A/N: Hi! Sorry...so sorry!...for the delay. I hope you think it is worth the wait...Thanks so much to KatsFlowerGirls for assuring me my ideas were not crazy and to Saritadreaming for making sure they were actually understandable :)
~Edward~
The mating song of the Chorus frogs filled the night sky as I walked along with my beloved toward her home. Broken down, each male frog emitted a total of sixteen separate and distinct notes as part of the creaking door sound they made to attract their mates. I wished it was as easy for me. My vocal range was practically limitless, along with my vocabulary, and yet I could not think of the right words to use that conveyed my feelings for the girl walking beside me.
Bella had made it very obvious tonight that my vampire traits repulsed her. The only ray of hope was the obvious scent of arousal which filled my car when I had given her a smile meant simply to be reassuring. I was a vampire, though; everything about me was designed to be appealing to our prey. The fact that she was physically attracted to me may mean absolutely nothing. Since I had been turned from human to vampire, I had seen the attraction and revulsion that seemed to go hand in hand with every human I came across. The only difference with Bella was her revulsion was more than solely instinct; it was backed by experience.
From what she had said about James, I assumed she was his so-called singer—an aspect of vampire lore I had never been personally exposed to until now. Supposedly, for every vampire there was a specific human who smelled and tasted better than all the rest—a lot better. Emmett had once mentioned coming across a human like that; he had drained her before he even realized what he was doing. Bella being James's singer was the only explanation as to why he would let her smell dictate such an egregious violation of the primary vampire rule. His ability to avoid killing her back then spoke volumes to his control, useful knowledge to have when it came to destroying him.
While I knew Bella was thankfully not my own singer, ever since I realized she was my mate, my body had become more and more attuned to her blood's scent. Without trying, I could detect each minute change brought on by the hormones her body released in response to each of her mood swings. She was in no danger from me; the control I had honed over the past several decades ensured I would not slip up and snack from my girl. Even so, as previously noted, I am a vampire. No matter how much control I have, the better she smells to me, the more the venom is going to flow, and the more pain I am going to feel from the burning in my throat. Her propensity towards extreme blushing only makes it worse. I probably had permanent venom scars on my esophagus from all the reflux she caused me in the car.
What was difficult for me to get used to was that certain amount of venom that went south instead of north when I was near Bella. Arousal was completely new to me; it was both highly enjoyable and frustrating thus far. My biggest concern? This was vampire arousal; we mated hard, deep, and long. Was a human even capable of enduring, much less enjoying, what I would unleash if given permission? Could I be as gentle as she needed me to be? Even Carlisle and Esme sounded like a thunderstorm when they came together, and they were the most gentle vampires I had ever come across. As Rosalie frequently noted, why go soft when hard felt so much better?
How did I explain all this to Bella: my physical need to mate her, drink from her, claim her—my absolute devotion, far more intense than any she would have seen in the human world,my desire to give her the universe on a platter? Could she ever accept the best from someone in whom she associated the worst?
I was not the only one in turmoil. All of her quickly changing reactions showed her feelings traversed a spectrum wider than the chasm between her species and mine. To make the situation even worse, she was as completely confused about how I felt as she was about her own feelings. I latched onto that, knowing it was the only thing I could set straight for her.
How it hurt, though, when she pulled away from me, the rejection slicing straight into the soul she had reawakened. I knew I was a smart-ass, know-it-all, overly dramatic vampire. A lot of baggage to expect anyone to accept, much less a human. Yet this new capacity for feeling intense emotion—love...adoration...devotion—brought out by this girl was quite the revelation to the old Edward who had expected nothing to touch him in this existence. She had changed me, irrevocably changed me, and like any other new creature, I was at my most vulnerable. Yes, I had been gutless in not declaring myself to her sooner; could anyone blame me? Still, it was time...now.
