Theme song: "Demons" by Imagine Dragons
Chapter 80: The Aerie
The next week, for Natasha, was pure torture. Not literally, of course, although at this point, she mused, she would almost prefer torture. Would definitely prefer it, we're it at Loki's hands...
She pushed the thought away and flopped down onto her couch, looking over a book Loki had recommended to her some months ago. She had been banned from work, put on mandatory furlough. Her teammates called it "vacation" but she knew the truth. She hadn't even been allowed to attend Loki's debriefing. At least she had gotten an explanation for that.
"If Loki can't talk his way out of this," Fury had told her in a rare moment of quiet sincerity, "Then your contribution will only cause suspicion."
In other words, if the lie-smith couldn't lever his way out with his silver tongue, the word of another liar would only make matters worse.
When Loki had returned, he had said little about it, only explaining that he had "made arrangements to set things right." And then he had kissed her and left without another word.
That was five days ago. At first, Natasha had been worried, but Fury had assured her that Loki had business to attend to and Thor, bless his over-large heart, had sworn that Loki would return soon or he would go and fetch him, she had resigned to wait. By this point, she was just irritated.
Letting out a puff of breath, Natasha opened the book to the first page, and began to read. Her training made it difficult for her to truly lose herself in a story, but once in a while she would find a gem of a novel that completely sucked her in. Although she had initially scoffed at the high-fantasy paperback, it was quickly proving to be a good candidate.
She was, therefore, thoroughly startled when Loki suddenly appeared in the middle of her living room. She managed to preserve her dignity by smoothing the jump into a more upright, prepared sitting position.
Loki was having none of it. He grinned, and she took in his appearance for the first time. He was dressed as though he had sprung from the pages of her book, in a green suede tunic and black leather pants and boots, and he wore a large, fur-lined cloak on his shoulders. He brought with him a burst of cold, dry air. The smell reminded her of Siberia, where it met the Gobi desert.
"I thought you couldn't teleport," she said by way of greeting.
He chuckled, slipping the clasp for the cloak and draping it over a kitchen chair. "Doesn't teleport imply the use of a machine? Perhaps apparate would be a better word. And no, I can't," he agreed.
She lifted an eyebrow, his presence clearly indicating otherwise. He held out a hand to help her off the couch, and pulled her into a kiss. She sighed, still frustrated with him, but had to admit the man knew how to make an entrance.
He broke the kiss, and chuckled again. "I promise to explain, but first, you should pack some things. We're going on a little journey."
She frowned a moment, then shook her head. "You are being deliberately mysterious in an attempt to pique my curiosity," she complained, but smiled.
"Is it working?" he asked impishly.
"Somewhere cold, I'm guessing?" she extricated herself from his arms and avoided his question.
"Yes," Loki agreed, "But you need only pack personal effects. I can provide you with a suitable wardrobe."
Natasha, who had begun to head towards her bedroom, turned and shot him a look as she course-corrected for the bathroom. She grabbed a bag she always kept packed and ready, and returned. "Alright, then, I'll admit I'm curious about the wardrobe."
He looked her up and down, thinking, and then snapped his fingers. She found herself dressed in a warm green dress that was made of the softest wool she had ever felt. Beneath it she wore warm stockings and boots. "Very cold, then?" Natasha asked, surprised. She had expected something far less... conservative from him.
Between his hands, another cloak appeared, this one made of long, tawny cream fur. "Exceedingly so," he conceded. He put the cloak around her shoulders and fastened it. "So much so, that you must promise to never take this cloak off while we are out-of-doors. It is enchanted to keep you warm no matter how cold it gets," he insisted.
"You do remember that Russia is cold, right? I know how to take care of myself in winter weather," she asserted, not fond of feeling cosseted.
"You have never known cold like this," he murmured, reminding her of their latest game.
She swallowed thickly. It had not occurred to her that they might go somewhere far beyond where she had been before. "Ok, I promise. But how are we getting there, if you can't... Apparate?"
"With this," he held out his left hand, which contained a small, crudely carved stone pendant with a design scratched on it. She took it from him, turning it over in her fingers. "How does it work?"
