven't really felt very social." I tried not to stare at her as I hugged Nathan. Letting go of him, I stepped back. "In fact, Duke nearly ended up with a baby monitor-shaped dent in his head. Does everyone usually just walk into the Herald's offices and wander around for the hell of it?"

"Well, it is a newspaper office. You kind of expect it to be open to the public." She answered with a wry smile. If I hadn't known who she was, I knew I'd have liked her immediately. But I did know who she was. And that made every difference in the world. "I didn't know there was an apartment up here. Are you related to Vince and Dave?"

I looked helplessly to Duke and Nathan. "She doesn't know who I am?" I'd assumed that my dad would have told her. Maybe not everything, but at least that he had a daughter. Irrationally, a wave of hurt swept over me that he'd kept me a secret from her. Why?

"I'm Audrey Parker." She held out a hand, and before I realized what I was doing, I took it. "I'm Nathan's partner on the Haven PD."

"I know who you are." I said, my tone soft, my voice shaking. Instead of the dramatic confrontation that I'd expected to have when I first met her…saw her again, I was overwhelmed with seeing her and I realized that she was the same person as Lucy, but not the same. Just like I wasn't that five-year-old little girl anymore. "I'm Vince's daughter. Daphne."

"Wait, what?" Audrey looked at Nathan, and then at Duke, confused. "Vince never mentioned that he had a daughter. I never knew he was married."

I felt a hand on my back, Duke steadying me and I knew, keeping me from losing it. I turned around to stare at him. "She has no idea, does she?" Turning back to Audrey, I saw that she was being honest. "You knew me a long time ago. You knew me when you were Lucy." Her expression turned to one of shock and surprise.

"O-kay." Nathan held up his hands. "Let's slow down before this starts to become a train wreck. Audrey, this is Daphne Teagues – "

"Porter." Duke corrected him with a sly grin.

"Daphne Teagues Porter. Vince's daughter." Nathan corrected himself. "She grew up here, a couple of years behind me and Duke in school. When she graduated, she went away to college and as far as I know, this is the first time she's been back to Haven."

"I promise, I haven't come back to Haven before and hidden away for the fun of it." I rolled my eyes at him. "This really is the first time I've been back."

"Yeah, where'd you go to college? I didn't realize that it was so far away that you couldn't ever come back for a visit." I recognized the undercurrent of sarcasm in Nathan's playful tone.

"Duke…University." I replied, turning on Duke before he could say anything. "And no, I did not choose it for the name. It wasn't exactly an overnight trip home to Maine."

"Summer vacations, Christmas break, spring break?" Nathan continued, losing any hint of humor. "You never bothered to come home to see your dad and Dave?"

"What the hell, Nathan? I was busy. They always came to visit me, and yes, I have seen them many times since I left." I stared at him, wondering where the hostility was coming from. "My relationship with my dad is really none of your concern."

We continued to glare at one another, and it suddenly struck me why he might have been angry. Now, however, wasn't the time to discuss it. It wasn't the time to discuss a lot of things. I felt emotionally drained, and I wasn't sure if it was because of the stress of seeing Lucy – Audrey, I'd have to get used to calling her Audrey – or suddenly being thrust out of my own private sanctuary. Either way, I felt my eyes filling with tears, and I brushed them away, pissed off that I looked weak in front of Duke and Nathan and her.

"Excuse me for a minute." I turned and fled into the bedroom, shutting the door behind me. I knew I was being rude, but if I stayed, I knew I would lose it. I sank down on the bed, my head in my hands. When I finally dared to look up, my eyes drifted to the framed family portrait of Jason, me, and the girls that we'd done right after Annie was born. God, I missed him. My heart ached so much that it radiated throughout my entire body and I just wanted to close my eyes, close them tightly in the hopes that I'd wake up back in Atlanta.

"I can't do this without you." I whispered to him, running my fingers over the portrait. "How can I be expected to go on by myself?"

A soft, short knock at the door startled me. "Please go away." I called softly, not wanting to wake Annie. "Please. I shouldn't have come back here. I just need to be alone."