"Bella, I've been a coward, and it's time I stopped. I need to let you know the truth of what I feel for you so there are no misunderstandings. Then, even though I think I know, I hope you'll do the same, so we can see where we stand with each other." I stopped walking underneath a street light hoping she would stay there with me, wanting her to be able to see the truth of my words in my eyes.
She kept walking for a little bit longer but then stopped and looked back. Thankfully, she saw something that prompted her to come back to me.
"Okay, Edward. I'm listening." There was so much emotion in those four words: fear, apprehension, defeat, hope—the last nearly buried among the others. But I could hear it, and it was a lifeline for me.
"All right, here goes nothing. Just to let you know, I am very nervous right now. Nervous vampires are an anomaly, so please bear with me." I drew in a big, useless breath and then started speaking almost too fast for her to follow. "There is nothing in the history of this universe that has ever been loved as intensively as the love I have for you. Never in the eternity that stretches before me will anything ever be as important to me as you are. In the short amount of time we have known each other, my whole world has become solely about you. It's the vampire way; when we mate, it is as heightened as every other aspect of our kind. You, Isabella Swan, are my mate." Finished, I waited for her to respond, hoping she would raise her eyes to mine instead of leaving them aimed at the ground. I barely resisted the urge to hop back and forth like when I was a boy and had to pee.
She went still for a while, almost as still as a vampire. Those expressive eyes of hers never once moved in my direction. After almost a full minute of no reaction, she turned again and started walking, this time back towards my car. At a loss with how I should respond to this reaction, I could only follow and hope she would not leave me hanging for too long.
At first I thought she would stop when she got to the car, but she kept on going.
I noticed her trajectory would lead her towards the car of one of the faculty members and feared she was going to ask for assistance from the teacher, but she continued on by her as well.
There was nothing else left in her path but the woods, and she slowly made her way to them, with me trailing behind.
At the parking lot's edge, under the last light, she stopped for the briefest of moments before stepping onto the narrow strip of grass separating the school property from the neighboring forest. The scent of of tears drifted toward me on the evening breeze, and I could see them glistening in the moonlight on her beautiful face. She continued on, though, resolute on her goal, while my whole body ached for the pain I had apparently put her in with my declaration.
Not stopping when the grass did, she continued on between the trees, and kept going a few hundred feet longer before stopping to lean her back against a large boulder. Still, her eyes were pointed at the ground leaving me clueless as to what could be going through her blocked mind.
"Edward?" she whispered my name as if she was not sure I had followed but then continued on without waiting for me to reply. "I'm here—here in the woods." Her tone almost sounded as if she was talking to herself and not me.
Finally, though, she looked up at me, her eyes holding promises I had been aching for but fearing I would never see. "Before last night, I hadn't been in the woods since the day my mother was killed. Last night, I intended to offer myself as a sacrifice. Tonight, I offer myself to you."
Her words, so simple and heartfelt, made my whole body feel as if it had come alive again. I could feel a smile grow on my face, wider than any that had been there before in this life or my last. Unable to contain myself, I grabbed her hands and brought them to my lips, kissing each one before caressing them to my chest while grinning stupidly at her.
A frown appeared on her own face then, even though she did not try to pull her hands from mine.
"Edward," she said then. "Please, I need to explain better to you." My soul plummeted as I feared what qualifier she was going to place on her earlier statement.
"Look, we met four days ago, and my world has been turned upside down since then. I've had no idea how to deal with the appearance of you and your family in my life. This, combined with feeling that any day now the other one is going to come back for me, has just about pushed me over the edge of the small amount of sanity I had left." Her eyes were locked on mine now as she used them to beg me to pay close attention to everything she said. "I don't know you, Edward. I know, and honestly loathe, what you are. I know I'm attracted to you—who isn't?—but I don't actually truly know you. What I do know is that you have some kind of mystical, eternal love for me, and you want to keep me safe. I don't know why you feel this way, but I can see it in your eyes enough to know its true, and I can trust it. So, I'm going to let you. Call a spade a spade: I am going to use your feelings for me to keep me and my father safe. You can do what you want with me—I'll even be your sex slave if that's what you want—as long as you keep the other away. I can't promise I'll ever love you back; all I can say is that I'll take whatever you have to give."