"Close your hand around it," he demonstrated, folding her fingers in to her palm with his own, "And then say, 'The Aerie.' That's all."
Natasha paused a moment, wondering if she should leave a note, or do a hundred other responsible things. But her curiosity had been stoked into a raging blaze, and she saw from the glitter in his eyes that he knew it. He had all but implied that she could do magic.
"The Aerie," she whispered.
The next moment, Natasha felt that her breath had literally been taken away. It took her a second to realize that she was breathing, but the air was so cold and dry it stung in her nose and throat. They stood on a white plain of ice, broken by strange brown mountains in the distance. They were thin and jagged, and looked like scraps of twisted metal. The piercing sun hung low in the sky, throwing long shadows across the mountains. She turned in a full circle, taking in the alien landscape.
When she returned to Loki, he was smiling quietly, clearly enjoying her reaction. She laughed, surprised at her own astonishment. "Is this... are we on Jotunheim?" she asked, incredulous.
Loki blinked, and then let out a bark of laughter. "No," he struggled to smother a grin, "This is Earth."
She shook her head. "Loki, I've been all over the world, and I've never seen anything like this."
"Well obviously you've never been to Antarctica, then," he said, amused, and bent down to pick up a large, cylindrical piece of crystal at his feet. It had the same symbol carved into it as the pendant that had brought them there. Cradling it in the crook of his elbow, he pulled the glove off his free hand with his teeth. Placing his thumb and middle finger to his lips, he blew a piercing whistle.
"Antarctica?" Natasha looked around again, still halfway disbelieving.
"Yes," he said as he replaced his glove. "I got the idea from one of Captain Roger's comic books, actually. I asked Fury if there was some corner of land I might call my own in this realm, out of the way. It seems most of the world, even the... less hospitable parts, are jealously claimed by at least one country. But this," he swept his arm around, indicating the ice plains and the distant mountains, "This has never officially been designated as belonging to anyone. It's mostly ice," he looked down at his feet, and she glanced down, too, realizing there probably wasn't any land beneath them, "But I don't mind."
When she glanced up, she saw that Loki was squinting into the distance. Following his line of sight, she saw two white figures rapidly approaching them. As they came closer, she saw they were a pair of albino caribou, fitted out with white leather saddles. She frowned.
"What's wrong?" Loki asked, tilting his head to the side.
"I'm going to wake up in about thirty seconds," she guessed.
He chuckled. "I think not. Besides, then you would miss the best part."
The caribou reached them, their breath puffing in the air, and stopped, patiently waiting for them to mount. Natasha was grateful that Loki made no attempt to assist her, as she scrabbled for some control over the situation. Once they were astride, Loki clucked his tongue and the caribou took off towards the mountains. Although they traveled quickly, their gait was unnaturally smooth. The cold air stabbed at her exposed face and whipped her hair around, so she laid her body down close to the reindeer's back. She guessed they were magic, knowing that they were half a world away from where they should be.
As they drew near the mountains, Loki shouted something to her, pointing. She lifted her head enough to see that he was indicating a white spire near the foot of the mountain. At first she thought it was just an ice-frosted needle of rock, but as they came closer, she recognized it was a tower built entirely of glass or ice, glittering in the sunlight.
They rode on for some time longer, and she realized that both the mountains and the tower were much taller than she had initially judged. It was difficult to tell, with only the vast stretches of ice around them to compare. Finally they reached the tower, and Natasha sat up in the saddle, craning her neck back to look up at the tower. Loki dismounted, but she stayed rooted to the spot.
He came to stand next to her caribou, seeming to sense her unease. "Tell me what is wrong, Natasha," he said, his brow furrowed. He could not understand why she didn't like the surprise.
She looked down at him and licked her lips. "Loki, have you ever heard of a story called The Snow Queen?" she asked quietly.
He shook his head, frowning. "Not that I remember."
Natasha sighed and tried to shake the surreal feeling that had overtaken her. She dismounted, allowing Loki to steady her, and took his proffered arm as they walked through the great, glittering doors.
