Since I've been doing my own obsessive rewatch of all three seasons lately, it occurred to me that the show writers and I don't seem to agree on how long Audrey's actually been in Haven (or they don't even have their timing straight because I've heard different time frames from different characters). So I know that could be an anachronism in this story, but I'm sticking to the timing I've laid out :).
Big shout-out to SD for the incredible reviews – you've been awesome! Thanks to everyone else who's been reading and following along – all critiques and comments are welcome!
Chapter 4
Silence. Excruciating stillness all around us…thick, heavy, powerful. The only sound I heard was the pounding of my own heart, each beat flooding my ears. The rhythm turned into a chanting sound…pounding out "NO! NO! NO!" over and over mercilessly. This was wrong, it wasn't supposed to happen like this! I should be feeling anger, rage, fury…not shame and guilt.
She sat next to me, motionless, staring straight ahead. I willed her to break through the agonizing barrier that had sprung up between us, while in the back of my mind, I felt myself asking why it was so important that she do so. Nothing made sense, I wanted to hurt her, cause her pain, but even more, I wanted to apologize for what I'd said, what I'd done. Everything inside was all jumbled up, as if someone had knocked the printing press and mixed the crossword puzzle boxes in the newspaper so all that remained was an unsolvable mess of blank spaces.
Then the rushing sound began in my head, I began to lose all sense of myself and where I was and who I was this wasn't me I didn't hurt people like this I could never hurt anyone on purpose was I losing my mind why is this happening what was wrong with me something hurt my head my head god why did it hurt so much was I dying my girls I needed my girls so much pain make it stop make it stop make it stop and black.
I heard voices around me, soft voices, saying my name gently as I felt myself moving. "Daphne? You're going to be fine. We'll take very good care of you."
I tried to form words, say thank you, open my eyes, but I seemed to be suspended in time, frozen in air. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't force my eyes to open, the effort was enormous. My entire being began slipping again, slipping into the grey and smoke of silence. I stopped fighting it.
The lights above me shone brightly, and I turned my head away from them with a moan. My eyes slid open to see my dad sitting next to me, his face a mask of worry.
"Thank God, you're awake." He exhaled, and as my senses began to return to me slowly, I felt his hand wrapped around mine, the warmth reassuring me. "You scared us, baby girl." He hadn't called me baby girl since I was nine and had rebelled against the nickname.
"What happened?" I tried to speak the words, but my mouth was so dry that I couldn't force them out. Only air. Dad grabbed the cup on the bedside table, holding the straw to my mouth so that I could take a drink of water. "What happened?" I managed to mumble. My head pounded and my vision was hazy.
Dad looked hesitant. "I'll let the doctor explain exactly what happened. You're going to be fine, though."
"Yes, you are, young lady!"
I glanced up to see our old family doctor, Dr. Sutton, walk into the room, a smile on his face. He'd been my doctor for my entire childhood in Haven and I hadn't seen him in years. He'd barely changed, growing a bit greyer on the top, but otherwise, he was the same.
"You know, if you wanted to say hello, all you had to do was stop by my office, Daphne." He grinned at me, taking a seat next to my bed, on the opposite side of my dad. "No need to travel here by ambulance."
"Hi, Dr. Sutton." I attempted a smile, aware that I was failing miserably. "Am I going to be okay?"
"Okay enough that we're only going to keep you overnight for observation." He replied, glancing at the chart in his hands. "I understand you've been through some pretty terrible times lately. I'm sorry to hear about your husband." He closed the chart. "You had what's called a Transient Ischemic Attack, or what's better known as a mini-stroke."
My eyes widened. "A stroke? But I'm only 32!"
"A TIA is a little different from a full-on stroke. They're caused by a blood clot, which can be brought on by stress, but unlike a regular stroke, a TIA usually resolves within a few minutes, sometimes longer, but with no lasting effects. In your case, it's lucky that Officer Parker was with you. She said that you became incoherent and seemed to lose your equilibrium, causing you to fall forward and hit your head on a sharp corner of the bleachers. There was a lot of blood, but luckily, a fairly superficial wound." Dr. Sutton looked over at Dad. "A TIA can indicate that you may be prone to a massive stroke in the future, or you may never have one again. I'd like to say that this was simply the result of the stress of the past few months, but since we can't be sure, I want to see you in my office for a follow-up next week."
"Is that why I had that sharp pain in my head before I lost consciousness?" I asked.
"Your blood pressure was dangerously high when they brought you in." Dr. Sutton nodded. "The combination of that and the TIA were probably the culprits." He patted my hand. "You can go home in the morning, but I do want to keep you tonight just to keep an eye on you. More than likely, you'll be completely back to normal aside from the gash on your head, but there are some things you'll need to monitor, such as your salt intake, stress level, things like that. But I don't see any reason that you won't bounce back to normal soon."