If I had had a beating heart, it would have stopped right then and there. All of a sudden, the joy I had felt at finding my mate had turned to dread as the ties binding me to her turned from golden silk to iron chains. What if she never felt anything for me? Would an endless existence really be any better spending the rest of her life as her guardian and then alone thereafter?
She was right, though; she did not know me. While I had been stalking her day and night since her first day at school learning more about her every moment, we had in truth only exchanged a minimum of words, and most of hers had been to get me to stop talking to her. Why would she look at me as anything else other than an opportunity?
Bella continued to stare at me as I struggled to come to terms with her offering. She looked worried, but resolute. She was not going to coddle me with false promises of everlasting love. She had put her cards on the table, and it was up to me now to continue playing, or to fold and walk away. I decided to play. After all, there was still one part of me that had pretty much stopped listening after "sex slave" and gone off into several fantasies, each a bit more explicit than the one before as I opened myself up to a world I had never before shown interest in.
Taking the hands I still held in my left hand, I moved closer to her and brought her arms up over her head while resting my right on the rock beside her face. Much as I thought, there was not the slightest glimmer of fear in her expression. I saw anticipation, some resignation, but no fear. She knew all right, she damn well knew I would never hurt her. How she could so easily accept the totality of vampire mating when she had never experienced it before was beyond me—but she knew. And, there was freedom in that.
About to see exactly how far she was willing to take this, I could only thank whatever misbegotten guardian angel had been assigned to me that my senses returned before I started licking that pulsing spot on her neck . Bella had said she did not know me. Trusting I would never hurt her was not the same as knowing I would not take advantage of her, push her into doing something she did not want, or take in trade what should only be given in love. If I ever wanted that love, I'd have to earn it, and this was not the way. All that southward flowing venom was obviously depriving my brain of what it needed to think intelligently.
I released her and stepped back, prepared to walk her back to the car and take her home. She bent forward at the waist then and grabbed the hand that had just pinned hers against the stone. She pulled me back towards her until our chests touched, and her heart beat a quick rhythm against my own unresponsive muscle.
Confused as to what she wanted from me, I let her lead. Again, she tilted her head back and looked up at me, a new expression joining the others on her face—longing. It was then the scent I had smelled earlier in the car surrounded me: her arousal, her wanting of me.
A strange smirk appeared on her face. "Like I said, I'm attracted to you."
The seldom seen sight of a vampire gaping in confusion was on display for anyone who cared to notice right at that moment. My often lauded, by me, superior intellect felt no better than that of a two year old at the moment as I tried to process what Bella was trying to tell me. She didn't love me, but she trusted me to keep her safe. She hated what I was, but this seemingly sweet, innocent girl wanted to have sex with me anyway as payment for services rendered and a bit of fun on the side. I wanted to ask the frogs if I was the only one confused here.
"Bella, I'll just say it; I'm confused." She continued to hold my hand but the smirk melted away into a grimace, and she hunched her body into herself like she wanted to disappear.
"I'm sorry. You probably think I'm a freak," she muttered. "I know I'm coming across like a slut; I don't know what's going on with me. It's like I have no control when it comes to you, and I'm sick of trying."
She dropped my hand then and wrapped her arms around her body as if to keep herself from shattering. Her eyes no longer met mine but studied the ground as if the meaning to life could be found there.
"I just want, well..." She shrugged her shoulders and briefly darted her eyes up to mine before dropping them again. "I want you to make me feel good; make me forget. That's all." Her eyes came up to mine again, moist with tears.
I was without words.