Inside was a great hall, which while carved of ice was made more inviting with tapestries on the walls and great rugs on the floor. Lounging on the floor were two enormous white wolves, which got up as she and Loki entered. He set the crystal he had carried on a pedestal and called to them like dogs.
Natasha managed to keep her breathing even and her heart steady as they approached. They were nearly as tall as her, and they regarded her warily as they approached. Loki stepped forward to greet them, scratching one on the nose and the other behind the ear. "This is Ulfir and Drifa," he explained. "Not very creative names, but I was not the one who gave them," he chuckled, giving Drifa another scratch beneath her chin when she bumped her nose against his shoulder.
"What are they?" she breathed.
"Arctic wolves. I received permission to hold this land by agreeing to a number of terms to aid the scientific community. One of them was to house these two in an attempt to encourage breeding of their species, which is endangered. But they will also serve as excellent guards while I am away," he stroked Ulfir's fur absently as he spoke.
"What do they eat?" she asked, incredulous.
His eyes glittered. "The caribou."
Natasha laughed, the answer was so simple and yet made little sense.
"Come here," he held out his hand.
She took a deep breath and stepped forward, putting her hand into his outstretched fingers. He took hold of her wrist and held it out, palm forward towards the wolves. Drifa lifted her snout to sniff her hand disinterestedly, and then stalk off towards her spot on the rug again. Ulfir took his turn next, seeming more excited at the prospect of meeting her. When he had got her scent, his large tongue flicked out and licked her palm. She flinched at the unexpected contact, but Loki's hand held hers still.
"Now Ulfir, this one is mine," Loki half-growled, ruffling the great wolf's shaggy head. "Go bother Drifa if you want for company."
Ulfir turned from Loki to Drifa, who leveled them both with the closest thing to an eye-roll Natasha had ever seen on a canine. Ulfir let out a gust of breath like a sigh, and Loki chuckled, patting him on the shoulder. "No luck yet, eh? Give it some time. She'll come around." He turned to Natasha. "They will recognize you now, and follow your orders if you give them," he reassured her.
She nodded firmly, trying not to look as unsure as she felt. She couldn't help but feel like she had walked into a story, and wonder when she might wake up.
"Perhaps you would like to rest before I give you the tour?" he asked, clearly seeing through her bravado.
"No, thank you," Natasha forced herself to smile, and found it felt natural. "I want to see all of it," she said truthfully.
He smiled. "Well then," he held out his arm again, and they processed down the hall. At the far end was a grand table and a fireplace large enough for a dozen people to stand within, now empty. There was a curved staircase halfway down, which they ascended. At the top, however, was only an alcove. Stepping within, Loki gave her a smile before saying, "Observatory."
The room they were in neither changed nor moved, but beyond the archway they had stepped through a different scene appeared, a smaller room completely surrounded with windows. She stepped out, awed, and looked at Loki with a surprised smile.
"Much better than an elevator," he said simply.
Natasha laughed and walked to the nearest window. From here she could see the ice plain they had just crossed, hundreds of feet below. On the other side, over the shoulder of the nearest mountain, she saw another expanse of white, with mountains on either side.
"Look," Loki pulled a pair of binoculars from thin air, and handed them to her, pointing out a tiny smudge against the expanse of snow.
Looking through them, Natasha could see a tiny collection of buildings, and a flag pole which bore several flags from all over the world. "Is that..."
"The South Pole, yes. Another condition was that I offer them aid in any emergency. Not likely to happen, but occasionally there are injuries."
She continued to look out through the binoculars.
"So..." Loki said slowly, glancing at his feet. "What do you think of the home I have made for us?" The question was asked casually, lightly.
Natasha let the binoculars fall away from her face, turning towards him. Despite his best efforts, she could still see that he feared her rejection. She laughed breathlessly. "Loki, I... this is all so incredible, I can hardly take it in. It's like something from a fairy tale."
"You like it, then?" he had to ask.
She stepped closer to him, putting a hand to his face. "I love it," she kissed him. "It's wonderful. Thank you."
Loki let out a long breath and smiled a little. "What do you want to see next?"