"Thank you, Dr. Sutton." Dad said, gratefully. "We'll take good care of her."
With a nod to Dad, Dr. Sutton stood up and left the room. I turned suddenly to Dad in a panic. "The girls? Where are they?"
Dad squeezed my hand. "They're fine. Dave is taking care of them, and Duke is helping him out. Duke has a way with kids."
"Annie will be hungry. She'll need to eat." I tried to stay calm, not exacerbate the pain shooting through my head.
"She'll take a bottle if she's hungry." Dad soothed me. "Even if it's not her first choice, she won't starve. And with the pain medication they gave you, you won't be able to feed her. She'll be fine with your Uncle Dave. He helped me raise you and you turned out pretty well." He grinned at me,
I couldn't argue with him. I knew he was right. "I got your sense of humor and Dave's debate skills. I'm not so sure you're right about that." I smiled, then sank back into my pillow, turning the conversation back to a serious note. "Is there a history of stroke in our family?"
"Not that I know of." Daddy shook his head. "I think Dr. Sutton is right when he said it was probably brought on by stress."
"What about on Mama's side?" I asked. "Don't we have her family medical history somewhere?"
"Not that I've ever seen. She lost both of her parents before she turned twenty, and they were her only family. And nothing like this ever happened to your mother."
"It's not part of…part of my Trouble, is it?" I spoke the words so softly that Dad had to strain to hear me. "Could that have caused this?"
"Sweetheart." Daddy leaned forward and kissed my forehead, then fixed his eyes on mine. "I don't think this had anything to do with it. You've been under an incredible amount of stress in the last few months, you've dealt with situations that no one should have to deal with, and sometimes, these things happen. Not everything can be traced to the Troubles. The best thing you can do now is to follow Dr. Sutton's advice and take care of yourself, for you and for the girls."
We were interrupted by a nurse entering the room, her voice ringing out brightly. "Time for your meds!" She said, as she brought a small tray to my bed. She also carried something in her hand, what seemed to be a piece of medical equipment. "Your friend who came with you told us that you're breastfeeding, so I borrowed a breast pump from maternity. Unfortunately, you won't be able to freeze any of the milk. You'll have to pump and dump tonight, but at least it'll help relieve the discomfort."
Dad, who'd had to explain the birds and the bees to me when I was ten and who'd bought me the things I needed when I got my first period, paled at the nurse's casual attitude about the breast pump. He stood up. "I'll let Audrey and Nathan know how you're doing, and call Dave so that you can have some privacy, honey." He moved around the pump as if the tubing might lash out and bite him, and I choked back a giggle at his embarrassment. "I'll be back in about 30 minutes."
"Dad?" I stopped him. "Audrey's still here, right? Will you ask her to come in? I'd like to thank her."
"You sure?"
I nodded. "I don't know what to think about what happened to Mama, but Audrey isn't Lucy. I saw that when we were talking. I don't understand anything about why she's here, and I don't think she understands exactly why, either, but I am glad that she was with me when this happened."
Dad kissed my cheek. "So am I. I'm glad you're okay, my girl. I love you."
"Love you, too." I called, as he left the room, closing the door behind him. The nurse plugged in the breast pump, and helped me set it up. I grimaced, remembering how much I'd hated pumping the first year of Amelia's life, when I still worked part-time for a huge informational website, writing articles and editing freelance submissions. I felt conspicuous going into the 'nursing room' (i.e., a tiny, windowless conference room that no one used anymore) and always got restless to get back to my research on Eleanor of Aquitaine or pulling the top ten best lines from my favorite TV shows for the Friday blog. Pumping felt like a waste of time, and this time, even more of a waste. Even so, it was way past Annie's feeding time, so at least it would take away the feeling that I'd been corseted to hell and back.
I'd pulled a blanket over myself when Audrey knocked and stuck her head. "Your dad said you're up for a visitor."
I smiled at her. "As long as you don't mind that the room sounds like a sawmill."
"Nathan's in the waiting room and is fascinated by some daytime talk show where they're trying to find out who fathered a woman's kid. So far, they've tested four men and they haven't found the father, so I'm not holding out much hope for a surprise ending. Nathan, on the other hand, seems to think it's the mailman and is just waiting for the test to validate his guess." She grinned. "How's the head?"
"Feels like every hangover that I ever had in college put together with some clanging pots added in for fun." I replied, pulling a face. "I wanted to say thanks for getting me here. I would hate to think what might have happened if you hadn't been at the field with me."
"All in a day's work." She sat in the chair that my dad had vacated. "Don't mention it."
I fidgeted uncomfortably. "Yeah. Speaking of things that probably shouldn't be mentioned…what I said…about my mom. That wasn't how I meant to bring it up."
"I have to admit…" She began, and I braced myself for the questions. "Your timing sucks like a Dyson on speed."