Reaching my arms around her, I fitted her up against me allowing her to feel the strong and unyielding body I had to offer for her protection. I sniffed her hair, going beyond the strawberry shampoo to the scent that was uniquely her own. Bringing one hand back between us, I gently placed my fingers on her chin to tilt her head up a bit. Her lips were within a tongue swipe of my own, and I felt an incredible elation move through my body at the thought of our mouths meeting. It was as if the venom traveling through me was bubbling like champagne.
As softly as I could, I touched my mouth to hers, simultaneously undone by the taste of her while dreading the reaction she might have to my cold, hard mouth meeting her warm one. Expecting the worst, I was unprepared for the sudden intake of breath she took before wrapping her arms around my neck and bringing her body as close to mine as possible. Her fingers started to weave themselves into my hair as Bella took over the kiss and drew our mouths open so our tongues could meet.
I brought us closer together still when I surrounded her with my own arms and placed my hands on her delectable rear end while shamelessly grinding my pelvis into hers. Moans started to come out of her mouth as it moved against my own, and the most glorious smell I had ever experienced poured from her pores: arousal...want...need. It went straight to my own core, and I felt myself harden and lengthen against her body.
Badly, so badly, I wanted to sink my teeth into her neck—not to drink but to mark and claim her as my own. I was not previously aware that I would have this urge; I knew of no other vampire / human couples and vampire mates did not claim each other that way. In the heat of the moment, I barely refrained from doing such violence on her person. Given the difficulty I had in doing so, I fervently hoped the urge would not grow any stronger.
Minutes passed yet we made no move to pull apart, other than the small breaths Bella was forced to take from time to time. I was staggered by how different it felt to touch my Bella than any other being. Even with all the minds I had visited, I was completely unprepared for how it felt to finally hold her. I imagined hundreds of new neural pathways forming in my brain for each inch of her I touched, allowing all the new sensations to flood my body in a perfect storm. Actual love making would be a revelation beyond belief.
The vibration of a cell phone startled both Bella and myself out of our enthusiastic enjoyment of each other. She gave me a shy glance before removing the offending object from her pocket to see who was trying to reach her. Barely, I managed to refrain from seeing if I could hit the moon with the cock-blocking phone.
Her face looked quite surprised.
"Did you realize it was after eleven? My dad's a bit freaked that I'm not home yet." Her voice was quiet, as if she was even more shy of me now than before we kissed. I loved her but had yet to even begin understanding her.
"I'm sorry, love. I'll get you right home. Are you okay? I mean, with everything here?" I was feeling very insecure; nothing I had felt before came close to equaling the feeling of our kiss, but I was still afraid she was going to regret our actions regardless of how much she seemed to enjoy while in the moment.
Her answering smile was as shy as it was beautiful. "Yeah, I'm okay—more than okay." Really, she would have taken every breath I had away if such a thing were possible.
We started heading back towards the car, and I could not help but feel a bit of cocky pride when Bella seemed extra unsure on her feet. Feeling ever the gentleman, I swept her up into my arms bridal style and carried her back. I only wished she could feel my heart beat for her while she snuggled up to my chest. Still, ever the shy one, she blushed the whole time I walked to the car and refused to meet my gaze. I would have felt my action was unwanted except for the fingers that played with the nape of my neck the entire time. Bliss.
There were many humans still out and about listening to the frogs. Everyone had quieted down quite a bit allowing the music from the little amphibians to really fill the night, and I supposed a frog song was a fitting our song to such an unusual relationship. Nothing on the radio would come close to describing it. I resolved to come back after bringing Bella home and make a recording of this night's music to give my love on a later date. That is something a properly romantic human would do, right?
Gently placing my Bella into the car, I softly shut the door and then gently leaned myself on it allowing my eyes to close for a moment while I mouthed a silent "thank you" to the night. For once, I felt blessed instead of forsaken.
A/N: Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it - I love and reply to all reviews :) I will update asap but do have my one shot for Fandom Against Juvenile Diabetes to get out. If you would like to read the story I wrote for the Texas Wildfires compilation, it is now up on my profile - Come One, Come All. See you soon!