Returning the smile, she took his hand and led him back to the alcove. When they both stood inside, she lifted an eyebrow at him and said, "Bedroom."
He laughed at that, and kissed her again. "A very good idea, my dear."
Natasha yawned and leaned her head back into the couch. After a few hours' dalliance, she had dressed in a loose shift and a gorgeous green cashmere wrap, and Loki had given her the rest of the tour. She was surprised to find the interior of the tower to be cool but not cold without her magical cloak. Loki stressed once more that she should never step outside without it, but now that she knew where they were, that the temperatures hovered around negative 50 Fahrenheit, she doubted she would forget it.
After they had concluded the tour, Loki had taken her to a cozy little room with soft couches and a roaring fire. While the Aerie, as Loki referred to it, was not uncomfortably cold, it was still a little cool and the warmth of the fire was nice. Loki had laid his head in her lap and told her all about how he had spent the last few days. While the story was fascinating, she felt her eyelids beginning to droop.
Stifling a second yawn, she glanced out the oriel window. It looked like it was late afternoon, but then it had since they had come there. Although, perhaps the shadows had changed direction... she wasn't familiar enough with the layout of the place to tell. "What time is it?" she asked.
Loki glanced up at the mantle, where a complicated device whirred and clicked. She had thought it just a decoration, but apparently it was some sort of clock, because he chuckled and said, "In New York it is nearly three in the morning."
Her eyes widened in surprise, and then she remembered where they were. "When does the sun set again?" she asked.
He smiled. "March. And then it does not rise again until September. I'm told the Southern Lights are an incredible sight in the winter." He unfolded himself gracefully, standing and then scooping her up in his arms. She laughed, but was too tired to fight him on it. She let him carry her back to their bed, a massive pile of silks and furs. With a wave of his hand, the windows turned opaque, darkening the room.
"Rest," Loki said softly once they were settled. "We can talk later. We have time. We..." he paused, a vague smile spreading over his face in the dim glow of light that filtered through the ice walls. "We have all the time in the world."
She smiled at that, and for the first time looked forward to the long years of her life as something more than an opportunity to redeem herself. "That we do." She rested her head on his shoulder, and drifted immediately into a deep sleep.
When she woke again, Natasha did not at first recognize her surroundings. She sat up, and her attention was immediately drawn to the floor beside her bed, where Ulfir raised his shaggy head off his paws and panted happily at her. His behavior was so like a dog that it strangely put her at ease, instantly reminding her of the recent past. She smiled down at the wolf, and dared to reach out and pet him.
"Hey big guy. Did Drifa kick you out?" she teased.
He closed his mouth and tilted his head to the side, in a way that made her think of Loki. She looked around the room, but Loki was not there. She wasn't surprised, she had long since grown used to him keeping odd hours, at least in his male form...
Her train of thought derailed awkwardly as she remembered how things had changed. She wondered how it had changed him. She had noticed that he seemed more sensitive and considerate than was usually his manner, but until this moment she had thought it was because they had finally confessed their feelings. Now she wondered if the confession itself was made possible by the rift in his personality healing.
She sighed, having difficulty following her own thoughts. Ulfir nudged his nose against her outstretched hand, begging for more attention. She petted him absently, and then looked at him more closely. When Loki had spoken to the wolves upon their arrival, it had seemed almost as if they understood him. It had seemed unnerving, but now it might be useful. Leaning across the bed, She put herself face-to-muzzle with the wolf.
"Ulfir. Do you know where Loki is?" she asked very seriously, although she felt silly.
Ulfir made a whuffling sound, and got to his feet, before padding silently towards the window. Natasha slipped out of bed and followed him. She looked out the window, which cleared before her warm breath like frost melting on a window. It was still light outside, but it seemed darker, and she realized the sun had gone behind the mountain that the Aerie was nestled against.
Something moved in the corner of her window, and she glanced down to see a woman, several stories down, standing on a balcony. Her hair and pale green dress were swirling in the wind, and it took Natasha a moment to recognize her as Loki.