"Sweetheart, it's me."

Daddy.

"Come in, Daddy." I called, quietly. The door opened, and he walked into the bedroom. Wordlessly, he sat next to me on the bed, put his arm around me, and I buried my face in his shoulder, just as I'd done as a little girl. Wrapping my arms around him, I let my emotions go and began to sob. He held me tightly and let me cry.

"I know, honey. Let it out." He rocked me gently, just as Jason had rocked Amelia to sleep as a baby, then Annie.

"It's my fault, Daddy. It was my fault." I choked out through my sobs. "I should have listened to you, I should have told him about my Trouble, I should have come back to Haven when you asked me to. Jason would still be alive, my girls would still have their father, I'd still have my husband…it's my fault, Dad."

"No, my girl. It wasn't your fault, you can't do that to yourself." He replied, gently. "Blaming yourself isn't the answer."

I lifted my head, looking at him in disbelief. "How can you say that? You've been through the Troubles more times than almost anyone else in Haven. You've seen what they do, what they bring – how can you tell me not to blame myself?"

"Because you are Troubled. You didn't ask for this affliction, you were born with it. Do you blame your mother for dying?"

"Mama didn't die because of the Trouble, she was killed." I replied, angrily. "Of course I don't blame her."

"Sweetheart, your mother couldn't control her Trouble. She didn't want to. It was controlling her, and she'd lost all ability to fight it. It wasn't her fault, either, but she gave up." Dad squeezed my hands. "You're fighting. You'll never be controlled by your Trouble."

"I've already lost against it, Daddy! It's taken Jason from me, and I have no idea how to stop it from happening again! What if I do something to hurt Amelia or Annie? You or Uncle Dave? Can you promise me that will never happen?" My stomach began to roll, and bile rose in my throat. "Mama would never, ever have tried to hurt me, and she died because of her Trouble!"

"No, Daphne!" Dad grabbed my arms, and I stared at him in shock. "You may have the same affliction as your mother, but you are nothing like her! Do you understand me? Do not ever compare yourself with what happened to your mother!"

Annie began to cry as I pulled away from Dad and stood up, grabbing a ten off of my dresser. "I need to get some air. I need to be alone. Please watch the girls for me." He started to say something and I interrupted before he could get a word out. "Please, Daddy! I'm asking you to give me some space right now!"

Resigned, he nodded and went to Annie. Without looking back, I rushed out of the bedroom, past Amelia and Dave in the living room, and nearly ran down the stairs to the Herald office. Duke, Nathan, and Audrey were still in the office, but ignoring them, I yanked open the front door and left my protective cocoon for the real world. I had no idea where I was going, I just knew I needed to get away from the sensory overload of the last hour.

I started walking east, the crisp, chilly air of a Maine autumn enveloping me. I kept my head down, not wanting to run into anyone I knew, not wanting to explain my presence in Haven again. I inhaled as deeply as I could, wishing I could numb my body simply by breathing in the cold. I hadn't bothered to grab a coat. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered except getting away.

I wasn't sure how long I'd been walking until I reached the high school, three miles from the Herald offices. It wasn't a conscious destination. I didn't remember what streets I had taken to get there. School had been dismissed for the day, and the parking lot was about a quarter full. I could hear the marching band practicing, see the football team on their practice field, watch the girls' field hockey team finishing up a home game.

I'd played field hockey, needing a sport for my college applications since they were full of every other type of extracurricular activity. I was more attracted to the idea of wearing a cute plaid skirt while brandishing a stick and using it to nail an opposing player in the shins without getting caught by a ref. Watching the girls on the field, I felt an urge to take one of their sticks, smash in car windshields, cause some type of destruction to make myself feel alive again. I quickly shook the thought from my head, not wanting it to become more than just a harmless thought.