I let out an uncontrollable giggle. It sounded more like someone choking a squirrel instead of an actual giggle, which must have set Audrey off. Before we knew it, both of us were laughing so hard that we had tears in our eyes. She leaned over and put her head down, her shoulders heaving with hysterics.
After a couple of minutes, I pulled myself together, and Audrey sat up, using the sleeve of her shirt to wipe her eyes. I stared straight ahead, afraid to look over at her and set one or both of us off again. "That was the best laugh I've had in months."
"I have no idea when I last laughed like that." She replied, and I could tell she was trying not to crack up. "I'm going to hazard a guess and say that it was in 1955."
"It was the first time you saw my dad's hair, wasn't it?"
Yeah. That did it.
We were still laughing a minute later when the door to my room opened and Nathan walked in. "Whoa!" He turned his head, covering his eyes at the sight of the pump, even though nothing was visible. "I can hear the two of you in the waiting room and I wanted to make sure everything was okay."
He had to wait until both Audrey and I had gotten our hysterics under control, and could talk. "We're fine." Audrey told him. "We just both found something funny."
"And you don't have to cover your eyes, Nathan." I waved at him. "You're not going to see anything X-rated." Or anything you've never seen before, I wanted to add, but thought better of it.
"So I guess you're feeling better." He joined Audrey at the side of the hospital bed, still managing to avert his eyes. "Glad to hear it."
I swear I heard a snort from Audrey, but I held onto my dignity and ignored it. "Thank you. I had to come out of hiding eventually, and you know me, I bring the drama." I shifted the blanket, trying to get more comfortable, but also trying to see if I could make Nathan run screaming from the room. After months of grieving, the sudden onslaught of humor felt like Christmas, and my typical, teasing nature seemed to be returning somewhat. "They're letting me out tomorrow. Can I get a ride home in a police cruiser, lights flashing and all? You know, because I think there are still a few people in Haven who don't know I'm back."
"They haven't improved much since the last times you rode in them." Nathan made a joke, and I resisted the urge to clutch my chest in fake delight. "Besides, if I remember correctly, the Chief gave you a ride home in his cruiser enough in high school that Vince and Dave won't be surprised to see you in one now."
Audrey looked at me in surprise. "You were a juvenile delinquent? Funny, I would have pegged you as one of the good girls."
"You can be both in Haven." I answered, grinning. "My friends and I –" I glanced at Nathan. "My friends and I liked to break into private property on Saturday nights. Golf courses, grocery store parking lots, places like that. Typical high school rebelliousness, we'd drink cheap beer and fool around. Thanks to the Chief, nothing ever went on my record."
"Just a strong lecture about the dangers of trespassing and a ride home to face the Teagues brothers." Nathan added, his face stony for a moment before he smiled. "Compared to the other kids, you had it easy." His eyes met mine and a moment of understanding passed between us.
He was right, though. I never got into much trouble at home after one of those escapades, my dad figuring the Chief had 'scared me straight', unlike Nathan, who'd caught hell from his dad whenever we were picked up. He brushed off his dad's angry warnings, though, becoming a repeat offender, always joining in on our Saturday night excursions. He'd graduated two years ahead of me, and until the end of my junior year, Nathan remained a part of our group, but once he'd decided to join the police force, he grew serious, distancing himself from us. Then again, in my senior year of high school, the rest of us were applying to college or deciding what to do with our lives, so the Chief was able to shift his attention elsewhere, no longer busting us and our cans of watery beer on the weekends.
Suddenly, the room became uncomfortably silent. "I think we should go." Audrey said, looking at Nathan. "You need your rest."
"Yeah." Nathan replied, starting towards the door and then back to Audrey and me. "We'll stop by and see how you're doing when you get home. Are you staying in Haven?"
I nodded. "For the foreseeable future." I reached out and grabbed his arm. "I'm glad to see you again, Nathan." He mumbled a 'me, too' before leaving the room.
Audrey started to follow. I clicked the pump to 'off' so that the noise stopped. "Audrey?" She turned around. "Sorry again for the giant bombshell. And the whole having-a-mini-stroke-thing, too."
"No problem." She gave me a small smile. "Glad you're okay."
"I know you have a ton of questions, and to be honest, so do I." I shook my head. "I don't think you know the answers to any of them either, though."
"I don't remember anything from my time as Lucy or Sarah – "
"I know." I interrupted, not wanting her to feel as if she had to defend herself. "I was hoping maybe you'd help me find the answers to some of those questions, though. I totally understand if you'd rather not – "
"When you're feeling better, we've got some work to do. Just a warning, though…sometimes when I get answers to my questions, they just create more questions."
"So we'll find more answers and more questions."
Audrey didn't answer me, just gave a very slight nod, and left the room. I leaned back against my pillows, fatigue overtaking me. I fell asleep, and for the first time since the night that Jason had been killed, I slept peacefully.