She patted Ulfir on the shoulder, which was much easier than trying to pat his head. "Good boy," she murmured. Locating her magic cloak thrown over the back of a chair, she wrapped it around herself and went to the alcove. Suddenly she realized that she didn't know the name of where Loki was. Ulfir watched her stand there quizzically, and made a strange sound like a quiet bark.
"Loki?" she said, guessing. The scene before her changed to a floor they had visited only briefly before, what Loki had called the gallery. One side of the hall was all mirrors, the other glass doors and windows. He had explained that he had modeled it after Versailles. One of the doors was open, and Natasha made her way towards it.
As she stepped outside she seemed to pass a barrier, and the air became dry and brittle once more. She came to stand next to Loki, who glanced at her briefly and smiled.
"I read the story," she showed Natasha a slim paperback copy of The Snow Queen. "It's very similar to one told in Asgard, although the Snow Queen is a Jotunn witch, and the ending is quite different."
Natasha had heard folk-tale versions where Kai and Gerda killed the queen, so she could imagine. "So you can see why I was so unsettled?"
Loki laughed and turned to lean against the balcony. "It's a fitting metaphor, me isolating myself in this frozen palace, bringing you here to keep me company."
"That's not-" Natasha laughed. "No, I didn't imagine you as the Queen, Loki. I... I had a dream, just after Poland, where I was Gerda. There's a ballet version of it, you see. I danced Gerda when I was young, and the Queen later. At least, that's how I remember it. I'm not really sure how much of my career as a ballerina actually happened, and how much of it was implanted in my memory later." She sighed, not wanting to discuss it.
Loki frowned, and thankfully glossed over the topic. "But then... who was I, in your dream?"
Natasha smiled. "Kai. The little boy with a frozen heart, who Gerda set out to save. Only it was strange. You were blue, not just with cold, but really blue, and your eyes were red..." she shook her head. "It was a weird dream."
Loki stared at her for a long moment, and then looked away, clearly unsettled.
She frowned, not sure what she had said wrong. "But I'm sure Hans Christian Anderson wasn't what brought you out here," she gestured to the forbidding landscape.
Smiling, Loki shook her head. "No, I was thinking." She leaned her elbows on the balcony and tapped the book against her free hand. "Pierce said something, before he died," she glanced quickly at Natasha, and then laughed humorlessly. "I mean, before I killed him." She swallowed. "I told him to give me the book, and he said 'No, it's mine, it was given to me. You can't take my destiny away from me.' I think..." she paused. "I worry that someone gave him the grimoire."
Frowning, Natasha leaned on the balcony as well, the ice feeling strange from the magic of her cloak. "Who would do that? And why?"
Loki ran a hand through her hair. "I don't know Natasha. I've made a lot of enemies over the centuries, many of whom could easily find something like that book. The why is even harder to guess. It's possible..."
In her pause, Natasha could see a world of fear. Clearly some of these enemies were something to worry about.
"If it's who I think it was, he would want to expose me. He might have noticed how rapidly She was fixing the city, and figured it out." Her eyes widened suddenly. "I mean I was fixing the city, of course," she tried to backpedal furiously, but Natasha shook her head.
"You're not really Her, are you?" she asked.
Loki sighed heavily. "No. And yes, sort of. That is to say... Who She was is part of who I am now, but then maybe that was always true, and the ruby just separated us. But I remember everything, Natasha," she looked her in the eye, and for Natasha it was like looking in a mirror. She could see the horror and regret for the things she had done. "Everything. And I can't... I can't be the same. I've lost something, something crucial to who She was..."
She knew exactly what she meant. As a sleeper agent, she had the experience of waking up to reality, and mourning the person she had thought she was until that moment. "Innocence?" she guessed.
Loki laughed. "Or naïveté, whatever you want to call it. And some of the kindness."
Natasha sighed, "And the willingness to please others?"
"No," she smiled sadly. "No, that was always there. It's what got me into such a mess with my family in the first place."
They were quiet a moment, although there were many questions Natasha wanted to ask. Finally, the most pressing came forward. "So... why make yourself look like this?" she asked.
Loki smiled wryly. "Would it be too strange if I said I liked to look like this?" she asked cautiously. "I've grown used to it."