Wandering to the field, I took a seat in the bleachers and watched the last ten minutes of the game. As the teams broke up and the few parents in attendance disappeared, I was left to a quiet field with only a maintenance guy cleaning up. In the quiet peace of the fading afternoon, my breathing became more even and calm began to wash over me. I pushed the memory of the heated conversation between my dad and me to the back of my mind. I didn't want to know what he meant when he said my mother let her Trouble control her. I didn't want to believe that she'd stopped fighting.

The sun began to dip behind the trees, but I stayed where I was, the bleachers turning ice-cold beneath me. In the three months since I'd lost Jason, I'd never truly been alone. I'd always had his family comforting me, or friends helping me with the girls, or even just my daughters nearby. It occurred to me how much I had been craving solitude.

It didn't last long. As I stared across the field, I heard a female voice behind me. "Hey." Her voice. Once again, to my surprise, I felt no anger or hostility, just curiosity and the urge to talk to her one-on-one , try to make sense of what had happened 27 years ago. "Sorry to interrupt your privacy, but your dad's kind of worried about you." She slid onto the bleachers next to me.

"I can take care of myself." I glanced at her. "He, of all people, should know that."

"He's your dad. Dads never stop worrying about their little girls, in my limited experience." She smiled, softly. "And knowing Vince, you're never going to be too old for his protection."

"Throw in Uncle Dave, and it's like having my own mini-PD." I replied, shaking my head in amusement. "I just had to get out of there."

"Too many familiar faces – "

"Breeding contempt." I finished with a soft laugh. "I wasn't expecting the third degree from Nathan. Looks like he's at least in the right profession."

"Yeah, I don't know what got into him." Audrey made a face. "Too much caffeine today or something." She paused for a moment. "Duke and Nathan explained…you know. I'm sure it doesn't mean much coming from someone you don't know, but I'm so sorry for your loss."

I was silent for a moment, then nodded my thanks. I could tell that Audrey wasn't one to push for more than I was willing to give. For some reason, that comforted me. I twisted my wedding rings on my left hand. "I don't know when I should take them off." I said, helplessly. "They've been a part of me for so long. If I take them off, it's like closing a door that locks from the other side."

"I think you're the only one who can make that decision." Audrey answered, quietly. "If there's one thing that living in Haven has taught me, it's to trust my instincts. Don't be afraid to trust yours."

"Is that how you help the Troubled?" I asked. "Are your instincts always right?"

Her expression registered surprise. "I suppose that's one way to look at it. I just do what comes naturally. There's not really a how-to manual." She gazed out across the field. "But I don't do it alone. There's Duke and Nathan, and your dad and Dave…" She paused a moment. "Back at your apartment, you asked Duke and Nathan why Vince hadn't told me about you. I'll admit, I'm wondering the same thing. You seem to know a lot about me, but the only things I know about you, besides what you told me, is that you're Vince's daughter and you recently lost your husband."

"My dad is rather selective in the information he chooses to provide to people."

"That's an unusual trait for a newspaperman."

"But not for someone in Haven." I pointed out. "I should tell you now that I'm one of the lucky ones in Haven."

"You're Troubled." She stated, cautiously. "Vince…"

"As far as I know, my dad and Uncle Dave are perfectly normal. Normal as in 'not Troubled', not normal as in 'not strange'." We both smiled at that one. "I inherited mine from my mother. She got it from her mother, who got it from hers, and so on."

"Vince was married. Yet another unknown Vince fact." She shrugged her shoulders. "I hope you don't mind if I ask...what happened to your mother?"

There it was. The subject that I'd been both dreading and anticipating, coming from the woman who'd been there when my mother died, the woman I'd been holding responsible for so many years. Time to get it over with.

"She died when I was five. Actually, you were there. As Lucy." It took all of my energy to force the words out. "You…Lucy…you killed her."

I knew I'd never forget the shocked, horrified expression on her face, as if she'd been blindsided by a brick, and I also knew I'd never forget the sickening, horrible feeling that started in the pit of my stomach because I was the one wielding that brick.

We'd reached the point of no return, both of us perched precariously on the edge of a virtual cliff. There was no turning back now. For either of us.