Natasha shrugged. "Probably someone who didn't know you before would find it weird, but I don't. I think you're very attractive both ways," she reached out to tuck an errant strand of hair behind Loki's ear, "but this form is downright gorgeous."
She smiled and laughed. "It's more than looks, though. When I'm like this... I feel different. Magic is still easier, and it's easier to deal with things that make me upset."
"So it's more than just an illusion?" Natasha guessed.
"It's a very strong glamourie," Loki explained. "I've had it all my life, my father cast it on me as an infant. It doesn't just make me look Aesir, it all but turns me into another creature. I look, smell, feel, and to a certain extent act like an Aesir. Once I knew it existed, I learned how to control it, a little. The ruby, the interface, it just altered that spell, gave it another form," she shrugged. "And now I've learned to control that, too." As if to demonstrate, she switched forms, the dress morphing into a shirt, paired with dark pants.
"It's like your suit," he pointed out. "When you wear it, you're still you, but it's the part of you that is the Black Widow. The same ballerina, but playing the Black Swan."
Natasha frowned, absorbing what Loki had just said. "But then... what do you really look like?"
Loki's face fell. "Like..." he paused, searching for words. He had almost said 'like a monster,' but he remembered that she had not grown up with stories of frost giants to scare her into behaving. She had never seen one, had no idea... but then he remembered what she had said earlier, about her dream. "Blue," he answered with a mysterious smile.
She blinked. "Can I see?"
His frown deepened into a scowl of confusion. "What? No. Why?" He blinked rapidly.
Natasha pressed her lips together a moment. She hadn't expected him to react so strongly. "I just... I love you, Loki. I love everything about you. I would like to know what you really look like, under all that magic." She kept her voice low and even, wary of spooking him further.
He stared at her for a long, breathless moment, and then suddenly he was kissing her, pressing her body tightly against his, one hand buried in her hair. Natasha was surprised, but reciprocated eagerly. When he finally broke the kiss, he leaned his forehead against hers, his eyes shut tightly. He stayed that way for a long time, and she waited, framing his face with her hands and stroking his cheeks lightly with her thumbs.
At last, he spoke. "I cannot find the words to express how much I love you," he murmured, voice thick with emotion. "I... yes, I will show you. But before I do, there's something I've been meaning to ask you." He pulled back and cleared his throat a little. "I should have asked you this a long time ago, but I thought..."
"Just ask me, Loki," Natasha smiled.
"There's a spell, I tried to get you to agree to it before the fight with Pierce-" he began.
"The Helm of Awe?" Natasha asked.
Loki stopped, and then shut his mouth. "You know about it?" he asked, dumb-struck.
She smiled. "I asked Thor about it after Poland," she told him.
He blinked, thinking about it. "You've known about it for that long?" He put a hand to his face. "Gods, why didn't I ask?"
"That's not important. You're asking now. Right?" she asked breathlessly.
"Yes. If you want, we can do it today. I have everything I need here." He found her hand and held it tightly.
She took a deep breath, and nodded. "Ok. Yes."
"You do understand that it's permanent, that it will tie us together on a metaphysical level, and-" Loki stopped his babbling when she kissed him.
"Loki, I said yes," she teased him.
He laughed, grinning. "You did. I just... I thought... I thought it would be harder to convince you," he shook his head.
"I have just one question," Natasha said seriously.
"Yes?" he asked expectantly.
"Can I eat breakfast first?" She maintained a straight face for a few more moments, and then they both collapsed in a fit of laughter.
A/N: Ok, for the record, I don't like this chapter. I just... it sounded so cool when I outlined it a year ago, and now it just sounds stupid. But I can't think of anything better. So I did my best.
I think there's only like 3 chapters left. I may lock myself in my studio this weekend and just finish it lol. I need to get it done because it's been a whole freaking year and I want to do my vaguely blackfrost inspired original novel for NaNoWriMo.
Anyway. Sorry it took so long to get this up. I passed my test! But then I was exhausted. I just finished this last night.
So if you don't think it's stupid, please tell me. I'm feeling really insecure at the moment, as you can tell from the babbling.
